Girl gone cold because of my platonic friend

[Dam44]

This girl(let's call her Jane) I've been seeing has suddenly gone cold. We saw last a week ago and she was giving an attitude

Here's what happened, we both live in school dormitories opposite each other. On valentines night, a female friend of mine called me that she wanted to give me a gift(it was gift pairing from church) . I also got her a little gift. We met outside, talked a while after she gave me the gift.

We were still talking when Jane stepped out, saw us and walked away. I knew she saw us. She returned a few minutes later and I called her and bade goodbye to the girl who gave me a shirt. She was jealous obviously and yeah, she saw the gift.

I told her she was just a friend but since that moment she started with the one word responses and not saying anything. Well she hasn't been responding to my calls and texts since then.

I know I should not have let her see my platonic friend especially on Vals day. Early on Vals day about 1am, Jane and I kissed so I feel she might be rightfully angry

I didnt get her a valentines gift/date cos I felt it would be too Cliche. Also I tried setting up a date on Tuesday but she declined.

It's been a week already so I'm just going to let her be.

Update
Just got a text from her saying we can see in the evening. Any need to apologise?

 

[spred]

No! She is not your wife or fiancée, you are allowed to meet other women, even fvck them.

 

[spred]

This girl(let's call her Jane) I've been seeing has suddenly gone cold. We saw last a week ago and she was giving an attitude

Here's what happened, we both live in school dormitories opposite each other. On valentines night, a female friend of mine called me that she wanted to give me a gift(it was gift pairing from church) . I also got her a little gift. We met outside, talked a while after she gave me the gift.

We were still talking when Jane stepped out, saw us and walked away. I knew she saw us. She returned a few minutes later and I called her and bade goodbye to the girl who gave me a shirt. She was jealous obviously and yeah, she saw the gift.

I told her she was just a friend but since that moment she started with the one word responses and not saying anything. Well she hasn't been responding to my calls and texts since then.

I know I should not have let her see my platonic friend especially on Vals day. Early on Vals day about 1am, Jane and I kissed so I feel she might be rightfully angry

I didnt get her a valentines gift/date cos I felt it would be too Cliche. Also I tried setting up a date on Tuesday but she declined.

It's been a week already so I'm just going to let her be.

Update
Just got a text from her saying we can see in the evening. Any need to apologise?

If you apologise she will put you through misery for a year, remembering this incident to make you chase and serve her

 

[Dr.Suave]

No apologies

 

[EyeBRollin]

No apologies. Proceed with banging Jane.

Her seeing you with the other girl increased your value. Seeing you act guilty because if it will only decrease your value.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Truth be told a man and a women cannot be friends, it’s that old adage. Every hear of ladder theory?

I have “platonic” female friends but they all basically un****able. And frankly I’ll only have coffee or a meal with them if I am bored out of my gourd. I’d rather be chasing tail or burying myself in one.

Just like many guys here know, a chick with tons of male friends are not good bets, a smart chick would feel the same when looked at it from her perspective.

 

[Striker_93]

You gotta learn how to be playa about sh!t like this.....

No need to apologize, just talk to her and tell her the other girl was just a friend ect ect tell her what she wanna hear then fvck her brains out, problem solved.

 

[Dam44]

Update

She didn't show up yesterday, after she gave a time. I texted her I was out after waiting about 6 minutes. I proceeded to call her once about 20 minutes later which she didn't answer or return

I was really angry cos she wasted my time, I could have been busy studying or doing something else instead of getting ready to see her.
This is getting really immature now and I'll no longer try to reach her

 

[Atom Smasher]

Since the subject of apologizing came up here, I want to say that in most cases, a man should never apologize. Women see this as weakness to the nth degree. Apologizing almost always erodes her respect for you. It's ok to say something like "Hmmm... I should have done such and such", but an outright "I'm sorry" weakens you in her eyes.

This girl requires discipline. The only discipline a man can administer is removal of attention. We only have that one tool, but it's a nuclear weapon. You need to pull well back (as you have already indicated you are going to do), but do it in a very detached, matter-of-fact way. Indifference to a women kills her inside. It upsets even her sense of reality and causes her alarm on a deep level.

If she drifts away, then it's 100% certain that you guys had other issues and this just accelerated her inevitable departure. But if she comes back begging, let her suffer a bit and then indicate that you "may" give her another chance. In that case, it's a perfect opportunity for you to flip the script and show her the boundaries of what you're willing to tolerate.

The takeaway here is that apologizing almost always comes back to bite a man hard. Contrary to what they say and "feel", women positively hate when men apologize to them. This doesn't make sense to us because we men, who have a sense of integrity and honor, generally admire a man who is willing to apologize. No such thing exists with women. They will feel weakness from you in their core. I learned this very late in life. You can bank on it.

The exception is when you screw up and really do seriously hurt her or just do something entirely inappropriate. In such a case, apologize once and only once, and move on. Do it very matter-of-factly and not emotionally, but show that you really do mean it. Repeated apologies are the death knell of any relationship.

 

[Dam44]

Since the subject of apologizing came up here, I want to say that in most cases, a man should never apologize. Women see this as weakness to the nth degree. Apologizing almost always erodes her respect for you. It's ok to say something like "Hmmm... I should have done such and such", but an outright "I'm sorry" weakens you in her eyes.

This girl requires discipline. The only discipline a man can administer is removal of attention. We only have that one tool, but it's a nuclear weapon. You need to pull well back (as you have already indicated you are going to do), but do it in a very detached, matter-of-fact way. Indifference to a women kills her inside. It upsets even her sense of reality and causes her alarm on a deep level.

If she drifts away, then it's 100% certain that you guys had other issues and this just accelerated her inevitable departure. But if she comes back begging, let her suffer a bit and then indicate that you "may" give her another chance. In that case, it's a perfect opportunity for you to flip the script and show her the boundaries of what you're willing to tolerate.

The takeaway here is that apologizing almost always comes back to bite a man hard. Contrary to what they say and "feel", women positively hate when men apologize to them. This doesn't make sense to us because we men, who have a sense of integrity and honor, generally admire a man who is willing to apologize. No such thing exists with women. They will feel weakness from you in their core. I learned this very late in life. You can bank on it.

The exception is when you screw up and really do seriously hurt her or just do something entirely inappropriate. In such a case, apologize once and only once, and move on. Do it very matter-of-factly and not emotionally, but show that you really do mean it. Repeated apologies are the death knell of any relationship.

Thank you for the tip on apologising. I'll follow this and be sure I pull back well

 

[Dam44]

Since the subject of apologizing came up here, I want to say that in most cases, a man should never apologize. Women see this as weakness to the nth degree. Apologizing almost always erodes her respect for you. It's ok to say something like "Hmmm... I should have done such and such", but an outright "I'm sorry" weakens you in her eyes.

This girl requires discipline. The only discipline a man can administer is removal of attention. We only have that one tool, but it's a nuclear weapon. You need to pull well back (as you have already indicated you are going to do), but do it in a very detached, matter-of-fact way. Indifference to a women kills her inside. It upsets even her sense of reality and causes her alarm on a deep level.

If she drifts away, then it's 100% certain that you guys had other issues and this just accelerated her inevitable departure. But if she comes back begging, let her suffer a bit and then indicate that you "may" give her another chance. In that case, it's a perfect opportunity for you to flip the script and show her the boundaries of what you're willing to tolerate.

The takeaway here is that apologizing almost always comes back to bite a man hard. Contrary to what they say and "feel", women positively hate when men apologize to them. This doesn't make sense to us because we men, who have a sense of integrity and honor, generally admire a man who is willing to apologize. No such thing exists with women. They will feel weakness from you in their core. I learned this very late in life. You can bank on it.

The exception is when you screw up and really do seriously hurt her or just do something entirely inappropriate. In such a case, apologize once and only once, and move on. Do it very matter-of-factly and not emotionally, but show that you really do mean it. Repeated apologies are the death knell of any relationship.

Well, we ran into each other today, when we saw we walked towards each other, she didn't say anything at first and was acting all guilty with this little girl kind of smile, I asked her how she was then told her I had to get back to a football match I was seeing, then left

I could have asked her why she's been like that but I want her to apologise. There's no way I'm going to overlook it

Also it seems like she may be having some academic work cos I saw her carrying her laptop and books but that does not justify her crappy behaviour in any way and yes I think I got too attached. She definitely has to reach out first not me! And I'm trying hard to do that

 

[Dash Riprock]

This girl(let's call her Jane) I've been seeing has suddenly gone cold. We saw last a week ago and she was giving an attitude

Here's what happened, we both live in school dormitories opposite each other. On valentines night, a female friend of mine called me that she wanted to give me a gift(it was gift pairing from church) . I also got her a little gift. We met outside, talked a while after she gave me the gift.

We were still talking when Jane stepped out, saw us and walked away. I knew she saw us. She returned a few minutes later and I called her and bade goodbye to the girl who gave me a shirt. She was jealous obviously and yeah, she saw the gift.

I told her she was just a friend but since that moment she started with the one word responses and not saying anything. Well she hasn't been responding to my calls and texts since then.

I know I should not have let her see my platonic friend especially on Vals day. Early on Vals day about 1am, Jane and I kissed so I feel she might be rightfully angry

I didnt get her a valentines gift/date cos I felt it would be too Cliche. Also I tried setting up a date on Tuesday but she declined.

It's been a week already so I'm just going to let her be.

Update
Just got a text from her saying we can see in the evening. Any need to apologise?

No. Do not under any circumstances apologize. Don't even bring it up. If she does, downplay it and change the subject. I'll 100% guarantee you her IL in you is much higher now. Ride the wave while it lasts.

You're allowed to have friends. I'll guarantee she has many male "friends" too.

 

[Epimanes]

Obviously she's making your life hard.... and not your d!ck......should be the other way around..... own it... let her sulk. If she don't like it. There's the door... she's playing a power trip. Don't feed it.


Epi

 

[Kdw8]

You got your platonic friend a gift but not your gf bc you seen it as too cliche? Man what. She might get male friends on you to get you back for your friend.

 

[Black Widow Void]

An apology may not be necessary but understanding the situation could be helpful.

Platonic or not, your new girl didn’t get a Valentine’s Day gift and she saw you exchanging one with a platonic female friend.

Keep in mind, we’re all on your side… But it doesn’t require a rocket scientist to understand why she would be miffed.

 

[Dam44]

You got your platonic friend a gift but not your gf bc you seen it as too cliche? Man what. She might get male friends on you to get you back for your friend.

Lol, it sounds like a silly decision reading this now. We're yet official but yeah something like a girlfriend

 

[Dam44]

An apology may not be necessary but understanding the situation could be helpful.

Platonic or not, your new girl didn’t get a Valentine’s Day gift and she saw you exchanging one with a platonic female friend.

Keep in mind, we’re all on your side… But it doesn’t require a rocket scientist to understand why she would be miffed.

Yeah, that's a big mistake on my part. Maybe I'll try to make it up to her.

But you agree on waiting for her to reach out right?

 

[spred]

Yeah, that's a big mistake on my part. Maybe I'll try to make it up to her.

But you agree on waiting for her to reach out right?

Yes. Do NOT apologise!

 

[Black Widow Void]

Yeah, that's a big mistake on my part. Maybe I'll try to make it up to her.

But you agree on waiting for her to reach out right?

That decision is up to you. If this was me, would I reach out? Absolutely. However I would not be asking for forgiveness. Instead I would say something in a direct matter-of-fact way such as “I may have taken a wrong turn.”


Most forum members here will reply in a ‘paint by numbers’ or , ‘one-size-fits-all’ type response. In many cases this is not only lazy advice, but it will backfire.

While it is true that we should be the “prize” that women have to earn, We also need to be self-objective.

Personally I agree with you about Valentine’s Day. I think it lacks soul, is commercialized, and men are typically intimidated into doing something, instead of being inspired to do something.

Women typically see this as something entirely different. A lot of times it’s not about you, But also about them seeing their friends get gifts and then filling inadequate or undervalued.

Your girl, did not receive a gift, and also saw you give a gift to another girl. No matter your intent, women are emotional and she’s made a conclusion.

With the above observation, do you think she’s going to view you as a prize that needs to be earned? Likely not.

Although you do not want to gravel or ask for forgiveness, a handwritten note stating that you can understand how this misunderstanding could make her feel … and that you’d like to make it up by buying her a cup of coffee a meal or whatever you think is appropriate, will (I believe) work much better in your favor.

My advice does not come with 100% guarantee. But I do arrive with a lot of past experience with women; Which also includes a lot of my very own “cleanup on Isle three.”

 

[dude99]

This girl(let's call her Jane) I've been seeing has suddenly gone cold. We saw last a week ago and she was giving an attitude

Here's what happened, we both live in school dormitories opposite each other. On valentines night, a female friend of mine called me that she wanted to give me a gift(it was gift pairing from church) . I also got her a little gift. We met outside, talked a while after she gave me the gift.

We were still talking when Jane stepped out, saw us and walked away. I knew she saw us. She returned a few minutes later and I called her and bade goodbye to the girl who gave me a shirt. She was jealous obviously and yeah, she saw the gift.

I told her she was just a friend but since that moment she started with the one word responses and not saying anything. Well she hasn't been responding to my calls and texts since then.

I know I should not have let her see my platonic friend especially on Vals day. Early on Vals day about 1am, Jane and I kissed so I feel she might be rightfully angry

I didnt get her a valentines gift/date cos I felt it would be too Cliche. Also I tried setting up a date on Tuesday but she declined.

It's been a week already so I'm just going to let her be.

Update
Just got a text from her saying we can see in the evening. Any need to apologise?

How many "platonic friends," or "friend zoned freddys," does she have?

Jealousy is ugly. I have zero tollerance for it. Especially if this girl is only a friend that you have no interest in. If she feels ignoring your calls and texts is the way to get your attention then next. Let her see what it is like to not have you in her life.

Never apologise if you have done nothing wrong.