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Girl changes plans for 1st date...what to do?

Neon Owl

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Supposed to be meeting this hb7-8 this weekend for the first time (from POF). I suggested meeting half way and going for a few drinks and maybe a meal if we hit it off and she agrees.
Then I get a txt today saying she's sorry but she's 'double booked' herself this saturday and asks if we can meet in a different place and go for a meal then if we get on to go and meet her friend and her mate's friends for a few drinks :/
She's been txting me every day since we started talking and is constantly qualifying herself to me so her IL is definitely high.
In all honesty I find it a bit intimidating going to meet her friends on a first date and not sure if it's a good idea...on the other hand if I play it right it could show her that I'm a very easy going guy and because of the venue changes and the fact I've already met her friends things could escalate quite quickly.
Thoughts?
 

pdx1138

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Well she did counter offer and though it's normally not cool to do more than 1 on 1 for a first date, I would go with the flow in this case.

If it was for you and her to meet with her girl friends I would have declined.
 

Who Dares Win

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I tend to agree with Espi regarding this but I wonder which may be the reasons for which she is not gonna meet you one on one.

Being afraid of someone met online is normal but at the same time in my experience anytime a girl make a group meeting her priority is to avoid the escalation, in this case she wants to have a meal with you (possibly with you paying) so she can suck your attention and compnay.

Then when it comes the time to reciprocate after the meal she promptly introduce other people to freeze any attempt and instead keep svcking your time and attention.

If I were you I would keep it short and polite, something like:

" Ok no problem, no need to rush things, lets just arrange our meeting later on with more ease ;) "

Then you see how she reacts and learn about her intentions.
 

donking

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If it bothers you enough to have to post about it, don't go.
 

self-respect

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Neon Owl said:
In all honesty I find it a bit intimidating going to meet her friends on a first date and not sure if it's a good idea...
Listen to your gut and don't go. You're going to overthink your actions while you're there with her friends around and you're out of your element. I'd only go if you can say "fck it" and do what you normally do with other people there who she's known much longer than you. Your mental frame is the biggest key to how your date's going to turn out. Keep things comfortable and on your terms so that you can do your thing.

All depends on how confident you feel. No shame in a rain check. She'll stay interested as long as you don't freak out on her when you turn her down.
 

Neon Owl

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Maybe I worded it wrong but she is willing to meet me one on one. She wants to meet up then go for a meal and if we get on well she's offered for me to go with her on her night out with her mates.
I'm pretty sure she won't expect me to pay for the meal as we already discussed the fact I'm not the type of guy to pay for everything for someone I barely know. She told me she understands and that she isn't looking for that and she's independent.
I don't think it's a trick to make it difficult for me to escalate...and even if it is I don't care tbh I'll be doing that anyway if she turns out to be my type. I like to get physical asap if I like the girl I don't care if there's other people around.
 

Naughty Ninja

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Neon Owl said:
Supposed to be meeting this hb7-8 this weekend for the first time (from POF). I suggested meeting half way and going for a few drinks and maybe a meal if we hit it off and she agrees.
Why are you offering to take a chick you've never met for dinner? And off of POF no less?! You're placing yourself in a provider role. I would bet this chick has met or will meet another dude and go straight to his place to fvck. You should forget meeting her for dinner. Meet up at a bar for drinks near your place. Even better if you had her come straight over. This chick obviously has you sprung and is in the dominant role just by you offering and being willing to take her to dinner.

Neon Owl said:
Then I get a txt today saying she's sorry but she's 'double booked' herself this saturday and asks if we can meet in a different place and go for a meal then if we get on to go and meet her friend and her mate's friends for a few drinks :/
She got an email, number etc. from a dude she'd rather see first. She'll either be using that dude for a dinner and is going to go with him as he "seems" better and or she'll be getting pounded by him then IF things don't work out (pump and dump or he doesn't look as good in person) she'll come to you for dinner and a "consolation prize".

Neon Owl said:
She's been txting me every day since we started talking and is constantly qualifying herself to me so her IL is definitely high.
She could be interested in you as a chat buddy and or possible free dinner since you offered. Her IL isn't as high as the dude she's going out with FIRST. She's texting you..but could be Sexting him. Don't believe anything from chicks online. Take everyone and anything said with a grain of salt. Don't get yourself all gassed up. Chicks online are on there for a reason. IDGAF what anyone says. Especially chicks. They'll straight up lie to your face for their public image but in private (her email inbox if you could view it) is a COMPLETELY different story.

Neon Owl said:
In all honesty I find it a bit intimidating going to meet her friends on a first date and not sure if it's a good idea...on the other hand if I play it right it could show her that I'm a very easy going guy and because of the venue changes and the fact I've already met her friends things could escalate quite quickly.
Thoughts?
As much as you'd like to believe her IL is high the chick wants you to meet her friends because she isn't so sure about you OR your looks. Think honestly..Do you really believe if you looked like a God to her she'd tell her friends to come and or worry about being "overbooked" on Sat? Fvck no. She'd be flying over to your place and the other dude wouldn't get emails, texts, let alone calls returned.

Again. She has the dominant role over you. Now you could and may just meet her and her friends, go to dinner, drinks etc. Dinner will make her tired and even LESS likely to fvck EVEN IF her friends "approve" (which isn't a good look if they have to be there.)

The ONLY thing you should do is meet the chick for TWO drinks near your place. If it goes good. Tell her to come back to your place for some wine. If not you can bounce and be close by. If her friends show anyway to "approve" or bail her out..You simply leave.because her friends showing make it even LESS likely she'll do anything with you.

You aren't looking for a "wifey" online just because she looks good are you? I'd hope not.
 

Neon Owl

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Date's off :p
She asked me to leave her a voicemail last night (wtf) because she wanted to hear my voice as we'd only txted so far. I said I was too tired to call and talk but if she wanted she could ring me the next day after work. This got her a bit moody and she just replied 'it's ok I can wait'. Didn't speak to her after that.
Then this afternoon she sends me a txt 'I'm having second thoughts about meeting up'
I asked why and she said 'i think we live too far away and I want a guy I can talk to not just txt all the time'
I reply saying I told her she could call if she wanted and then she replies saying 'Ok tell you what why don't we meet up like we arranged before and if we hit if off great, if not then there's no love lost'
I start typing my reply and she calls me up...we have a 1-2 minute conversation about where we're meeting and when and what we'll be doing and we say bye.
Then literally 1 minute later she txts me saying 'I'm sorry but it's not going to work. Good luck in your search'
Seriously wtf is this b1tch crazy or what?
I replied to her saying 'you're a strange one. Not sure what it is you're looking for but hope you find it'
She replies saying 'how am I strange? I can tell from talking to you that it won't work'
I didn't reply I just deleted her number.

At least I didn't waste my time and money going to meet her.
 

pdx1138

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They change their minds on the drop of a dime.

ESPECIALLY when they have herds of other men messaging them online.

Sounds like you dodged a potential bullet in any case.
 

HedoRick

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Typical online attention ho. Be glad that you were spared....:rockon:

Neon Owl said:
Date's off :p
She asked me to leave her a voicemail last night (wtf) because she wanted to hear my voice as we'd only txted so far. I said I was too tired to call and talk but if she wanted she could ring me the next day after work. This got her a bit moody and she just replied 'it's ok I can wait'. Didn't speak to her after that.
Then this afternoon she sends me a txt 'I'm having second thoughts about meeting up'
I asked why and she said 'i think we live too far away and I want a guy I can talk to not just txt all the time'
I reply saying I told her she could call if she wanted and then she replies saying 'Ok tell you what why don't we meet up like we arranged before and if we hit if off great, if not then there's no love lost'
I start typing my reply and she calls me up...we have a 1-2 minute conversation about where we're meeting and when and what we'll be doing and we say bye.
Then literally 1 minute later she txts me saying 'I'm sorry but it's not going to work. Good luck in your search'
Seriously wtf is this b1tch crazy or what?
I replied to her saying 'you're a strange one. Not sure what it is you're looking for but hope you find it'
She replies saying 'how am I strange? I can tell from talking to you that it won't work'
I didn't reply I just deleted her number.

At least I didn't waste my time and money going to meet her.
 

VladPatton

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Date: 1 on 1 on your terms (to keep the frame)
Anything else: not a date (you punch out and eject)
 

buzzin_frog

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Neon Owl said:
she's sorry but she's 'double booked' herself this saturday
Neon Owl said:
and asks if we can meet in a different place and go for a meal
Neon Owl said:
then if we get on to go and meet her friend and her mate's friends for a few drinks
Here's a tip for you in your future dates.

Never offer to pay for a chick's meal on a first date. Especially a chick that you don't even know. What did she ever do to deserve that? Trying to impress a chick will get you nowhere. It won't help you get laid and you will end up turning her off.

This chick was not interested in you. Interested chicks don't "double book" themselves and ask you to meet their friends. They will be intrested in YOU and only YOU. She was trying to get a free meal out of you because she asked for a meal after you offered. You're lucky this date didn't go through.



Naughty Ninja said:
Why are you offering to take a chick you've never met for dinner? And off of POF no less?! You're placing yourself in a provider role. I would bet this chick has met or will meet another dude and go straight to his place to fvck. You should forget meeting her for dinner. Meet up at a bar for drinks near your place. Even better if you had her come straight over. This chick obviously has you sprung and is in the dominant role just by you offering and being willing to take her to dinner.
It looks like Naughty Ninja certainly knows what he is talking about here. It's not too often I can say this but excellent advice man. You are one of the few credible posters on here.
 

lamobatsman

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buzzin_frog said:
Here's a tip for you in your future dates.

Never offer to pay for a chick's meal on a first date. Especially a chick that you don't even know. What did she ever do to deserve that? Trying to impress a chick will get you nowhere. It won't help you get laid and you will end up turning her off.

This chick was not interested in you. Interested chicks don't "double book" themselves and ask you to meet their friends. They will be intrested in YOU and only YOU. She was trying to get a free meal out of you because she asked for a meal after you offered. You're lucky this date didn't go through.





It looks like Naughty Ninja certainly knows what he is talking about here. It's not too often I can say this but excellent advice man. You are one of the few credible posters on here.
whats wrong with taking a girl out to dinner for a date?! im confused
 

Neon Owl

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I never offered to pay for the meal :/
 

bigneil

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Some points:

1) Before you've ever met a girl in person, or if you haven't seen her in a few months, she has the upper hand. It's ok, just know that you must see her and display some physical prowess for her to put you in her top 3 (the only guys who can rely on her are generally at the top of her list). Don't expect her to show signs of high interest because they are a by-product of physical proximity and attraction.

2) If she cancels but offers a rain check, you're in the same boat. Proceed normally.

3) If she wants to bring a chaperone on the first date, that's ok - you weren't going to get much anyway. But be bold enough to kiss her goodbye in front of the friend(s). Don't settle for chaperones on subsequent dates, but do know that she will want to show you off to her friends at some point. After sex it's ok to meet her friends.

4) The first date should be a coffee date where you meet for 45 minutes - and you pay. Avoid dinner dates until after you have at least made out but preferably after sex. Make her dinner though - that's a great seduction date move.

5) When a girl does something to annoy you, the best course of action is to distance yourself but don't cut off all communication. If she disappears, fine - you walk. Otherwise three things will happen:

a) You'll forget why you were ever mad to begin with.
b) You'll feel petty even bringing up why you were mad.
c) She'll start pursuing you, increasing her interest level and proving that the flake was an aberration versus a sign of low interest level.
 

lamobatsman

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Danger said:
Any date I had with a girl where she brought any of her friends, ended poorly.

Best to just not do it. There are methods for countering these tactics dependent upon the context in which she attempts to bring them.
explain how you would deal with my situation then?!
girl u met online been chatting to for a few weeks. ( on facebook)
u decide to go by yourself to see her and get a hotel for the two of you for a weekend. i tell her wat weekend im free to fly over. she says that weekend is good and that the hotel is nice. i say great il book my tickets next week when i get payed. ( for me i was happy to fly over there and take teh gamble but also i wanted to spend teh weekend the two of us together and maybe have a chance for sex)
the next day she messages me saying shes coming with a friend to my country. i said i thought im coming to ur end. she said yh but first i come to urs. i questioned why she was coming with her mate and not herself. she said its normal the first time to come with a friend.
how would u handle this situation cos she was staying in the same room/bed as her mate. no chance of sex happening then!
 

5string

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Danger said:
Any date I had with a girl where she brought any of her friends, ended poorly.

Best to just not do it. There are methods for countering these tactics dependent upon the context in which she attempts to bring them.
Not only this, but if she wants to brings her cat on the date.....be afraid.
 
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