GF Wants to Spice Things Up

jaymbrs

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But I honestly have no real desire to. I'm pretty content with the sex I have with her. We've done everything short of anal and she said she wouldn't do that unless we were married :rolleyes:. She bought a little sexy outfit yesterday which looked good. But in the end I just wanted her to take it all off. She's mentioned more oral foreplay and while I've done my fair share, it's not my favorite thing to do or have done. This little sloot about 3 years ago set the bar high by swallowing and sucking at the same time and if my GF was going to do something like that, she would've already done it. My thoughts are this thing is about to be doomed since we're at a stalemate with this subject. Any thoughts? Advice?
 

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billtx49

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Sounds like she’s getting bored after 3 years. The timing for that is about right. It’s good she told you instead of getting that excitement void from another man though…

Ask her what she wants or suggest you two invite another woman, but she would probably have the other sex in mind regarding that subject…

Take her to the boonies in the dead of night with some wine and a blanket. Keep doing something new occasionally to rock her world a little…
Climb out of the rut
 

logicallefty

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Sexual Role playing is fun. Have her play a homeless girl you have to save. Or you be teacher and she be student. Or you be cop and she be hungry shoplifter you arrest. Something where you dominate and she is submissive, and the end result is always sex.
 

mrgoodstuff

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But I honestly have no real desire to. I'm pretty content with the sex I have with her. We've done everything short of anal and she said she wouldn't do that unless we were married :rolleyes:. She bought a little sexy outfit yesterday which looked good. But in the end I just wanted her to take it all off. She's mentioned more oral foreplay and while I've done my fair share, it's not my favorite thing to do or have done. This little sloot about 3 years ago set the bar high by swallowing and sucking at the same time and if my GF was going to do something like that, she would've already done it. My thoughts are this thing is about to be doomed since we're at a stalemate with this subject. Any thoughts? Advice?
Carrot dangles lead to power differential, not in your favor.
 

gettinit

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I think that almost everyone reaches that point eventually. I know that I have anyway. Why not suggest the sucking and swallowing? Who says the spice only has to be for her? She may end up loving it and she can keep her sexy outfit on. Win, win. Other than that, as already suggested, mix it up. A little spontaneous car sex can be good, occasional thing. Get a room in a high rise and bang her from behind against the window. Tie her hands. You don't need to get extreme, but I have found that a little restraint goes a long way. Even just a blindfold can add some dominance. There is no talking this one away, but I agree with @billtx49 that its a good thing that she is bringing it up VS the alternative.
 
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Mauser96

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"She wouldn't do that until we are married"

Lol, WTF!!! Dude this is a huge red flag. She knows you want this and hence the push towards marriage

Ask yourself - what in the ever-loving-fvck would being married have to do with whether she wants to do this or not?

It is blackmail, pure and simple
 

jaymbrs

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I will give some of these recommendations a try.

:( That's BS.
"She wouldn't do that until we are married"

Lol, WTF!!! Dude this is a huge red flag. She knows you want this and hence the push towards marriage

Ask yourself - what in the ever-loving-fvck would being married have to do with whether she wants to do this or not?

It is blackmail, pure and simple
I'm viewing it more as a challenge. We'll see though. I'll use her "desire to spice things up" as leverage.
 

flowtheory

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Spice things up... eh?

Lube your penis in hot sauce and give her the banging of her life. Oh.. But wear a condom. Safety first, right?

On a real note: She's asking for spontaneity. She's just a little bored of your guys' sexual routine. No need to go buy hadcuffs, find a third, or dress up like batman.. I imagine if you haven't done that yet, you two aren't the type, which is fine. She just wants to feel seduced and wants to feel a more exhilarating energy.

My question is this though.. When did YOUR passion for HER drop off? Are you complacent in other areas of your life? Where is your presence when you're around her?
Sex is just sex usually. It's more about making the woman FEEL that she's with YOU. You know... The person she chose initially. This is what she's saying. "See ME." "devour ME" "Feel ME" "hold ME".

Often times the topic at hand isn't the real issue. It's just womanspeak for something else. We have to simply decode it like we're Alan Turing
 
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Black Widow Void

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Have you tied her up and/or used a blindfold?
You'd be surprised how many women really go for this.

Also, as to her not doing anal until marriage, I dated a gal like this once. In fairness, it's probably less of a "leverage" thing .... and more of something she can "save" until marriage.
 

Newbee2

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Buy a vibrator like a microfone, and a small vibrating bott plug.. don't tell or ask her.

If she wants to spice things up, she have to open up... this will make her org-asm like she never tried before.. show her video's of this combo

And you are one step closer...
 

KindredSpiritzz

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well if you don't spice things up then don't be surprised if she cheats on you or just leaves you. Seems like shes trying and begging you to try and you're just kind of indifferent. 10 yrs ago it seemed any woman i dated swallowed, now days it seems tougher to find which has me bewildered. Bust a nut on her face instead, then take pictures :)
Video tape yourselves, have her play sloot, talk dirty, tons of stuff you can do.
I don't think anal is all its made out to be, usually messy. I only want it cause they tell me I can't have it usually.
I couldn't be with a woman long term that didn't swallow myself. Tell her either she starts at least trying to or you don't see it working. If she really wants to make you happy she will try, if she won't, well then you know how she really feels.
 

ubercat

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As a one-off trick you can buy those condoms that come with a vibrating **** ring.

And yes you are going to have to pretend to be overcome with Passion because you love her so much occasionally. It's just like changing the oil on your car it's always there.
 

jaymbrs

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Spice things up... eh?

Lube your penis in hot sauce and give her the banging of her life. Oh.. But wear a condom. Safety first, right?

On a real note: She's asking for spontaneity. She's just a little bored of your guys' sexual routine. No need to go buy hadcuffs, find a third, or dress up like batman.. I imagine if you haven't done that yet, you two aren't the type, which is fine. She just wants to feel seduced and wants to feel a more exhilarating energy.

My question is this though.. When did YOUR passion for HER drop off? Are you complacent in other areas of your life? Where is your presence when you're around her?
Sex is just sex usually. It's more about making the woman FEEL that she's with YOU. You know... The person she chose initially. This is what she's saying. "See ME." "devour ME" "Feel ME" "hold ME".

Often times the topic at hand isn't the real issue. It's just womanspeak for something else. We have to simply decode it like we're Alan Turing
I don't think it's a matter of me losing my passion for her, exactly. A lot is going on right now in my personal life: new job, closing on a home, living out of boxes, not working out as much due to a back issue. Sex just isn't really on my mind as much lately and I've talked to her about it. She seemed to understand. But all I can pretty much tell her is to give it some time for things to settle down in my personal life. Then we can discuss doing other things. In the meantime if she wants to spice things up, I think she should be the one to put more of an effort.

well if you don't spice things up then don't be surprised if she cheats on you or just leaves you. Seems like shes trying and begging you to try and you're just kind of indifferent. 10 yrs ago it seemed any woman i dated swallowed, now days it seems tougher to find which has me bewildered. Bust a nut on her face instead, then take pictures :)
Video tape yourselves, have her play sloot, talk dirty, tons of stuff you can do.
I don't think anal is all its made out to be, usually messy. I only want it cause they tell me I can't have it usually.
I couldn't be with a woman long term that didn't swallow myself. Tell her either she starts at least trying to or you don't see it working. If she really wants to make you happy she will try, if she won't, well then you know how she really feels.
I understand people would do this when not satisfied with their sex life however she just moved to the city I live in and she has a lot to lose by doing either of those. Not using it as an excuse but I def don't see that happening any time soon. However if this trend continues after I get settled in then yea I can see it happening.
 
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jaymbrs

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She just made a massive commitment to you And she doesn’t feel your full presence. This is what this is all about, I think. You’re actions show you’re not making her a priority.
You're probably right. Well she'll need to just wait until everything settles down for me.
 

ubercat

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Agree. sounds like you are happy with her overall and there's investment happening on both sides. Things have just become a bit of a grind lately.

Maybe make one night where you go and explore the city together. Or if you don't have time buy voucher to one of those chick spa pamper places. Or do an overnight in a hotel that has a big spa bath. New experiences or feeling beautiful would definitely help with her mood.
 

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

Relationships ebb & flow. Like @flowtheory said she’s made a big commitment to you and the relationship so she’s wanting reassurance that she made the right choice...she wants to feel desired.

Very important for us chicks.

I get that you are getting settled in & set up. But take a time out & tune into the relationship you’ve built with her. If she doesn’t know anybody in your new town (her new town) go explore together. Chat with people. See what unfolds.

Women in particular are very social creatures and we generally do best with a social network. We thrive when we’ve got a gaggle of girlfriends to be girlie with. That in turn keeps us from getting too clingy or crazy within the relationship. In a new place it can feel isolating not to know anybody and not all women are as fearlessly outgoing as BE. Therefore make her a priority while she makes the adjustment...

Once she’s found a yoga group or a coffee gal pal or something she will be less dependent and sensitive about her social outlets. So I’d surmise that’s part of it.

And keep it hot in the bedroom too. Maybe go explore the city and surprise her with an overnight hotel stay. Doesn’t have to be super fancy. Just thoughtful and preferably a surprise.

So she feels your desire.

All of us need to feel wanted. Men do. Women do too.

Cheers
 
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