Gf the centre of my life and I dont have any option

[AMF]

Hi all,

A year ago I moved from my college town where I had my friends and workmates, back home to a new place, where I literally dont know anyone at all. Small town and frankly, no chance of meeting anyone there (take my word for it.) I got a job but as offices go, its terrible for meeting people (virtually no-one even in their 20s.) My big hope is eventually moving into a shared house in the city, when I will be able to start building a life in the normal ways, but until then I am nearly 100% dependent on going away to visit people at weekends.

Anyway, I met a girl in the city last summer and we started seeing each other more and more; she is one of the only people ive met who is in to clubbing as much as me, and into the same stuff generally. Inititally I didnt feel for her so much, it was more a "clubbing friends" thing - her and all her friends became the most ideal social option i could wish for. I would love to have them all (big group, varied, guys and girls) as a friendship group, but the girl and I got close and became properly hooked up, as we are now.

My trips away to see the buddies quickly declined - as I say, cos we all have the same interests, my gf and her friends all do what I REALLY want to do. Much more than just get drunk with my buddies back where I used to live. Add the fact we now actually care alot for each other, and its not suprising i feel increasingly dependent on my gf.

I know that this is terrible because if (when - im a realist) it ends Id have alot weaker links to my buddies and no options. I truly dread that outcome so am desperate to take action now.

Any thoughts/motivations any of you can provide would be great.

Thanks all.

 

[squirrels]

Find something you can do on your own, that your girlfriend's NOT into. Just disconnect once in a while and have fun.

Do you have any male friends left? Go do something fun with them. My friends and I shoot pool, play cards, go to the shooting range, even play X-box (although I wouldn't recommend that as a TRUE passion). And when I want to disconnect completely, I go and ride my bike.

If you were happy doing what you were doing, you wouldn't feel dependent, even if she DID do everything with you. Why is it you feel dependent? Are you feeling doubt about yourself? Are you afraid of her losing interest? Is there something you're doing that you hate doing but you do it for her?

 

[joekerr31]

ahhh a nice tricky situation that requires some thought.

heres my take. NEVER go from 'friends' to 'lovers'.

now that said, the key to a successful relationship is ultimately for your woman to become your best friend. BUT, first she needs to be your lover, then develop a friendship.

when you start as friends and move to lovers it never works out like it should.

so already i think you have a slight problem on your hands.

as to whether you are too dependent on her. well, if you gotta ask then you already are. hehe.

if she suddenly got up and walked out on you and that would make you utterly miserable, then you are TOO dependent at this stage of the game for sure.

my best suggestion compartmentalize your life for a period of time - say 6 months. right now your life has WAY too much overlap with this girl. what you need to do is go "ok, i'm ONLY going to spend ONE day a week with Sally."

this means you will have to get new friends. if you like clubbing get NEW clubbing friends.

as it stands right now if this chic, for whatever reason, flips out on you she has the power to destroy multiple elements of your life. she can destroy your social circle, your romantic status, and your overall sense of value. you can go from partying it up to being all alone in the blink of an eye.

so branch out and start making friends of your own. not only will this raise her interest in you, it will also cover your *ss if she turns out to be a nut job. and just because she's miss perfect today don't mean she'll stay that way.

 

[AMF]

been a while, just wanted to thank you both for the great advice.

jokerr... you are clearly someone with his **** together. that is EXACTLY what I have to do. Even at first if Im not actually doing anything else, make sure its not with her.

I need to start a tactical retreat as it were... a rereat back to the days when i had control and she was just an option.

thanks.

 

[Modro]

This sounds so like me, i became reliant on my ex girlfriend, cut most my ties with my friends it ended. I didnt want it to and i was left feeling like ****.

Best idea, join a gym focus on other things (a hobbie) a bit more make sure you stay close to your friends it is very important. If they are real friends they will always be there remember that. Try not to spend so much time with her and do other thing apart from clubbing.

if she starts kicking up **** or saying she will leave be prepared to let her go.

 

[PigAdlemPimp]

Why is clubbing so great dude, the morning after you are at least $100 poorer, your ears are sore from the loud music, you wake up with a hangover, no reason to do it, sarge in hospital car parks, its free, no other dudes are doing it, there are thousands of hot babes to meet.

 

[Rudra]

Why is clubbing so great dude, the morning after you are at least $100 poorer, your ears are sore from the loud music, you wake up with a hangover, no reason to do it, sarge in hospital car parks, its free, no other dudes are doing it, there are thousands of hot babes to meet.

In... hospital car parks...??
Elaborate please