Gf made me visit her, then didnt give a sh!t about me..what would you do?

[longlifexs]

I had this situation last night and I’d appreciate any ideas or comments on it you might have..

So..my gf (she’s 16, I’m turing 18 in 2 weeks; have been going out for some 6 months now) is working as a camp leader at a children camp for two weeks. She texted me every day of the first week, saying how much she missed me and wanted me to visit her, so I agreed and came to the camp on the weekend. She was horny like never before, so as soon as I arrived, we went to her hut and had some fun. After that, she said she needed to take the children to the disco that was taking place on that evening and that she would be right back. Well, I waited for some 30 minutes and she didn’t come. I got kinda pissed and went to a gas station about 1km away to get some food&drink. When I got back to the camp half an hour later, I met her at the disco hall. Said hi and that I’ll wait in the hut. Waited for ages, she didn’t come. I’m the type of guy who acts kinda stubborn in such situations, so I just sat there pissed like hell, waiting and wondering if she comes or not. I went to take a piss (that was about 3 hrs after she left the hut) and met her..didn’t say anytihing as i was still pissed, but she didn’t say anythign either, just looked at me and continued walking. Went back to the hut, waited for some more time. Then (over 5 hrs after her „I’ll be right back“) she came. I was lying on the bad at that time, lights were off. She sat on the bed at my feet and started crying. I was resolved not to do anything and let her také care of the situation, but after some 10 minutes of listening to her cries, I extended my hand, she took it and lay next to me. Kept crying and didn’t say anything. So I just asked „why?“ and she said „i dunno..i needed to take the children to the disco, then the other camp leaders made me stay in the other hut and drink with them and then..i kinda forgot about you“. blah blah blah. Nothing like she was sorry or anything. The morning after, I left. She cried again but didn’t say anything.. Lter she texted me saying „sorry“, I tried to start a convo but as soon as I made a slightly ironic remark, SHE got pissed so I just ended it at that.

So, she basicly made me spend a total of 6 hours in train to come and see her and then spent only about 2 hours with me and let me sit in the hut feeling sh!t. Plus she didn’t even try to explain or apologize. So my question is – how would you guys react?

Bottom line: I know I probably shouldn't have stayed in the hut waiting, but instead come and find her and do something, but that's just the way I am..not that I wasn't trying to change it tho

 

[KontrollerX]

Not enough to go on to give you much of an answer dude.

I'll ask you a few questions though...

Think about how she has acted towards you throughout most of the relationship.

Ok now that you are thinking about that here comes the question...

Has there been any drastic changes in her behavior as of late either bad or extremely good behavior towards you?

Out of the ordinary type of behavior is what I'm getting at.

When chicks cry over a non issue my bullsh!t detector is on orange alert.

 

[longlifexs]

Well earlier in the relationship, she ocasionally got sad..for many reasons, I think I posted about it once too..sometimes because of me getting a bit to the AFC side, sometimes of different things.
But recently there haven't been any of these sad moods, yet rather situations in which she acted in a way that made me feel bad. Like not paying any attention to me at all (which isn't something I would get all mad about, but that doesn't mean I like it..), reacting in an overly serious way in situations in which she would normally go joking etc. It only happens sometimes, but it always makes me think like "do I have to go through all of this?" until she either apologizes or I forget about it..
Anyway I think I managed to get rid of almost all AFC stuff I might have done before now and am doing better than ever before in the relationship..so it is even more surprising to me why this happens..
But to answer your question..I haven't spotted any DRASTIC changes..just those bad moments at times..and at all the other times, she seems to be more in love with me than ever before.

 

[KontrollerX]

Ahh well ok maybe you both are just stubborn lol.

Which is why the wait.

A battle of wills you know?

Girl: He should come to me!
Longlifexs: She should come to me!

LMAO.

So yeah it was one of those situations most likely where one of you had to be the "bigger person" and make the move to go and meet up but each of you was waiting.

 

[decades]

she's angry at something and expressing it in passive aggressive ways. sounds like she is a high maintenance girl. needs a lot of care and attention....

 

[longlifexs]

Ahh well ok maybe you both are just stubborn lol.

Which is why the wait.

A battle of wills you know?

Girl: He should come to me!
Longlifexs: She should come to me!

LMAO.

So yeah it was one of those situations most likely where one of you had to be the "bigger person" and make the move to go and meet up but each of you was waiting.

Well you're right, we both are kinda stubborn. But I don't think this was the case..still, who knows

 

[longlifexs]

she's angry at something and expressing it in passive aggressive ways. sounds like she is a high maintenance girl. needs a lot of care and attention....

Well I wouldn't say she demands that much attention or care..well, of course she does want some, but all the girls do. Like..she does want me around a lot, but she is able to make the time well-spent for me (except some cases..like this one). But she isn't the type of girl who would need me stuck to her ass all the time or demand that I give her everzthing she wants (I wouldn't do that anyway)

But I do agree on the point that she might be angry or discontent for some reason, while not allowing herself to show what the true matter is and instead doing some seemingly nonsense stuff. The question is, how do I find out what the real problem is?

 

[KontrollerX]

She ever passively mention any "cute" counselor guys who've been checking her out at camp?

Those tears of hers just scream out some form of guilt to me (as its too weird for a chick to cry like this out of the blue because of some unspoken incident between the both of you unless she's got something to hide) but PE may be right and perhaps they are just passive aggressive tears of frustration out of her stubborness of wanting you to come to her ie seek her out to show you care ie games playing bullsh!t.

You have said you don't think stubborness is it on her end so I have to ask...

You have any theories if it isn't stubborness that is making her act this way?

 

[Anchorman]

bro, when she said that she "kinda forgot about you", didnt that kind of raise a huge red flag? The other camp leaders "made" her go drink with them?

dude it sounds like bull**** to me.

I had a similar experience; my ex, on the day we were suppose to hang, went to hang with her friends instead. And when I confronted her, she also started crying and said that she got high and "forgot we were suppose to chill".

The crying was suppose to make you see her as a victum, completely going around the fact that you just got toyed with.

Dont let her get away with **** like that bro, if you let her slide, you might as well take your sack and put it on her key chain.

I dont know man... this is a major red flag. And from my personal experience, the disrespect that was displayed shows that she does not care much about you or the relationship. If I were you, I would find a new chick.

 

[longlifexs]

bro, when she said that she "kinda forgot about you", didnt that kind of raise a huge red flag? The other camp leaders "made" her go drink with them?

dude it sounds like bull**** to me.

The crying was suppose to make you see her as a victum, completely going around the fact that you just got toyed with.

Dont let her get away with **** like that bro, if you let her slide, you might as well take your sack and put it on her key chain.

I dont know man... this is a major red flag. And from my personal experience, the disrespect that was displayed shows that she does not care much about you or the relationship. If I were you, I would find a new chick.

I agree with what you wrote, I don't really believe what she said either. She simply didn't give a sh!t about me, I don't even think she really forgot, instead she had fun while knowing I'm there waiting. And then she acts like a victim, which pisses me off even more.
We are texting at the moment, and SHE acts as the one who has a right to be angry..I'm thinking of sending her something like "you wanted me to come and then didnt give a sh!t so pls stop acting like a victim"..but the thing is we have an apartment at a lake booked for the next week so I don't want to make her too pissed to come with me (and she gets pissed/sad/etc. much easier when texting..in real life, I can avoid that)..if you get what I mean.
About the not caring about the relationship..I don't know, what happened at the camp would support that theory, but it is in contract with what she has been doing at all the other times.. Anyway I'm gonna get more active in the dating field if nothing else (I texted my former dance partner who was pretty into me and which I didnt see for a year and set up a date with her while waiting for my gf to come at the camp ) so that might give me more chances in the case we break up and maybe the knowing I have other possibilities than her would make her act better..

 

[longlifexs]

She ever passively mention any "cute" counselor guys who've been checking her out at camp?

Those tears of hers just scream out some form of guilt to me (as its too weird for a chick to cry like this out of the blue because of some unspoken incident between the both of you unless she's got something to hide) but PE may be right and perhaps they are just passive aggressive tears of frustration out of her stubborness of wanting you to come to her ie seek her out to show you care ie games playing bullsh!t.

You have said you don't think stubborness is it on her end so I have to ask...

You have any theories if it isn't stubborness that is making her act this way?

Cute counsellors - she mentioned about two (she is obviously one of the most attractive girls at the camp, so it's pretty natural there are guys there who like her), but not in a way that would make me think she is interested in them..rather the other way around, she seemed kinda annoyed by them. I though about it and saw her interact with many of the other ppl at the camp and don't think this really could be an issue.

Anyway I agree on the thing with guilt..but as I mentioned, don't believe it would come from some kind of infidelity with one of the camp leaders involved.

Now to the last question..I might have a theory. I haven't mentioned it before, but when I came, after some cuddling and foreplay which was one of the best and most passionate I ever experienced, we had sex which probably didn't turn out as good as it could have. It was really hot in the hut and there was soem hard rock music playing from her phone, which is a really bad combination as I learned earlier (at least I think that is the reason), so I didn't get fully erect and therefore probably haven't..hmm..fully satisfied her. I talked about it with her afterwards and she was like "thats fine"..but I just thought that maybe deep inside, she was sad/pissed about it, and not caring about me was some kind of revenge..and when she came back to me she realised that what she did was really bad and started crying. What do you think about this?

 

[longlifexs]

A little update and a question:

We exchanged a few text messages yesterday and the day before..I got tired of her acting like she is the victim, so I went like "there's no point in this [conversation]- you wanted me to come than didn't give a **** because you had better fun so don't act like a victim. if you wanna talk about it or anything else, i'll appreciate it but first make up your mind about what you want and think about whether what you are writing helps it". She then wrote that it does not [help it] and that maybe that's why she isn't writing anything. She didn't address the thing about ignoring me at all..from that I guessed that she admits that my point of view is true.

She also wrote that she wouild rather wait with talking about it until we see each other next moday, although understands that I will feel bad until then. I said that it would be enough for me to feel better if she expressed some signs of regret or something, but that it would probably be too much to ask for. In her reply, she didn't address this at all..so for some reason she won't apologize. Which is weird cuz whenever she did anythign that pissed me off/made me sad earlier in the relationship, she sooner or later realised it and apologized.

This post is getting rather long again..so to the question I have:
I would like some suggestions on how to act now. I don't want her to get away with this..but I also don't want to make things worse than they are (especially as we're spending the next week together). How would you act now, if you were me? (texting or calling her and trying to talk normally / completely ignoring her / not contacting her but replying in a normal tone if she does / something else) And what about once we meet? ( talking about it and finding out why she did it / only addressing it with "dont ever do it again" in a tone that makes her understand that if she does, she's screwed / etc.)

Personally, I would go with the option 3 now and with a combo of 1 and 2 once we meet (from what I listed)..yet any advice would be greatly appreciated

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

It's sometimes difficult to comment on very specific situations as we can never really know the whole story.

I agree with her that these things are often better discussed in person (or at the very least on the phone instead of texting). You're sore about going all the way there and her not hanging out with you enough. What exactly are you looking for from her now, an apology? Will that make it better? It sounds like she's just an impressionable 16 year old and probably got peer pressured into hanging out somewhere else. She was probably afraid of not looking "cool" in the eyes of the people she works with every day. Maybe that's why she was crying (because she felt bad) when she got back; others here may read even more into that.

I don't know how school is structured in Eastern Europe, but if it's anything like here then would you be attending University soon (if that's your plan)? How much do you like this girl? At 18 I can't recommend serious relationships, especially with younger girls who are often not mature enough. Is it worth it? The fact that you're already trying to set up other backup plans with other girls tends to indicate you're not so sold on this relationship either.

 

[longlifexs]

It's sometimes difficult to comment on very specific situations as we can never really know the whole story.

I agree with her that these things are often better discussed in person (or at the very least on the phone instead of texting). You're sore about going all the way there and her not hanging out with you enough. What exactly are you looking for from her now, an apology? Will that make it better? It sounds like she's just an impressionable 16 year old and probably got peer pressured into hanging out somewhere else. She was probably afraid of not looking "cool" in the eyes of the people she works with every day. Maybe that's why she was crying (because she felt bad) when she got back; others here may read even more into that.

I don't know how school is structured in Eastern Europe, but if it's anything like here then would you be attending University soon (if that's your plan)? How much do you like this girl? At 18 I can't recommend serious relationships, especially with younger girls who are often not mature enough. Is it worth it? The fact that you're already trying to set up other backup plans with other girls tends to indicate you're not so sold on this relationship either.

Thanks for the post..you might be right about the reasons why she hanged with the other ppl and not me. One thing that would go against that is that she met me twice during the time..so she couldn't have just forgotten about me. Or..well, she could. When I really think of it, what you said is probably exactly what it was all about. Maybe I'm really making it a bigger deal than it is, but I agree with some of the guys who commented that she showed a lot of disrespect and that if I ignored it, it would might lead to her doing stuff like this again.

About the apology - no, I don't really need it, it WOULD make me feel a bit better cuz I would know she regreted doing it, but the reason why I mentioned it is that if she refuses to apologize, it makes me think that she doesn't think what she did was bad. Especially considering that she never had problems with saying sorry for bad stuff she did.

btw, if I made it sound like I don't care about the relationship and wouldn't give a damn if we broke up, that's definitely not true. I have very strong feelings for her and definitely do care about the relationship. The "negative" stuff I wrote and my current attitude to meeting new girls and stuff is only a product of my current feelings, which got really bad at the camp and haven't improved as I didn't speak with her since. I'm pretty sure it will get loads better once I see her again on monday. Anyway I have one more year of high school left. I'm not saying that I want to be with her for the rest of my life, but most definitely for some more time.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I would have found another train, Quick! or spent time with someone else at the camp.

 

[longlifexs]

I would have found another train, Quick! or spent time with someone else at the camp.

Yeah, now I see that waiting in the hut was about the worst thing I could do. I realised that a bit too late though.. I definitely should have found myself some other fun. Next time, I'll be smarter.

 

[Axcell]

Some great replies have been mentioned.
Anyway, I had a similar incident that happened to me last year when I went to visit my girlfriend at summerschool. She always used to tell me to come visit her and how we would spend time with each other, etc, but when I went there, she acted so distant in front of her other friends.

My recommendation - keep your visits short and memorable. When you got there, things were great. If you used a time restraint and made it seem like you had better things to do with your time, she would have valued it better. In addition, if you left right after the whole "hut session", no fight would have happened, and she would have remembered the day as something quite amazing (as would have you.)

SHORT + MEMORABLE is the key. You are a DJ, you don't have time to just sit there and do nothing, your time is valuable. Have that frame of mind, and this situation would have been avoided.

 

[longlifexs]

Some great replies have been mentioned.
Anyway, I had a similar incident that happened to me last year when I went to visit my girlfriend at summerschool. She always used to tell me to come visit her and how we would spend time with each other, etc, but when I went there, she acted so distant in front of her other friends.

My recommendation - keep your visits short and memorable. When you got there, things were great. If you used a time restraint and made it seem like you had better things to do with your time, she would have valued it better. In addition, if you left right after the whole "hut session", no fight would have happened, and she would have remembered the day as something quite amazing (as would have you.)

SHORT + MEMORABLE is the key. You are a DJ, you don't have time to just sit there and do nothing, your time is valuable. Have that frame of mind, and this situation would have been avoided.

Well spending a total of some 6 hours in train to see her for 2 would seem kind of weird..but ironically, it would most probably be a much better experience. So, yeah, I guess I should have done it the way you just wrote. Thanks for what you said - I will definitely remember it.

 

[decades]

I would not spend 6 hours to visit her again. she doesn't deserve it and you would look like a chump if you did. see if she misses you if you don't go. let's see how she reacts. if she is ok with it then this thing you have going is about to go bust. She may be trying to be so annoying and problematic that she wants you to throw in the towel so she doesn't have to do the dumping. If you go up there again there is a real possibility she could dump you there. Don't go unless you get some resolution on the phone first and you are certain that you are going to get a proper greeting from Miss Sourpuss.

 

[longlifexs]

I would not spend 6 hours to visit her again. she doesn't deserve it and you would look like a chump if you did. see if she misses you if you don't go. let's see how she reacts. if she is ok with it then this thing you have going is about to go bust. She may be trying to be so annoying and problematic that she wants you to throw in the towel so she doesn't have to do the dumping. If you go up there again there is a real possibility she could dump you there. Don't go unless you get some resolution on the phone first and you are certain that you are going to get a proper greeting from Miss Sourpuss.

Oh well I'm not even thinking of going there again. In my last post I only meant to say that I agree with Axcell on the fact that if I spent less time at the camp, it might have turned out better. But the fact is that I didn't and the current situation is what it turned into.

I see you are pretty pessimistic about the relationship. Well, I still hope that it isn't that bad and that the week together will clear all the flaws. And if it doesn't..there are tons of girls around and at least I would step my game up a bit, right?


Anyway, thanks for all the replies guys. I have one last thing to ask for now, as I really want to het this straight.

From what you wrote, I feel that there are two main groups of ideas:
1) what she did was some really bad sh!t and I shouldn't let her get away with it, cuz it would only give her more power to do whatever she wanted with me
2) it was just a minor freakout by a immature 16y.o. chick which I actually could have seen coming and should tolerate cuz it's not really that much of a big deal

After reading all of the posts you made here, I tend to agree with the latter slightly more. It seems she really just got dragged by her friends at the camp, which doesn't mean it was OK to leave me there waiting but at least it has (supposedly) nothing much to do with her not caring about the relationship and stuff. BUT at the same time, I think it indeed was a sign of disrespect too and do agree with what Anchorman wrote:

Dont let her get away with **** like that bro, if you let her slide, you might as well take your sack and put it on her key chain.

So, what do you think is the right thing to do now?