getting very aware of how i act around women

[princesimba]

never really had this problem in the past

Im beginning to become really aware of my interactions with women (FEMALE FRIENDS ESPECIALLY)

For example i'll keep telling myself "make eye contact" to the point i tell myself
"stop making eye contact, you're being creepy" and i end up either staring at her eyes or avoiding her eyes completely.

and all this telling myself what my eyes should do is preventing myself from being funny/confident

ive no idea where to place my eyes now

im also starting to REALLY care when women dont give me IOIs, especially my platonic female friends.

I admit a large part of my confidence in the past comes from my female friends (those im not interested in) constantly showing interest in me

i want to get to a stage where i dont give a sh!t about where my eyes look, how i act, what women think about me. But thats easier said than done.

Any help would be much appreciated

 

[NewJack]

Easier said than done.

Anxiety is driving your awareness. This is pretty typical for someone who is discovering pick-up material and theory for the first time (may I assume that describes you?).

I think you will have to move through this phase. One realization, which you can't get just by reading these lines, but which will eventually come to you, is that you may realize how little control you have.

Reading these things, you may think you have control over how a relationship plays out. Maybe if you put your eyes to her eyes, make eye contact, you can get her to like you.
That seems like it puts you in control of what is going on. But in fact, it doesn't.

In fact, relationships unfold according to a deep and mysterious inner musical score that you cannot manipulate with body language and words. So, even though you are learning now how your behaviors impact women in your environment, and it seems like a big responsibility, you will eventually realize that you can't make women like you, you can't create attraction, and you can't make relationships play out like you want them to. It only seems like you can. *Whew*. What a relaxing realization!

The women who will like you enough to want you inside them are going to like you for deeper reasons than you are able to consciously influence.

Your only duty as a man is to show up and be yourself. Most additions to this amount to nothing more than spinning our wheels, or being caught in our own illusions of control.

 

[adam225]

You're becoming WAY to self conscious. You need to take the edge of it or it'll keep getting worse (to the point that it will drive you INSANE). It's a problem that you have created in your mind - there for you have learnt it (it's not your natural state). You need to unlearn it.

 

[princesimba]

so what do i do

 

[adam225]

Adobt an "I don't give a fvck" attitude and keep pushing it forward. You care too much.. it's that simple.

 

[Serenity]

When you're not even aware of exactly how you behave in the moment, and you're feeling good the entire time, that's when you've got it right.

If you ever get a moment where everything just flows without you thinking about it and it's going good, hold onto that memory. Remember this as the feeling you want to achieve. This is all backwards though, you don't work to get there, you actually relax.

I guess this is a phase you have to go through as I did. You're becoming aware of it, but at some point you gotta say to yourself "I know this, stop thinking about it".