GF and another dude, am i overreacting?

[usscrum]

So here's the situation. I've been with my gf for about 9 months now. I've been faithful, and so as she as far as I know (I'm confident that she has been, but you never really know with girls). Anyways, things have been good other than some fights the past couple months, but that's expected occasionally.

Here's the situation. The gf goes over to her friend's apartment last Tuesday night for the friend's birthday dinner. There are maybe 8 or 9 people over there, a few of which are dudes. I've got my own stuff to do so I don't worry about it. I happen to get on facebook while she's over at the girl's apartment and see that she just accepted a friend request from some guy. Ok, no big deal. Anyways she calls me around 11 that night when she gets back to her apartment but i'm busy so i get in touch with her like an hour later. We don't really talk about the friend's birthday thing because she was dealing with some kind of drama with one of her friends. We end up getting in a huge fight on the phone about that, which didn't really get resolved until like 4 am. The fight was completely unrelated to her being at her friend's apartment or whatever...in fact I take most of the blame for starting it.

Anyways, the gf puts up some little facebook status about how she is sick and tired of blah blah blah...obviously talking about the fight we were having. This was at like 2 am while we were still going at it. Once we settle everything, its all good. We talk the next morning and she tells me about her night...she went over to her friend's apartment blah blah blah. But then she tells me that some kid was hitting on her the whole night. She told me that she told him politely to **** off because she has a boyfriend. Then she said that he tried to add her on facebook while they were all on the computer but she didn't let him. This kind of sticks out in my memory because I remember that some kid added her on facebook while they were all at the dinner. I looked at his page and he was one of the guys there. I asked her about him and she said "oh that was a different guy, not the one who was hitting on me".

Something struck me as odd about that story, but I said whatever and forgot about it. Right after we got off the phone, I went on her email to check on something I was helping her sell on craigs list. I see that she has an email saying that the guy sent her a facebook message at 5 in the morning. I guess he saw her status because it said "Hey gorgeous....everything alright?". I thought it was weird that my gf didn't mention anything about it and I automatically assume that this was the kid who was hitting on her and she added him on facebook but lied to me saying it was some other guy. Right after I looked at the email I see that it was deleted out of her inbox. Weird, right?

I am pretty sure that she didn't see the message that the kid sent her until after we got off the phone. But i call her and confront her about it. Keep in mind we are just getting over a huge fight the night before. She sticks to her story saying that it was a different guy, not the one who was trying to hit on her the whole night. I call bull**** and we get into a yelling match again. She claims that she doesn't know why the email got deleted (bull****), and we just keep going back and forth. She told me that she had just been talking to her roommate about the kid sending her a message and how she thought it was really weird. But still, the fact is she tried to hide it from me.

So after finishing that huge fight, I told her I believed her story just because I was sick of yelling. She told me she sent the kid a message telling him that she doesn't appreciate him sending her messages like that because she has a boyfriend, and it makes her feel uncomfortable, etc. etc. She showed me the message so this checks out. The kid responded with "wooowww hahhaha". She messaged him back saying that she was only being polite and there was no need to be a smart ass about it, to which he replied "i think you got your point across! "

So that's the end of it as far as I'm concerned. I am sure that this is the guy that was hitting on her the whole night, but she still denies that it was him. What I think happened is that he was hitting on her the whole night and she was flirting back, but felt guilty and tried to deny it to me. I honestly don't think that she did anything with the kid, but I think she was attracted to him and felt guilty about flirting so she lied to me about it. Of course there could be a worse explanation, but the fact that she sent him that message on facebook and showed it to me makes me think that she doesn't really have anything to hide.

So what would you guys do in this situation? Am i overreacting? She knows I am not a controlling or possessive person...I don't go through her phone or any of that stuff. I let her go out with her friends. But when I saw that message I had to say something to her about it. I flirt with girls and talk to girls without my gf knowing, but I do it with no intention of ever cheating on her. I think that most likely she was doing the same thing. She liked the attention the kid was giving her and was flirting back with him, then she felt guilty about it. Any thoughts?

 

[Ease]

Man i feel for you i hate this relationship drama.

All of this is pure BS, iv had a relationship like this in the past.

You arent over reacting, but your looking at it in the wrong way. You should always show her that you dont give a **** and be completely unreactive to any jealousy or manipulation ploys that she gives you. Once she gets a reaction (ie. you have to call her out, or you get into a fight), she's gona keep using this and bringing it up.

And im a LTR man, but il never have a fight for longer than 20 minutes. Walk out of the room or just hang up the phone. No girl is worth worked up and feeling like a chump over, you say **** this i cba and you leave her to sit for a while. She will come back to you. If you sit there and fight with her for hours, then your acting like a woman, getting manipulated. If you show her that you cba fighting and you'd rather walk out instead of 'talking through issues', then she's not gona be able to **** you around like this. Being a man with a short patience will save you many headaches and keep her on her toes.

As for the jealousy or other guys hitting on her, the only reason she is mentioning it is to get a reaction from you. Its a **** test. Dont react at all. Laugh and make a joke of it. If you show any reaction or that this effects you then she will keep coming up with stories about guys and messages and endless bs. She might be a good girl, but all women are instinctively built with a mechanism to manipulate without even knowing it.

Next time she mentions another guy, say cool. Untill she ****s a guy behind your back, laugh it off and show absolutely nothing. Girls love attention more than anything in the world and thats why she's doing it, but she values your attention more than any other guy. If she's flirting with some guy in front of you to get a reaction, and you dont give her anythng, shes gona be trying twice as hard to get your attention after it. Use it to your advantage and win back interest level by showig you dont care.

You need to set up that you are no manipulated by jealousy or mentions of other guys in her mind firmly, or else you will never hear the end of it. Do nothing about the situation at hand, if it comes up, just laugh about it and say 'haha he was cute, i like him'. You might hate him inside, but never show it. And next time she acts up and tries to cause a fight, dont give her the reward of attention, say 'fine i dont give a ****' and leave her hanging.

 

[usscrum]

Man i feel for you i hate this relationship drama.

All of this is pure BS, iv had a relationship like this in the past.

You arent over reacting, but your looking at it in the wrong way. You should always show her that you dont give a **** and be completely unreactive to any jealousy or manipulation ploys that she gives you. Once she gets a reaction (ie. you have to call her out, or you get into a fight), she's gona keep using this and bringing it up.

And im a LTR man, but il never have a fight for longer than 20 minutes. Walk out of the room or just hang up the phone. No girl is worth worked up and feeling like a chump over, you say **** this i cba and you leave her to sit for a while. She will come back to you. If you sit there and fight with her for hours, then your acting like a woman, getting manipulated. If you show her that you cba fighting and you'd rather walk out instead of 'talking through issues', then she's not gona be able to **** you around like this. Being a man with a short patience will save you many headaches and keep her on her toes.

As for the jealousy or other guys hitting on her, the only reason she is mentioning it is to get a reaction from you. Its a **** test. Dont react at all. Laugh and make a joke of it. If you show any reaction or that this effects you then she will keep coming up with stories about guys and messages and endless bs. She might be a good girl, but all women are instinctively built with a mechanism to manipulate without even knowing it.

Next time she mentions another guy, say cool. Untill she ****s a guy behind your back, laugh it off and show absolutely nothing. Girls love attention more than anything in the world and thats why she's doing it, but she values your attention more than any other guy. If she's flirting with some guy in front of you to get a reaction, and you dont give her anythng, shes gona be trying twice as hard to get your attention after it. Use it to your advantage and win back interest level by showig you dont care.

You need to set up that you are no manipulated by jealousy or mentions of other guys in her mind firmly, or else you will never hear the end of it. Do nothing about the situation at hand, if it comes up, just laugh about it and say 'haha he was cute, i like him'. You might hate him inside, but never show it. And next time she acts up and tries to cause a fight, dont give her the reward of attention, say 'fine i dont give a ****' and leave her hanging.

Thanks man.

In the 9 months we have been together, this is the first time I've been visibly upset with her over another dude, and that is because she lied to me. There have been other times where guys have hit on her or whatever, and I've brushed it off because honestly I don't care. The only thing I don't let her do is get drunk and go out to clubs without me. She understands that and has never really even tried to do that before. We live 2 hours apart but see each other on the weekends. I usually come down to stay with her because a lot of my good friends go to school with her and we hang out with them.

If you date a pretty girl, guys will want to **** her. But if it gets to the point where she lies to me about something, she is going to get called out. I thnk she realized that she crossed the line with me, because she was quick to send the guy a message back and tell her that he was making her feel uncomfortable.

Like I said, I don't think she did anything with this guy, but I think she was attracted and felt guilty for flirting with him and soaking up the attention he was giving her. I was posting this just as a reality check for myself to make sure I wasn't getting too caught up and ignoring any glaring red flags. I'll definitely be keeping on my toes after this situation just to make sure nothing else happens, but I think it is probably done with. I will occasionally text and talk to other girls just to stay on top of my game and keep some options on the backburner, but I never intend on hooking up with any of them while I'm in a relationship. I delete those texts from my phone because it would look to my gf like i was going around behind her back. So its easy for me to think that she was probably just doing the same thing with this kid. But I guess I'm kind of a hypocrite since it would really bother me to see her texting guys some of the things I say to other girls. I trust myself to talk and flirt with other girls without being unfaithful, but its hard to trust someone else doing the same thing.

As far as the fighting and drama, it is definitely really stressful. In fact, Tuesday night when we got into it, I told her when things started getting heated that we shouldn't be talking right now and hung up the phone. She cooled off and called me a couple hours later to apologize for her part in the fight, but I had already gone to sleep and was annoyed that she woke me up, so I started it back up again. We've definitely had a rough few weeks, but we're fine now and are both working on our own problems that contribute to arguments.

 

[sodbuster]

yeah, that fighting stuff will all stop after the wedding[being very sarcastic,incase you missed it]. If it continues, look for another girl.

 

[iliketennis]

it sounds like it was actually two different guys.. i think you're overreacting

 

[Brighty]

I think it sounds like she's telling the truth, and that it may in fact be two different guys. I don't see why you're doubting her, unless you're not telling us something about it. Maybe your subconsciously looking for excuses for her cheating or not being loyal? Maybe something else happened a while back that made you second guess her and you're getting paranoid about this instance? I don't know I'm not you. As far as I can tell, from this particular, isolated instance, I would say you don't have anything to worry about.