Getting to the root of the nice guy problem

[dice]

Of all of the rules that we read on here about picking up women, there is one that is universally accepted as the most important. That is displaying confidence. The opposite of displaying confidence is being a "nice guy", thus it is the worst thing you can do if you're hoping to attract a girl. Ask yourself this: do you ever..

-lie to impress another person
-turn the other cheek when someone challenges you
-hold back something funny you had to say because you didn't want to offend anyone
-feel guilty afterward if you actually had the guts to say it
-ask "what do you want to do" "how do you feel about.." blah blah
-don't do something because of another persons opinion

If you answered yes to any of these, then you are putting other people before yourself in that specific situation. The root of being a "nice guy" which everyone agrees is the opposite of what you want to do, is the need to please other people.

Being a people pleaser makes you come off as needy and desperate. Even a simple act of people pleasing can show weakness. If you don't understand why this is bad you need to reread the dj bible.

People pleasing is a disease. Like alcoholism. Like any addiction. People get addicted to the feeling of "winning" someone over. But people are not stupid and can easily see through your kindness. It is a form of manipulation. It makes for very uncomfortable relationships because people will never be able to let their guard down because they are waiting for the "real you" to come through.

The antecdote to this disease is simple. Be authentic. Embrace your feelings. Display them. When you are genuine people appreciate that. They respect it, alot more than someone sucking up to them all the time.

Realize, the most hated men in history or that you know personally in your own life are some of the most respected. The "bad guy" gets laid more than the hero. I would take it as far as to say, instead of people-pleasing, people-anger. Obviously, do this with with a head on your shoulders.

 

[f283000]

Going to the root of the nice guy problem means taking a look at the upbringing of the subject.

It's no secret that a lot if not most adult males that suffer from "nice guy syndrome" had a lack of a strong male authoritative father figure in their lives while growing up.

This does no necessarily mean that the child was fatherless hence the word "lack." The father could have always been there but if he wasn't in the leadership position in the family and was pu$$ywhipped and bossed around by his wife that would constitute a lack of strong male figure in the child's life. A male child needs to see a strong male in his family to emulate and look up to. It doesn't matter how strong a mother may act a male child needs to see another adult male to emulate not a woman. It just won't work.

I know this may not be what OP was referring to but this goes into the real "root" of the problem.

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

@f283000
I disagree. Case in point: myself.
Although my mother was/is bossy at times, my father was/is the real pillar, the important-decisions maker etc.
My sister and I always perceived him as "the boss" of the house.


However, they both raised me in the spirit of being tranquil, of never offending anyone or making people feel uncomfortable.
The same thing at school: being an impressionable tw@t I actually listened to the false life lessons they shoved down our throats.


Nowadays I agree with dice and da dynamically, but in the heat of the social interactions I automatically resort to nice-guy behavior. It's a reflex that is hard to shed.

 

[DanelMadr]

@f283000
I disagree. Case in point: myself.
Although my mother was/is bossy at times, my father was/is the real pillar, the important-decisions maker etc.
My sister and I always perceived him as "the boss" of the house.


However, they both raised me in the spirit of being tranquil, of never offending anyone or making people feel uncomfortable.
The same thing at school: being an impressionable tw@t I actually listened to the false life lessons they shoved down our throats.


Nowadays I agree with dice and da dynamically, but in the heat of the social interactions I automatically resort to nice-guy behavior. It's a reflex that is hard to shed.

I agree. Of course it is better to have a role model so close as daddy is

BUT

you simply don't see him picking up another women.
If he is macho, he often belittles you, which certainly does not help.
On top of it he is a parent who wants to have a Nice kid not a problematic one like he was. And in puberty you certainly don't want to emulate your father. And if you are witness to a problems between father and mother it doesn't help either.

I guess guys with no problems are almost always guys with parents who don't force their kids to be ambitious, manly or whatever. They are themselves cool and playful people with open loving affection for each other. And they always approve their son as a man.

 

[ArcticWolf]

thanks Dice! I can confirm this, I'm pretty much sick of it cause I realized it myself... going to see a shrink these days to try to change (a lot in my case). I can't make decisions, hold back cause I don't dare to say it > afraid to offend somebody, lot's of lying which got me into lots of trouble whenever (and yes they sure do) discover the "real" thing.
I can say for sure; never be like this! :nono: