GF Dilemna...Not letting go to an Sub-Par Relationship

[WORKEROUTER]

I'm 19, my gf is 21, and we've been dating since November.

Things have slowed down in our relationship. Not only sex, but the level of intense excitment and passion we once had for each other.

She's a good girl, but there are some things that are making this relationship, in my eyes, not the best:

1. Less excitment noticed with her.
2. More *****iness.
3. Shes going to Italy for a quarter on an exchange program this Fall (in about a month)...obviously a big issue in itself.
4. Little things, like going out a little too much for me, and small character differences between us, that are normal, but nevertheless, an occasional source of irritation.

I guess the main thing would be that it seems like things are getting stale. And I'm not saying she's the only one to blame. I also feel like I'm often less excited to see her than I use to.

I think the right thing to do here would be to terminate the relationship, to end it. Why be brought down by a stale relationship when there are other women out there for me? After all, I'm a good catch. I'm smart, decent looking, have balls, and am pretty confident.

The problem is that I can't. I believe this is a personal flaw--holding on to something simply because I don't want to let go.

I don't want to see her leave. It hurts to think that if I DO get rid of her, she'll go out and find some other guy to f*ck. Selfishness? Perhaps. Jealousy? Maybe. A personal flaw? I think it might be.

As f*cked up as it may sound, that's a BIG reason why I haven't broken up with her. I KNOW I can get other chicks (hotter and better ones for that matter), but why can't I just LET HER GO? Why do I keep holding on?

I'll tell myself I'm going to end it, even tell HER it's going to end, TRY to end it, but END UP feeling totally sh*tty and pulling her back in, anyway, all because I can't seem to just say it's over, and she's going to go with someone new now.

Anyone experience this before or have some ass-kicking advice to get myself into gear here? Elaborate, please.

Because honestly, I don't want to keep doing something in vain.

 

[flexion_]

I guess in television it takes a smart cast to call it quits in a good series while things are going good versus waiting until the ratings start to dive and then the network closes you down. Those smart casts pretty much realize that things change and embrace change.

I'm not sure how we can instill this on you. Yes comfortable is easy. Maybe you need to look at your life and see if thats what you want out of it.

 

[blueguy]

As f*cked up as it may sound, that's a BIG reason why I haven't broken up with her. I KNOW I can get other chicks (hotter and better ones for that matter), but why can't I just LET HER GO? Why do I keep holding on?

You are invested emotionally in her. Sexual investment is not the problem as you say you can get hotter chicks. Spread your emotional investments around. How many male friends do you have?

 

[Weak_Game]

You sound just like me to many extents. Your comfortable. Sex is easy and you have invested alot of energy and time into this realtionship. I just went through the same thing as you. I will tell you right now. It is coming to an end. You need to prepare yourself for this. Its going to suck your gonna wanna work things out. Its probably for the better.

Knowing shes gonna be ****ing some other dude is the most painful thing. She will probably move on faster then you in that area. But you have to realize before you met her, you didnt know her. Therefore what she did dosent matter. Because shes with you. When it ends. The same goes. Your not with her so what she does, should not matter. Its actually good to learn to let go. I myself still struggle with this with every girl i meet. Even if its going downhill i tend to cling onto a sinking ship. Till i can no longer hold on and im pushed off. Its a character flaw. Learn to not attach yourself to anyone. Why make someone your priority when all you ll ever be is there option. Its harsh but a cold fact when it comes to woman.

Your young your good looking. Look at your past relationship history. I be every girl youve taken serious with. The last one was better then the previous. Only date up, never down. Unless its a rebound. As my grandfather once told me. The best way to get over a girl is to get under a new one. Then you won't even remeber whats her name and she will just be a distant memory. One thing i have learned is after the break up. All of a sudden other then lots of pain and regret. I have so much free time. To pursue anything. Things i couldnt do while dating her. Room in life to improve. You should never stop improving. It seems you learn something new from every girl you date. But you need to improve in life as well as a relationship.

I wish you the best of luck and i hope you can learn to move on. Its gonna be hard as hell man. As they say in the Navy Seals " The only easy day was yesterday".

Good luck.

 

[whistler]

Hmm. 6-7 months into a relatioship and things become less exciting... seems par for the course.

The initial infatuation stage is over.

Now the rubber hits the road.

My advice is to basically ignore the previous several months. This, now, is most likely what your relationship will be like for the forseeable future if you stay to together.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I went out with a girl for 2 yrs, back in 2002 and i spent the better part of the last year trying to get away from her in a very similar situation.

I knew i had to end it, and knew there were other options for me but everytime we'd split, we'd end up back together within a week or two.

This happened about 6 times over the course of the year and it got really fvcked up.

My best advice would be to just end it and do everything you can to stay away and keep her out of mind. This won't turn out good, especially where she's gonna be gone for months so may as well man up to the heartache now so that you won't be needing to deal with her being over seas and exploring a new world.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Thanks everyone.

You've nailed down what I knew: I need to JUST DO IT.

Sure, it's comfortable, as one poster said, but I always tell people to strive to be outside their comfort zone; am I not heeding my own advice?