Getting the girl?

[Omen]

So i've been thinking about how to really get this girl, and I need some advice.

Short story, then we'll go from there.

I've known this girl for about 4yrs. Met her at church, and have hung out with her a few times before in the past. Nothing much. Prob the most I have ever hung out with her in the past is a few days per month. One of those... Come and go things.

I moved out of state a year ago, and recently came back. When I got back in town, she wanted to go eat, so we did. This wasn't a date, we just wanted to see eachother. Anyway I saw her on a Tues, then went up to her parents with her last week on Sat and Sun. On the way back she bought me lunch. Bought me lunch both times. I've done the same as well. Then I went out with her for coffee last Wed, had lunch with her at the park on Fri, then she spent from morning to evening with me on Sunday. Helped me teach Sunday school, then we hung out for the rest the day.

Now she just called and I am picking her up tonight to go out. Now its not meet me here, its i'll pick you up, and she says ok.

When we go out, she doesn't talk about the current guy she is with. Nothing to worry about in my mind. She even told me she spends more time with me then him.

When I read the "How to succeed with Women" book I see the shoulder to cry on, etc be my friend stuff, and I want to STAY AWAY from that. I told her Frid how I felt about her, and she knows. She told me... Don't think I don't feel the same way. I just have to figure out the current situation I am in. And again, she doesn't tell me too much about her problems. Not any more.

So guys, how do I deal with this? Do I follow the rules in the book? Like priming the date? Even though its not a REAL date yet, do I still be the gentlemen, use the romantic stuff, touch her at least X times, and so forth and pretend it is, so she sees me in that way?

I hate the fact we spend so much time together since I got back, and nothing. But I don't think she was expecting me to tell her I liked her on Friday.

Can a woman use this as a test method? As in can she be trying me out before a read date? Even though we know eachother, the past 2 weeks have been more of us together then the past 3 years.

Thanks for the help guys.

 

[DJStudent]

The only thing I can see from this is that it has a small chance of leading to something good. One thing is that you spent too much time with her already and she's gotten use to you. To be honest it does look like you are just a temp man for her. The moment I read about knowing her for 4yrs and not a single thing happened until recently means that she doesn't have any attraction for you.

The reason why she's hanging out with you now is because she needs to keep busy and distracted from her bf she's having problems with. She saw that she has a special place in your heart and is enjoying the attention you give her.

I've known girls who asked me to be their boyfriend without ever even going on a date within a few days of knowing them. So how can you go 4 years without getting a sign from her? Let her go and move on.

 

[Omen]

Well one thing was that she was tied down, and I think amost 3 or 4yrs at that, and now everything is totally over. At the same time too, for about a year of knowing her, I was with someone, who I was supposed to get married too, and well, that girl is getting married this week.

Honest truth is, we we're both in REAL relatinships, and I was even in one for over a year when I moved out of state, so with my 2yrs, and her 3 or 4, there never was a chance. Not to mention it was one of those.. I saw her like one or 2 Sundays if that per month. Not a whole lot of time. Now it seems as if its different cause she knows i'm free, she knows I like her, and she really isn't tied down to this guy.

I'll just give it time and see. Thing is, her mom loves me to death, and she tells me that. Now that your back, my mom always talks about you. And her mom did before I moved out of state, and wanted us to date.

Biggest thing is that she had NO idea I was moving back in state, and it was like... holy cow, I wasn't expecting him to come back.

What ever the case, we're talking 19-20 when we first met, and now we're 25. At the same time too, religion plays a HUGE deal, if not the most important. Its like.... I want what you want.

 

[DJStudent]

Go read the DJ bible again Omen.

Look at what you're doing. You're rationalizing things so that she's the girl for you. You're using the whole thing about her being tied down and you being a relationship as an excuse. I've date plenty of girls who have boyfriends and I don't know a thing until I hear it from her friends. If they like you MORE than their bf they will do stuff with you just like you said. The thing is that this girl isn't giving you clear signals. She's saying she doesn't know what to do. So the best thing for you and possibly a future with her is that you back off and let her go. She will come back to you when she's ready, if not oh well it's not meant to be.

Don't be afriad to let her go. Show her that you'll be around when she's ready but in the mean time you're going to have fun and not wait there like an AFC. Maybe you will find a better girl out there.

P.S. you guys are not far off my age so i can relate.

 

[flexion_]

Well first things first - no more going out as friends - stop that!

Options:
1) make a move - doubtful this will work as I fear you in the friendzone too deep - but in reality I think this is your best option because it will either work or fail misserably. If it works great problem solved. If it doesn't then you won't have to wait 3 months pursuing other women and setting her free while in her mind she slowly changes from thinking of you as a friend to something other than that. Instead you will just start pursuing other women now.

2) back off completely and let her come to you while pursuing other women.