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Gf/spouse always try to make you out as the bad guy

Don Juanabbe

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Hi all,

So, I've been here awhile, learned alot, and really tried to look back at my past LTRs. I had about three, but two of them were 3 1/2 years and 7 years respectively.

For whatever reason, I feel that in my development and growing, it's sometimes good to look back on these relationships. I know alot of people would say, 'move on' and I agree with that.

But I think that one reason I need to look back on my LTRs, is because I need to get a better, positive image of myself in order to move forward, and I feel that, indeed, I've come out from the brainwashed state that society has put me in, but also, I'm trying to come out of the brainwashed state I was in from the women who were in my life.

Remember, I, like many of you, was the nice guy. Too nice. Always worried that maybe what I said or did might upset/anger/drive away the woman I was with.

I was raised in the era of:

Man = evil, abusive, misogynistic etc.

Woman = well, you know, all that Feminist claptrap

For some reason, and maybe it was my attitude, the two big relationships I had in my life have something very much in common: both woman were always trying to make me out to be the bad guy. All the time.

But the truth is, I really am not the bad person they always sought to frame me as. Now, when I say I'm being made out to be the bad guy, I mean:

If I went out a few times too many during the week, I was a sh*t.

If I didn't say nice things, and do nice things all the time, I was a sh*t.

If I neglected her *needs* sometimes, I was a sh*t.

But truth be told, I think the only things I did bad was argue back when they started up, and sometimes accuse them respectively of being a b*tch when they were actually, indeed, acting like b*tches.

Now, keep in mind, I always carried my share of the load with these two women - I worked, made money, and probably paid the lions share of the expenses - yes, I know, I'm dumb.

All around, I think I was a good catch for these women: I'm good looking, have a good job, sense of humour, sensitivity (yuck).

All the sh*t women say they wanted: And it backfired, bigtime.

The one thing I lacked was a spine.

However, I feel that I was unfairly being targeted for small stuff, so look out for these patterns:

Both women would take small things I did and blow them way out of proportion, and the sick coincidence was, both women pulled sh*t on me that was really out of line - buying big ticket items without consulting me, embarrassing me in public, one of them would start an argument with me, and on the odd occasion throw a punch.

So if a woman is constantly trying to magnify your so-called transgressions, it's usually to diminish the sh*t they are guilty of.

Yep, I was the classic chump in hindsight, and I realise that. But what is it with these women that are constantly harping on your small imperfections, whilst doing, and getting away with, way worse stuff?

Well, I think a combination of control, societal programming I.e. - the man is always in the wrong, the man is always the b*astard in the relationship, the man is the abuser, this stuff has been pounded into these young women's minds.

I know this a little convoluted - I'm kind of ranting more, but I think maybe it's something that guys need to discuss in order to avoid sh*t like this.

Because, no matter what these women were like, the bottom line is, this was the end result of my AFCness.

My AFCness, and basically whipped, self loathing behaviour as a man, caused me to put up with this crap. It stopped me from getting out of these relationships, when really, I should have run for the hills. It kind of stole my 20's from me.

Luckily it's not too late, and I'm making up for it in my 30's.

Just some musings on my past, really, now that I can look upon it for what it truly was.

But it's interesting to look at how our PC, feminist, man hating society has screwed things up so much for both men and women.

Any thoughts?
 

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Mr.B

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I agree with your points and can sympithyze (sp?) with your examples.
 

flexion_

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I hear ya' bro. I think the main comment or advise would be to look at yourself first - ie. make yourself a better person, follow your goals, have an identity of who you are, etc..

I think the mistake I made in past LTRs was trying to look to much at my partners needs (maybe thats male programming... to take care of / hunter+gather for women?) rather than focusing on mine.
 

cave dweller

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water

Hey,

Don't be so hard on yourself.
Remember they are all the same.

1..They all come with excess baggage. (it comes in many forms)

2..They all drown in a glass of water. ie.
You buy a green shirt, you should have bought a blue one.
You buy a blue car, you should have bought a green one.
You buy her a green blouse, you should have bought her a blue one. (hell, you can't win)

3..They are not looking for a man--They all are looking for a fvcking PUPPET.
ie. As long as you remain her puppet and jump at her 'beck and call' you are ok in her eyes. The first time you think for yourself and do or say 'your thing' your shvt gets weak. (you are an a$$ hole)

cave dweller
 

disciple

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Just remember to be man, a real man and never let a woman put you down or disrespect you.

Anytime she acts up, tell her you have other places to go, people to see, and things to do and when she wants to communicate with you like an adult, to let you know.

Then leave or if she is at your place, tell her it is time for her to leave and let her go.

If she really cares about you, she'll throw a fit or not talk to you for awhile to see if you'll bend to her will but just be patient and hold out.

She will respect your strength and know that you are a real man and she'll come crawling back to you.
 
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Mr.B

Don Juan
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Just remember to be man, a real man and never let a woman put you down or disrespect you.

Anytime she acts up, tell her you have other places to go, people to see, and things to do and when she wants to communicate with you like an adult, to let you know.
This is where I always drop the ball.

I end up defending myself about something that had nothing to do with me in the first place.

I have to work on the "just walk away" mentality.
 

Desdinova

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it's sometimes good to look back on these relationships.
Past relationship memories are excellent for learning from your mistakes. You also learn what you want and what you don't want in a future partner.

So if a woman is constantly trying to magnify your so-called transgressions, it's usually to diminish the sh*t they are guilty of.
What women do is they change the subject in an arguement to get their ass out of trouble, and they bring up one of your past mistakes which is apparently WORSE than what she did. One of the key things to remember when you're arguing with a woman is don't let her change the subject. You're dealing with the issue at hand. Any past issues should have been settled in the past. Keep it that way.

and on the odd occasion throw a punch.
If my woman ever laid a hand on me in anger, she'd be out the fvcking door faster than she could say "I've got cramps"

3..They are not looking for a man--They all are looking for a fvcking PUPPET.
Actually, women are looking for both in one package. They want to have their cake and eat it too. Unfortunately, it will never ever happen. A guy is either a MAN who stands up for himself, or he's a puppet who gives into her every whim. They're two exact opposites. Nobody can be happy and sad at the same time.

Deep down, women want to be told NO, but she'll initially want her own way. If you tell a woman NO, she'll be pissy for a little while. But it subsides, and she'll end up being happy you stood up to her.

It never works the other way. If you let a woman have her own way, she'll never turn around and say, "You were right the first time." Unfortunately, most men will go this way, and won't tolerate her temporary pissy mode.
 
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