Girl doesn't give me her number then Facebooks me

[gov87]

Need some advice on how to make my next move or if I should even make one and show her I really don't care to get her more interested.

I've met this girl before briefly, could tell there was some possible interest. We have a mutual friend who I went to hang out with at the bar. The girl was at the bar too, she remembered me, we chatted some and i felt she was flirty. This girl is FIT, like super toned crossfit fit. I commented that she was a beast in a playful way and she got offended. I thought at first she was messing with me but apparently it did lol. After that calmed down, I asked her to fill up my beer and she did bringing it back to me. We got separated the rest of the night and I got a couple other numbers.

I see her the next day at a festival... I'm waiting in line for food and see her coming up beside me. She says "looking like a beast today" to me haha. I look at her and act like I don't know who she is and ask if we've met. Her mouth opened wide and I started laughing telling her I was kidding and I'd catch her later.

When I see her later, she pulls me in for a pic with her and her friends who I don't know. So we're talking and I'm like "hey give me your number and I'll get ahold of sometime". She says (playfully, i think) "why so you can give me some more compliments" and starts talking to her friend again and walks away.

My mutual friend comes up later and says "man you all would be good together" and I tell her that she just shot me down for her number and acted like a b****. My friend texts me later and tells me that she was in a bad mood and is still in/coming out (can't remember) of a relationship and for me to add her on Facebook. I tell her that she shot down my offer to get her number so she can add me on facebook if she wanted. Eventually, a couple days later, I get a friend request from her.

My question is what move do I make now? I want to hookup with her, but I'm unsure of how to proceed without showing too much interest. Thanks for any help.

 

[Zapp Brannigan]

I wouldn't pursue it any further. If she were really interested, she wouldn't have acted like that when you asked for her number.

Her still in/coming out of a relationship seems like a red flag. That comes across as her looking to cheat, or is in a relationship but is looking for someone better. That type never appreciates anyone they're with. They're too used to constant male attention, and because of that can never really appreciate any guy.

As for her friending you on Facebook. She probably wants you to comment on all of the pictures she uploads for validation.

You should stay away. You deserve better.

 

[gov87]

I wouldn't pursue it any further. If she were really interested, she wouldn't have acted like that when you asked for her number.

Her still in/coming out of a relationship seems like a red flag. That comes across as her looking to cheat, or is in a relationship but is looking for someone better. That type never appreciates anyone they're with. They're too used to constant male attention, and because of that can never really appreciate any guy.

As for her friending you on Facebook. She probably wants you to comment on all of the pictures she uploads for validation.

You should stay away. You deserve better.

Thanks for the reply man. I can see your point.

I was confused on how to read the situation bc of my friend that's a girl that knows her pretty well is trying to fix us up. I laughed about your FB idea- it's possibly true, but it doesn't seem like she's that active on there. She isn't the type posting selfies or anything.

 

[apprenticedj]

Normally I would agree with Zapp, interested girls don't resist giving out their number but I'll offer an alternative. I think is a great opportunity for a nice neg. Don't accept the friend request but message her something along the lines of:

"So you want to be friends now? Hmmm I'll CONSIDER adding you but first I'm going to need that phone number"

If she still declines then Zapp is right on, she's not interested and was only looking for AW validation, nothing gained, nothing lost. If she's game and gives the digits I would text her after a few days of waiting:

"Hey this is gov87, I'm still on the fence about the whole facebook friends thing. We should meet for a drink at ___ to discuss this further"

 

[gov87]

Normally I would agree with Zapp, interested girls don't resist giving out their number but I'll offer an alternative. I think is a great opportunity for a nice neg. Don't accept the friend request but message her something along the lines of:

"So you want to be friends now? Hmmm I'll CONSIDER adding you but first I'm going to need that phone number"

If she still declines then Zapp is right on, she's not interested and was only looking for AW validation, nothing gained, nothing lost. If she's game and gives the digits I would text her after a few days of waiting:

"Hey this is gov87, I'm still on the fence about the whole facebook friends thing. We should meet for a drink at ___ to discuss this further"

Man I love the advice the only thing that sucks is I accepted the friend request already. I waited a while but can't take it back now.

Is there another way I can go with the premise you're suggesting and get her number? A neg definitely seems in order but how else can I offer one up now? Maybe I'll just have to wait til i see her out again and totally blow her off and turn my back on her.

 

[Alvafe]

Man I love the advice the only thing that sucks is I accepted the friend request already. I waited a while but can't take it back now.

Is there another way I can go with the premise you're suggesting and get her number? A neg definitely seems in order but how else can I offer one up now? Maybe I'll just have to wait til i see her out again and totally blow her off and turn my back on her.

say the same but change the line like I only put on facebook people I know well, and I don't know you well enough for that, you never know if I friend a stalker or something, so I will let you retify it, starting with that phone number

or you could try to game her on facebook, but that normally take too long for anyone busy enough to care

 

[gov87]

say the same but change the line like I only put on facebook people I know well, and I don't know you well enough for that, you never know if I friend a stalker or something, so I will let you retify it, starting with that phone number

or you could try to game her on facebook, but that normally take too long for anyone busy enough to care

Appreciate the reply. I think that's a decent line but it doesn't feel right to use for me for some reason... Like it seems too much almost.

If I could tweak it a little or something similar that'd be great. Only thing I can think of is to see her out again and wait for her to approach me and neg her

 

[Bingo-Player]

we chatted some and i felt she was flirty. This girl is FIT, like super toned crossfit fit. I commented that she was a beast in a playful way and she got offended. I thought at first she was messing with me but apparently it did lol.

no it didn't ,

that was a sh*t test mate which judging buy your concern for her feelings worked a charm

you acted indifferent which was great but she didn't like it cos she's used to compliments being a gym bunny

anyway it sounds like you've been doing ok but this chick isn't going to be easy

as with all gym bunnies they KNOW they're in great shape and they're used to guys drooling over them

by the sounds of things you haven't so this is again good

i wouldn't bother messaging on Facebook keep your frame

can you orchestrate *bumping* into this chick again in person ?

maybe have a word with your friend

 

[gov87]

no it didn't ,

that was a sh*t test mate which judging buy your concern for her feelings worked a charm

you acted indifferent which was great but she didn't like it cos she's used to compliments being a gym bunny

anyway it sounds like you've been doing ok but this chick isn't going to be easy

as with all gym bunnies they KNOW they're in great shape and they're used to guys drooling over them

by the sounds of things you haven't so this is again good

i wouldn't bother messaging on Facebook keep your frame

can you orchestrate *bumping* into this chick again in person ?

maybe have a word with your friend

Dude you just put into words what my instincts were saying.

She won't be easy where she gets complimented all the time. I'll maintain my indifference. Do you think I should take it up a notch and totally disregard her, like "oh you again, hey" and turn my back if I bump into her again? I'm not sure if this would blow the whole thing or not. Either way it doesn't matter bc I maintain my control.

I don't even think I'll need to ask my friend about it bc this chick I've seen at the same bar a couple times now so she'll prob be there again. Plus don't want my lady fiend telling her I'm trying to bump into her

 

[nismo-4]

Women who are interested in you won't confuse you. She would've gave her number to Brad Pitt if he asked her. Think about that.

Now, OP, she did that because she is afraid you'll stop giving her attention. That is all she sees you as. Don't facebook her. Unless you like the idea of being a beta orbiter. How many Facebook friends do you think she has anyway?

It's all a matter in how attractive she finds you. If she does find you attractive, your indifference and ignoring her will have a visible effect. But if she don't, ignoring her will have zero effect. You're invisible anyway.

I'd go for another chick, this is a likely attention wh0re. Judge nismo says.

Case closed.

 

[Bingo-Player]

. Do you think I should take it up a notch and totally disregard her, like "oh you again, hey" and turn my back if I bump into her again? I'm not sure if this would blow the whole thing or not. Either way it doesn't matter bc I maintain my control.

I don't even think I'll need to ask my friend about it bc this chick I've seen at the same bar a couple times now so she'll prob be there again. Plus don't want my lady fiend telling her I'm trying to bump into her

it depends how confident your feeling and what the atmosphere on the night is like

be careful because I've had a similar chick to this one and I've done exactly that,

i failed to see that she was ready for me to isolate her and take her home but because i showed so little interest thinking i was a mack , she was craving attention so badly she just went and got it from someone else ( they're now in a ltr)

so yea i really shot myself in the foot with that one

the best move you can make is to go to this bar she goes to with a group of people make sure theres a few hot chicks in your group and when she shows up your going to make sure your busy in deep conversation with one of these women

as soon as you catch her longing for you to come over and chat make your move isolate and bang (forget about the number)

good luck

p.s hadn't realised the friend was a woman keep her well away from this situation lol :nono:

 

[VikingKing]

Women who are interested in you won't confuse you. She would've gave her number to Brad Pitt if he asked her. Think about that.

Now, OP, she did that because she is afraid you'll stop giving her attention. That is all she sees you as. Don't facebook her. Unless you like the idea of being a beta orbiter. How many Facebook friends do you think she has anyway?

It's all a matter in how attractive she finds you. If she does find you attractive, your indifference and ignoring her will have a visible effect. But if she don't, ignoring her will have zero effect. You're invisible anyway.

I'd go for another chick, this is a likely attention wh0re. Judge nismo says.

Case closed.

I agree with this 100%. Attention whorves should be messed with just to teach them a lesson. Msg her back and say "hey", dont accept her friend request and then ignore her. Don't say anything else but "hey".

 

[Professor Booty]

I dunno...why don't you just ask her out on FB (message her) and see what she says? Like, straight to the point? She put the ball back in your court, now put it back in hers. I wouldn't ask for her number again - there's no need to and would only recall the initial rejection. If her response is anything but a "yes", you move on. Seems simple really.

 

[VikingKing]

I dunno...why don't you just ask her out on FB (message her) and see what she says? Like, straight to the point? She put the ball back in your court, now put it back in hers. I wouldn't ask for her number again - there's no need to and would only recall the initial rejection. If her response is anything but a "yes", you move on. Seems simple really.

If she was interested she would have just gave him her number.

 

[Professor Booty]

If she was interested she would have just gave him her number.

Not necessarily. It's not that black and white. Women give out their numbers when they're not interested, and don't give out their numbers even when they are interested. For a million different reasons that aren't worth getting into and certainly aren't worth speculating about. But she took the initiative to contact him and gave him the means to contact her - which she wouldn't have done if she thought he was a total creep and wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. That doesn't mean she's interested sexually but it doesn't mean she's not either. I'm not saying it's a super-promising situation but the OP has nothing to lose by giving it another shot. And if he gets rejected a second time - so what? It's not very DJ-ish to worry about these kinds of things anyways.

 

[gravityeyelids]

First off, she didn't "reject" you asking for her number. You can't have that mentality. It's like going for the kiss. You have to expect that some of the time she will turn her cheek away. That's fine. Because persistance is important and attractive. Always assume attraction. Yes, she could have been a complete attention ho that just wanted validation. SO what? What do you lose by giving another crack at it?

The most important thing is to not be phased by it. If you act all tiffed that she rejected you, then in her mind that "rejection" becomes a reality. You lose. If you just brush it off and then try again later (not in a needy way), then you win.

The facebook thing is fvcking lame. She just wants another dude who will drool over her crossfit pics where she's showing her bum in her tight yoga pants and make some beta comment that will validate her. That being said...it's much better that she sent you a request than if you had looked her up. Still, dont friend her.

Don't do anything until you see her in person again. Be slightly aloof, yet bold and confident if she starts sending you IOIs and flirting. Yes, she could be an attention *****. Either go for the kiss or the phone number. If she still shoots you down for those, then you acknowledge she is a massive waste of time and move on.

 

[gov87]

Man, thanks for all the replies. A lot of you all make great points and I agree this one could go either way. I didn't take her turning away from the number as rejection, i just took it as a b**** move, childish and I'll treat it that was as I act indifferent and aloof.

The thing that sucks is that I already accepted the friend request for those of you who suggested not accepting. However, I'm not going to message her on there or like any of her crap to become a beta orbiter.

I figure my best bet is to just put her on the back burner, see her out again eventually and have a good time myself like I don't even notice she's around. If she brings up the number thing, I'll act like it was no big deal, maybe joke around and tell her it was her loss bc that's the only time I was gonna ask for it and now I'd only consider taking her home for the night... lol what do you all think? I can just let myself have fun with it at that point and play from there.

 

[Cremasta]

When I see her later, she pulls me in for a pic with her and her friends who I don't know. So we're talking and I'm like "hey give me your number and I'll get ahold of sometime". She says (playfully, i think) "why so you can give me some more compliments" and starts talking to her friend again and walks away.

I reckon she's at least partly interested. You haven't been playing the same game that most other guys probably have, so it's got her thinking.

Don't worry about the number thing, she knew that you've got mutual friends, so there was a line of communication already there. She just wanted to be in charge of it... for now.

Next time you see her, mix it up. Be absolutely charming one moment, and call her a beast the next, then go right back to charming.
Do not ask for her number again.

 

[The_411]

This is why men should avoid Facebook. Sure, you can hookup with it but you're still enabling abhorrent narcissism.

Don't get me wrong I'm a techphile but the further we go down the tech rabbit hole the more distorted social interaction becomes.

Your initial interaction didn't shut the door with her. She just wasn't going to give in easily, which could ultimately mean she wasn't interested, or she wanted you step up your game.

I'd look at this as you need to focus on other women and toss this one to the side and expect nothing.

What you'll see is that when she's out of mind and you're focused on other things she'll come back into your sphere again.

 

[gov87]

I reckon she's at least partly interested. You haven't been playing the same game that most other guys probably have, so it's got her thinking.

Don't worry about the number thing, she knew that you've got mutual friends, so there was a line of communication already there. She just wanted to be in charge of it... for now.

Next time you see her, mix it up. Be absolutely charming one moment, and call her a beast the next, then go right back to charming.
Do not ask for her number again.

I can see this too where if she just got out of a relationship she doesn't want to really show a lot of interest right away.

Mixing it up and being charming and teasing her acting like she's just another girl sounds like a good idea. I also see she has a lot of similar interests as me so if I ever talk to my friend I'll just be doing cool stuff that will prob eventually be communicated to the beast lol