Girl is scared and uncertain.

[lalalala]

the boy written below is me. before you flame me for writing in this style i just wanna say it was the way it flowed when i wrote it.

Girl meet boy. Boy meet girl. Girl likes boy, boy likes girl. After chatting online for a few days, they decided to meet up. Remember that till that moment they've never met, and have only known each other for less than A WEEK. However, during the conversations they had, girl showed positive signs of responding to the guy. I wish i could elaborate on that, but i dont know how. Just take it that the girl likes the guy as much as the guy does.

However, during the conversations, girl mentioned she's scared and uncertain..of alot of things. For one, her feelings towards the boy, and second, her mother and brothers which is rather adamant on her concentrating on her studies than be in a relationship atm. from what the boy can see the girl is enormously pressured by this factor.



Day of meetup. Not as positive as the boy had hoped though. After the movie boy got girl into a corner and ask her about whats going on between they 2. girl is confused. very. words like 'uncertain, fearful', and 'this is all going too fast. (which the boy absolutely agrees infact)boy agrees to give the girl more time to 'think about it' and tries his best to assuage her fears. she mentioned she was scared that she would meet someone she knows (while holding hands) and stuff. after that the date got quiet. boy is not a very sociable person to start with and the girl being extremely shy throughout the date makes it worse.

Went home. boy got online and chatted to the girl. boy got a hint or two already and told girl that if she needs time, just because she is unsure of how to break the news to the boy that, in fact, she doesnt have any feelings for him, she could do no worse than tell it to him right away, because the boy could take it allright, and it'll not end up wasting both of our's time.
Girl replied that it isn't because she doesnt have any feelings for the boy, but she is simply 'unsure', 'scared', and fearful about lotsa stuff(and boy could not reiterate enough how often these 3 words come out of her mouth), and girl added that after today's meeting, she is 'unsure' again of her own feelings, scared of her parents objections' ..blah blah..

Boy told girl once again that she'll only have to tell boy in his face that no, i don't like you. Boy, being the cunning bastard he is, "logged" off immediately after. (appear offline) Girl last changed her nick before she logged off as well to say that she's very confused, and requires time and space to consider. She's scared.

Current boy's perspective after taking into account all the ****s thats happpened, and general instinct : Everything's not lost. If he could play it right he might still end up with the girl. Problem is he don't know how. He needs opinions.

What boy needs : Opinions. Comments. On the general situation, on the girl, on the boy, on whatever. Insights as to what in lord's name is the girl thinking. And of course, what to do now. This is infinitely important. boy thinks that if he make a wrong move now all could be gone. He needs advise from people here.

 

[Jariel]

double post

 

[Jariel]

I won't flame you, but I will say that I found your post very difficult to follow.

Nonetheless, when a girl shows caution of any kind, be it uncertainty, confusion or whatever, it usually translates into low interest. In other words "girl is feeding boy excuses".

If she was really interested, she would be willing to put everything else aside and pursue what she desires. She would not be hung up on petty "feelings" as confusion.

Your best option is to go with some textbook reverse psychology and act disinterested. Let her know (or at least believe) that you have friends, female interests and a life beyond her and the internet. Drop a few female names into conversation, avoid speaking to her once in a while and tell her you were out.

But...be prepared to lose her and always keep your options open.

 

[penkitten]

i agree with jariel.. shes feeding you excuses to drag you along.

 

[lalalala]

First off..thanks for replying.

i agree about the 'low interest' thingie..but this is a girl that LOOKS like she has a genuine cause to be uncertain and ****, all with the parental stuff, and afterall we've only met for less than a week..i really don't know..this could REALLY be going too fast for her..

and if the cold-shoulder treatment would be the appropriate treatment for her ? i fear that if i do that she might simply translate it as oh he's thrown in all his cards and given up, and i'd also might as well forget about him' kind of **** which i DONT want to.

 

[The TallOne]

Sounds like a case of the "Walking Wounded".

I have had experience with this types of girls..

Best advice is, to make them only your friend, and pursue other girls.

You can't change her, only she can change herself.

I disagree with the notion that if the WW had a high IL.. they'd drop everything to pursue that person. You could consider the WW a disease... and even with a high IL, they'll sabotage anything that could become a relationship, because they are afraid of being hurt again..

 

[flexion_]

In other words... she is flaking.

Flaking is a sign of low interest. Whether the low interest is because of life, the universe or you is not really important - its still low interest.

Therefore you are wasting your time.

 

[lalalala]

Originally posted by penkitten
i agree with jariel.. shes feeding you excuses to drag you along.

well..this reminds me..i fail to mention that on the chat..she did say that she doesn't want to lead me along and break my heart, and as i took that for what it's worth, i told her simply that she could no worse than tell me she has no feelings for me and we should stop wasting each other's time, period. now im thinking that if she really dont want to be with me, that was a GOOD chance for her to come up with the likes of 'sorry..it's all my fault, friends maybe kinda bull**** that'd make me backoff and not sound like it's her fault, but she didn't. and frankly thats about the only thing that's kept me going.

 

[lalalala]

Originally posted by The TallOne
Sounds like a case of the "Walking Wounded".

I have had experience with this types of girls..

Best advice is, to make them only your friend, and pursue other girls.

You can't change her, only she can change herself.

I disagree with the notion that if the WW had a high IL.. they'd drop everything to pursue that person. You could consider the WW a disease... and even with a high IL, they'll sabotage anything that could become a relationship, because they are afraid of being hurt again..

absolutely true with that you can't change her, only she can change herself. that's what i've been trying to say to her all day but i simply couldnt find the words to.

 

[Pugsley_f5]

bro, no offense, it sounds like shes a nutcase or at least acting like one, I would move on and put her on the backburner, maybe a time will come when she has more interest than she does now....NEXT!!!!

 

[scott44]

WHOOA EASY THERE FELLA

Just what exacltly was it that you wanted from this girl? Are you telling me you hadn't met her yet, meaning spending actual time with her instead of chatting on the internet, and you wanted a relationship already?

Did you ever get in her pants, or at the very least kiss her?

It sounds like you put this girl up on the pedestal on day 1! Look at it from this girls point of view. You've suffocated her to no end, you will NEVER be able to salvage that. This broad's totalled, way beyond repair. You backed her into a corner for christ's sake! You've done nothing but made her feel totally uncomfortable. She may have started out liking you, but you totally blew it when you started chatting to her about a relationship.

You want to know what this girl's thinking now?: HE'S A LUNATIC!. When she tells you she is scared, she's telling the truth. You've probably frightened her like nothing before in her life!

She's only scared to tell you its over because: 1) She doesn't want to hurt your feelings, or 2) She likes the attention (don't let this confuse you, though. This girl will never open her legs for you now).

You owe this girl an apology! Now, write her a letter and apologize for the a$$ you've been. Tell her that you'll never try to contact her ever again. And don't even think of calling her again, because you're done.

It's not my intention to flame you or hurt your feelings there mister, but you've got a great deal of studying to do. I've even done the same stupid shyt in my youth. You live and learn. Mark this down as a learning experience and move on. Forget about this girl. You'd better start reading the DJ bible!

 

[becker]

Re: WHOOA EASY THERE FELLA

Originally posted by scott44
Just what exacltly was it that you wanted from this girl? Are you telling me you hadn't met her yet, meaning spending actual time with her instead of chatting on the internet, and you wanted a relationship already?

Did you ever get in her pants, or at the very least kiss her?

It sounds like you put this girl up on the pedestal on day 1! Look at it from this girls point of view. You've suffocated her to no end, you will NEVER be able to salvage that. This broad's totalled, way beyond repair. You backed her into a corner for christ's sake! You've done nothing but made her feel totally uncomfortable. She may have started out liking you, but you totally blew it when you started chatting to her about a relationship.

You want to know what this girl's thinking now?: HE'S A LUNATIC!. When she tells you she is scared, she's telling the truth. You've probably frightened her like nothing before in her life!

She's only scared to tell you its over because: 1) She doesn't want to hurt your feelings, or 2) She likes the attention (don't let this confuse you, though. This girl will never open her legs for you now).

This is a pretty accurate assessment. I went through this as well, almost the same situation, but I chatted with the girl for at least a month before we met. It's funny that girls seem to want relationships, but that doesn't mean that if you show you want one on the first meeting that you're giving her what she wants. This is the biggest lesson I've learned. These things take a lot of time. Guys tend to rush in, and girls tend to take it very slow, and that's where the conflict lies. I lost a really awesome girl this way, and I'll definitely never do that again.