Girl blows hot and cold, causing me headaches

[MoreThanSmooth]

Hi all, new member here and frankly I need a lot of work on my game. This will probs get a lot of facepalms but I'll take the embarrassment

There's this smoking hot girl I've known socially from a street dance class for years on-and-off. I asked her out like 3 months into knowing her, turned out she'd just had a break-up.

I got a cringy hard rejection. She snogged my cheek once after that when she got drunk, that's about it. I went and dated some other girls.

Well anyway, just saw her for the first time in a year. Whenever we dance the last couple weeks she's always stroking my hands for no reason. She goes for a hug when we greet. I leave early, she leaves early. I hang around, she hangs around. I leave alone and she'll quit talking to people to catch up with me as I go.

But then...whenever I ask if she's doing anything, she's always too Goddamn busy and shows no interest. Yet she also says to other peeps that she's tired of being busy and single. She talks about other guys she thinks are "hot" around me too. WTF?

I've got some first dates lined up this week, so I'm trying not to think about it too much...but still, not understanding her behaviour is irking me. Any clues from the vets here? Thanks guys.

 

[jaymbrs]

Sounds like you need to be direct about what you want from her. She's not doing anything wrong, from what I've read. You guys are not formally dating or anything. So she's allowed to hangout with you as a friend and talk about other guys.

 

[icantgetlaid]

There's nothing hard to read about this; and there's certainly not any blowing "hot" here. You asked her out, she made up random excuses as to why she's not available/free and didn't counter with her availability. This is as black and white as it gets with girls. Next. She's not interested.

 

[CMNILS87]

Rule #1. If a girl is causing you a headache. Walk away, she has no interest or is stringing you along. Any chick that was into you would make it so frickin easy man

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Rule #1. If a girl is causing you a headache. Walk away, she has no interest or is stringing you along. Any chick that was into you would make it so frickin easy man

Sage advice mate and this is what my head is telling me.

Forgot to say that she frequently goes for innuendos with me too which just throws me more. Like she’ll talk about my work and say “When do you think you’re going to finish?” and then follow straight up with “That sounds pretty rude actually, doesn’t it?”

Again, weird asf...!

We’ve both genuinely got insane workloads atm so while I’m 90% sure she’d make it easy if she liked me at the same time she’s told me she’s “unsociable” and shy so yeah...

Like you say though, I guess if she’s making it hard/confusing there’s not much I can do really except move on.

 

[RangerMIke]

All you really need to know is that if you are not having fun, walk away and forget chicks that are no fun.

 

[TheGambino]

Low interest, a girl that is into you will not confuse you. She just likes to string you along since she knows You like her, but Its not enough for her to date you. Keep flirting but focus and flirt with other women to around her. She is not interested, find other women, case closed.

 

[TheGambino]

theres no clues required. its loud and clear. you just dont see it yet.

i can throw out a bunch of maxims at you that will cover your situation but really, the main thing is that you judge women (people) by actions, not by words.

a girl can say all kinds of things to get you to take the bait, but none of it matters. what she does is the only thing that matters.

in this case her blowing hot and cold IS the action so-to-speak. that IS what you should be judging everything else is irrelevant. if shes not making time to hang out with you and making herself available to you, nothing else she says or does matters.

it sounds to me like she KNOWS shes still got you wrapped around her finger. so a little crumbs here and there without actually conceding anything to you is enough to keep you around. you might be a practical (orbiter) source of attention but not a sexual one.

thats not to say you cant build some attraction. there is always other variables at play but its a exercise in futility to try and deconstruct everything. its better to follow some simple rules that will make your life much easier.

if a girl wants to fvck you, she will find a way to fvck you

and any girl thats genuinely interested in you is not gonna be confusing you. they make it easy for you

theres no clues required. its loud and clear. you just dont see it yet.

i can throw out a bunch of maxims at you that will cover your situation but really, the main thing is that you judge women (people) by actions, not by words.

a girl can say all kinds of things to get you to take the bait, but none of it matters. what she does is the only thing that matters.

in this case her blowing hot and cold IS the action so-to-speak. that IS what you should be judging everything else is irrelevant. if shes not making time to hang out with you and making herself available to you, nothing else she says or does matters.

it sounds to me like she KNOWS shes still got you wrapped around her finger. so a little crumbs here and there without actually conceding anything to you is enough to keep you around. you might be a practical (orbiter) source of attention but not a sexual one.

thats not to say you cant build some attraction. there is always other variables at play but its a exercise in futility to try and deconstruct everything. its better to follow some simple rules that will make your life much easier.

if a girl wants to fvck you, she will find a way to fvck you

and any girl thats genuinely interested in you is not gonna be confusing you. they make it easy for you

This is a quality answer, this is solid advice, take it from me...

 

[derby1]

shes a vindictive attention ***** and the minute you start dating someone else shell be all over you like thrush

 

[dude99]

Hi all, new member here and frankly I need a lot of work on my game. This will probs get a lot of facepalms but I'll take the embarrassment

There's this smoking hot girl I've known socially from a street dance class for years on-and-off. I asked her out like 3 months into knowing her, turned out she'd just had a break-up.

I got a cringy hard rejection. She snogged my cheek once after that when she got drunk, that's about it. I went and dated some other girls.

Well anyway, just saw her for the first time in a year. Whenever we dance the last couple weeks she's always stroking my hands for no reason. She goes for a hug when we greet. I leave early, she leaves early. I hang around, she hangs around. I leave alone and she'll quit talking to people to catch up with me as I go.

But then...whenever I ask if she's doing anything, she's always too Goddamn busy and shows no interest. Yet she also says to other peeps that she's tired of being busy and single. She talks about other guys she thinks are "hot" around me too. WTF?

I've got some first dates lined up this week, so I'm trying not to think about it too much...but still, not understanding her behaviour is irking me. Any clues from the vets here? Thanks guys.

She wants you as an orbiter or a friend/buddy. An interested girl would make time for a guy she wants to date. An interest girl wouldn't give you a cringy hard rejection.

Your interest validates her. Your interest gives her the ego boost she needs.

Don't over think this do not stress over it. She isn't worth it. Go date other women because chasing this one will leave you exhausted frustrated and confused.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

shes a vindictive attention ***** and the minute you start dating someone else shell be all over you like thrush

That's some nasty shït Derb.....

OP just send her some dic pics and move on.
It's captain obvious she's not interested.

 

[derby1]

i like to cut through the BS, go Low contact on this one never ask her out AGAIN, she appears polite but shes far from it