Gift of The Gab

[SiYuan]

Well yes, as titled.

When I was younger, it was easier to talk to people. As rubbish talk that didnt' need any thinking can actually be used as convo topic. And rubbish talk you received back.

However, nowadays, though I can approach people and sorts of stuff, I can't maintain the conversation going after a while, even with friends and not HBs.

I mean it's really a serious problem that I think I'm facing right now.

Anyone with such problems and found solutions to it?

 

[FL2008]

Step out of your comfort zone and talk more. There is essentially no other way.

Actually, a good way for you (and many others) to improve your communication skills and become much more confident at the same time is to join Toastmasters. It's pretty cheap and most likely a couple are in your area; you should look into it if you have time.

 

[SiYuan]

Yeah I'm constantly stepping out of it by approaching random strangers.

But I just can't continue after the first laugh.

 

[FL2008]

You'll get better with time.
Also, don't feel as if the conversation rests solely on you.

 

[AKA FLEX]

Toastmasters is a great suggestion. So is just saying whatever comes to mind like you did as a youngster, even if it sounds awkward at first. Practice makes perfect, you'll get better.

 

[Effington]

I know what you're saying and understand where you're coming from. When you talk to random people you know nothing about them, so it may seem to be tough to talk to, since you don't know what to talk about.

I'll play the cheese card and say, the key is to listen. For example, say hey, how's it going, what'd you do for the 4th? Almost everyone I talked to said they were in a different town, so I made a smartass comment about that place and got a laugh. Then asked why they were here. They'll say something like, oh my friend made me come out, or it's my friend's birthday, or blah blah blah. Then just make a joke about that and then keep the conversation flowing. After a minute start the kino. If they appear receptive, then escalate, otherwise bounce.

You can make up something for essentially any weekend. If it's not a holiday, it's a school thing; semester start, mid-terms, whatever. Get creative. People are always itching for an excuse to drink/go out. If they are not in the "school" age group, it can be a work thing, which works any time. "Busy times" can be any part of the year, all companies have different end of quarter/year, or just heavy workload in general. Again, get creative.

 

[SiYuan]

But what happens with the ones you know or used to know?

Like your friends?

Sometimes I feel that because of my other endeavour I lost my touch with them and sort of felt out of place when talking to them.

How do you overcome that?

 

[Effington]

But what happens with the ones you know or used to know?

Like your friends?

Sometimes I feel that because of my other endeavour I lost my touch with them and sort of felt out of place when talking to them.

How do you overcome that?

Same tactic! Since you know a little more you can go back to an old topic, like what happened with that old boss / job / class / teacher / major that you hated / loved? Really, people underestimate the importance of listening. I've found that in general people are very egocentric...no one will complain when you ask them to talk about themselves. That will keep conversation flowing, to add interest you need kino and positive energy so they have a good time with it. People don't get bored talking about themselves, unless you look bored, because they'll feed off your energy.

If they aren't receptive to kino and your conversation it may be time to bounce and find someone else, unfortunately there are so many variables out of your control that not everyone will be interested in you.

 

[SiYuan]

Well. Last time it used to be that I can talk to almost everyone and conversation will flow really smoothly and everyone in school would know me and such that I dont even know them.

Yes I still have some golden days now and then, but it's never consistent. Like one day I may possess the gift of the gab, the next I'm the dude you never knew.

 

[slaog]

It's all in the mind really. If you feel a certain way that will come out so the 1st step is to have to have the proper mindset when talking to somebody.

Check out the 'gift of the gab' and 'art of gibberish' links in my signature.

 

[DarthAngel707]

Step one: Ask a question about something going on in their life.
Step two: Shut up and listen. Nod intermittently.
Step three: Put in your 2 cents when necessary.

Unless they distrust you most people will keep blabbing on about their life and credit you as a good conversationalist but using this technique will result to you being sort of placed into the emotional tampon role, but hey, you said your basic-convo impaired.

 

[SiYuan]

But what about talking to the guys?

Trying to climb to the top?

You can't act as an emotional tampon to guys without seen as gay.

 

[slaog]

But what about talking to the guys?

Trying to climb to the top?

You can't act as an emotional tampon to guys without seen as gay.

You should not act or be an emotional tampon with anybody. Just listen to them but it doesn't mean what they're saying should effect your state you're in. If fact from my experiance it's best to change the subject to something more positive which creates a better mood.

If you're feeling good you won't want to be listening to anything that lowers the mood so sometimes you have to raise it yourself and this is even done naturally by having a good frame.

 

[speakeasy]

I have the same problem sometimes. I'm not sure if it's introversion as much as it is just not feeling "connected" to the person I'm talking to. Then the converation feels forced and unnatural and tires me out. The thing is, the more you start thinking about it during the conversation, the less effective you will be at conversating. Keep in mind that being not the most talkative thing isn't bad in and of itself, it's just considered "bad" within the context of a culture that believes that extroversion is the norm. In some places like in Asia where introversion is the cultural norm, people are expected to be running their mouths like motors constantly and you wouldn't be seen as awkward. Only thing is of course, guys that have lots of interesting/funny things to say, are going to have better luck with the ladies. No way around that.

 

[SiYuan]

I have the same problem sometimes. I'm not sure if it's introversion as much as it is just not feeling "connected" to the person I'm talking to. Then the converation feels forced and unnatural and tires me out. The thing is, the more you start thinking about it during the conversation, the less effective you will be at conversating. Keep in mind that being not the most talkative thing isn't bad in and of itself, it's just considered "bad" within the context of a culture that believes that extroversion is the norm. In some places like in Asia where introversion is the cultural norm, people are expected to be running their mouths like motors constantly and you wouldn't be seen as awkward. Only thing is of course, guys that have lots of interesting/funny things to say, are going to have better luck with the ladies. No way around that.

Yes that's exactly what I meant.

I just want to find that midas touch I had last time. Like being able to connect to anyone with everyone, simultaneously.

 

[SiYuan]

It's all in the mind really. If you feel a certain way that will come out so the 1st step is to have to have the proper mindset when talking to somebody.

Check out the 'gift of the gab' and 'art of gibberish' links in my signature.

I actually created this thread, and the title of it after I read your thread.

I just needed more rectification

 

[500_W00P]

Talk about her..
Thats a bvtches favorite conversation topic herself and the things she has been through.
Listen for que's in her conversation that you could tease her with and make her laugh with

1. Listen
2. Make Her laugh
3. For the love of god smile. So many guys forget to smile.

And another key point is be interesting.. Try to think of questions that no one has ever asked her or.. Even better asking her questions in a way that no one has asked her..

Like.. Instead of asking her what does she like to do for fun --

Ask her: If I could take you one place in the whole world where would it be..

/\ I think something like that is a bit more advanced.. Because if your seductive eye contact/tone of voice isn't right then you may just come off as a wierdo.. Stick to the basics for now

K thx
bye

 

[speakeasy]

Yes that's exactly what I meant.

I just want to find that midas touch I had last time. Like being able to connect to anyone with everyone, simultaneously.

That's a rare talent, and if it wasn't so, guys like Jay Leno and Letterman wouldn't be making the big bucks. Maybe that's a good place to start. Personally, I just don't watch much TV ever, but if you do, I think watching late night talkshows may be good for that purpose. These hosts have no choice but to talk for an extended period of time to people they don't personally know, while at the same time the conversation has to be lively, fun and interesting enough to hold people's attention that are watching. So just flip on a talk show host, these are the gurus of the gift of gab. Just imagine how hard a job that is, to have to talk to people from kids to old people, from all walks of life and backgrounds and make sure the conversation is ALWAYS entertaining. Analyse how they keep the conversation rolling without awkward pauses, their sense of timing, how they make anyone they're talking to feel comfortable(that's a major key to getting people to stick around you to talk).

 

[SiYuan]

Talk about her..
Thats a bvtches favorite conversation topic herself and the things she has been through.
Listen for que's in her conversation that you could tease her with and make her laugh with

1. Listen
2. Make Her laugh
3. For the love of god smile. So many guys forget to smile.

And another key point is be interesting.. Try to think of questions that no one has ever asked her or.. Even better asking her questions in a way that no one has asked her..

Like.. Instead of asking her what does she like to do for fun --

Ask her: If I could take you one place in the whole world where would it be..

/\ I think something like that is a bit more advanced.. Because if your seductive eye contact/tone of voice isn't right then you may just come off as a wierdo.. Stick to the basics for now

K thx
bye

Yeah.

But what if you're talking to the bros?

I dont' have much problem talking to most of them one on one, but in a group I tend to zone out.

Cheers.

 

[SiYuan]

That's a rare talent, and if it wasn't so, guys like Jay Leno and Letterman wouldn't be making the big bucks. Maybe that's a good place to start. Personally, I just don't watch much TV ever, but if you do, I think watching late night talkshows may be good for that purpose. These hosts have no choice but to talk for an extended period of time to people they don't personally know, while at the same time the conversation has to be lively, fun and interesting enough to hold people's attention that are watching. So just flip on a talk show host, these are the gurus of the gift of gab. Just imagine how hard a job that is, to have to talk to people from kids to old people, from all walks of life and backgrounds and make sure the conversation is ALWAYS entertaining. Analyse how they keep the conversation rolling without awkward pauses, their sense of timing, how they make anyone they're talking to feel comfortable(that's a major key to getting people to stick around you to talk).

Cheers for that. But they do that for a living, whilst we're just doing it for..


I'll try to watch them in action. Thanks for the advice mate.