Girl claims I too much of a Player...

[tafakna]

One of the girls I'm seeing is a friend's sister. She was at a party with a lot of guys hitting on her. She's a bit too young for me (22 while I'm 31) and my friend's sister like I've said, so I didn't see much potential, made a few jokes but pretty much ignored her.

A couple of parties later I'm at a disco, at a lounge, and from the dance floor she points at me and enough is enough. I go down to the dance floor, grab and kiss her.

She's young so I've assumed she's in party mode. I keep the usual routine, of appearing and disappearing, dating other girls, seeing her once in a while. A well tested routine most of you probably use as well. I might have screwed things a bit because one of the other girls I'm seeing used to work at her office (I didn't know at the time), but I'd normally think that would work to my advantage.

Around 10 days ago she started to give those 'please notice that I'm upset' signs. I've ignored it as it sounded like one of those girls tricks.

Yesterday she sent me a message telling me I'm too much of a player and too aloof for her taste. Now I'm thinking she's in TRAP mode. As she messaged me, I messaged her back a few hours later (thought calling would be a bit on the strong side).

I told her I was under the impression she was also enjoying herself, but if she wanted to talk outside of the party and disco environment we could meet some time this week.

ADVICE is always needed. Honestly I have no clue if she's truly upset, or if it's one of those traps where she's trying to outplay me by waiting to see if I would take her more seriously and level things a bit.

 

[tafakna]

Any takers. I seriously don't know what to make out of this one.

A fresh perspective would help a lot.

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

Hmmm, I think you are ok with this one. I would have said, like you did, 'I was under the impression you were enjoying yourself' then left it there.

Always assume it's a trap.

The fact she accused you of being a playa would indicate that she's very attracted to you. I would use the 'agree and amplify' approach and carry on as normal. That's what I've done previous to success.


Maybe a more accomplished DJ can guide you further.

 

[Aaron B]

have you had sex with her?

 

[tafakna]

Thanks DeRosco for your input.

And yes Aaron, I had sex with her a couple of times. And I've been seeing her for about 5 weeks.

 

[Aaron B]

If you are still seeing other girls and you've had sex with this one, why do you care what she says?

Talk is cheap. Either she cooperates with what you want or she doesn't. Nothing else really matters.

Who cares if she's upset? You don't have control over that. She will get over it (or not - again its out of your hands).

We talk about games and not liking games and people shouldn't play games but look how effective they are in getting you to focus on this one girl so much that you are posting threads about her.

Why are you getting all logical and linear now? Just keep doing what you did to get her interested in the first place. Are you going to girlfriend her?

 

[tafakna]

We talk about games and not liking games and people shouldn't play games but look how effective they are in getting you to focus on this one girl so much that you are posting threads about her.

Why are you getting all logical and linear now? Just keep doing what you did to get her interested in the first place. Are you going to girlfriend her?

Right, good point! Obviously if I didn't care at all I wouldn't post anything. To be honest I haven't really thought about getting more serious with her before all of this. I take a long time to make any commitments (like months), always have... I have not enough info to say if she's girlfriend material or not at this point...

I'm just curious about my assessment of the whole thing. She made it sound like she is tired of being taken for granted. But she might be the usual good looking girl, craving for excess attention and seeing if she can change things around by becoming less available.

Anyhow just doing what I've been doing sounds like good advice...

 

[The_411]

Women will always put the squeeze on especially if you're a player because they want to be one to tame you. Stand firm on your princiapsl and beliefs and as always be ready to let her go

 

[tafakna]

Thanks guys for the valuable advice (actually a recalibration of my DJ compass lol)...

She sent a message yesterday and to make a long history short the ex is back in the picture.

Makes perfect sense and it feels good to know our assessment was not far off. She didn't look like someone who would try to outplay me, and now have a confirmation of the obvious: all the DJ techniques were working just fine and that was the reason for her feeling attracted. She merely claimed I was a player because that was bothering her, and now with the ex back became a good excuse (in the last message she was very honest and straighforward which is very rare)...

So great advice all, let's stand firm on our beliefs...

In this case there was nothing left to do. No need for drama or ressentment. She was straightforward with the issue which is rare. So I've told her good luck and that's it for this one...

Thanks!

 

[st_99]

Unfortunetly the ex issues ALWAYS creep up if you are too soon. Its just a timing thing. You don't want to be the guy after a LTR unless you just want to hit and quit.

 

[tafakna]

True. Looking back there were some clear signs it might be a rebound deal...

One more reason for spinning multiple plates. In the end it worked fine, nothing like taking your time and being on the suspicious side before considering a relationship...