Girl depressed because of me + now I feel guilty

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by sapphire
I agree with Backbreaker and DJDamage.

All of this she really likes you but is afraid to date you is in my opinion a bunch of balogne.

This goes back to what the great Anti-Dump said that if a girl likes you she'll makes things easy not difficult. I have dealt with these so called LSE girls before and the minute they meet a guy they really like they'll drop you like a hot potato and all the drama just disappears.

Her ego is damaged because you are seeing other girls and she can't stand the fact that she has no power. That is what is driving her crazy not because she likes you. The minute she gets back the power by her having you, I can almost guarantee that her interest in you would plummet like rock. I will bet that this chick is an AW.

You see it is about her not you. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Namely, she wants your attention without the intimacy that goes with a normal bf/gf relationship. Why? Maybe she already has someone else who is not giving her enough attention and you are playing the part of the pseudo bf who does or maybe she has serious issues. Who knows. But I would forget about her and ignore the drama she is giving you and find someone who really likes you.

Like AD said, protect your heart because at the end of the day it is your heart that really cares about you.

It's interesting you brought this up. At the end of the day attention seekers just need the ego boost. They really are people with issues who let their emotional self-destruction take over their judgement, and with you the guilt trip.

Unfortunately theres no fool-proof method to filter out the ones who are genuinely interested compared to the attention *****s w/mixed signals.

But live an learn, i know i have had my fare share of attention *****s.

Once they reach a point where their ego is boosted, the LJBF **** happens or they play hard to get.

 

[CLOONEY]

This girl sounds very very confused herself!

She probably is telling her friends she is not interested in you, and has too much pride to admit it now. I would perhaps tell her this, tell her you like her, and see if she brings her walls down.

Then again, maybe you are reading too far into it. The guy on the wall may look like you and it dont mean anything.

Either way, I personally would just forget about her. She is the one pushing you away and too emotional. She obviously has a lot of problems to sort out in her head. Not to mention, I let girls know straight away when I meet them that I am dating them, getting physical with them and that I truly beleive girls and guys cannot just be "friends". I make sure I establish how it is going to be from the get go. It is the easiest way to do things, otherwise, it can take months and months down the track to change things about the relationship that you do not like.

Remember, the ground rules of your relationship, wether it be a friendship or more, need to be established from the beginning.

Other than that rant, I really dont see you have anything to be guilty about. I think you think too much Jariel, and that you care about other peoples feelings a lot (having experienced a lot in your life), which is not a bad thing. Sometimes you just need to be aware of it and look after you first!

 

[ScrewIt]

The interesting thing that really hit me right now, is this TRUE realization. The truth about low self esteem people... Well mainly because i used to be one way back.

The thing is they dont even love themselves, so how can they learn to love and appreciate others...even the little things in life.

The problem is that it's easy to confuse looking for validation/acceptance with being interested and liking someone....It truly is. I know i can speak for this fact.

Often just about everyone has issues of their own or worries of their own that it's hard for them to take a true interest into other people's lives...everyone needs an ego stroke every now and then.

Until one's life is fulfilled with internal and external happiness, can you truly learn to care about others around you.

With your scenario, she is just looking for your validation (here we call it attention *****). Nothing more.

And naturally human beings find themselves more susceptible to validation seeking from attractive people, compared to less attractive people. Often this is why certain people may not handle the situation well if they are rejected by a good looking person. Afterall, good looking people are deemed as the better success of mother nature & society.

 

[MacDiddy]

Is the drama worth the friendship let alone your time???

Sometimes you have to cut your losses and run..

 

[Wyldfire]

I strongly suspect this is nothing more than a case of a good friend who happens to be female feeling slighted by a friend who is completely ditching them just because they got a g/f or b/f. If you were ditching your male friends in this way they would be bothered by it as well.

You aren't describing someone who is only looking for attention. She sounds like a true friend. If that's the case, it's not cool to ditch ANY true friends just because you have a g/f now...regardless of their gender.

 

[Jariel]

Just a bit more info about this girl: she's catholic, a virgin and has never had a relationship before. She also has trust issues with men as her dad did a runner when she was younger.

Anyway, we spoke last night and she told me a few things. She admits she likes me a lot, but needs more time to get to know me as a friend before she felt comfortable in a relationship with me. (Obviously I took that chance away when I started dating someone else - and I'm not putting women on hold on the offchance she'll change her mind).

She also thinks I've always been more interested in her friend (a HB9 I spend a lot of time with and who really likes me apparently). My friend also lets it slip about how many women like me and how popular I am. He thinks he's making me look good, but it's not something an insecure girl would want to hear.

Overall, I got the idea she is just overly guarded and either doesn't trust me enough or doesn't feel secure in herself to take the step. Nonetheless, I've agreed to be friends with her and go on seeing other women...maybe even her hot friend.