GF dreamt of cheating on me!

[DJNiceGuy]

So my LTR just told me this morning that she had a really bad dream. I asked what it was, and she told me I wouldn't want to hear it. I pressed, and she told me that she had a dream she was working at a new company and still with me but sleeping with a new coworker.

Some relevant facts: she told me a few days ago for the first time that she loves me. I had told her I love her about a month ago. We've been dating exclusively for 6 months. We just had a great weekend together.

I decided to be unreactive and just said "ah, dreams don't mean anything anyway." But wanted to get your guys' thoughts on this.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

Thanks for the reply samspade. I am pretty available since I work like 15 minutes away from where she lives. We hangout probably 5 days a week. She's been thinking of looking for a new job recently because she's dissastisfied with her current one.

Yeah I know it was probably not so wise to say it before her. I'm just glad she finally said it!

Hmm, you think subconsciouly her mind might be picking up on me being too routine or available? The frequency of sex has definitely decreased a bit...

 

[sodbuster]

She has a subconscious desire to cheat,and thinks she can find the guy at her new job.I wouldn't have been totally non responsive, I would have said'you know that means we'd be over,don't you?" in a calm tone. By being too calm about it, she may think she can cheat and keep you around. YOu are there all the time anyway-maybe she figgures you'll be there for every thing and every reason.

 

[ketostix]

Well not to be a negative Nancy but there's a possibility that she cheated on you with some guy at her current job. It doesn't take long for that to happen in a work setting. And she made up this dream story to see how you would react to the concept of her cheating with a co-worker. Or heck maybe she's psychic . At the very least like sodbuster said she has the subconscious desire strong enough to manifest itself in her dreams to cheat on you, so it still serves as her testing the waters by mentioning it to you.

 

[jophil28]

Well not to be a negative Nancy but there's a possibility that she cheated on you with some guy at her current job. It doesn't take long for that to happen in a work setting. And she made up this dream story to see how you would react to the concept of her cheating with a co-worker. Or heck maybe she's psychic . At the very least like sodbuster said she has the subconscious desire strong enough to manifest itself in her dreams to cheat on you, so it still serves as her testing the waters by mentioning it to you.

Yes, I agree. This is some kind of test or feeler or mindgame.
Women say batsh1t crazy stuff sometimes (to our minds at least), but to them, words are their weapons of choice. Make no mistake, this statement has a purpose.
IF I heard that statement I would be a little alarmed at her thoughtlessness in saying something which has the potential to destabilise a new relationship. WHat GOOD can come from blurting out the contents of a dream in which she fukked another guy. IT plants seeds of doubt in the listener. Would you have said that to her if YOU had the dream ?. Some things are just best left unsaid, so you have to ask yourself why she went ahead and said it after she admitted that it was a "bad" dream.
YOu know what I think ? THis is just a guess at this stage , but I think that she is playing the "you have a rival" game. This is a form of the 'jealousy game'.
You are now supposed to jump though hoops trying to please her so that she will not act on her dream. IN other words, her telling you what she did may be a power play.

SO you either have a G/f who is so emotionally unintelligent that she just tells you all of her private thoughts and to hell with the impact on you, OR you have just heard the beginnings of a campaign of mindfvcking.
Either way,not good.

I would have said,"OK,now that we are disclosing our private thoughts, I have some seriously bad thoughts about your mother/best G/f/ sister ..."

 

[Tazman]

Women say batsh1t crazy stuff sometimes (to our minds at least), but to them, words are their weapons of choice. Make no mistake, this statement has a purpose.
IF I heard that statement I would be a little alarmed at her thoughtlessness in saying something which has the potential to destabilise a new relationship. WHat GOOD can come from blurting out the contents of a dream in which she fukked another guy. IT plants seeds of doubt in the listener. Would you have said that to her if YOU had the dream ?. Some things are just best left unsaid, so you have to ask yourself why she went ahead and said it after she admitted that it was a "bad" dream.
YOu know what I think ? THis is just a guess at this stage , but I think that she is playing the "you have a rival" game. This is a form of the 'jealousy game'.
You are now supposed to jump though hoops trying to please her so that she will not act on her dream. IN other words, her telling you what she did may be a power play.

SO you either have a G/f who is so emotionally unintelligent that she just tells you all of her private thoughts and to hell with the impact on you, OR you have just heard the beginnings of a campaign of mindfvcking.
Either way,not good.

I would have said,"OK,now that we are disclosing our private thoughts, I have some seriously bad thoughts about your mother/best G/f/ sister ..."

This.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear DJ,
London to a Brick she is having it off with a colleague,she is guilty about it and this dream business is a a good opportunity to find out your possible reaction if you find out....I would say she is very fond of you but there is a 90% chance she is straying,the other 10% is for the probability she is considering options.The "Changing Jobs"scenario is interesting,have you considered that her Boss or another Senior is leaning on her?

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

I'm reminded of something Jophil said in a post awhile ago. "A cat will reach out and smack the mouse every once in awhile, just to see what it does. Guess what buddy? You dat lil mouse." Within this context, your frame control appears to be compromised. It's OK man, every guy's tendency is to let up and think of his gf as the one he can trust and let his guard down with.

As I look back, I can see it was no coincidence that not long after letting my guard down, they gave me reason to put it back up again. And by then, most guys don't have a clue how far they've slipped.

Something I've always been good at, even in my semi-AFC days, was knowing when to make myself a rare commodity. Were I in your shoes, they would be movin'.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

Thanks for the all the advice guys. I'm sure she isn't cheating on me, but I definitely do think I should make myself more scarce so that she has a chance to miss me. My frame control is a bit compromised. She has been calling the shots in many things, and I don't think I've been giving her the gift of missing me. That's what I'll concentrate on now.

 

[jophil28]

My frame control is a bit compromised. She has been calling the shots in many things, and I don't think I've been giving her the gift of missing me. .

Perhaps you also have not given her the gift of admiring you.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

jophil28, thanks for your advice. can you please elaborate on the gift of admiring?

 

[Commandante]

I'm sure she isn't cheating on me

Not yet, but with dreams like that it´s only a question of time.

I don't think I've been giving her the gift of missing me. That's what I'll concentrate on now.

Exactly, you are too available to her. You live where she works, you hang out with her every day, you said I love you first... Make sure she knows you could find an other HB really easily if you would like to.

 

[mrRuckus]

I joined a coed kickball team a few years ago. Less time spent with the girlfriend and more time around other girls all while seeming legitimate and not going out of my way to be with other women. Then we'd often stop at a bar after the games.

It drove the gf nuts, but in a good way. She's one of those chicks who verbalizes everything, so she was pretty much admitting a number of times that she was highly aware that i was able to snag a girl at the games at any time.

She certainly didn't like me going to go hang out with a bunch of young girls after work instead of going to her place Well, "didn't like" on the surface at least, but she had no room to complain at all since it was just a stupid little sport also played with guys, and i had let her know she could come too.

Now I play coed softball in the fall

 

[jophil28]

jophil28, thanks for your advice. can you please elaborate on the gift of admiring?

Admiration is a cousin of respect. WE acquire both from others who witness our actions and behavior. Women WANT to admire their men. THey WANT us to be heroes -white knights. Deep down, they do NOT want us to act like pets or become sycophants even though it may appear that they do sometimes.
IF you have fallen into the trap of becoming weak or soft in your leadership lately, it is likely that her admiration (and respect) for you has fallen.
Frequently this leads to bizarre behavior from her.
Don't ask me why women go nuts when guys drop the ball. They just do. I suspect that women (at some level) find it disturbing when a man takes his hands off the wheel even though a lot of woman seem to plunge themselvse into a power contest about every turn of that same wheel.
How do you correct this situation? There may numerous ways. but what I do is to deliberately replay my first few weeks with her in my mind, and then get "back in character " After all she went gaga for THAT guy.

 

[Da Realist]

I'm going to give your girl the benefit of the doubt on this one because I've had a dream about sleeping with another woman when I was in a relationship. I wasn't cheating at the time or was it about a specific person. I've learned they can reflect what you're thinking or they can be nothing but a long abstract movie. I wouldn't give too much thought to it. Plus I've also learned that it's not what women tell you that is the problem, but what they don't tell you is the problem.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

thanks you brothers. Your advice helps a lot. jophil that makes a lot of sense about the leadership and giving her the gift of admiring. And I'm definitely going to return to the behavior that worked to begin with.

and make myself more scarce. that kickball idea from mrRuckus is a great idea.

 

[ketostix]

I'm going to give your girl the benefit of the doubt on this one because I've had a dream about sleeping with another woman when I was in a relationship. I wasn't cheating at the time or was it about a specific person. I've learned they can reflect what you're thinking or they can be nothing but a long abstract movie. I wouldn't give too much thought to it. Plus I've also learned that it's not what women tell you that is the problem, but what they don't tell you is the problem.

A lot of times what women do tell you is the problem too. Did you go on and tell your GF that you had a dream of cheating on her. On top of that it's much worse for a woman to cheat since for one reason women aren't just cheating physically but emotionally too.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

yeah I wouldn't have gone and told her if I had the dream. The fact that she even had the dream is not a good thing, so I'm going to have to return to the basics of how I attracted her.

 

[STR8UP]

Many times people will tell you everything you need to know if you can read between the lines. She wouldn't have brought something like this up without a reason. Now it's up to you to figure out that reason.

 

[Ganondorf]

OP

It's a dream. You were right. I wouldn't listen to the prophets on here saying that it's an Omen of cheating or something. People have dreams for a lot of different reasons, and just because she is woman doesn't mean her dream means anything more than your random wet dreams would

it's normal to have wet dreams. like you did, just play it off cool like, maybe even crack a joke about it. after all....It's just a dream lol