Girl from POF went Cold - Want Complete Analysis

[Reyaj]

Ok, so I know that towards the end of this I did everything wrong... that's fine and I can clearly see this. What I would like though is to get opinions on when/why this girl went cold and what the proper strategy should be in the future...

So about a month ago, I end up getting this girls number on POF. She is 32, Divorced, but has no kids or baggage (one of the things she indicated on her profile)

So I end up calling her and things go well... we continue to trade texts over the next week and have a few phono conversations. She definitely is into me and actually starts talking somewhat sexual through her texts (saying she sleeps naked, is good with her mouth, likes foreplay) one night when she was out drinking she started texting me how she is good at foreplay. I told her I was really turned on and she said she loved it... This was of course all before we met in person.


So we decide to meet one evening during the week. We went to a local chain restaurant and went to the bar there and had drinks. It seemed to go well.. she put her body close to mine which as an IOI and passed some of my Kino compliance tests (let me grab her hands to look at her rings, felt her hair etc..)

So basically when it was time to go I told her I'd walk with her to her car. She said that was fine... then I told her I parked my car on the other end of the parking lot so she could give me a ride there if she wanted. She said it was fine.. so when she did I told her I had a nice time and she said she did too. She said to text her when I got in, and I said you too. I leaned in and gave her a soft kiss. I was feeling for the make out but since we were in a crowded lot I kept it short and sweet and that seemed to be what she wanted.

So when I get home I texted her that I beat her home since we were joking about who lived closer to the place. She texted me back quickly that she was home and that she had a really nice time. She then sent me another text saying "you have really soft lips " I responded back that hers weren't too bad either and that we should go out drinking again when neither of us had work the next day. She replied back with "Definitely!"

Ok so at this point it seems she is interested in me right?? So texts me the next day saying hi.. as the weekend was coming up I tried to see if I could make plans with her for Sunday since it was the only day I was free. She said she had to do some work during the day but would be free later on and we could meet up.

So we exchange a few friendly texts throughout the days leading up to Sunday. So on Sunday afternoon I had not heard from her... so I text her "is 6Pm cool" She responds back after a bit "omg I am sorry, don't hate me, I forgot I am supposed to help my sister-in-law today I am going to have to reschedule"

Now I'll admit I'm a little pissed and skeptical at this point because just the night before she texted me that she'd be free after working (she's a teacher does lesson plans etc..) in the morning... now all of a sudden she forgets she had these plans???

Well whatever... after cooling off I text her back with simply "no problem another time"

She responds back pretty quickly "are you free any nights during the week?"
I told her maybe Tuesday or Wednesday and she said that would be great after work. So Tuesday I end up being tied up, but I text her and ask to confirm if we're on for tomorrow which was Wednesday. She said sure.

So Wednesday comes around (literally a week ago) and she doesn't text me at all during the day to confirm plans.. but whatever I end up texting her that I know a good place by me we could get drinks outside. She said that was fine, I texted her the address and we decide to meet around 8.

So we meet up, I kiss her on the cheek, get us some drinks... end up sitting outside but unfortunately I couldn't get her to sit next to me so my kino was limitied... but we still talked... and knowing in my head I needed to do something I asked her if she wanted to go to this park that had a nice scenic overlook. She said sure, and we decide to just go in my car. So I drive us up there... but it was semi crowded... but still we took a walk... she was next to me... after a while I end up rubbing her back and doing kino and then going for a kiss.. She lets me.. we kiss softly for a bit... I caress her... and then I said we should probably get going since its late (we weren't making out hardcore or anything). She said she was ready whenever I was.. So I drop her off by her car. She said she will text me when she gets home.. I said sure and just leaned in and started kissing her... These kisses were good, she was definitely into it... did some tongue action too... I ended up breaking the kiss first too before she left...

Ok so in my head I'm thinking I'm doing great and will soon by laying this girl right??? hahahaha yeah right not in this f*$#( up game we play lol - Oh one more point I forgot to mention during the date was that I told her I was going away for a few days on a trip.

She actually texts me this the same night when she gets home "hey sorry I forgot to text you, I got home" I text back "Good, It was nice seeing you tonight"

This time she doesn't respond! Its cool though whatever its late maybe she fell asleep. Well she doesn't text me at all the next day. Now Friday comes around... I'm debating whether I should text her and try to plan something for the weekend or wait it out and text her next week. The problem was that I was horny and really wanted to bang her.. so I figured I'd see if I could set something for the weekend. I text her "how's your day going" She responds back after a bit "pretty good, how is your trip?"

I text her back saying it was cut short but its been good. I then told her I was going to be in her area over the weekend and asked what her plans were... Well she replied that she was basically busy all weekend.... part of what she was busy with was true... but then she said she had a welcome home party to go to for a friend's brother who is a marine or some bs... So whatever I'm like ok that's cool... I reply with maybe I could see her tonight since I'm on my way home... she doesn't respond for a while so I then text her back "actually nevermind lol" She then does respond quickly "ok lol" I then reply back to her "this is good cuddling weather" (She had texted me she loves cuddling etc..) She replies back after a while with just a "" I then send her a ":*" And she doesn't respond... So then just to gauge her IL I text her "Hey can I ask you a question?" I was thinking I would pull some sort of preselection text letting her know other girls want to date me or some bs but I end up not doing it... She responded with "whats up" but I end up not texting back...... Now in the past when I didn't text back right away she would be like "?" but now she isn't doing this...

So at like 3:30pm the next day she texts me with "you never asked your question" I don't even respond until like 1am in the morning since I came home and was bored "I wanted to know if you were scared of being hurt" (her ex husband cheated on her) She replied back saying that she had issues with her ex but everyone gets a clean bill and she doesn't take it out on anyone. I reply back with "thats the right attitude. You've just been aloof lately" She responds back with "how am I being aloof" I respond back with "I just hate dating lol I was in a relationship for 4 years so I'm just getting back into this" She just responds back with "oh ok" So at this point I'm thinking this girl really doesn't have IL in me so I text back "best of luck"

She responds back the next morning "nice"

I then texted her later "I meant with figuring out how you are aloof lol what did you think I meant" But she never responded. Sent a few follow up texts also but nothing...

Ok so I definitely 100% admit I went all AFC at the end with all those texts... I don't need clarity there... MY question is did this girl lose interest in me after I met up with her the 2nd time? Did I really need to wait before trying to bang her??/ Or was she out no matter what I did??? It just sucks cause we definitely were kissing good but she seemed to just get cold after that night... I was scared that the more I waited it out the more she would forget about me so I was trying to strike when the iron is hot...

Anyway just wanted to know if its typical for a chick to do this or not or if she really lost interest in me after the 2nd date for some unknown reason..

 

[Reyaj]

damn meant to post this in the general forum, mods can you move it? Thanks!

 

[Reyaj]

I do agree it was AFC.. but in retrospect... lets say I didn't do that.. and just didn't text etc.... Are you saying there is a high probability she would have contacted me and still wanted to meet up? I just found it weird that she suddenly went from being warm to a bit aloof... this was prior to my kiss face text

 

[Reyaj]

If you change your style to be less needy and not say things like "it was nice to see you" then yes overall your game will improve. In all honesty it sounds like she found you boring. And yes I know you'll say she laughed and smiled at your jokes or what have you. But if your recollection involves things like you saying "it was nice to see you", "I will text you", then you are doing it wrong.

Add into this Bradd's point that these women are usually a few marbles short and you have a recipe for confusion and girls disappearing on you.

Fair enough... thanks. Its not about whether she laughed at my jokes or what not.. I know most girls are fakers... It was that I got her to meet a 2nd time.. Thats what makes me wonder what I did wrong or what happend.. But I agree, maybe the texts are coming off as needy... I just feel that if I don't strike quickly it fades away... strike when the iron is hot you know?

Definitely possible she has baggage.. and maybe her ex or someone else is still in the picture.. I know you're all going to be against this.. but I just might text her for the hell of it next week

 

[tryst type]

I agree you came off a bit too needy towards the end especially when you told her she was being aloof. Pretty much showing her you're frustrated.

Two things I see that could have helped:

1. The next meet up should have been a movie at either her place or yours. Could have easily escalated all the kino you seem so adamant about and even led to sex (ultimate kino) this would have increased her interest and had her emotionally invested.

2. Could have teased about her "aloofness" rather than come off as annoyed by it. Though I wouldn't have even mentioned you noticed. Remember its a woman's job to keep YOUR interest after you've given her the opportunity of letting her in on your existence.

Just don't try so hard to get attraction after you've clearly created it.

 

[LorenzoVonM]

Fair enough... thanks. Its not about whether she laughed at my jokes or what not.. I know most girls are fakers... It was that I got her to meet a 2nd time.. Thats what makes me wonder what I did wrong or what happend.. But I agree, maybe the texts are coming off as needy... I just feel that if I don't strike quickly it fades away... strike when the iron is hot you know?

As for getting her to meet up a 2nd time. I have a lot of friend's that are female. They would rather go out on a date a second time with a guy they aren't excited about then have to admit to all their girlfriend's that no one is pursuing them or texting them. Then they can all sit around and act like they are so coveted and had to shoot down another pursuer. Its a total social thing to give them more value. It has nothing to do with you.

 

[nismo-4]

TL;DR!

Did Judge nismo have to read that long ass wall of text only to find out that she has too many options and you care too much? Your desperation was sniffed and will be exploited. She knows she has you. She wants you to chase her. Oh yeah, your princess is in another castle. Go ghost.

Case closed. The fellas at the DJ Discussion forum are gonna tell you the same thing.

 

[Sandow]

Dude, if your dates are anything like your write up, I can see why her IL is so low. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you are talking way too much on your dates and being way too persistant/pushy. Are you being over analytical like you are here? Asking her a hundred questions? I'm also pretty sure she knows you have no other options, that's pretty obvious to her. BTW this was the nail in the coffin: "I wanted to know if you were scared of being hurt....You've just been aloof lately...I just hate dating lol."

 

[disgustipated]

Curious. Is there any reason you aren't trying to aggressively bang a chick from pof on the first date? Especially since sexual overtones had already been happening.

Reading that I saw no escalation...what little I saw was the kino and the like....but where was it leading? I was reading that expecting you to pull the trigger at some point but you didnt....always with the nice comments....chicks don't want a nice time....they want to be so enthralled that they break their supposed rule of not fuucking on the first date. You gotta set it up any kind of way once you've escalated enough to either get them coming home with you or you back to your place. That part is up to you. And don't ask, tell. Here's what's happening, since I'm starved , were going to go to x supermarket pick up a quick bite and go to your place and ill LET you cook for me and if you're good ill think of somethin special for desert. Cmon its gonna be fun.

I saw you getting her worked up but Jo destination. She might feel you're w dud or a guy that doesn't know how to ask for what he wants, or take.

 

[Desdinova]

"I wanted to know if you were scared of being hurt"

This here was the absolute turning point. This is what's going to seal your fate of having another night at home with your d1ck in your hand.

At the beginning of ANY relationship with a woman, you need to keep everything positive. You can't bring this 5hit up. You need her to associate good feelings with you. You need to make her look forward to seeing you again. Bringing up negative emotions about her past is counter-productive.

Another thing I'm going to point out is you need to make your dates fun. I'm not talking about going for a fvcking walk on the beach talking about stuff, I mean playfully ramming into her with your shoulders, chasing her, tickling her, teasing her, and making her feel free like a child. Women NEVER forget dates like that. Guys NEVER do stuff like that when they take women out on dates. They love it and it brings them good feelings.

With women online, I have a system I follow...

1) Converse with her until conversation flows well and is comfortable.
2) Get her number and text until conversation is comfortable again.
3) Set up the first meeting.
4) Meet her, keep conversation positive, give hug goodbye, talk about next date.
5) First REAL date. Do something fun - aim for two acitivties. Kiss at the end - possibly make out
6) Second REAL date. However, since this is actually a third meeting, you should have enough time under your belt to fvck her. If you can't fvck her on this date, you must fvck her on the next one or you'll end up in the friend zone.

It's only AFTER you have sex that you can start defining the relationship. This is when you can address any potentially bad behaviors you may be noticing. Since she's sexually invested in you, she will want to keep you around for a while. You should still avoid deep subjects until you've been with her for at least a month and have a pretty firm grasp on her as a companion.

Regardless of her being divorced, being online, having kids, or whatever, all women are pretty much wired the same way. Learn how to push the right buttons and her history becomes irrelevant.

 

[Greasy Pig]

tl;

btw what happened to that mafia princess you were "scheduled" to marry in this thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=195297

In with bradd. WTF happened with your fiancée's family going to cut your balls off and feed them to you?

 

[switch]

first and foremost :you found her on POF

thats as wrong as you can get.

 

[Scormus]

Hey

Seems to me the only way to keep their respect and get action is to date other women and make sure they know about it.

Doc Love says thats disrespectful but it seems to really raise interest level. If they think they are the only one they lose respect and attraction.

 

[Reyaj]

tl; dr

so this divorced woman says she has no baggage, and you believe her..

Reyaj, i think the real problem here is that you spent like two hours writing about a divorced chick. This has nothing to do with your pof hunting skills.

Apparently you have already forgotten the #1 rule about online dating: all women on those sites are fvcked up in one way or another.. they're either too messed up to date men at all in any capacity (which is why they have had to revert to online despite being hit on 50,000 times per week in real life), they have some kind of serious mental or physical problems, or they are still in love with some @sshole who treats them like the POS they are so they come to attention wh0re and receive validation from AFC strangers online.

Bottom line, if you are going to go the way of POF don't be surprised when "things don't work out."

btw what happened to that mafia princess you were "scheduled" to marry in this thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=195297

This is true... I just seem to hit this same bump in the road where all of a sudden a girl loses interest in me. I can't seem to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I did text her yesterday though and got a little info which I'll share towards the end here...

tl; dr

I agree you came off a bit too needy towards the end especially when you told her she was being aloof. Pretty much showing her you're frustrated.

Two things I see that could have helped:

1. The next meet up should have been a movie at either her place or yours. Could have easily escalated all the kino you seem so adamant about and even led to sex (ultimate kino) this would have increased her interest and had her emotionally invested.

2. Could have teased about her "aloofness" rather than come off as annoyed by it. Though I wouldn't have even mentioned you noticed. Remember its a woman's job to keep YOUR interest after you've given her the opportunity of letting her in on your existence.

Just don't try so hard to get attraction after you've clearly created it.

I agree with the movie at my place or hers.. but generally I wait to do that until a girl is comfortable with me.. We only met 1 time.. I feel suggesting that right away brings up a red flag... that would have been the third or 4th date move... but I guess it doesn't hurt to try. I have another date with a girl from POF tomorrow. This is the 2nd date too... if I can kiss her I'll try that the third time to see.

You are right, I should have teased her.... but sometimes its hard to convey that via text.

Of course in retrospect I shouldn't have texted as much etc... but then also there is the out of sight out of mind right? I actually have proof though she lost some IL in me right after the date even though we kissed. I'll post why after I get done addressing everyone.

tl; dr


As for getting her to meet up a 2nd time. I have a lot of friend's that are female. They would rather go out on a date a second time with a guy they aren't excited about then have to admit to all their girlfriend's that no one is pursuing them or texting them. Then they can all sit around and act like they are so coveted and had to shoot down another pursuer. Its a total social thing to give them more value. It has nothing to do with you.

Sorry but I disagree with this 100% - A girl wil not waste her time if she has low interest. If its about looking good to their girlfriends I don't see the difference in a girl indicating she shot down a guy after the first or 2nd date.. I have had plenty of girls flake after the first date so if I get a second date and they are showing IOIs there is definitely interest level I think my issue is assuming its a done deal by then...

Dude, if your dates are anything like your write up, I can see why her IL is so low. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you are talking way too much on your dates and being way too persistant/pushy. Are you being over analytical like you are here? Asking her a hundred questions? I'm also pretty sure she knows you have no other options, that's pretty obvious to her. BTW this was the nail in the coffin: "I wanted to know if you were scared of being hurt....You've just been aloof lately...I just hate dating lol."

Actually quite the contrary.... it looks like I didn't talk enough apparently according to her, read below

Curious. Is there any reason you aren't trying to aggressively bang a chick from pof on the first date? Especially since sexual overtones had already been happening.

Reading that I saw no escalation...what little I saw was the kino and the like....but where was it leading? I was reading that expecting you to pull the trigger at some point but you didnt....always with the nice comments....chicks don't want a nice time....they want to be so enthralled that they break their supposed rule of not fuucking on the first date. You gotta set it up any kind of way once you've escalated enough to either get them coming home with you or you back to your place. That part is up to you. And don't ask, tell. Here's what's happening, since I'm starved , were going to go to x supermarket pick up a quick bite and go to your place and ill LET you cook for me and if you're good ill think of somethin special for desert. Cmon its gonna be fun.

I saw you getting her worked up but Jo destination. She might feel you're w dud or a guy that doesn't know how to ask for what he wants, or take.

Maybe its just the area I am in but I don't think most girls are going to bang on the first date... Plus we met at a bar of a chain restaurant... wasn't going to bang her in there. When we kissed she made it a point to be soft... she definitely had no intentions of banging me right away.. A girl has to be comfortable with someone before they bang and most have hard rules of not doing right away. I am sorry but anyone that says otherwise is a keyboard jockey and really isn't out there in the field

This here was the absolute turning point. This is what's going to seal your fate of having another night at home with your d1ck in your hand.

At the beginning of ANY relationship with a woman, you need to keep everything positive. You can't bring this 5hit up. You need her to associate good feelings with you. You need to make her look forward to seeing you again. Bringing up negative emotions about her past is counter-productive.

Another thing I'm going to point out is you need to make your dates fun. I'm not talking about going for a fvcking walk on the beach talking about stuff, I mean playfully ramming into her with your shoulders, chasing her, tickling her, teasing her, and making her feel free like a child. Women NEVER forget dates like that. Guys NEVER do stuff like that when they take women out on dates. They love it and it brings them good feelings.

With women online, I have a system I follow...

1) Converse with her until conversation flows well and is comfortable.
2) Get her number and text until conversation is comfortable again.
3) Set up the first meeting.
4) Meet her, keep conversation positive, give hug goodbye, talk about next date.
5) First REAL date. Do something fun - aim for two acitivties. Kiss at the end - possibly make out
6) Second REAL date. However, since this is actually a third meeting, you should have enough time under your belt to fvck her. If you can't fvck her on this date, you must fvck her on the next one or you'll end up in the friend zone.

It's only AFTER you have sex that you can start defining the relationship. This is when you can address any potentially bad behaviors you may be noticing. Since she's sexually invested in you, she will want to keep you around for a while. You should still avoid deep subjects until you've been with her for at least a month and have a pretty firm grasp on her as a companion.

Regardless of her being divorced, being online, having kids, or whatever, all women are pretty much wired the same way. Learn how to push the right buttons and her history becomes irrelevant.

Golden advice Desi... I have a 2nd date tomorrow with another POF girl.. I was thinking of getting drinks.. definitely need to flirt better though.. any suggestions on what I can do to make it fun?


Anyway just an update... I basically texted her yesterday and she did lose interest in me after the 2nd date... she said I didn't "talk enough" she did all the talking... Whatever because I kept my talk/listen ratio the same as the first date and she liked it.. girl makes no sense at all... I probably could have got her out again had I played it cool instead of the AFC texts but you live you learn

 

[Desdinova]

Golden advice Desi... I have a 2nd date tomorrow with another POF girl.. I was thinking of getting drinks.. definitely need to flirt better though.. any suggestions on what I can do to make it fun?

For the current girl, our first date was just a meet & chat. Little bit of kino and teasing. For the second date, I took her mini golfing and then we went to the park to feed geese. I was chasing her ass through the park, we were throwing leaves and tree flowers at each other, and just generally acting like care-free kids. It was lots of fun. For the third date, she came over, watched a movie, and I fvcked her twice. Fourth date, I fvcked her 4 times. Interest is currently through the roof.

Anyway just an update... I basically texted her yesterday and she did lose interest in me after the 2nd date... she said I didn't "talk enough" she did all the talking...

It really doesn't matter who does all the talking. You can be quiet as a mouse, but if you make the date fun, she won't care.

 

[Reyaj]

For the current girl, our first date was just a meet & chat. Little bit of kino and teasing. For the second date, I took her mini golfing and then we went to the park to feed geese. I was chasing her ass through the park, we were throwing leaves and tree flowers at each other, and just generally acting like care-free kids. It was lots of fun. For the third date, she came over, watched a movie, and I fvcked her twice. Fourth date, I fvcked her 4 times. Interest is currently through the roof.



It really doesn't matter who does all the talking. You can be quiet as a mouse, but if you make the date fun, she won't care.

wow thats awseome... you know maybe I can do a park bounce after we get our drinks.. but its going to be night time there probably wont be geese out... and I can't imagine suddenly playing a game of tag with her lol... how do you iniate that? you know what I think I'm just going to try the park bounce or try to make out with her in her car... I want to be fun but this girl is a little shy I can't picture myself just throwing stuff at her without her thinking I'm weird lol

 

[Reyaj]

I did the park bounce with the last girl.. it overlooked the city... I just stood next to her though and was a bit stiff but tried making out with her after a while and some people cleared out... The thing is its going to be night time.. any suggestion you have let me know!

 

[Kailex]

I have to tell you, I absolutely cringed when I read this: "I wanted to know if you were scared of being hurt" (her ex husband cheated on her)

Not just because of what you wrote, but because of the fact that you'd believe that a woman who is divorced and who had a husband who cheated on her... doesn't have any "baggage".

I don't know what you were thinking that asking if she was afraid of being hurt would trigger her inner Hollywood movie moment to tell you that she was and that she hope that you weren't going to do the same... and that she feels vulnerable and could use a hug and maybe even a puppy dog right NOW.

Doesn't work that way in real life.

Next time, text less... way less. And don't text that garbage.

 

[Reyaj]

I have to tell you, I absolutely cringed when I read this: "I wanted to know if you were scared of being hurt" (her ex husband cheated on her)

Not just because of what you wrote, but because of the fact that you'd believe that a woman who is divorced and who had a husband who cheated on her... doesn't have any "baggage".

I don't know what you were thinking that asking if she was afraid of being hurt would trigger her inner Hollywood movie moment to tell you that she was and that she hope that you weren't going to do the same... and that she feels vulnerable and could use a hug and maybe even a puppy dog right NOW.

Doesn't work that way in real life.

Next time, text less... way less. And don't text that garbage.

omg Kailex you are spot on as usual! That's exactly what I thought.... I was thinking for a while what I should text her... I didn't want to text her something needy... so I thought by texting her that I could change the frame where I would be control... basically its not that she isn't interested in me, its that she doesn't want to get hurt.. putting me back in the power seat.. but yeah obviously not the right text... The truth that I found out though was that yes my final texts killed it off completely but she did lose interest in me after our 2nd date before any of that because "I didn't talk enough".... this was weird because as I said I wasn't any different than the first time when we had a good time... plus we kissed and she was into it... so I'm not sure if she backwards rationalized and this was a **** test... but whatever.. I think Desi's advice is the best as far as not worrying about that but focus on having fun... ohh and fyi I didn't say she didn't have baggage or I thought that.. I just said thats what she put on her profile.. she was divorced for 3 years and didn't have children... probably doesn't have any less baggage than a regular chick these days to be honest.

Hows everything on your end? missed you... you in an LTR again yet or still playing the field?

 

[Kailex]

I probably phrased that a tad wrong. I didn't mean it as if you thought she didn't have baggage, I just think it's funny that a divorced woman of a man who cheated on her... honestly thinks she is drama free.

Even if I cringed at your text, the only way you eventually learn NOT to make those mistakes is by... guess what... making mistakes.

We've all been there, we've all done it and guess what... there are millions more women out there ready to be our next mistake.



Me? I took myself out of the game for a while... came back, and it's like everything has changed in such a short time. Now even the thirty year olds are acting like twenty year olds with their "LOL OMG ROFL" texts. It drives me nuts. I'm out of practice and made a few mistakes myself like going out on first dinner dates and feeding women when I probably could have gotten farther feeding the homeless.

I'm slowly getting back into it, which is probably why I'm back on these forums... gotta get back to basics.

Nice to see you putting yourself out there as well.