Girl in the library

[Steve_O]

Ok DJ's need youre help on this one.
I'm 30, work full time. She is like 28 about, works and studying for GMAT.

So I saw this girl in the library, she is really cute and I had an instant attraction to her. We have seen each other in the library for a couple weeks now. I want to go out with this girl, not just hook up.
Talked to her one night, walked by and asked what she was studying, she said GMAT and we talked about that for like a minute or so.

Saw her again the next night, when the place was closing, walked up to her and asked how her studying was going, we talked for longer, more than 5 minutes. We walked out of the building together, she even waited for me as I turned in a study room key at front desk, and we got outside and said goodnight. Good body language, good conversation.

Next week. There were some high school kids making some noise talking and laughing, near the table she was studying at, I walk by and ask her "how can you study with all that noise?" She said something like "its not that bad". I smile and walk on.

SO, now if I havent already blown it, I want to make a move, get a number ask her out or what? Thing is, this is in the library and not a social situation, and she is always very serious when she is studying, very hard worker. In bars and social situations I do ok, but libraries and the like, are tricky

Need some advice, what do you guys think, whats my next move?

 

[Furyguy]

One option:
Go ask her. Try not to see her for a little while so she's missing you / wondering when you'll turn up again. Then take her by surprise, be incredibly confident and upbeat, set up your date and eject. Do it quick and try and create that "what the hell just happened?" feeling in her. In a good way of course.

Studying is pretty much the worst thing in the world, she is probably like most people and loves (pleasant) surprises to break the monotony.

 

[chinwaggler]

Ask her something like, I can see you're a hard worker so I won't disturb you now but I'd like to get to know you, how about.....................

 

[Steve_O]

I forgot to mention I didn't even know her name yet. But I fixed that tonight.
Walked up to her, confident, acted like I owned the place, a little ****y (just a little), and just started talking to her. More personal this time, asking about her where she is from.
Got a good response, good conversation, she was laughing, almost squealing, and smiling allot. Got outside and we talked more than last time. Got her name of course, and a "hope to see you around"

So, next time I see her, Im getting a number or date. No coffee or lunch obviously, already been in the friend zone once, dinner, drinks, movie.
Any advice? should I just get number or ask for date also? What do you guys think? Should I wait a day or two? Or just ask next time I see her?


Basically ya, I am an afc, but im working hard on fixing it, bars and social places im much better at now. Grocery stores and library Im working on.

 

[Ollie]

Well your best bet is probably to just ask her out. Don't even ask for the number. If she's interested and would like to go, you'll be able to get the number easily. Don't worry about what to say or whatever. You dont need any smooth lines. The key is frame control and confidence. Just act like you did the last time you interacted...like you own the place and don't forget to make solid eye contact when talking to her. And why wait a day or two? Just do it the next time you see her. It's hard to make someone you've never been out with "miss you" so you're much better off just going for it right away.

 

[daygameguy]

You could have been LJBF'd by now, but I doubt that. She seems interested.

You don't need to do the disappearing act, in order to make her miss you, because she will not.

The best option is to stop building rapport, stop small talk, be casual, but add a bit of attraction/tension/chemistry. You need to raise her IL just before the close. The best way to raise IL is to BREAK RAPPORT.

"You know what, I wanna be honest with you, I wanted to ask you out since the day I saw you, but I figured you and I would never get along...I think we are too similar, we like the same things, we have similar ambitions, similar tastes, we would never fight about anything, what fun is that!" - If she says anything defensive at this point, she is yours, close the deal.


PS: You don't have to use exactly the same stuff, it's just an example. There are a million ways to spark up a girl's interest level. So just use your imagination, and stop building rapport.


For the date: Both are legal drinking age, so tell her to join you at a popular bar for a drink.

 

[fertileTurtle]

Well your best bet is probably to just ask her out. Don't even ask for the number. If she's interested and would like to go, you'll be able to get the number easily. Don't worry about what to say or whatever. You dont need any smooth lines. The key is frame control and confidence. Just act like you did the last time you interacted...like you own the place and don't forget to make solid eye contact when talking to her. And why wait a day or two? Just do it the next time you see her. It's hard to make someone you've never been out with "miss you" so you're much better off just going for it right away.

I would say be relaxed more than anything. Confidence must be relaxed confidence. Be in a funny mood and make jokes. Ask for her number when you leave, whenever and whatever the circumstances. Be happy when you leave no matter what she said. You can still try a couple more times if this one blows. Smile a lot.

 

[Steve_O]

-- and stop building rapport.

I agree with that. I feel if I make small talk one more time without making a move, I'll be friend zoned.

So next time I see her, I'm gonna open with a little conversation, not for too long, like 1 minute at the most, but then break rapport and go for the date (popular bar for a drink), get her number, then bolt.

Also, this weekend is too close, so Ill say "lets grab a drink next week sometime" Is any day best, Thurs-Sat?

And call at the earliest three days later, following the DJBible call guide: Sun-Wed only

 

[Steve_O]

Just a little update:

So walked up, ****y confident, smile, good posture. Started talking to her, for like a minute or two, got outside, and broke rapport, which worked like a charm. Told her how when I first saw her I wanted to talk to her but I thought don't bother because she looks mean and she seemed like maybe she wasn't a nice person, which immediately put her on the defensive and she started saying things in her defense.

So after that I went into asking her for the date. But I said, "lets get a drink sometime next week" not "do you want to". And she turned me down, but its OK because she didn't say "no" flat out, she thought about it and said it hesitantly. And I pushed some for that date, but still no. She is studying for the GMAT and she was telling me how she told her friends she is not doing anything till she takes the test in April.

The whole time this is happening she is smiling allot, and laughing allot. Even when she turned me down.
Then I went for her number and she turned that down too, but laughing and smiling again.
So she has a unique name and I didn't know how to spell it and I said you at least got to tell me how to spell it, and at first she said no, but I pushed for that and she gave me the proper spelling.

So I'm figuring she is playing hard to get. She knows my intentions. Kept eye contact the whole time, she was looking away a little bit. When I was asking for date and number she would take a step back, not turn away but step backwards a step or two. She was smiling and laughing the whole time.

So I think I am good right now. Got to break her down and get her to give in, without falling into the friend zone.

 

[daygameguy]

Just a little update:

So walked up, ****y confident, smile, good posture. Started talking to her, for like a minute or two, got outside, and broke rapport, which worked like a charm. Told her how when I first saw her I wanted to talk to her but I thought don't bother because she looks mean and she seemed like maybe she wasn't a nice person, which immediately put her on the defensive and she started saying things in her defense.

So after that I went into asking her for the date. But I said, "lets get a drink sometime next week" not "do you want to". And she turned me down, but its OK because she didn't say "no" flat out, she thought about it and said it hesitantly. And I pushed some for that date, but still no. She is studying for the GMAT and she was telling me how she told her friends she is not doing anything till she takes the test in April.

The whole time this is happening she is smiling allot, and laughing allot. Even when she turned me down.
Then I went for her number and she turned that down too, but laughing and smiling again.
So she has a unique name and I didn't know how to spell it and I said you at least got to tell me how to spell it, and at first she said no, but I pushed for that and she gave me the proper spelling.

So I'm figuring she is playing hard to get. She knows my intentions. Kept eye contact the whole time, she was looking away a little bit. When I was asking for date and number she would take a step back, not turn away but step backwards a step or two. She was smiling and laughing the whole time.

So I think I am good right now. Got to break her down and get her to give in, without falling into the friend zone.

OK. GREAT. Let me give you the winning move:

KEEP AT IT. KEEP actively and persistently trying for the date, and keep being funny about it.

Every time you see her, smile at her, and say "So did you change your mind about the date yet?" just keep smiling... NO does not mean NO GO AWAY, it means MAYBE. JUST KEEP AT IT.

Listen to your heart. Be genuine. Let the lines come from WITHIN you. Just keep persisting whenever she says NO, but in a funny non subservient manner. That will crack her up, and eventually she will find you so irresistible that she WILL say yes!

 

[Steve_O]

Update:
OK so I knew I should not have gone to the library tonight (Friday), I should have let it cool down, but I can be impatient when I want something and ****ing stupid also. I figured be confident, ****y, eye contact and keep frame control and you're good.

Saw the girl studying, approached, said hi and walked on to another area. Place is closing, went to see if she was there and she had taken off, and she is always the last person to leave. So basically I feel like I over pressured her and she took off to avoid seeing me tonight.

She seems like a genuine shy girl, rejected me for date and number, but not flat out no, they were maybes; had to work to get proper spelling of her name even, and our interaction was very good last night she was laughing and smiling allot and being giggly, an IOI.
She is into her studying, she is on a mission to pass her GMAT, not even in my four years of college did I see anyone study as much as she does. And she did tell me, like she told her friends, she is not doing anything till she takes the test in April.

Basically I just need a confirmation I should let her cool off for like a week because she is a shy girl, well not a week, maybe next Wed? But I don't want to disappear because like you guys have said, she wont miss me. So if anyone has any advice on how to proceed I would greatly appreciate it.

 

[fertileTurtle]

Great job, but like I said before, you need to build more comfort with her. Just be nice and relaxed. It will come to you in due time my friend. You have this.

 

[DamHE]

i think you might be creeping her out

 

[daygameguy]

You are creeping her out plain and simple. That's the truth.

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Keep building more comfort, but keep her attracted with your humor, intelligence, sub-communication etc.

There is a difference between comfort and rapport. Comfort means a true emotional connection. Its more than just knowing each other/having rapport.

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Try to catch her AFTER she is done studying, or ask her what she does for relaxation/fun, and meet her at some other time and place, which should be more comfortable for her to talk.

 

[Steve_O]

I knew it, sub-consciously, I knew it. I knew I would be creeping her out. I am ****ing dumb sometimes. Got to listen to my gut more.

Thanks for the help so far guys, especially you daygameguy, its been working wonders for sure. Give an update maybe next week, possibly week after, and Ill keep practicing on some other girls.

 

[Snow Plowman]

This seems like it may be done, from the first time you met her, you should've #closed. But it seems like it may be over, the best bet is to persist, you have nothing to lose.

Her saying NO doesn't make it over, it's possible to have an AWESOME vibe with her then qualify her and go for the # on a high note...But this isn't guranteed.

 

[rushing dude 123]

hmmmm go for the other cute libary chick sitting next to her if no go. just use her has social proof lol. Btw thank this woman before u leave for teaching u a lesson and helping u get this cuter chick seeing u will finish this one on first interaction. Its not about woman its about u, this chick has just upped ur game THANK YOU....u r now a stronger man.