Girl in work emailed me saying she likes me. Help me please.

[steveweiner88]

This should really be titled: How to talk/flirt/banter with work colleague over email or How to let a girl down gently without hurting her feelings. This is the dilemma I find myself in.

A little about me:

I am a mid-20s guy. Never had a girlfriend. Lost virginity to prostitute aged 21. Had sex one times since with random girl in club (she 'picked' me up). I finally got my first job ever a few months back. It is working in an office/cubicle environment. Had some rough times over the past few years. Life is starting to improve for me. Well, it was, at least. But I will get to that part. Anyhow, I feel like I am a good looking guy and I am well groomed and look after myself. I get a lot of heads turning in work and it was the same back at university. I do not walk around like the most unconfident person in the world. But deep down I feel like a loser, lowe self-esteem, low confidence, clueless with women.

The Situation:

Was in work today. Work friend says to me out of the blue that there is someone in the office interested in me. He did not say who. Right away I felt nerves I had not felt in years. Felt like I was about to turn red. He says he got an email. I say forward me the email. I reluctantly check my email. There is his email and one from another work friend. The one from friend #1 has a quote from the girl saying she thinks I am 'cute'. The one from friend #2 says girl x is interested in me and she is too shy to email and I should email her. I felt sick in the stomach.

I knew who the girl was. I had noticed her looking at me often and smiling. I will be honest. She is not my type. Too fake(tan, etc). But I would no doubt have sex with her, you know, a one night stand kind of thing. But that is as far it goes. I would not want a relationship: a) she's not my type b) she has a kid - would not even go down that road c) I want to be free. I have dreams to travel the world. Don't want to be tied down. Pus I have always be single and sort of used to it now.

Anyhow, back to the story. A few times as the day goes on, one of the guys brings this up and says I should email her and I should 'get in to her' and he will set this up. I feel sick with nerves and anxiety everytime he brings it up. I try to forget about it and get deep in to my work but it is impossible to concentrate. I feel like I need the toilet. I feel sick. I let out gas a lot. I eventually go the toilet for a number 2 but it is not long before I feel I need another one. I just want the day to end. The girl was facing my direction but there was something obstructing us so we could not see each other directly. I just sunk in my chair. I have to walk past her to go the toilet so I tried to avoid that.

Then I go in to my email for work reasons, and as I do, I receive an email from girl-in-question. She says half-jokingly that she was forced to email me by the guys. I reply saying thanks for earlier compliment. She aks what compliment. I say maybe the lads were winding me up and quote what she supposedly had said. She confirms it was a wind up and she had in fact said I was 'cute'. I say thanks. She says surely I must have noticed by the amount and way she stares at me. I half-pretended I did not notice. She says I must be oblivious. I say something like, people stare at people all the time, does not mean much. I take a long time in between answering the emails, where as she was replying immediately. I was just really nervous and felt sick. I was scared of writing the wrong thing. Scared of showing too much interest. Scared of hurting her feelings. Scared of saying something stupid.

My main problem is this. I do not want to give her false hopes. One of my biggest problems is I am too sensitive to other people's feelings. I do not want to make people feel bad or be responsible for making someone feel bad in some way or another. I also believe a lot in karma. And this has been a major problem with girls: what if they are after a relationship but I only want a one night stand, I do not want to make them feel bad / hurt their feelings. And this is one of the reasons I am scared to approach girls. And this is a problem I have with this girl, I think. As I have said earlier, I would give her one and that is that. But what if she is looking for a boyfriend, someone to be a step daddy for her child.

1) How would I approach this for the one night stand aspect? What would I say over email? How do I have playful banter over email? What should I say if I talk to her? What if we are walking towards each other? Is she expecting a boyfriend or is she is expecting a ****? How would I know. I am not what you would call sexy. I do not have a hot body. I am skinny. I just have a nice face. Aren't I the sort of guy girls want to be their childs step-daddy?

2) How would I let her down gently? Not just blow her off like. Not just avoid the problem. I will have to see her in work every day remember. Plus I am sure other people no about it and do not want to be some talk of the office.

3) What the **** would you do in this situation? What should I do, please?

I am in work tomorrow and I am lying here feeling like crap. So nervous and anxious. Like I just want the world to swallow me up. It is a long day tomorrow. Today this thing started near the end of the day. Tomorow I may have to deal with this the whole day. I am scared. Then what about the next day and so on.

I just know the guys are going to pesture me tomorrow, as guys do. They are the sort of guys were if a girl shows an IOI they would not hesitate. The could not understand why a guy would be nervus around a girl or say no to a girl. There the sort of people who will tell other people too and scared lots of people will no. I swear my life was getting good and now this thing has happened. I feel like getting a new job now. I am under pressure to improve my performance at work at the moment and this thing does not help mattets.

Please reply as soon as as I have to get to bed in the next 40 minutes or so as it is late here and as mentioned I have work tomorrow. I just need to go in to work tomorrow with some preparation, some advice. I am already thinking of taking what would be my first day off.

 

[Chase24]

First off.. I can tell even without you saying it that you have a complete confidence issue. Stop thinking about yourself like that.

Second, is this some elaborate troll? I don't understand how a situation like this can get someone physically ill. What happens when you have to talk in front of more than one person? I'd suggest anxiety medication or something. One situation with a girl being attracted you is not a reason to quit a job or feel like your life has taken a turn for the worst. Seriously - please tell me this is just a troll.

To answer in my opinion, since we're close to the same age- I'd just bang her a couple times. You need practice, whether it's banging or just hanging out with a girl, so that you get over this anxiety and build up your confidence. In the mid twenties you shouldn't really be worried about dating up a girl or having a serious relationship with them - especially if they have a child.

If you don't want to do it though, just ignore her. You don't need to put her down easy. Who cares.

 

[TheGambino]

I would strongly recommend you to read the whole DJ bible from the beginning to the end.

 

[steveweiner88]

First off.. I can tell even without you saying it that you have a complete confidence issue. Stop thinking about yourself like that.

Second, is this some elaborate troll? I don't understand how a situation like this can get someone physically ill. What happens when you have to talk in front of more than one person? I'd suggest anxiety medication or something. One situation with a girl being attracted you is not a reason to quit a job or feel like your life has taken a turn for the worst. Seriously - please tell me this is just a troll.

To answer in my opinion, since we're close to the same age- I'd just bang her a couple times. You need practice, whether it's banging or just hanging out with a girl, so that you get over this anxiety and build up your confidence. In the mid twenties you shouldn't really be worried about dating up a girl or having a serious relationship with them - especially if they have a child.

If you don't want to do it though, just ignore her. You don't need to put her down easy. Who cares.

Chase,

unfortunately, not trolling, this is genuine.

"What happens when you have to talk in front of more than one person?" - Get really nervous. Feel like everyone is judging me. Stutter.

" I'd just bang her a couple times. "

Would not know how to go about that? Guessing I just don't email her and say 'look, want to play some tennis tonight (Friends With Benefits), just leave the kid with the grandma and I will come round to yours.'

"If you don't want to do it though, just ignore her."

This is my big weakness. I feel I could not do that to someone. To be honest, I knew this girl was well in to me. She always stares at me and smiles at me. When I walk past I notice out the corner of my eye like she feels there is some situation between us. I am worried she is really in to me.

 

[TheGambino]

Dude, be a man, walk to her, ask her how her day is, laugh to her, ask her some questions like howlong shes with the part company if she likes going out in the city anything? if she says yes i do tell her your going saturday and ask if she wants to come along.. just listen well to her and you'll find something to say yourself.. just be relaxed, if she doens't like you, **** it move on thers plenty fish in the sea..

just talk to way more people and be calm...

again: read the dj bible

 

[Lord Hypnos]

sounds like you have some anxiety issues, and thats ok, just focus on improving yourself and being more comfortable around girls. If I were in your situation I would forget about trying to bang her (don't sh1t where you eat). Just be friendly towards her, flirt a little here and there, and if your buddies are pressuring you into anything, just tell them you're not interested in dating a woman with kids.