Girl and her a$$hole male friend

[surfdog]

I posted this question in one of the other threads 'Women and their male friends' http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=151736
but I don't think too many people saw it since it was pretty far down the page lol so I thought I'd start a new one. I really need help on this one guysss



I found out today that my gf and her guy friend had a bet about something..and that my gf won and she demanded the guy to take her to a 'dinner and a movie'

When I heard this I was pretty pissed off because we've been pretty busy and havn't been spending much time with each other. Like there has been a few times when I wanted to do something with her but she had her friends sleeping over etc. so she can't go out with me..so I let it go I didn't want to come off as too needy and plus I thought I'd give her some space.

What pisses me off is that she has time to go to a dinner and movie with some guy but doesn't have time for me?
I didn't react to it though, I acted like I didn't care because 'I am secure and I know that she on my team not his.'

We already have a date this friday because it's her bday so I said I'd take her out and have a good time...last time I saw her was last friday..I would like to see her abit more than once a week but she's always busy.

She doesn't want to fully commit yet so I thought I'd spin other plates and let her know about it(sometimes it's true..sometimes I make it up)..she doesn't like it. She wants us to be exclusive..No..she wants ME to be exclusive to her but she doesn't want to spend time with me?!?!

anyway that is not the point..the point is should I be worried about the guy friend who she's going to dinner and movie with?!?

The guy is an absolute a$$hole and I don't think that he respects me at all..like he'd come up and talk to my girl and pretend I wasn't there, take sips out of my girls drinks and kiss her etc.

I don't want to show any jealousy because that girls will ALWAYS have male friends but like the fact that she's so close to him does make me feel abit uncomfortable.
Am I overanalysing it?? and what is the best way to approach this?
Should I confront her about it? I don't want to confront her because I'd come off as needy and insecure..but if I don't confront her I'd be encouraging this type of behaviour and she'll continue to do it in the future and it is just gonna keep bothering me!

Sorry for so many questions..theres just so many things on my mind right now..

Thanks for reading.

 

[2.0]

Let it go. Just make sure you're dating other women so that if she leaves you for him, you don't care.

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

Being as you guys aren't committed, I don't think you can get too upset.

She's playing the game just like you.

I think your best bet is to put this girl on the bottom of your list until you are ready to be committed. Then let her know her boundries and your expectations. If she violates those or doesn't except them then she's a waist of time and you either keep her at the bottom or get rid of her completely.

 

[KingBeef]

Being as you guys aren't committed, I don't think you can get too upset.

She's playing the game just like you.

I think your best bet is to put this girl on the bottom of your list until you are ready to be committed. Then let her know her boundries and your expectations. If she violates those or doesn't except them then she's a waist of time and you either keep her at the bottom or get rid of her completely.

Ditto....why would a girl like that would even consider going out with a guy who's a blatant arsehole??

 

[noirsake]

The best thing you can do to this guy is use humor at his expense and make him a lower status then you. Say something that pisses him off (but it's funny to you and your girl) and while you're laughing (along with your girl) take her by the arm and go somewhere else. And when he follows, call him a stalker and tell him you're straight and already taken anyways. This stuff will immediatley lower his status and show your girl that you're in charge of the situation.

But if it doesn't work, just next your girl. Like Teflon said, she's gaming too.

 

[surfdog]

Let it go. Just make sure you're dating other women so that if she leaves you for him, you don't care.

The thing is I do care a great deal about this girl..Like I know I shouldn't but she is one of the top ones on my list if not the first. This is because I've put in quite a bit of time and energy into this one..but yeah I am dating other women, she doesn't like it lol

Being as you guys aren't committed, I don't think you can get too upset.

She's playing the game just like you.

I think your best bet is to put this girl on the bottom of your list until you are ready to be committed. Then let her know her boundries and your expectations. If she violates those or doesn't except them then she's a waist of time and you either keep her at the bottom or get rid of her completely.

The reason that we aren't committing atm it's because we are both doing our final exams (we're both high school seniors) and where I am it is pretty important. It'll all be over in less than a month..she'd told me that she'll be all mine after that...I trust her completely and I know that she loves me and wants to be with me. I am just annoyed at her a$$hole friend who disrespects me.:trouble:

Ditto....why would a girl like that would even consider going out with a guy who's a blatant arsehole??

Not sure what you mean by that KingBeef lol but cheers for replying lol

The best thing you can do to this guy is use humor at his expense and make him a lower status then you. Say something that pisses him off (but it's funny to you and your girl) and while you're laughing (along with your girl) take her by the arm and go somewhere else. And when he follows, call him a stalker and tell him you're straight and already taken anyways. This stuff will immediatley lower his status and show your girl that you're in charge of the situation.

But if it doesn't work, just next your girl. Like Teflon said, she's gaming too.

That sounds like a really good idea, except I can't really think of anything at the moment..can you give me some examples?

 

[surfdog]

When I said she doesn't want to fully commit yet, I don't mean by her spinning other plates or looking for other prospects etc

She doesn't want to commit because of the exam stress that's going on atm which I am going through as well so I can see where she is coming from..

and that she doesn't want to HAVE to go out with me all the time, eventhough I told her that I won't be wanting to see her all the time because I am going through the exact same thing as her.

But she just said she doesn't want additional stress, and that all her friends are waiting till after it finishes which is in less than a month, so she wants to wait aswell

I am pretty sure she loves me and wants to be with me, I told her that "I want her to be part of my life, and if she doesn't want to be with me someone else will...it is just I liked her more that's all and my life will be just as good with or without her but hers won't" and she decided that she wants to be part of it(she'd be stupid not to!)

The problem is not her but the guy who disrespects me and I can't tell her not to hang out with him or throw out ultimatums because I'd come off as insecure on top of the fact that we are not committing yet!!!
But if I let it go I'd be encouraging this behavior and it is just going to keep bothering me in the future.

I just want to know what to do about the guy...

 

[surfdog]

bump.

Cmon DJs tell me what you guys think!!

 

[shinko]

Dude im gona keep it short and simple.

1. watch her actions, dont listen to her words. she said your that dude for her, but she's flirting hard with another dude.

2. the guy is taking you for a fool, your so worried about looking cool that you aint doing jack about the situation.

3. how on earth are u gona let this girl tell about all the 'fun' she's having with this other guy? Are you trying to be her friend? politely but firmly never let her raise him in convo

4. you like her alot more than she likes you atm and the killer is she knows this. i hazard a guess your there for her every beck and call. Focus on your work man and fit her around it, not the other way around.

5. whose calling the shots in terms of meeting up? is it you asking her all the time what's she doing, when she's free, can we meet up? bah. cut this right down. you ask her once for every 2 times she asks you for the time being and keep it light and fun.

6. phone calls are short, a funny thing that happened to you that day, how she is and bust on her a little. then get off. 15mins should be more than enough. if she asks why your leaving so soon, its because you have exams coming.

7. you are talking the talk of a man with options, but to her your showing the actions of someone whose hasnt. she'll call your bluff sooner or later.

8. stop raising other girls up in convo to get a rise out of her, your better than that. subtly tell her this, not shoving it in her face.

i could go on. my advise is you get on with your studies bro, those exams mean far more than any chick. if she does actually like you, she isnt going no where.

 

[surfdog]

Shinko you're a legend.

I'll definitely keep them in mind.

But what do I do about the friend? like when he disrespects me in the future? I know violence is not the answer but that dude is seriously asking for it!!:trouble:

 

[DonJuan11]

I found out today that my gf and her guy friend had a bet about something..and that my gf won and she demanded the guy to take her to a 'dinner and a movie'

What was the bet? Her guy friend probably made a bet with her that he knew he would lose as an excuse to take her out to dinner.

anyway that is not the point..the point is should I be worried about the guy friend who she's going to dinner and movie with?!?

The guy is an absolute a$$hole and I don't think that he respects me at all..like he'd come up and talk to my girl and pretend I wasn't there, take sips out of my girls drinks and kiss her etc.

Dude what the heck? You say you are her boyfriend, yet when this guy comes up and wants to hug and kiss and touch her in front of you, you let him? You have to get in his face, push back. Get in there, introduce yourself as the boyfriend, shake his hand, talk to him.

You have to turn the tables when he does it, don't just stand there and accept it. Think about it: if she sees you stand back like this when a guy is hitting on her and kissing her, what are you going to do when someone has a knife to her face? Stand back further?

I don't want to show any jealousy because that girls will ALWAYS have male friends but like the fact that she's so close to him does make me feel abit uncomfortable.

There is jealously, then there is guys who will protect her and who she will have sex with. It sounds like this wants to have sex with her and is making his intentions known, and she is biting furiously. You have to step up to the plate fast, son.

 

[surfdog]

I already know the guy, like he knows the same people that I know and I always see him at parties etc.

As you guys can see, I'm not his biggest fan and I like to keep my contact with him at minimal.

So there is a possibility that he does not know that I am the bf, or he knows because he also does that to a number of my friends and their gfs when they're together and they are also pretty annoyed.
What I need to know is how to handle him, maybe like what Noirsake said? make fun of him? But I can't really think of any examples at the moment.

When he kisses my gf, or when he moves his face close to my girl and tries to get her to kiss him, my girl doesn't respond and most of the time she just presses her face against his briefly, like a kiss but not really.

I am completely sure that my girl is into me, and only sees the guy as a friend, so it is not her that I am worried about.

I just don't trust the guy. Like if they spend time together he might make a move on my girl etc. so is there a way that I can get my girl to spend less time with him? (Without coming off as controlling/needy/insecure!)

 

[daygameguy]

you need to learn amog tactics bro. Once you amog a guy without getting in his face, trapping him in a verbal puzzle he cannot come out of, in front of your gf, you can rest assured he is going to be locked out.

For example, next time you see him come up to your girl say,

"DUDE. I'm such a big fan of you man. You are just too smooth.. I mean, the way you try getting close to my gf, even when I am right there with her, that's like real sexy player attitude bro.haha. Keep playing bro, you'll get a gf in no time." (say all this in front of your gf, if he says he already has a gf - he is locked out, if he doesnt say anything - he is locked out because he is not preselected by any women)

 

[The Kidd]

no such thing as a girl who's too busy to see you

if a girl has high interest in you, she will MAKE TIME to see you

my last gf worked full time and always had family commitments but she'd drive to my uni during my 1 hour breaks to have lunch with me, she'd give up sleep to see me at 1am in the morning.

her interest level in you is falling. btw the game is PUSH and then PULL. acting carefree is great, but you have to give her a reason to miss you. so the time you do spend with her, make it fun, exciting, lots of laughter. and THEN you pull, that's when she'll miss you most

 

[Faded Image]

The guy is an absolute a$$hole and I don't think that he respects me at all..like he'd come up and talk to my girl and pretend I wasn't there, take sips out of my girls drinks and kiss her etc.

I'm going to keep it real simple, they're fvcking.

 

[surfdog]

you need to learn amog tactics bro. Once you amog a guy without getting in his face, trapping him in a verbal puzzle he cannot come out of, in front of your gf, you can rest assured he is going to be locked out.

For example, next time you see him come up to your girl say,

"DUDE. I'm such a big fan of you man. You are just too smooth.. I mean, the way you try getting close to my gf, even when I am right there with her, that's like real sexy player attitude bro.haha. Keep playing bro, you'll get a gf in no time." (say all this in front of your gf, if he says he already has a gf - he is locked out, if he doesnt say anything - he is locked out because he is not preselected by any women)

THANK YOU daygame guy!

That's exactly what I am asking for in this thread, I am not asking if the girl is interested or if they are fvcking because I'll be the judge of that.

What I want to know is amog techniques and/or anything else that I could use on this guy so he'd stop hitting on my girl.

I am not asking if they're fvcking for gods sakeee lol

cmon guys read the posts! lol

 

[daygameguy]

THANK YOU daygame guy!

That's exactly what I am asking for in this thread, I am not asking if the girl is interested or if they are fvcking because I'll be the judge of that.

What I want to know is amog techniques and/or anything else that I could use on this guy so he'd stop hitting on my girl.

I am not asking if they're fvcking for gods sakeee lol

cmon guys read the posts! lol

*cough* reps plz *cough* lol

 

[abcd_z]

Okay, I see a few contradictions here.

First, if her interest level in you was sky high, she would make time to be with you, no matter what it took. The fact that she's made time for this other guy and not you tells me that she's lost attraction for you, or just that she's plain unreliable. Either way, it's obviously pissing you off. You can change things, but in order for you to do that, you need to accept that there is, in fact, a problem with how you've been handling things. If you keep going on the way you have been, you will lose her. Period.

Second, you've offered to take her out. You've offered to do things for her, put out the effort to make things happen, and she's turned you down. The dynamic here is all wrong. You should never be the one chasing her, ever. She should be the one doing things for you.

Third, there's the subject of AMOG techniques. They are designed for one thing, and one thing only: to raise your social value by lowering somebody else's. Even if you pull this off perfectly, it won't make him stop hitting on her. He's a guy. He chases tail. It's what all guys do.
And the problem here is, it doesn't matter how much you AMOG him, you are still coming from a needy place. You're too wrapped up in the drama that you're getting from her to come from a place of true strength.

And that leads me to your biggest problem: your underlying frame. You want to make her spend less time with him. And you claim to not want to come off as needy/insecure/etc. And yet, that's exactly what you are! It is impossible to ask for what you're asking for and not be! Work on improving yourself to where you don't need a woman in your life Where you enjoy and appreciate what they bring to your life, but you can also let them go if need be. Otherwise, no tricks or tactics in the world will help you.

Assuming you put in the time and effort needed to get all this under control, (because the advice I'm about to give you will blow up in your face if you don't), the surest way to keep a woman around is...

wait for it...

encourage her to go see other guys.

No joke. When she tells you about the guy taking her out, encourage that. In fact, have fun with it.
"Hey, that's awesome. You should have him buy you the most expensive food they have. In fact, have him buy one of those lemon pies I love."
"Are you sure? Are you okay with me seeing him?"
"Are you kidding, woman? I'd love it! You go out and have fun, and that frees me up to do that totally awesome thing I've been meaning to do for a while!"

The problem is, with this sort of attitude, you have to be okay with anything up to and including her sleeping with another guy. In theory, this should already be the case, since she's not your girlfriend. But I still need to point it out, because if she senses any incongruence on your part, she will target your weakness and try to rip you a new one.

Emotionally speaking, of course.

Definitely not a beginner's tactic, and not one I would suggest for someone who doesn't have a rock-solid internal game, but you did ask.

Best of luck.

 

[surfdog]

Okay, I see a few contradictions here.

First, if her interest level in you was sky high, she would make time to be with you, no matter what it took. The fact that she's made time for this other guy and not you tells me that she's lost attraction for you, or just that she's plain unreliable. Either way, it's obviously pissing you off. You can change things, but in order for you to do that, you need to accept that there is, in fact, a problem with how you've been handling things. If you keep going on the way you have been, you will lose her. Period.

Second, you've offered to take her out. You've offered to do things for her, put out the effort to make things happen, and she's turned you down. The dynamic here is all wrong. You should never be the one chasing her, ever. She should be the one doing things for you.

Third, there's the subject of AMOG techniques. They are designed for one thing, and one thing only: to raise your social value by lowering somebody else's. Even if you pull this off perfectly, it won't make him stop hitting on her. He's a guy. He chases tail. It's what all guys do.
And the problem here is, it doesn't matter how much you AMOG him, you are still coming from a needy place. You're too wrapped up in the drama that you're getting from her to come from a place of true strength.

And that leads me to your biggest problem: your underlying frame. You want to make her spend less time with him. And you claim to not want to come off as needy/insecure/etc. And yet, that's exactly what you are! It is impossible to ask for what you're asking for and not be! Work on improving yourself to where you don't need a woman in your life Where you enjoy and appreciate what they bring to your life, but you can also let them go if need be. Otherwise, no tricks or tactics in the world will help you.

Assuming you put in the time and effort needed to get all this under control, (because the advice I'm about to give you will blow up in your face if you don't), the surest way to keep a woman around is...

wait for it...

encourage her to go see other guys.

No joke. When she tells you about the guy taking her out, encourage that. In fact, have fun with it.
"Hey, that's awesome. You should have him buy you the most expensive food they have. In fact, have him buy one of those lemon pies I love."
"Are you sure? Are you okay with me seeing him?"
"Are you kidding, woman? I'd love it! You go out and have fun, and that frees me up to do that totally awesome thing I've been meaning to do for a while!"

The problem is, with this sort of attitude, you have to be okay with anything up to and including her sleeping with another guy. In theory, this should already be the case, since she's not your girlfriend. But I still need to point it out, because if she senses any incongruence on your part, she will target your weakness and try to rip you a new one.

Emotionally speaking, of course.

Definitely not a beginner's tactic, and not one I would suggest for someone who doesn't have a rock-solid internal game, but you did ask.

Best of luck.

Thanks abcd_z

I shall work harder on my inner game, I thought I had it all under control but obviously jealousy and insecurity can still get the better of me from time to time.

And all these posts have really got me thinking...maybe her interest levels isn't as high as it should be. One the other hand she's always had a legitimate reason for not being able to be with me and I know for a fact that she is telling the truth.

But I know now that she SHOULD be making time for me no matter how busy she is. I will surely address this problem in the near future.

By the way, I took her out last night, in my other post which you have also replied to (thank you for finally giving me the answer that I was loooking for!)
Went according to my plan outlined in the thread, she loved it and throughout the whole night she couldn't keep her lips off me

I did something nice for her purely because it was her 18th birthday today, but for the next couple of weeks I won't be making anymore effort to trying to set up dates etc I'll withdraw my attention and wait for her to come to me a few times before I ask her again. (Shinko's advice)

After last night, and her behaviour towards me, I am now more confident and secure than ever before. I am now 110% sure that she is definitely into me.

As for the other guy, AMOG techniques are my best bet at the moment, anymore advice on this issue willl be greatly appreciated!

Cheers

 

[abcd_z]

Be very very careful throwing the word "should" around.

I personally have eliminated it from my vocabulary, because there is no logical way to talk to a woman and say "you didn't do X. You should have done X." and have her respond "Okay, I will do X in the future." Just doesn't happen.

Women process things through their emotions, which means what she'll take away from that is "he made me feel bad". Not what you wanted. I don't know what your plan was, but you must never ever discuss the relationship or any problems you have in it logically.

This brings me to my second point: Women's attitudes and emotions can change on a whim. So no matter how much you're she loves you now, remember that this means jack when it comes to the future. Understand this, and accept her for who she is, a flighty woman who processes things emotionally and has little concern for masculine concepts such as "honor" or "integrity".

It sounds like I'm a misogynist for saying this, but I'm not. I love women. But I also accept them for exactly who and what they are. Because the other option is expecting that they SHOULD somehow be fundamentally different, and constantly banging your head against the brick wall of reality.

And I for one, don't need that headache.