GF isnt affectionate and expressive

[Glenfiddich101]

I've been in a LTR with this girl for abt 3-4 mths now. Over the past few months i've noticed that shes not very affectionate and expressive. I usually find myself initiating kisses and sex. She will respond but hardly makes the first move. If i remember correctly, there was only once when she was very affectionate

Even when it comes to saying affectionate words, she has problems. There was once when she told me that i look 'more than ok'. I doono abt you, but i dont think i will ever tell my gf that as a compliment. There was once we were jokingly talking abt marriage and to my surprise she couldnt say the word marriage outright. She had to freaking mumble it. We are not talking abt a 18 yr old here, shes 28.

Many atimes when we are out on dates, there's nothing much to say. We have ever kept silent for 2 hrs and we were together. It got so boring until i had to listen to my headphones. And we just got abt doing our own stuff.

It has come to the point where its really getting to me. Cos it feels as if there is some waiting game going on here to see who makes the first move. I'm feeling so unatural cos in all my previous LTR, my gf's were very expressive and affectionate. And i am too. I try to pace myself according to her affection giving but it feels too much like going out like a stranger at times. Shldnt the firest months of a relationship feel like some honeymoon period?

Is she playing some 101 on me or maybe she's just like that. I feel like talking to her with regards to this issue but i may come across as too needy as AFC.

I'm getting pretty unhappy abt this. Is there anything i can do to make her more affectionate?

BTW, we had a quarrel the day before. And she totally blamed me for starting it when we both jolly well know both parties were at fault. She smsed me the day coldly letting me know abt some dinner invitation for us.

I told her that if she doesnt have the decency to admit that what she said to me was unfair and uncalled for, i've got nothing more to say to her. Her reply was " fine and we'll leave it as it is and tht i have no common decency!". We have not spoken since. What a **** up attitude. I have NO intentions of calling her until she does it first.

 

[christz]

NEXT

don't put up with these games, does she live with you? if not cut off all contact with her for about a week see how that goes, if she calls then you know she still has intrest in you.

seems like she's loosing her intrest level, and the time frame seems about right (months) if it was an instant change (week/weeks) than you can expect that somebody major in her life has come back into her life.

 

[jakeyboy]

my ex chick was like that. we broke up, because she said i was too affectionate. (AFC, going gaga over the girl) i understand how you feel, and the only way to make her initiate things is to stop initiating them, if she does start being more responsive, then you know she's still into you.

man, we are so alike. when i quarrelled with my ex, she would fvckin put all the blame on me too. and when i confronted her about it, she was also like your girl, she told me "fine, since you think i'm this way, let it be, if you say so, i cant do anything about it"

at least you didnt act like a chump like how i was, it was disgusting, i'd call her up and grovel, begging for forgiveness. -yucks-



well, anyways, PM me if you wanna talk, seems that we gotta lot in common with our fvcked up girls.

 

[skinnydart]

It got so boring until i had to listen to my headphones

rofl... classic!

i'm always worried about that happening, because we're both really quiet, but for some reason it always works out well, we always have something to talk about. Ok, I know that doens't help, so I'll shut up now.

 

[Interpol]

Honestly...If you can't even make conversation on a date, why are you going out with her?

 

[Frank Zappa]

Sounds like a scenario I was in. Why put up with someone who doesn't show you affection. If you pull away and ignore her and she doesn't shape up, I'd get rid of that wench ASAP... It's nothing but trouble and you know you don't want a future with her... So NEXTING her sooner than later will give you more time to upgrade. ~Zappa

 

[Glenfiddich101]

Originally posted by Frank Zappa
Sounds like a scenario I was in. Why put up with someone who doesn't show you affection. If you pull away and ignore her and she doesn't shape up, I'd get rid of that wench ASAP... It's nothing but trouble and you know you don't want a future with her... So NEXTING her sooner than later will give you more time to upgrade. ~Zappa

It sucks but i dont see how it can progress any further in this manner. I feel more special wiht my female friends. Sometimes i feel that i might be asking for too much but when compared to what i've received before, it doesnt cut it. Bottomline is no point settling.

 

[Bonhomme]

Right on

You gotta look elsewhere. I can't even imagine being in a relationship like that.

 

[xian]

I am in a near exact situation as your are in, im guessing your chick is shy AND LSE and i discovered this fact abt my chick 3 or 4 months into the relationship, its the 11th month now, been trying to "fix" her since.

The only method that seemed to jumpstart her "affection engine" was to have a talk with her on how it hurts you that she doesnt initiate anything, that she doesnt love you..etc etc.. This will wring her up big time. You can be sure she'd be initiating somethings after that.

A whole lotta **** happened during my LTR, and i cant stand the fact that my LTR refuses to improve herself, she says she's not pretty (HB7), i tell her to put on makeup but she stubbornly refuses, she refuses to improve herself.lol. she only keeps complaining and gets depressed all the time abt work, and this drains me of my happy energy. suffice to say, i am starting to dislike going out with her. She's improved somewhat after a talk, but i think im gonna let this LTR loose, its just plain ruining my life.

 

[BigWillyStyle]

If it's really bothering you then talk to her about it, I don't think it's too "ACF'ish" to talk about the lack of affection from your GF. She's not happy from the sounds of things, and when some other hotshot comes around she'll might leave the sinking ship.

Talk to her about it I say, then if she still isn't affectionate/expressive, don't push it and have another conversation, just get rid of her before she gets rid of you...

P.S. Do you think she's the type to fvck around on your behind your back? Something to think about.

 

[DeathDealer]

It's easy. You want a girl that's affectionate/expressive.

She's not.

You don't like that, you advise her that you like her being more affectionate and expressive with her feelings. If she still doesn't respond within whatever given time, Dump.

 

[Desdinova]

seems like she's loosing her intrest level,

I agree. Also, it sounds like she's found someone more interesting in her life. When chicks start acting distant, they've developed feelings for someone else. Prepare for your LTR to end.

 

[frivolousz21]

well I dont think you have neccesarily lost her..but why have her?

I know a women who I like..infact I really care about her as a friend..why a friend?

because she is shy too ****ing shy! i cant deal with it...and she is this way with everyone..so I said **** it!

NEXT!

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Desdinova
I agree. Also, it sounds like she's found someone more interesting in her life.

And if SHE hasn't found someone more interesting, YOU SHOULD. Don't waste time with a woman who doesn't make you happy just to say "Hey everybody, I have a girlfriend!"

 

[Wyldfire]

You aren't compatable...it's really that simple. You don't ever want to be in a relationship with someone you just can't seem to click with enough to have conversation and at least a normal level of affection and intimacy.

You should move on.

 

[smooth666]

Is she the intellectual type??? Maybe natural scientist or sth??? Smart,concise,boring???

Well,I know some girls (biologists, vets, MDs,chemists) who are like this.Actually my first GF was like this. You cannot change her. You can influence her,but if it does not come naturally, it will not last.

Take her as she is or next her.