GF Thinks I Should Walk Her Home After Dates

[Fela Kuti]

About some months ago, I asked my GF, "Do you feel the need to be walked home after dates?" She answered, "Not really. It's not like you have a car, anyway."

Just some minutes ago, she told me that there's something that's been bugging her mind. It's that she thinks I lack responsibility. She thinks that I should walk her home every now and then. "But you told me it's okay if I don't," I said. She answered, "Yeah, I think it's not really a problem even though it'd be nice if you do. But all my friends told me that you definitely should do that, and I'm beginning to think the same. That's a responsibility of a man. Even though I've said it's okay, that's not a reason for you to neglect the responsibility." She was crying while she said this.

Wow. What should I do guys? I'm a believer that walking GF to her house is not a priority. It's more like a formality to me. It'll be different if I have a car, though. I'm definitely gonna be driving her home.

 

[Fela Kuti]

One more thing to consider, her house is pretty far from mine. An hour or less drive, maybe.

 

[JesterX]

and she walks all that way wtf?

 

[Fela Kuti]

and she walks all that way wtf?

haha, no man. it's like when we went home after a movie or dinner. and by "walking", i mean taking a bus ride then walk a bit to reach her house.

 

[Z Man]

How is she getting to the date location in the first place? Bus? Hitching a ride?

If she goes to the effort to meet up with away from her home, the least you can do is walk with her home.

If she were just a girl acquaintance my advice might be a tad different, but if you two are in a relationship I don't think it is AFC to see her safely home.

She subtely was letting you know you should have been a man and insisted on walking her home! She feels safer if you are with her, especially if it is dark outside. She's also disappointed she had to nudge into the idea to be a MAN and "protect" her.

If you are ok spending $3+ on gas to drive her home, you got two legs, BE a MAN and walk her home!

EDIT: at least walk her to the bus or place where there are a bunch of people in a public place so she's not alone.

 

[Fela Kuti]

We're in a relationship and she gets to our meeting places by bus

 

[Obsidian]

i'd do it a couple times to appease her, but I wouldn't make a habit of it. It'll be pretty dull if y'all have to just sit on a bus together for an hour all the time

 

[Fela Kuti]

I think from now on I gotta do it every time. Or else, she'll be pissed, I can tell.

 

[Fela Kuti]

oh man, now i'm getting confused. actually she wants to be walked home because she feels that it's my duty as a BF. it's not because the needs to be guarded or entertained. but because she thinks that it's a bf responsibility. a manner.

 

[Monkey]

Yes - a classy guy makes sure his girlfriend is safely home after a date.

However, the problem here is that you are basically in a long distance relationship, and this is an example of why its never a good idea...

 

[Fela Kuti]

long distance? i won't say one-hour (even less) drive between our houses is a LDR. hahah.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

About some months ago, I asked my GF, "Do you feel the need to be walked home after dates?" She answered, "Not really. It's not like you have a car, anyway."

Just some minutes ago, she told me that there's something that's been bugging her mind. It's that she thinks I lack responsibility. She thinks that I should walk her home every now and then. "But you told me it's okay if I don't," I said. She answered, "Yeah, I think it's not really a problem even though it'd be nice if you do. But all my friends told me that you definitely should do that, and I'm beginning to think the same. That's a responsibility of a man. Even though I've said it's okay, that's not a reason for you to neglect the responsibility." She was crying while she said this.

Wow. What should I do guys? I'm a believer that walking GF to her house is not a priority. It's more like a formality to me. It'll be different if I have a car, though. I'm definitely gonna be driving her home.

What else is the man "responsible for" in a relationship? I say if there is a specific list of tasks that women expect, you should take a few moments and create your own too.

The fact is that there's something else floating around in her head. The deal about walking her home is just a symptom of something else under the surface. It could be something trivial but who knows until you find out the real reason why she brought it up.

 

[MacAvoy]

But all my friends told me that you definitely should do that, and I'm beginning to think the same. That's a responsibility of a man. Even though I've said it's okay, that's not a reason for you to neglect the responsibility." She was crying while she said this.

Herein lies the problem. Are you going to allow her friends dictate how your relationship should be?

 

[DoctorLW]

An hour? Are you crazy? Anything that requires you to go above and beyond IS NOT NECESSARY. Maybe do it once or twice as a special gift, but make sure she knows it is just that.

I'm assuming if its an hour there, and then an hour back? If so, 2 hours is just unreal and I would never do it. An hour is bad enough. Your time is more valuable than that.

 

[scrapperdog]

I would be very worried if a girl cried over something like this. You offered, she said no, now she is coming back crying because you listened to her? How easy is she going to be to keep happy?

She is letting a bunch of her chick friends define your responsibility as a man? You need to get control or this is going to spin wild IMO.

 

[Fela Kuti]

Well, actually she didn't brought this up all by her initiative. It'd been some months that she hinted this but wouldn't tell me what it was. (She's an introvert). She said things like, "I don't really feel safe when I go out with you." If I asked why is that, she always said, "I don't think I must spell it out for you. You should've realized it by yourself, because it's one of your responsibility." (This is some times after she said that walking her home isn't really important). Until last night, when I finally able to got it out from her.

OK now I wanna ask, is walking your GF home is really a responsibility? Or is it just a luxury that just need to be done once in a while?

 

[Fela Kuti]

The fact is that there's something else floating around in her head. The deal about walking her home is just a symptom of something else under the surface. It could be something trivial but who knows until you find out the real reason why she brought it up.

Really? What made u think like this?

 

[Fela Kuti]

One thing I forgot to mention: her decision isn't affected only by her friends but also her MOTHER. She said that my not walking her home doesn't sit well with her mother. OK, her friends, I can stand up for myself. But her mother? No. She's the #1 person in my GF's life.

 

[Leporello]

Something else to consider; my ex-GF always had me take the bus back with her because after making out/feeling her up/fvcking she didn't want to feel like a slut and go home alone.

 

[DoctorLW]

Oh I see the problem now.

Look, I had a similar problem myself. All of my gf's friends hated me (behind my back of course, when they hung out with me everyone seemed to love me just fine). As a DJ, you are bound to get chicks who don't like the way you treat girls even if you don't treat them like crap (and a true DJ doesn't treat girls like dirt). Many of them see it (wrongly) as an assault against feminism for a man to take control of a relationship (as he should). I guarantee you that most of her friends are single and jealous, and just want her to be as miserable as they are. It's a girl thing.

Anyway, whenever this convo came up for me I was basically just very blunt. I would say, "So really, you can't think for yourself? Do you always let other people tell you how to think? The only thing that matters is what YOU think. What DO you think?" Every single time she would say "I'm cool with it, I just don't like taking crap from them" (or something to that effect). This is your chance then to hint that her friends are jealous or what have you. It seems counter intuitive and AFCish to rip on her friends, but if you do it the right way and put it in a context relevant to her... well, they love that ****. Girls love being catty and comparing themselves to their friends... it's just how they are. Of course, I'm sure the issue will re-assert itself again a month or so down the line, but just deal with it the same way. It didn't fail for me.

The mother is a different story, because it's her mother and you can't really insult her mother. Honestly I would just ignore the mother and focus on the friends. As long as you directly confront the issue it should be fine.

Best of luck to you.