GF is insulting me

[Mr_Schlong]

Hi there,

lately I got a little trouble with my gf of nine months. I feel like she is loosing respect for me. She started insulting me, not in public, but yesterday she called me an idiot for the third time within the last two weeks.

When it had happened for the first time while, after we were being six months in an exclusive ltr, I made her understand I do not accept such behavior by giving her some not so sweet slaps on her butt. After that her unacceptable behavior stopped completely.

After she insulted me yesterday on the telephone, I just hung up and told her her behavior is inacceptable.

Am I overreacting, or what would you do?

btw: At the beginning of the ltr we had a lot of sex, mostly twice a day.
Lately, it went back to once a week. So I think this is also a hint that she is losing some respect and attraction for me.
I can't really understand it, ok she's a little drama queen, but I always stand up for myself, I am very confident, I am the leading one in the relationship, and I take the space I need for myself.

Any opinion is welcomened!

 

[jophil28]

Over reacting ? Not if it bothers you.

Look, if her behavior is NOT ok with you, then her behavior is not ok.

Take it from me, if you tolerate small instances of bad behavior you are giving her tacit permission to behave badly more often and ,like a child, she will take your silence as a license to give you more lip.

You need to design a response which sends your message of disapproval without getting hissy . The best way is to withdraw some of your attention and then COLDLY let her know that she has breached your code of acceptable behavior.

Try something like this .." I have high standards and expectations in this relationship and you have just let me down."
Shake your head slowly from side to side and walk away.

There is a shaming element to this approach which works well.

Expect her to become more sexually available after this too.

 

[sodbuster]

Start looking for another one, don't need to end this yet. BUT if you can't change the woman, you will be ready to change women.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I have heard several attractive women I know tell me that one of the things they like about their guy is that "he knows when to put me in my place" or "he's the only one who'll ever call me on my bvllsh!t."

That is about the farthest from feminism that I could imagine - if a guy were to brag about putting his girl in her place when she acts out, he would come off as an abusive a55hole. But a lot of women need that.

I would guess it probably comes from daddy issues as a child, as do most psychological problems. A child will push a parent to correct its bad behavior, because the child sees the discipline and boundary-setting as love. Your girl was probably acting out in a similar fashion as a small child, and experienced parental love in the form of correcting her bad behavior. It's similar with abuse. If she was emotional abused, she will require that from her man. And if she was physically abused, then often they have to have that, and will do everything in their power to get their guy to hit them...and then leave him if he does not.

I would suspect that your relationship will be over soon if you do not give her what she needs.

 

[Allurre]

This girl clearly doesn't respect you as much as she did before.

This could be due to your slight alteration in social behavior towards her.

Don't ever tolerate with this. A woman calling her man an "Idiot" is unacceptable.

DonS right, "Every time a man reacts or pays attention to bad behavior from a woman, he is actually rewarding and perpetuating the bad behavior, because the point of her bad behavior was to get a reaction from you; good or bad."

 

[jophil28]

Your GF doesn't respect you. You don't repeatedly call someone you respect an idiot.

A man sets boundaries for the people he allows into his life. And when a man sets firm boundaries for his girl, it causes her to feel safe, protected and loved. And she will test your boundaries whenever she is feeling unsure of your manhood and your ability to protect her. Because if you can't stand up to her, how can you stand up for her?

You've told her that her disrespect is unacceptable, and now she's testing you further because she doesn't think you mean it. And the truth is, you don't mean it because she is still doing it and you are allowing it.

You need to set standards for her behavior that are not negotiable. If she disrespects your boundaries again, you punish her with the only tool a man has to punish a woman with options: you withdraw your attention and resources. You make her come crawling back for forgiveness and tell her if she does it again, you are moving on to a better woman; and you have to mean it. If she does it again, you dump her on the spot, cut all contact and move on to another woman.

Every time a man reacts or pays attention to bad behavior from a woman, he is actually rewarding and perpetuating the bad behavior, because the point of her bad behavior was to get a reaction from you; good or bad.

You are a man and a man's word is iron. She needs to see that you are a strong man who can handle her in order to feel safe with you.

Put your foot down.

Good words Don.