Getting shizophrenic

[Huffman]

I noticed that, when I go out, I kind of flip a switch and - WHACK - I'm the DJ. I smile, I flirt, I close, all that kind of thing. Without thinking.

But once I'm at home, it's lika - WHAM - I'm the AFC. I doubt myself, I'm self-conscious, I hate myself, that stuff.

To other people, I appear confident and strong, and they love me for that. But to myself, I secretly think I really don't deserve all that attention. I feel like I'm not exciting enough. Like my life is going nowhere.
I've vastly improved my lifestyle over the past few months, but it's just never enough. All that "stuff that a man does" pumps me up for a little time, but never endures.

I constantly swing back and forth between those two states of mind.
On girls: ONS are no problem. However, I haven't had any good relationship - perhaps for that very reason. It sort of crumbles after a short while.

I must get in touch with myself. I don't know who I am anymore.
What do you think? Can you relate? Share your opinion.

 

[LostAndConfused]

geez your exactly like me. sometimes i get into a hunter's state where i don't even think, i just say whatever i feel is on my mind, and girls just love it. suddenly really cute girls who like only the popular guys are smiling and showing IOIs when they talk to me.

but i can't really flip that switch, its either on or not. i don't consciously think about it, i'm either in the zone or not, mostly not in the zone.

i cant keep a relationship up for more than a month too....a girls interest level shoots up through the roof to insanely high levels then it drops down again to nothing, and theres nothing i can do about it. its like the girls find out the "true me" and they don't like it.

i'm experiencing this very problem with this girl who i hooked up with but i haven't contacted her in almost two weeks. at one point her IL was so high that she would constantly break the rules at her school to keep in contact with me, she would flip out when i wouldn't respond to her, she would leave cute messages on my phone then would always have to re-do them. after a while i think she talked to me alot in my "bad" state and her IL dropped like my SAT scores.

im sure other people have experienced this but you really can't get help on it because people here are just going to tell you that you're consciously affecting which state you in....which is total BS.

 

[Huffman]

Exactly, I feel like the rest of my life doesn't live up to my "game".

The key would be to not forcefully having to "alter your frame" but getting some healthy self-esteem so that the "frame" comes naturally.
From... somewhere.

Like not having to hide that "bad state", but rather reworking it altogether, feeling good as a natural result.
I just can't seem to get it working. Gotta do something about that.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You're not schizo - that means that either you hear voices or think everyone is conspiring against you.

Huffman, I don't know your age, but I am guessing, like L&C, that you are young and still getting yourself figured out. Everyone goes through that.

 

[Huffman]

Yeah, a bit over-the-top perhaps

I think many young adults have this problem. Trying to act all "manly" to get the girls, when they - obviously - cannot possess all those qualities that a man accumulates over the years.
It's just that we try to accelerate that process with all our might.

As for myself, I'll drop a bit of all that game, and try to be more natural.

 

[Galardonado]

Welcome to my world. Im 42 and I been rejected millions of times. Still cant get over the feeling i get from that.

But when Im ON, im confident and I had dated some of the most beautiful girls out there ( 5 total) which doesnt last more than 2.5 years. Then, i go into hibernation mode for a while recuperating from the lost.

Almost as if thats what they take to know me fully and realize Im not exactly the person they though I was.

An inner game issue for sure. Must keep working on it.

Lou.

 

[BeyondCharm]

Lou,

One thing I've found is the more belief I have that women love me for who I am and that I do not need to qualify to them or need their validation, the faster I recover from rejections. Rejection is always painful but there is always something positive to learn from every reaction women give us.

I probably have approached in person over a thousand women and compared to a guy who in his life who has only approached a ten women, I have over one hundred times the experience talking and communicating with them. If you went out and approached 100, and got rejected by 97 of them, you'd have the experience of talking to 100 women and succeeding with 3. Those 3 successes all taught you something invaluable.

 

[Wodan]

Actually i think we learn even faster from our bad experiences or mistakes, but really if you cant hold down a girl that your speaking to often on an intimate level there is probably some internal work you need to do with yourself.

 

[BadsnakeUK]

I went through something like this recently. I ended up getting pretty cynical and bitter over a lot of things and realised that trying to 'be the man' on one hand and just be me on the other was too stressful.

What I did (not through conscious decision - I'd just had enough) was to just drop it all. Being the man when I went out on one hand but also all the negative cr*p in my head on the other. I just kicked back and chilled for a bit.

The funny thing was that when I did this everything came together and I found that I had developed a lot in this time: the good bits of both these sides of me had become a bit more integrated into my personality and I feel a lot freer now to pick and choose what I want to be.

Just try taking some time out and try to focus on interests that don't rely too much on a success/failure paradigm to be enjoyable (for me it was martial arts training). Then ease back into things at your own pace when you're ready