Gf gives guy flirting with her msn id

[trv26]

Ok basically like i said. Had some guy flirting with gf on a networking site. He asked for her msn-id and she gave it to him. Id like to think her intentions were innocent but i have a hard time believing it. Whats worse is this was only a few weeks after we started going out, and I was under the impression that she was quite interested in me, in fact I only started chatting to her after finding from some1 she was interested.

It's been a couple of months since then and I have never really brought it up. Should I bring it up if so how? or should let it lie until I get some ass, and then dump her? Wat hurts is I quite liked her as well, and still do. Although thats more to do with possibly desperation not love. I am painfully shy and can't approach/ hold a conversation to save my life.

Opinions, advice, experiences on topic and also the shyness would be appreciated.

 

[MotownMack]

Although thats more to do with possibly desperation not love.

With your apparent lack of confidence, you're obviously desperate and acting like this is the only girl on the planet.

If you keep this attitude you're doomed. Period.

Is this supposedly your g/f? You mention "a couple of months" which I am assuming to mean you've had something gone on with her... but then you mention "wait to get some ass" ....?

Dood, if you have been seeing her a couple months and haven't hit it, you're not going to. I hate to tell you this, but I think you may be wasting you're time, even without hearing about the other guy thing.

The only way to get over shyness is to-as best you can- detach yourself from outcome when dealing with women/people/whatever. I know it's easier said than done, but taking baby steps-talking to strangers, mingling, relaxing, little by little-that's the only way.

Be patient... you sound like a young dude. it can take a while to get good at interacting to where you start getting results you want, but don't be passive. It will only get harder the longer you wait.

 

[trv26]

Shes 17(legal in UK), and due to distance we tend to meet very infrequently. I think I might have a chance, or maybe im jst deluding myself.

 

[slaog]

You're not born shy. Its your own self image. As MotownMack sad you'll have to start with little steps.

Start by using positive affirmations.

 

[trv26]

you sound like a young dude.

I jst. realised how childish the title/thread sounds, but it bugs the hell out of me. It shows an intention to cheat I believe.

Would this be a deal-breaker if ur girl acted the same, or would you be confident/ secure that she wouldnt cheat? By extension, am I just being insecure and over-reacting?

@ sloag

I'm not so sure about the, "your not born shy" bit. I think there might be a genetic factor. My dad's extremely shy as well, which does not necessarily prove the point but.... Anyway, I do agree I could improve on the shyness tho. Possibly never become as much of the DJ I'd lyk to be. Some inspirational experiences might be helpful.

 

[slaog]

@ sloag

I'm not so sure about the, "your not born shy" bit. I think there might be a genetic factor. My dad's extremely shy as well, which does not necessarily prove the point but.... Anyway, I do agree I could improve on the shyness tho. Possibly never become as much of the DJ I'd lyk to be. Some inspirational experiences might be helpful.

I am sure its not genetic. It learned behaviour. You learned it off your dad. Monkey see monkey do as they say.

You have a false excuse there so the first thing you can do it realise its not genetic. You're 100% in charge of you behaviour and actions.

 

[trv26]

@"I am sure its not genetic. It learned behaviour. You learned it off your dad. Monkey see monkey do as they say."

Umm...I rarely saw my dad, so there goes your theory. Sorry mate can't agree with u there. I'll go for mix of genetic and environment, not sure how much each is a factor. Can I do something about it? I probably think so.

 

[slaog]

Umm...I rarely saw my dad, so there goes your theory. Sorry mate can't agree with u there. I'll go for mix of genetic and environment, not sure how much each is a factor. Can I do something about it? I probably think so.

Are babies shy? No. All the time you hear people say how they were shy when they were younger but now they're not as shy because they've grown up and have confidence.

Confidence is the key. You never see confident people who are shy.

Even if there is a shy gene (which I highly doubt) don't let it stop you from overcoming your shyness.

 

[trv26]

@ "Confidence is the key. You never see confident people who are shy."

That's 1 confused line. But I get what you are trying to say, and that ur trying to help. Will obviously try and get over it, hence why I'm on this site.

@ "Are babies shy?"
I don't know. However to be fair from what I've heard I used to be pretty outgoing when I was a kid. That's what confuses me as well.

Any opinion on the girl situation btw?

 

[shinko]

She being 17 is going to be headache, she's young and its doubtful she has any real clue what she wants. If you wana get close to her, put your feelings in a box for abit and focus on having as much fun when your with this girl as possible. If your that dude in her life that she compares all others too, in terms of the things that matter to her and at 17 it usually is "fun" your stand your best chance of enjoying yourself with this girl and her wanting to be spend time with you.

This msn thing shouldnt stress you too much, imagine the reverse and she was having a go at you over a msn thing. you'd think it was silly and just showed how insecure she was. You obviously dont want to be the insecure one in all of this, so act accordingly. As you dont see her often and im guesing because of her age your the one who drive's to go see her etc, make her miss you. She isnt going to miss someone who always rings her, she isnt going to miss someone who doesnt add something to her life she doesnt already have, she isnt going to miss someone who's more emotional over small things than she is, she isnt going to miss someone who's boring easily had and predictable. If you like this girl, wicked, but dont let her consume your mind, she's part of your world, you dont revolve around her right? Focus your energy on yr studies/job /friends/hobbies etc Your'll be naturally more busy and satisfied as a person. Your'll be fine man, what's msn right? When compared to whenever she chats to you on the phone or see's you in person she has a glowing smile on her face, laughing herself silly and is having a good time. Give her that and a computer screen chat with some random aint gona compare.

 

[drak_ool]

this thread confuses me...

from what you re saying, you've had a "girlfriend" for over 2 months, yet you never banged her. Hum, red flag! Then you say she lives far away from you and you rarely get to see her. second red flag. Finally, you say you might get a chance to fvck her. What the hell bro? a girlfriend's job is to give it up to her boyfriend. third red flag.

so is this some sort of online girlfriend you have? did you ever hang out with her in real life?

 

[slaog]

@ "Confidence is the key. You never see confident people who are shy."

That's 1 confused line. But I get what you are trying to say, and that ur trying to help. Will obviously try and get over it, hence why I'm on this site.

@ "Are babies shy?"
I don't know. However to be fair from what I've heard I used to be pretty outgoing when I was a kid. That's what confuses me as well.

Any opinion on the girl situation btw?

You were outgoing as a kid until the shy gene kicked in! lol Shy people are usually low on confidence, self esteem etc.

I wouldn't worry about the girl. Just be on the lookout for more girls and add them to your msn. Let her know this and she should be OK with it.

 

[tick37]

If you have insecurities in your relationship, then you have insecurities in yourself. Your letting the actions of a woman control you. Her actions have found a place inside you that is unsettling. If you are secure in who you are, it wouldn't matter what she does. You'd tell her whatever the f'ck you want and do whatever the f'ck you want. That's all you have to convey to any woman.

 

[trv26]

so is this some sort of online girlfriend you have? did you ever hang out with her in real life?

lol yeh i have hung out with her.

@ sloag

what i found confusing about that line was, u said im shy because i lacked confidence implying the former is caused by the latter. But aren't they the same thing?

good advice btw shinko. Im probably making a huge deal out of nothing. She jst. flirted with him, while I have a chance to go further with her. I'll try and keep it going till i get what i want, hopefully without getting too attached to her.

 

[slaog]

@ sloag

what i found confusing about that line was, u said im shy because i lacked confidence implying the former is caused by the latter. But aren't they the same thing?

Yes thats what I'm saying. You're saying there is a confidence/shy gene which doesn't make much sense because as we all know confidence/self esteem can change.

 

[tick37]

@"I am sure its not genetic. It learned behaviour. You learned it off your dad. Monkey see monkey do as they say."

Umm...I rarely saw my dad, so there goes your theory. Sorry mate can't agree with u there. I'll go for mix of genetic and environment, not sure how much each is a factor. Can I do something about it? I probably think so.

If you rarely saw your dad, where did you get your masculinity from? It wasn't from your mom.

 

[trv26]

"If you rarely saw your dad, where did you get your masculinity from? It wasn't from your mom."

.......Ok, can we leave out this where did get my shyness from business, it's going nowhere as far as I'm concerned. Unless u back it up with facts I'm not interested.

Specific tips on getting over the shyness will however be appreciated.

 

[tick37]

I said masculinity. I didn't say shyness. When you are initiated into manhood, you won't be shy anymore. Once you learn that life isn't about pleasing others, and more about you and your happiness, you'll start to lose your shyness.

Once you start believing that what matters most to you is YOU, you won't worry about what others think and you'll love yourself. You'll stick up for yourself. You'll say whatever you damn well please. You won't be angry. You won't be bitter. You won't care more than a woman.

No woman is better than you. No man is better than you. You are just as good or better.

Once you believe in yourself and in your abilities, life will become FUN. Life will no longer be a hassel. You'll stop living in the past. You'll stop living in the future (which causes your shyness), and you'll live in the NOW.

Above all things, love yourself!

 

[tick37]

You know how people face their fears? Maybe they're scared of heights, so they jump out of a plane or bungee jump. That's the only thing you can do to overcome your fear. If you're shy, you'll have to recondition your mind and face your fear.

Another problem is that you just may not know what to say. If that's the case, there are plenty of books and audio tapes on that subject. A good one that I have used is "Conversation Confidence".

 

[trv26]

Thanks for that, will try and find it.

Ever tried hypnosis btw? Neil Strauss in the game seems to claim it did help, atleast with approach anxiety. Would like to know if any1 has experience with it.