A girl I have been seeing for the past three months has been involved with several lesbian relationships in the past, although she has never brought this up or even hinted at having an interest in women. I know this for a fact through a variety of sources. How can I bring this up with her and find out what the story is?
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
GF's Lesbian Past
- Thread starter Ian19
- Start date
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Kailex
Master Don Juan
You don't need to know.
Leave this alone... and you're so called "sources"... these aren't 100%.
The only people who know for sure about her "lesbian past" is your girlfriend and whoever was with.
Now flip this situation on yourself.
How much would you enjoy your girlfriend badgering you about ANY relationship you've had in the past?
I HATE talking about past relationships. I always steer clear of these conversations as it adds NOTHING to the current relationship. Eventually a fact or two about it might trickle down, but only because people feel comfortable enough to share such details.
"Where'd you hear that from? Who told you that?"
Then after that, she'll look at you like you were some sort of stalker and be disgusted about digging into her past.
And then, you'll probably be single shortly after, because she can't trust you enough. She'll always be wondering what other things you are digging up about her and what people might be telling you.
Why do you need to know anyway? What benefit do you gain from finding out?
Don't tell me you've told her about every person you've gone out with. Have you? I hope not.
So leave her past in the past and worry about the PRESENT.
Leave this alone... and you're so called "sources"... these aren't 100%.
The only people who know for sure about her "lesbian past" is your girlfriend and whoever was with.
Now flip this situation on yourself.
How much would you enjoy your girlfriend badgering you about ANY relationship you've had in the past?
I HATE talking about past relationships. I always steer clear of these conversations as it adds NOTHING to the current relationship. Eventually a fact or two about it might trickle down, but only because people feel comfortable enough to share such details.
There's NO way you can bring this up and not seem like an insecure little boy. She WILL get defensive and I'd guarantee that her first response to you will be a look of shock and then:
"Where'd you hear that from? Who told you that?"
Then after that, she'll look at you like you were some sort of stalker and be disgusted about digging into her past.
And then, you'll probably be single shortly after, because she can't trust you enough. She'll always be wondering what other things you are digging up about her and what people might be telling you.
Why do you need to know anyway? What benefit do you gain from finding out?
Don't tell me you've told her about every person you've gone out with. Have you? I hope not.
So leave her past in the past and worry about the PRESENT.
Kailex : I certainly see your point here, and everything you are saying makes perfect sense to me. I guess for me personally, though, I just would not want to date someone who is bisexual and has had lesbian relationships in the past. For this reason, I just feel like I need to know. The sources are, as you pointed out, not 100%, but they are good sources who know her and know one of the people she was involved with, so I feel certain this is very much true.
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
5string
Master Don Juan
Ian. Why feel the need to know? You mean the details? Personally, although curiosity is part of human nature, I would not want to know about her sexual history. It would just eat away at me if I knew about it. Although my wife has told me a thing or two about her sexual history, I never ever ask because I just don't want to know. This kind of stuff will mess with your mind. If this is a bf/gf relationship, why not just enjoy being with her and forget about the past? If she is exclusive to you, and not spinning plates on you (whatever the gender), my advice is to let it go. Good luck.
Colossus
Master Don Juan
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IAN-
Been there. Dated a girl a couple summers ago who was bisexual. Found out through the grapevine, then I pressed the issue with her friends, and she subsequently dumped me. Lesson learned---don't go probing into someone else's past. Another lesson learned---ANYTHING you say to her friends will make it to her ears in short order.
I'm with you in that I don't want to date a bisexual. Personal values. I like ladies who like men, only.
Been there. Dated a girl a couple summers ago who was bisexual. Found out through the grapevine, then I pressed the issue with her friends, and she subsequently dumped me. Lesson learned---don't go probing into someone else's past. Another lesson learned---ANYTHING you say to her friends will make it to her ears in short order.
I'm with you in that I don't want to date a bisexual. Personal values. I like ladies who like men, only.
Lord Sidious
Don Juan
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- Dec 22, 2009
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Hey, bro!
In my opinion, dating a bi gal is almost the same as buying a spank. Besides, the chances of being cheated increase considerably (knowing that there are too many women).
However, things are not that linear. You can date a straight gal and be cheated and have a bi gal that would never cheat you. It´s complicated.
Since you are in a relationship with her, you should be with a clear mind of ghosts or any sort of problems. Having a relationship in which you aren´t peacefull, isn´t good. So, I´d advise you to resolve things in your head first.
In my opinion, dating a bi gal is almost the same as buying a spank. Besides, the chances of being cheated increase considerably (knowing that there are too many women).
However, things are not that linear. You can date a straight gal and be cheated and have a bi gal that would never cheat you. It´s complicated.
Since you are in a relationship with her, you should be with a clear mind of ghosts or any sort of problems. Having a relationship in which you aren´t peacefull, isn´t good. So, I´d advise you to resolve things in your head first.
kingsam
Master Don Juan
if you cant accept this girls slightly different past maybe shes better of without you!
dump her now and stop wating her time??