GF, brake up or go for it

[John888]

Hi, I'm new to this forum. Basicly I've had a GF for > 5 years now and I've met her < 18. I'm in my 20's now.

She's the perfect girl for me in every way, I think and we have a great relationship. Everything's fine and we're ready to move together. Except... I really feel like sleeping around with other girls, there's this drive. I enjoy it so much to get compliments, flirt around and when I make out with girls it gives me such a great feeling. I don't cheat, that's why I told her this. She already gave me room to mess around a while back. So I did. But for my feeling it was too short.

Now it's the choice, either I go for her 100% or I brake up and am single (for the 2st real time in my life, first was 1 year). Now I CAN go for her 100% I really love her, but I know I'll cheat sooner or later, is what my feeling is telling me though I have been able to always say no to other girls before.

Maybe I'm spoiled, always having this great girl, everything I wanted. Is that reason enough?

*sigh* anyone else been in this spot? Got any advice? I don't know what to do. She's really everything one would look for in a girl...

 

[brian123]

I think if you really liked this girl, you wouldnt be having all of these feelings.

Think about it for a few weeks, and if you still have these feelings, Id try being single.

 

[John888]

I thought about it for the past couple of years.

The thing is, i think I REALLY like this girl, she has everything one would need. Whenever she's here and I open the door, my face lights up, I'm happy, I feel warm inside. Don't want to get too mushy here but it's the only way I can describe it. And sure the feeling is different then when we just met, but that's always the case.

Whenever I think of braking up, I feel lonely, I feel as if I'm dropped in the middle of the savana or something. No direction to go to, and missing her ofcourse. Of course it's fun to mess around, but I'd rather do it while I have a GF (not cheat!), then to be single. What's the point of being single, you go nowhere it leads to nothing. I want to mess around, but I also want affection, someone to be there fo rme. To build something. I think the moment I'll be single I'll be looking for a new GF soon anyway... and I'll be right where i started.

*sigh*

 

[John888]

Ok let's say you spend 20 years looking for the perfect partner. THen you find her haha! there she is... you want to spend your whole life together because she's so special.

Then imagine you meet this girl at 16 or whatever... you're together for 5+ years and you KNOW she's that girl (well ok you can't rEALLY know since there's no reference), so you're spoiled of always having her, even though she's great. What the **** should you do.

And no she's not my first GF (2nd) and I've had about 12 (full) sexual partners, so I did kinda look around.

 

[AAAgent]

i went through the same situation. i was still in love as ever much at the time as i could be, i was thinking i could possibly spend the rest of my life with her, but i guess she just didn't know how to keep me excited. don't get me wrong we had crazy sex and ive tried everything i could possibly want to try and more and she was glad help with that but she would always buy lingerie and she thought it was tasteful but it wasn't to me. i didn't say anything(stupid). she would always try to surprise me but she sucked at it so much it only just turned me off (didn't say anything either). got to the point sex was more of a chore. i saw so many other girls i wanted to just f!ck on the side with no strings attached and come back to my girl and live a normal life but that's not how it goes.

either one let her know exactly..once again EXACTLY what she has to do to turn you on. if she agrees and tries and it works than keep going. if not then wait a month or so and take a break to focus on ur work. well atleast tell her that and to get your life together because its hectic or some other crap and test the fields. if she's still the one then, she will be waiting patiently and come back to you. you can try what you previously did before but not all girls will wait on the sidelines while u bang other b!tches, so she might not be there this time.

communication is key to good relationships though.

 

[John888]

Yeah I know, thanks for the advice AAAgant and brian123.

The thing is she does turn me on, well not like a new girl would, but what can you expect after so many years. Anyway she does turn me on, it's good sex, I mean sure I can imagine better but whatever.

ANd i gave her so many reasons to already dump me, I treated her like **** when she gave me room before, I walked over her feelings, hurt her emotionaly with that. She won't give me room again, she already told me.

And when breaking up, even for a while.. she has so many negative things to think about me, like for instance the fact I didn't invest too much in our relationship the last 2 years (due to my study and thoughts), I ****ed other girls even when she wanted me to stop, then i stopped. ANd now I'm doubting again.... she's gonna be glad I dumped her, when I would. I think she doesn't right now, because right now she gets reminded of how fantastic it feels with me. But when I'm not there...

On the other hand I have only good memories and thoughts about her. So when we brake up, I'll be the one who's still going to want to go back to her, and she won't want to.

I've been talking with her for a couple of days now, thinking I'd decide that evening, but then we have such a great and intimate time, that we just delay delay delay.. Should I just suck it up? Accept I won't f*ck other girls anymore in my whole life? Comprimise? I never beleived in this. I think you can do whatever you want in your life to be happy.

I know... relationships always involve some sort of comprimise, but to sacrifice what you love to do most? ANd then there's the other sacrifice,... I also love her a lot.

So IT'S TURNING ME CRAZY. Either way I feel like I'm not making the correct choice, and it's turning me crazy. I've never had that in my life

 

[AAAgent]

sounds like there's already so many problems, it might be time to just move on and end it mutually. let her know that their are problems and there shouldn't be if you guys expect a future together. atleast not problems all the time about the same things. either they are worked out or u guys get out.

my ex occasionally did still turn me on but that was once a blue moon and it caught me off guard. i liked it alot. there should always be ways to turn you on and make it as good as it was.

i always wanted to be surprised in sexy VS lingerie(really surprised) and given a lapdance like she was a hooker. she would never do the lapdance but she tried to surprise me but failed.

u wanting to have sex with other girls is a problem and if its not fixed you will eventually want out so fix it now.

she should try new ways of pleasing her as well, they will always lie to keep you happy to whether they are satisfied or not. check out the bible sex tips section. they work. My first girl i only worried about satisfying myself and im sure that was one major reason y i left but she never mentioned it. if you can make them crazy without even ****ing them and once u do it makes them crazier im sure they will want to return the favor.

but you sound like me in my last LTR.

first you spice it up ALOT, wait for her. if she doesn't tell her to work on it. if not man up and move on. better drop the wrong one now then have the right one walk by and you miss your chance.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Whenever I think of braking up, I feel lonely, I feel as if I'm dropped in the middle of the savana or something. No direction to go to"

Do you have a life outside of your girlfriend?

Like hobbies, job, activities with friends, anything??

How would you feel if she suddenly died or left you for some guy and you were least expecting it???

If you have a life outside of her you should be ok but if you don't you'll be exactly where your fears said you would be and that is directionless and lost in the desert of your mind just waiting for depression and self pity to set in.

A girl even a great girl is only supposed to be a great compliment to your life.

Not the absolute center of it as so much media propaganda we are fed our whole lives would say.

I don't even care if a girl is your wife.

You are never to make another person be it best friend, your wife, or whoever the absolute center of your life and world.

Its you first then comes everything else and I'm not advocating the destructive meaning of selfishness when I say that but the intelligent selfishness of Ayn Rand that is based in logic and intelligence and is all about a person's self preservation.

With Ayn Rand's kind of selfishness you can still love and cherish others but not to the point you sacrifice your own well being or self for their happiness rather you preserve yourself first and then see if you can bring about any happiness in the lives of others without risking your own.

And to make another point about this and quote myself...

"You are never to make another person be it best friend, your wife, or whoever the absolute center of your life and world"

If the person you so depend on leaves you, dies or something else happens and you've made that person your world you are then sh!t out of luck.

That is why you can never make another person your world.

You always have to have a life outside of other people and things that are permaneant and unchangeable to focus on as your driving force through life.

Hobbies, job, doing good for the community, health and fitness all of these things are permaneant and unchangeable constructs that can become a person's overrall focus and direction in life that will never be gone or be able to have taken away and its these things which should be the overrall life focus of any person.

A woman is to only be a compliment not the life's focus because she can leave you or die and if you've made something like that your life's focus and either of these things happen you will be in a world of pain but if you have a life outside of women you will always have footing with which to move forward on should calamity strike.

In short your passion should be your focus in life and your passion should never be a woman, a friend or anything else that is impermaneant.

 

[John888]

Sorry I didn't elaborate on what I said and the sentence you quoted, I meant emotionally alone in the sence of affection, loving, cuddling, etc. the way you only do it with your GF.

I have lots of friends, I got to the gym everyday. I have a great job, travel around the world every week, have enough parties etc. The job I have enables me to have a lot of free time also, go out whenever I want. That's not the problem. That part of my life is complete.
The bonding part & emotional satisfaction is complete, except for the fact that i just want to f*ck around and stick my manhood in girls whom's names I don't even know. BUUUUT I don't want to do that single, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to be single... I want to have a GF or at least someone to be able to fall back on.

 

[KontrollerX]

Alright gotcha.

From reading your other post it seems like your girl is so obsessed with you she'll let you bone other chicks if you want so why not just let her know that you feel you have to do this but want to keep her as your main girlfriend?

In exchange for her letting you do this you just keep your mouth shut about the other girls that you are fvcking and in that sense you don't rub it in your main girl's face.

It'd be like an issue that is there but not visible.

A sort of respect thing for your girl being so cool about you doing other chicks as well as her.

Of course it could backfire and she may want things to be fair to where she could get boned by other guys and if that happens you'll have to ask yourself whether you'd be cool with that or not.

Or she could start to get emotional over the whole thing over time and change her mind and not like the idea of you getting with other chicks and then things could turn to sh!t because of that.

Or you could break it off with her right now as gently as possible go fvck all the other chicks you could ever dream of having but then start to miss her try and get her back and then find out she's with someother guy or about to marry someother guy.

If she's as good a girl as you say these are all very good possibilities.

Personally if I were you and into the whole relationship scene I'd keep her as my main girl but see if she'd be alright with me fvcking around on her and if she wasn't and I really valued the whole relationship deal I'd just try and be satisfied with having only her body every night.

I'm curious though what is it that makes you want to go bone other chicks do you think?

Is it the experience of hot new bodies or is it you are searching for a girl that mentally turns you on more for sex?

 

[John888]

Alright gotcha.

From reading your other post it seems like your girl is so obsessed with you she'll let you bone other chicks if you want so why not just let her know that you feel you have to do this but want to keep her as your main girlfriend?

In exchange for her letting you do this you just keep your mouth shut about the other girls that you are fvcking and in that sense you don't rub it in your main girl's face.

It'd be like an issue that is there but not visible.

A sort of respect thing for your girl being so cool about you doing other chicks as well as her.

Beleive me, I tried to get us there again. But she said she won't let that happen again, since the last time I hurt her so much with this.

Or you could break it off with her right now as gently as possible go fvck all the other chicks you could ever dream of having but then start to miss her try and get her back and then find out she's with someother guy or about to marry someother guy.

I know, I don't think she'll get back to me after though, since I gave her so many negative thoughts about me, which she is surpressing right now, because she feels how great it is to be together etc. But once I'm out of the picture, I know the negative images are going to overrule everything else. It's the way to get over someone.. Except I don't really have any negative stuff about her.

If she's as good a girl as you say these are all very good possibilities.

Personally if I were you and into the whole relationship scene I'd keep her as my main girl but see if she'd be alright with me fvcking around on her and if she wasn't and I really valued the whole relationship deal I'd just try and be satisfied with having only her body every night.

I'm curious though what is it that makes you want to go bone other chicks do you think?

Is it the experience of hot new bodies or is it you are searching for a girl that mentally turns you on more for sex?

I really don't know. I've tried figuring this out for myself. I asked her, we mostly can solve anything the two of us. But I can't get a grip on it. I just know that I really like to seduce, to succeed. It gives me a great sence of accomplishment. Self confidence. It's also a way to develop yourself. Your inner game. Everything you learn in the game you can use in daily life. I think you become a stronger personality when you're out in the field. And I like to brag about it to my friends, who love to hear the stories. I also love to hear their seduction stories.

When I read all the reasons I just typed I think to myself.. that's not really the core reasons. It's just that I LOVE TO DO THAT.

But then... I also LOVE to be in love with her. maybe it's getting old? Excitement? I know I love a lot of excitement and adventures in my life. Experiencing new things.

I love to start things.

Maybe that's it..

 

[sodbuster]

Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

 

[John888]

So I broke up with her last week, it feels kinda empty right now, I want someone to love. Though I know it's the right choice I think. I feel free, though it scares me.

Most of the other girls I see when I go out can't live up to her.

I'm going to try this out, I don't know how long I should give myself before I invite her back into my life...