Alpha King
Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2002
- Messages
- 46
- Reaction score
- 0
2 years ago this girl started showing me major IL whenever I saw her around campus, but the time wasn't opportune to meet her. She was a freshman in undergrad -- a particularly socially awkward one -- and I was a first year grad student, so I didn't want to mess with it. However, I did meet her around September 2004 (she actually opened me). Initially she seemed very interested based on her body language and because she put the effort of memorizing everything she could about my life and chatting me up when she saw me. Her friends gave me the impression that she had talked about me to all of them. Within a short time, though, she started to play hot-cold, and since I didn't want to show too much interest myself we hit a stalemate for several months. Finally, in May I asked her out after she had showed sustained interest, and since my IL was also high. The date (meeting up for bubble tea) went great -- lots of fun in comparison to most dates I've had, and we kept the conversation really light (movies, travel, etc.). We had a lot of common interests and common friends. Having known each other for a full school year, it was perfectly smooth, and since we weren't *that* close over that time we weren't in the "friends zone" either. I thought the situation was ripe, b/c she had a lot of the qualities I look for in a girl -- intelligence, beauty, kindness, etc. and the social awkwardness I thought I could live with. I asked her out again, and she gave me some bs excuse why she couldn't meet up that week. So, I called her again 2 weeks later and left a brief message on her voicemail. No response, so I thought I'd just move on and focus on other things in my life.
Yet, little did I know things would soon take a turn for the worse. After reading the advice on this forum, I decided that if I saw her I wouldn't act like her rejection bothered me but I wouldn't be "clingy" either. This has worked many times for me with other girls who stopped showing interest. So, I played it cool, and I did say hi to her when it was appropriate. She, on the other hand, decided to not play it cool -- she wanted to be harsh about it. The first time I tried to say hi to her -- when we were walking past each other on campus -- she gave me this look like I was out of line for saying hello. The next time I saw her was at a party. I was standing around chatting with my friends. I thought I'd wait for her to say hi after the last rebuff, but she didn't -- she glared at me instead. She stared me down for easily 20 seconds, which is an eternity if you're staring at someone. I could see her staring at me, but I didn't want to make direct eye contact. My friends confirmed that she was in fact glaring at me for that long. I thought, "maybe she thinks I should be the one to break out of my conversation and go and talk to her." So, when there was a lull in the convo I was having with my friends, I excused myself, turned towards her and said "hi" in a friendly tone. She then rolled her eyes at me.
Now I knew things were pretty bad. I tried a few more times to be the better person about it, but it didn't work out -- I was consistently rebuffed at my attempt for diffusing this situation. For example, I once left her an instant message saying "don't be a stranger.
," but I never got a response to that. So, I decided not to say hi to her anymore and cut off all contact. A year long friendship was vaporated just like that. I never did anything to offend her -- if she wasn't interested after our date that's fine, but there's no need to get snippy about it. I still can't figure out why she snapped. Since I decided to let the acquaintanceship die, the situation has not improved. Among some of the occurrences of hating by this girl:
1) She *always* gives me the glare. As I mentioned we roll in the same social circles and have a lot of common friends so we see each other often (a couple of times per week at least). She makes sure that I can see her glaring at me, and she usually makes this overly-dramatic disgusted face as well.
2) She convinced some of her friends to stop recognizing my existence. For example, I knew another one of her friends for about a year and we used to talk ever so regularly. However, about a month after my date with the girl, this friend of the girl pretended to not know who I was. I started a conversation with her, and about mid-sentence she interrupted me and said, "who are you? what's your name?" I thought she was joking at first, but then I realized that she was being serious. I have never spoken to this person since then.
3) She hates on girls who I talk to, even if they're just my friends. My female friends have reported to me that she's become really *****y to them.
She even has her friends hate on girls who are friends with me (by ignoring, being rude, etc.).
4) I can't confirm this for a fact, but I believe she has used rumor-mongering as a tactic to get her friends to dislike me. There's no other explanation for how this girl could convince seemingly normal people to turn on someone so quickly. I had good rapport with these people and a good reputation. I've also got other attractive girls who are interested in me, so it's not like I'm a complete social doofus.
As I said, the date was in May and now it is mid-November. Thus, a waiting out strategy hasn't worked out. This girl is obsessed with hating on me. I would like it to not get to me, but keep in mind that she has the upper-hand since she rejected me. Also, I don't believe I should just ignore this behavior and let it slide. I should stand up for myself. I would like to know what I can do to stop her from acting in this way. What do you have? And anyone else been in this kind of weird situation?
Yet, little did I know things would soon take a turn for the worse. After reading the advice on this forum, I decided that if I saw her I wouldn't act like her rejection bothered me but I wouldn't be "clingy" either. This has worked many times for me with other girls who stopped showing interest. So, I played it cool, and I did say hi to her when it was appropriate. She, on the other hand, decided to not play it cool -- she wanted to be harsh about it. The first time I tried to say hi to her -- when we were walking past each other on campus -- she gave me this look like I was out of line for saying hello. The next time I saw her was at a party. I was standing around chatting with my friends. I thought I'd wait for her to say hi after the last rebuff, but she didn't -- she glared at me instead. She stared me down for easily 20 seconds, which is an eternity if you're staring at someone. I could see her staring at me, but I didn't want to make direct eye contact. My friends confirmed that she was in fact glaring at me for that long. I thought, "maybe she thinks I should be the one to break out of my conversation and go and talk to her." So, when there was a lull in the convo I was having with my friends, I excused myself, turned towards her and said "hi" in a friendly tone. She then rolled her eyes at me.
Now I knew things were pretty bad. I tried a few more times to be the better person about it, but it didn't work out -- I was consistently rebuffed at my attempt for diffusing this situation. For example, I once left her an instant message saying "don't be a stranger.
," but I never got a response to that. So, I decided not to say hi to her anymore and cut off all contact. A year long friendship was vaporated just like that. I never did anything to offend her -- if she wasn't interested after our date that's fine, but there's no need to get snippy about it. I still can't figure out why she snapped. Since I decided to let the acquaintanceship die, the situation has not improved. Among some of the occurrences of hating by this girl:1) She *always* gives me the glare. As I mentioned we roll in the same social circles and have a lot of common friends so we see each other often (a couple of times per week at least). She makes sure that I can see her glaring at me, and she usually makes this overly-dramatic disgusted face as well.
2) She convinced some of her friends to stop recognizing my existence. For example, I knew another one of her friends for about a year and we used to talk ever so regularly. However, about a month after my date with the girl, this friend of the girl pretended to not know who I was. I started a conversation with her, and about mid-sentence she interrupted me and said, "who are you? what's your name?" I thought she was joking at first, but then I realized that she was being serious. I have never spoken to this person since then.
3) She hates on girls who I talk to, even if they're just my friends. My female friends have reported to me that she's become really *****y to them.
She even has her friends hate on girls who are friends with me (by ignoring, being rude, etc.).
4) I can't confirm this for a fact, but I believe she has used rumor-mongering as a tactic to get her friends to dislike me. There's no other explanation for how this girl could convince seemingly normal people to turn on someone so quickly. I had good rapport with these people and a good reputation. I've also got other attractive girls who are interested in me, so it's not like I'm a complete social doofus.
As I said, the date was in May and now it is mid-November. Thus, a waiting out strategy hasn't worked out. This girl is obsessed with hating on me. I would like it to not get to me, but keep in mind that she has the upper-hand since she rejected me. Also, I don't believe I should just ignore this behavior and let it slide. I should stand up for myself. I would like to know what I can do to stop her from acting in this way. What do you have? And anyone else been in this kind of weird situation?