Girl goes on holiday and says she'll text me when she gets back....

[Matt Rogers]

This is a scenario that has come up quite a few times as in London people are coming and going and the foreign girls are often visiting home.

Anyway how the situation usually goes you are in the early stages of dating and it is not official and neither party is totally sure how they feel about each other. The girl lets you know she is going away for a holiday. But because you don't want to seem too keen you don't quiz her on the dates/when she'll be back etc. And usually they leave it that they will call you/text you when they get back.

But often they don't call like they said they would.

Clearly the interest is not high. But then again I don't know many girls who are comfortable calling guys. And girls like to be chased.

So once a week or two has passed from the time when you estimate she would be back what is the best strategy?

A casual text asking how her trip was? Calling her up so if you catch her on the phone you can chit chat about how the trip was and invite her out? Or keep keep waiting on the off chance her trip was longer than you expected.

It is a weak position to be in because as you left the ball in your court it is difficult not to seem a bit desperate by contacting her. But then if you don't when it is clear she isn't going to contact you, you are dead in the water.

Thoughts?

 

[pdx1138]

I decided recently that a woman who doesn't return my txt or call back is a woman I won't be contacting again unless she does.

If she has any interest, I will hear back from her within 2-4 weeks at most.
after 4 weeks I delete the phone number.

I had this happen to me last year. Girl I dated twice, I txted her hows your day? she said she's on her way to puerto rico for a week. She said lets get together when I get back.

didn't hear from her for 3 weeks. I txted her "how was your trip" her response: "who is this?"

Ya girls like to be chased, but if they won't return a simple msg I'm not wasting any more time on her. Why should I?
I won't be made to look like a desperate chump.....plenty of other va jay jay out there.

Find another one.

 

[Jay Dee]

I had a chick from Canada message me soon after she got back from a trip to Europe. Even if she didn't, I would have eventually made contact. As ever, the idea is not to be too caught up about the chick because you aren't with her, and have others on the go.

 

[Jeffst1980]

If it's been a couple of weeks, her interest probably isn't high enough for her to text you back. In this case, I'd send her a text about something random and just try to re-open the lines of communication.

DON'T ask about her trip; that would be playing into her frame ("OMG I told this guy I'd text him and didn't, and now he's asking about my trip"). Instead, text her something random or humorous you saw/ did, that doesn't necessarily warrant a response. If she responds favorably, exchange a couple more messages and make plans with her. If you get no response after a day or so, delete the number.

The general rule with texting is to IGNORE anything that doesn't help your cause. If she cancels a date without a counteroffer, don't write anything back. If she said she'd text you and doesn't, don't call her out on it. Only respond to her when she's making an effort.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Swapped a few unrelated texts, comments about the crazy weather and so on, and then invited her for a drink.

She replied

"Sure. Can you do this Saturday? and have you seen any BBC Proms (a classical music series of concerts) yet? I'd love to go one evening next week. Would you like to join?"

It is pretty strange. Giving up prime social time for a drink then inviting me to a concert.

It seems a bit too good to be true especially as she did not seem all that interested on our first date. I'm not sure if she is planning to friends zone me and is confident I'll go along with it.

I am truly baffled.

 

[InVader]

Its a weird one mate but sounds to me like shes keen - either that or no-one else will go to the Proms with her!

Its a foot in the door if anything....

 

[Strelok]

Swapped a few unrelated texts, comments about the crazy weather and so on, and then invited her for a drink.

She replied

"Sure. Can you do this Saturday? and have you seen any BBC Proms (a classical music series of concerts) yet? I'd love to go one evening next week. Would you like to join?"

It is pretty strange. Giving up prime social time for a drink then inviting me to a concert.

It seems a bit too good to be true especially as she did not seem all that interested on our first date. I'm not sure if she is planning to friends zone me and is confident I'll go along with it.

I am truly baffled.

If you accept and go at the concert with her, tell her you have no money cause you had to pay for the car to be fixed and if you can borrow from her.
In case she gives you the ljbf zone card you can disappear with class, it would be funny to have a girl that ljbfed you calling you and leaving messages.

Or if you are one of those gentleman you can use the money angle as a reason to call her, in case she plays the b1tch and ask why you're calling you can say it's to give her back the money.
Then pretend your schedule is busy and stick to point 1.

Ps. make sure to hit the bar after the concert alchool can make her unihbited and its not you to pay anyway.
(Feel free to decide if my post is ironic or not)

 

[Matt Rogers]

Hmm. So much for that.

For the chronology:

She texted me Thursday evening about the Saturday drinks and the prom. I reply back a few hours later saying Saturday is fine and which concert did she want to see.

She replied Friday around six pm saying she is swamped with work and could i check the concert listings and pick one that I liked. An hour or so later I reply that I liked the look of the Wednesday one.

The next day I make a tactical mistake and text her to ask her if we are still on for the evening. Partly because I had a gut feeling she'd flake and wanted to make alternative plans if that was the case. But also because we hadn't sorted out the details: time, place and I was kinda expecting her to ask about that.

She texts back an hour later saying she contracted food poisoning from something she ate last night and is feeling ill adding a sad face emoticon and has to cancel but will be ok for wednesday and were we going to the evening performance?

Not sure what to make of this. I don't believe she is actually sick. But then as she does not have high interest I can understand I'm not a priority on a saturday night and perhaps something better came up, whereas during the week is not prime social time so she is more willing to contemplate that especially as it is something she wants to see.

I don't feel I should reward her with a concert when she has quite probably flaked especially as it would be a hassle getting tickets and would set me back around $30.

I was thinking either suggesting she books the tickets and I pay her on the night, giving her a huge incentive to show and getting her to invest in a very literal sense.

Or saying that it turns out I've got a busy week and would rather just have a drink at the weekend.

What do you reckon?

 

[Matt Rogers]

Well I suggested she booked tickets for the concert and was surprised when she readily agreed saying that no problem and then the next day said the tickets were booked and she was looking forward to it already.

I didn't have high hopes as I suspected she just wanted someone to go to the concert with but I looked on the bright side: I would get to attend a formal event with a beautiful girl on my arm.

She arrives exactly on time and greets me with a hug and says I look and smell great.

She collects the tickets from the box office and i search in my pockets for cash but then tell her I'll get some money from a cashpoint afterwards. She says "Don't worry about it". I say "Well at least let me buy you dinner after" and she says, not dinner, just a coffee.

During the concert she is sitting mostly with her arms crossed. She seems very absorbed by the music and only occasionally looks across at me during breaks between pieces. At the interval we go for an ice cream which gives us a chance to talk a bit.

After the performance we walk back to the station. Again her body language is quite closed and she apologizes for not being more talkative saying she has been talking all day on the phone at work. Her body language is still quite closed and she hardly touches me. But she is asking searching questions about myself and laughing at my jokes. Then she asks how I am getting home. I consider suggesting a nightcap but decide against it.

We travel on the subway to her station, which is on my way home and when we surface we say goodbye and I go in for the kiss. At first I think she is going to avoid it but she surprises me by giving me a very nice kiss back. Then she puts her arms around me and gives me a proper bear hug which lasts maybe ten seconds before we release and she says "See you soon"

I'm pretty confused! Is this girl just a bit of a cold fish? Or is she just not interested? But then again she didn't have to kiss me back.