Gf says "let's stop here"

[Htienvu]

Posted this in general discussion also, but want mature guy's opinion also.

Gf of 4 months, everything is as smooth as it can be. Lastnight after sex we cuddled up and talked. She's been going on about my expectation of her, saying she can't be perfect girl as I wanted. I think this bothers her and scares her. She said "let's stop here" after telling me something bothers her, she thinks that we might not get on in the future, she said it's just a feeling she's getting.

Like I said everything has been so smooth so far, we get on never argue, she never seem bored and seem happy around me and the sex has been great!. Could she be testing my feelings as I don't reveal much to her! Or could be lost of interest, but her words and ACTIONS does not tell me that. Is there another guy in the picture? could be but highly unlikely from what I see.

After she said that to me I said if that's your decision then ok, I am fine with it. I tried leaving but she insisted on me staying the night. Left at the end after 3rd try, saying there's no point staying anymore. She had twinkles in her eyes like she was going to cry, wanted to kiss me for the last time but I refused saying there's no point.

I am not heartbroken because I didn't let myself fall for her, I was prepared because this could happen at anytime with women. I am just a little disappointed because it could have been something in the future.

What to do? Leave it with her? or have a chat to assure her that she has no reason to be scared and I don't expect her to be perfect. Also assure her that my feeling is adequate? I would never use the word "love". If that doesn't work then move on I guess.

What do you guys think?

 

[The_Crack]

b1tches are weird man..
why would a girl cut strings with something that is going great just at a hunch that SOMEHOW SOMEWAY it might not work out and you may argue... If everyone followed this logic would be no matrimony!
women logic baffles me..

 

[Htienvu]

b1tches are weird man..
why would a girl cut strings with something that is going great just at a hunch that SOMEHOW SOMEWAY it might not work out and you may argue... If everyone followed this logic would be no matrimony!
women logic baffles me..

Yea it really baffles me, there's no red flag whatsoever. She organised my surprised birthday on saturday night and we went out. She say she's happy and do seem very happy, used the word "love" too.

Sunday everything fine, she just had this thing bugging her and even then she seem caring and loving. Maybe it's a test of my feelings as I see no other red flags at all.

Will talk to her on Tuesday night and see, if it ends then let it, will be disappointed but won't be hurt over it.

 

[The Duke]

Sounds like a typical woman.......uses emotion to reason with instead of logic. Give her a few days.

She might be worried that you aren't giving all of yourself and she's developing a deeper connection for you and worries she'll get hurt.

I'd just reassure her that all is well & continue on.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Crack,
"why would a girl cut strings with something that is going great just at a hunch that SOMEHOW SOMEWAY it might not work out"....Well,what about branch swinging?....Or a silly game she read in a Magazine to show how much you feel for her?...As a leverage ploy?.

Only one way to handle it....Next time you see her,ask if she still feels the same way.If she does,then tell her you feel so much for her well being,that if that is the way she feels,then you will go quietly and not make a fuss...But you would like her to consider it a break up for,say a month....Then go off and prepare the groundwork for getting a few Plates...She'll be back.

So what else can you do?....Go down on your knees?....Write suicide notes?
Naah....That's what Scarra has done for similar situations in past...After all you have read here,you must appreciate they see weakness as "Needy"...maybe it will work once,but having found this tactic so effective,she will pull this stunt whenever she feels she wants something.

 

[Htienvu]

Sounds like a typical woman.......uses emotion to reason with instead of logic. Give her a few days.

She might be worried that you aren't giving all of yourself and she's developing a deeper connection for you and worries she'll get hurt.

I'd just reassure her that all is well & continue on.

This is what I think it could be, I think back and see no red flags up till the "talk" itself. And this is right after great sex session, she might be feeling emotional then. I reacted cool but I left when she wanted me to stay, wanted to kiss me at the door but I told her there's no point, she seemed upset by this.

 

[backbreaker]

all you can do is tip the hat and move on and be thankful you weren't 4 years into a marriage when she pulled that crap.

it is what it is. reason number 845 why a woman has to earn the right to be exclusive.

 

[Htienvu]

Dear Crack,
"why would a girl cut strings with something that is going great just at a hunch that SOMEHOW SOMEWAY it might not work out"....Well,what about branch swinging?....Or a silly game she read in a Magazine to show how much you feel for her?...As a leverage ploy?.

Only one way to handle it....Next time you see her,ask if she still feels the same way.If she does,then tell her you feel so much for her well being,that if that is the way she feels,then you will go quietly and not make a fuss...But you would like her to consider it a break up for,say a month....Then go off and prepare the groundwork for getting a few Plates...She'll be back.

So what else can you do?....Go down on your knees?....Write suicide notes?
Naah....That's what Scarra has done for similar situations in past...After all you have read here,you must appreciate they see weakness as "Needy"...maybe it will work once,but having found this tactic so effective,she will pull this stunt whenever she feels she wants something.

I will never get needy and beg, I will play it cool, reassure her and ask if she still feels the same. I am disappointed because so far I can't criticise her on anything. I do admit that I play the insecurity game with her, joking about she's not important, I have options and don't needy her etc... all this is done is a jokingly way. Maybe it made her feel insecure.

 

[Jeffst1980]

all you can do is tip the hat and move on and be thankful you weren't 4 years into a marriage when she pulled that crap.

it is what it is. reason number 845 why a woman has to earn the right to be exclusive.

^This.


Regardless of the reason for this behavior, your response should be the same: Pull back and go about your daily life until she contacts you and admits that she was wrong.

Leaving issues like this unresolved in her mind is the best way to get her to think about you obsessively, which translates into a spike in interest. If you assure her that everything is ok- or worse, apologize- it will further push her away.

From what you described, you did nothing wrong that would make her doubt that you'd be a faithful partner. Therefore, you must assume that SHE is the one that "messed up." By acting aloof and refusing to appease her crazy ways, you demonstrate that you have high standards that aren't swayed by this kind of nonsense. In effect, you're acting like a alpha male.

If she senses that she turned her back on an alpha male that was willing to commit, she'll reconsider pretty quickly.

The only time I'd advise reassuring her is if you REALLY went overboard on the joking. There is a line, and it's a bad idea to make her feel insecure when she's treating you well.

 

[Htienvu]

Good advice Jeffst, I am not sure if I went overboard with the on the jokes or not. Also she's an overseas student in the UK, she's insecure about what others think of her motives with me(to stay in the UK), although I know she has no intention of this because her family is well off back home. Also she mentioned my expectations in a woman and also my family's expectations. She only met my family last week, we're orientals so family is a big part of things.

That is why I am not sure if I should assure her or not, I would never apologise because I have done nothing wrong. How can i assure her but keep my frame of an alpha male, which I have been so far and she's been treating me great. Everything so far points to her falling for me, I am not blinded about this, I have seen no red flags so far. I am emotionally detached as we speak, I have not felt hurt at all since last night, just disappointment.

 

[Iceberg]

What to do? Leave it with her? or have a chat to assure her that she has no reason to be scared and I don't expect her to be perfect. Also assure her that my feeling is adequate? I would never use the word "love". If that doesn't work then move on I guess.

What do you guys think?

The only thing you can do is leave it with her.

I know you want to talk about how you don't expect her to be perfect, and that she shouldn't be scared. But you're forgetting the golden rule: Judge a woman's actions, not her words.

So she tells you it's about your expectations of a perfect girl. But in reality, she just doesn't want to get tied into a relationship with you. In situations like this, it's RARELY what the woman says. It's some other sh!t.

Either way, like other guys said, just back off and enjoy your life. No point in getting all analytical over some chick you dated for 4 months.

Reality says she comes back or she doesn't. But don't judge what she says...because obviously that's nonsense. You can't win if you play by their rules.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Many, many girls throw out a test to see if you will "fight" for her and the relationship. Could be what's happening here.

 

[vatoloco]

Gf of 4 months... She said "let's stop here" after telling me something bothers her... After she said that to me I said if that's your decision then ok, I am fine with it. I tried leaving but she insisted on me staying the night.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Incongruent behavior in a GF is a HUGE red flag for me.

Any time a woman says to end the relationship, it's time to take her up on the offer.​

 

[backbreaker]

i will also add..


just beucase you don't' see a problem, doesn't mean there isn't a problem.


if i were a wagering man, and hell i actually am lol, and you put a gun to my head and said BB what happened here.. i would wager that she did something without you knowing that she feels really ****ty about and calls herself trying to "protect you" or some **** like that. i.e she probably cheated and knows she doesn't like you enough to stay in a LTR with you


women, even bat**** crazy ones, just don't up and leave for no reason. there is a reason. you might not know it. the reason might not make sense. but there is a reason.

 

[Htienvu]

Many, many girls throw out a test to see if you will "fight" for her and the relationship. Could be what's happening here.

I see what Iceberg is saying and I also think of Atom's point on this. This is why it's hard to decide on what to do, right up till that point she has been treating me great, I could not fault any of her actions until lastnight. She has gone out of her ways to please me such as cooking, making tea, washing, buying things and everytime I want sex she was happily willing.

 

[Htienvu]

i will also add..


just beucase you don't' see a problem, doesn't mean there isn't a problem.


if i were a wagering man, and hell i actually am lol, and you put a gun to my head and said BB what happened here.. i would wager that she did something without you knowing that she feels really ****ty about and calls herself trying to "protect you" or some **** like that. i.e she probably cheated and knows she doesn't like you enough to stay in a LTR with you


women, even bat**** crazy ones, just don't up and leave for no reason. there is a reason. you might not know it. the reason might not make sense. but there is a reason.

Of course there is a reason, I told her last night I don't want her explanations as I was preparing to leave. Could it be cheating? could be, I would not count anything out.

 

[Iceberg]

I see what Iceberg is saying and I also think of Atom's point on this.

Atom's theory could be correct, but interpret it this way.....what kind of woman would risk losing you just for the sake of testing you?

If she values you, then she assumes that other girls do too. And she's just put you on the path of pursuing opportunities with these other girls (whether they exist or not).

I'm just some dude on the internet and you're the one who's living it, so obviously you should make your own decision. But I've never experienced a girl (a sane girl) breaking up with me in an attempt to make the relationship stronger.

If you value something ( a person, possession, etc), you don't just walk away from it and leave it for anyone else to take.

So again, formulate your own thoughts and hypothesis, but look at it with open eyes.

 

[backbreaker]

Atom's theory could be correct, but interpret it this way.....what kind of woman would risk losing you just for the sake of testing you?

If she values you, then she assumes that other girls do too. And she's just put you on the path of pursuing opportunities with these other girls (whether they exist or not).

I'm just some dude on the internet and you're the one who's living it, so obviously you should make your own decision. But I've never experienced a girl (a sane girl) breaking up with me in an attempt to make the relationship stronger.

If you value something ( a person, possession, etc), you don't just walk away from it and leave it for anyone else to take.

So again, formulate your own thoughts and hypothesis, but look at it with open eyes.

lol I have. well not breaking up,but they were plates who thought I was bull****ting when I told them I wasn't ready to settle down and they both threatened to leave or to cut things off with me if i was not ready to commit. in both cases they severely overestimated their worth in my eyes. in both cases within days or so they both called me back telling me how much of an ******* i was while driving over my house to come see me.a'

but this, this doesn't past the sniff test. in both cases the girls wanted me to do something and threatedn to pull out even though they valued me. in this case, the dude is doing what the girl wants and she is threatening to pull out

 

[Die Hard]

Been trying to write a post all afternoon but other stuff keeps popping up in my schedule. You'll get it in a few hours, don't contact her or do anything else that's stupid in the meanwhile

 

[Htienvu]

I know what you guys are saying about action speaks louder, well her actions speaks loud and clear until now. If I stayed and talk to her then could have sorted this out one way or another but I am too proud for that. I will leave it for a week without contact then have a chat with her, if it don't work out then I will move on. Thanks guys for your opinions.