GF admitted to me she had sex with her ex while we were dating (but not exclusive)

[Gears of Led Zep]

I'll keep this VERY brief.

-We met in September.
-Started "dating" in November, like going on dates and stuff
-Started having sex and getting more serious in December.
-Became official/exclusive in early January.

She admitted to me tonight that she had sex with her ex about 3 days before we became "exclusive" just to "make sure she had no more feelings for him".

We weren't exclusive so she technically didn't cheat on me, but I still feel horrible about it. She had sex with him while we were having sex. I feel really disrespected. What should I do? Forgive her or dump her?

 

[ScottMustaine]

Well you weren't exclusive. Just keep an eye on her.

 

[Gears of Led Zep]

What would you guys do? I'm so torn over it. I don't know what a "normal" reaction to this would be... Haven't ever dealt with this or spoken to someone who has.

 

[betheman]

would you have sex with someone you werent attracted to or had any feelings for if you were with someone else?
the line she has fed you is BS. To be honest, I dont get this 'exclusive' thing, maybe because Im a Brit but if you are dating, you dont fvck around, thats my take.
as for the female in question here, wouldnt trust her as far as I could throw a bus. keep pumping but not investing

 

[GotED?]

If I were you I would have a VERY hard time ever trusting her without me being around. You never know if she would do a hook up with her ex at anytime.

Though you two were not exclusive, the fact that when a woman is truly emotionally invested in a man - psychologically/emotionally she would have a very difficult time giving interest to another man (thus why so much flaking goes on, low interest - because your princess is in another castle!).

The fact that she did this to you while you two were 'dating' but not exclusive is just horse ****. Her ex- had her just as a fookbuddy but didn't want her back - if he would had wanted her back, she would have dumped you.

You are just her backup option at this point, sorry.

Good luck.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[ralphpetersen]

sounds like this will eat at you and the more you fall for the more it will bother you. cut your losses now and dont waste anymore time with her. you basically dont trust her anymore and nothing she can say will change that. walk away.

 

[pyros]

yeah this exclusivity thing is bull****. The moment you start dating (meeting, making out...) a person, maybe after 4 to 6 dates, you do not **** any other person, and that is final. And it is even worse coming from a girl.
You do not become official after you talk about it, because what if you never talk about it? it is implicit man. It is not some kind of contract you have to sign to make it obvious.

As someone above said, it seems you're her second option, or her only option after her ex ****ed and dumped her again.

No nice girl to be with----> her status changes to **** buddie, nothing else from now on.

 

[Mike32ct]

I have little respect for women that F exes.

An ex is an ex. Why go there again, unless you're too lazy (to a find a new guy you actually want to F), sl$tty, and indecisive about what you want?

She wants to make sure she has no more feelings for the ex? She DOES have feelings for the ex. Their called gina tingles.

She's a plate at BEST. Even a good plate has enough class to not tell you about who else she hooked up with. This girl doesn't even have that.

One of my old signature threads was, "She's only hot until you find out who she's F-ing."

Think about that one... Then move on.

 

[bukowski_merit]

This really isn't enough information.

Who pushed for the exclusivity? When did they start pushing for it?

Why did she admit this to you? Did you ask her or did she just admit it out of the blue? (like it was something she had to get off her chest).


My assessment may change based on you answers to those things.


I think it's wrong to focus on if she is right or wrong.... I think it's important to follow how you feel about this.

You obviously don't like it. So, yes - you should dump her for that reason. Stop relying on other people to tell you what is acceptable behavior. You have a gut - follow it!



Far too many problems will occur as a result of this though. Imagined or real doesn't matter - your mind can't separate the two emotionally.



I will say this though: Having sex with a man "just to make sure there's no feelings still there." Is fvcking hilarious! Biggest BS ever! This woman is probably a little more than "normal woman" crazy.

 

[Die Hard]

^^ This, on all accounts!

 

[st_99]

if it bothers you, which it obviously does, then dump her ass at once.

the only thing that matters here is you.

do you have the balls to get rid of a chick that you think is not up to par? are you hanging around because you are afraid you cant find anyone else?

I don't care if its normal behavior or not normal or shady or she has the right, none of that matters. if I don't like it, then I have to ditch her ass. are you too much of a b1tch to do that?

 

[SamTheHobit]

Reading about things like this makes me so god damn angry.

What kind of half decent girl does something like this?

Ok I got that out of the way...

Your girlfriends a wh0re bro.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Do not put any emotional or psychological investment in her, let alone an economical one like renting a flat toghter.

If I were you I would take all my frustration and use it to feel not guilty by turning her into a simple fvck buddy.
Actually its not that you can chose, you have no other choice than doing a step back and turn her into a fvck buddy, she is not gf material mate.

First she is into her ex more than you which is a reason good enough to cut any effort for her, second she didnt even bother to come up with a better lie than that sh1t about sex to remove feelings....it makes as much sense as saying that you will buy an umbrella to make sure it will rain.

She not only doesnt consider top guy in terms of masculinity since her ex bf's **** was in her while it was you to be her soon to be "partner" but she doesnt even consider you enough to avoid feeding bvllsh1t that not even a 8yrs old kid would believe.

You're an emotional toy for her, so make sure she is a sexual toy for you.

 

[speed dawg]

She admitted to me tonight .......... I feel really disrespected.

There's a bigger issue here than just her having another d1ck inside her. As bad as it sounds, that shouldn't even bother you. You weren't exclusive, so who cares? I banged other girls while I was dating my wife before we were exclusive, so what?

The BIG problem is, why did she tell you about it? If she was into you, she'd have kept that sh1t secret and hidden away forever. And girls are capable of keeping their mouths shut when it bodes well for them to do so.

So now you're feeling disrespected, and you should. Not because you shared a pvssy, but because your girl doesn't have high enough IL in you to not risk losing you, by telling you something that could do nothing but cause problems. Seems to me like she's setting up her escape. Unless you're constantly badgering her about it, and in either case it's obvious you supplicating to her and have one-itis.

My advice....pull back and up your game. You're about to lose this one. Treading dangerously close to IL level that's nearing the point of no return.

 

[TDH]

Charge her to the game before she waste any more of your time your integrity is more important than p-ussy Just tell her you thought about it and she doesnt respect you enough for a relationship

 

[Financed]

Ummm why the **** would she even tell you that?! Ill tell you why; TO TEST YOU! She's seeing what she can get away with, with you. Listen, I've done shadier **** to girls in the past (dating only not committed, I'm not a compete scumbag!), but I never had a conversation with them about it! I get the exclusive part but in this scenario I think it's irrelevant. What would I have done? I would have called her out right when she told me with; 'why are you even telling me this?!' I solely think she's pulling the reigns.

 

[Jair213]

Lol this is terrible that fact that she even told you about it is fvcked tup. Regardless of being exclusive or not her ex fvcked her brains probably sucked his cocck and kiss you the next day that's some twisted sh!t and who knows how many other times she had sex with him

My ex that screwed me over a year ago was having sex with another guy and one of her x's and including me. Sounds bad right? Take it from me bro, dump this slvt asap.

 

[Darth]

I'll keep this VERY brief.

-We met in September.
-Started "dating" in November, like going on dates and stuff
-Started having sex and getting more serious in December.
-Became official/exclusive in early January.

She admitted to me tonight that she had sex with her ex about 3 days before we became "exclusive" just to "make sure she had no more feelings for him".

We weren't exclusive so she technically didn't cheat on me, but I still feel horrible about it. She had sex with him while we were having sex. I feel really disrespected. What should I do? Forgive her or dump her?

Not 50 years ago a girl who had sex at ALL before getting married was known as loose or easy or a "chippy" and socially ostracized.
And here this girl has sex with a guy as she is dating another guy, just to "make sure" she has no "feelings" for him?

How have things gotten this fvcking bad?

Stupid baby boomers ruined everything.

 

[danthemann]

a year and a half ago i was in your shoes and i have 2 options for you that you wont like but you will need to choose one of them for your own health and sanity....

1) drop her.... stop talking, get some hobbies, get a new chick, do whatever u need to but move on. you most likely wont end up marrying her so its not too big of a loss. its easy for you to say "but she could be telling me the truth!" because you have a relationship with her and want to trust her... but if dont realize your mistake until 3-4 months down the road, its going to be worse for you. so cut your losses and move on.

2) Go along with it for now. this option is a bit on the dovchebag side but my ex was a witch so after i had enough, i led her along and hit her up for booty-calls. tell her that she has a lot of making up to do. she will probably hate you afterwards because you used her... but thats every girls story nowadays and again, not like your getting married...

sounds a bit pessimistic but i went through something similar and its not fun... id recommend option 1 unless you really need some poon. in that case you could just go to backpage and get a hooker. dump her, dont forgive her, and move on.

 

[pdx1138]

I had that as well and went with option 2.

After she pulled that, I detached emotionally and only used her for booty calls.

Free poon for about a year then I got bored with her and cut her off.