Getting rid of oneitis

[saturos]

There is a girl in my school i am kind of interested in, and i definitley have oneitis for her, and i can't stop it. Whenever i am around her, all my confidence and game shatters like glass, and i always overthink and think stupid thoughts.
I know i should relax and have fun, but the more i tell myself to loosen up and that she is just another girl, the more i think about her and then i do worse.
So, i'm probably approaching this the wrong way. What should i do to level my ground with her?

 

[CaptainJ]

Just talk to her (assuming you know her). I often find that when I spend more time away from the girl I fancy, I get more nervous and less willing to interact with her when she is near. Simple remedy: Just talk to her. Joke with her, tease her etc. Just anything to familiarise yourself more with her. You realise that the nervousness instantly dissappears, and is replaced by confidence. One other good thing to do is to smile at her. She will smile back and it will give you confidence.(You should really smile at most girls you meet).

You also need to learn to stop thinking about the girl but about more "Important" things, like your ambitions and hobby's etc. This will get you out of the oneitis mindset and get you into the DJ mindset. The more you think about her, the more unnatainable she will become as you will put her on a pedestal.

 

[eaglez1177]

Great advice right there captainj, your on the money today!

 

[Whowhatnow]

Ideally, what CaptainJ's said is whatcha' want to do. Still...I've been there, I understand your outlook, and I know it is a gut-twisting feeling of frustration. Believe me...that's my entire Junior year of high school in a nutshell.

I can't give you the ultimate solution, but I can offer ya' a tid-bit that helped me deal with it on a day-by-day basis until I fixed the big picture, and can stall for you until the day comes.

When you talk to her and you're feelin' that sinking blurb in ya' belly, say to yourself in your brain "Wow, this is pretty sad. I'm like a lost puppy." Something, anything that'll make you chuckle at yourself (Like when you laugh at a friend sucking at something XD). Then just let this chuckle out. Not only will the laugh and smile make ya feel better, she may very well mimic it or ask "What's so funny?". Then you smack her upside the head with a tease like "It's just...they let you out of the house in that?" >;D

Or something. Not the best outfit teaser around, but the point is there >.>'

She smiles, you smile, tension is broken, and the townpeople rejoice. Yay!

 

[saturos]

Yea, CJ, thats pretty much what i've been working on doing, but i suppose its not as fast a thing to get rid of as i would like, huh?
Talking to this chick is a bit hard too since she seems to be really shy around guys. And I know its not that she's not comfortable around me or anything because all the guys know it: this chick is pretty hot and anytime she comes up in a convo, someone will always say, "Yea, but she doesn't talk" or something. Its annoying, since if i ever notice her in the halls or something talking to some of her friends who are girls, she looks like she wouldn't shut up if she was offered money, but around guys its just "..."
Anyways, point being, it always makes it worse talking to her because well... its already harder to talk to her. Maybe i should persue someone else...meh.

 

[CaptainJ]

Thanks Eaglez!

Yea, CJ, thats pretty much what i've been working on doing, but i suppose its not as fast a thing to get rid of as i would like, huh?
Talking to this chick is a bit hard too since she seems to be really shy around guys. And I know its not that she's not comfortable around me or anything because all the guys know it: this chick is pretty hot and anytime she comes up in a convo, someone will always say, "Yea, but she doesn't talk" or something. Its annoying, since if i ever notice her in the halls or something talking to some of her friends who are girls, she looks like she wouldn't shut up if she was offered money, but around guys its just "..."
Anyways, point being, it always makes it worse talking to her because well... its already harder to talk to her. Maybe i should persue someone else...meh.

Hmm shy girls make for an interesting challenge. It's hard to make them chase you, because they don't have enough confidence to think they could get you. They may also be more likely to reject you if you ask them out, because they are too scared of the social situation present. It's a tricky one, but you have to get them to be more familiar and comfortable with you.

Chances are if you have them in this state of being comfortable, they will go out with you, but you will have to initiate EVERYTHING with the girl. Initiate touching, flirting, teasing, playing etc. Once you confidently initiate, she will see that it is socially acceptable for her to reciprocate those actions and you'll be surprised to find she actually starts doing it a lot more back to you. Because she is shy, you can actually afford to do more AFC things, such as complimenting her, or giving her attention: it might even be necessary, in order to give her confidence. Just don't go crazy though, use it sparingly. A DJ attitude still remains the utmost focus.

But yeah it is tricky, what do other people think about shy girls?

 

[saturos]

Thanks Eaglez!



Hmm shy girls make for an interesting challenge. It's hard to make them chase you, because they don't have enough confidence to think they could get you. They may also be more likely to reject you if you ask them out, because they are too scared of the social situation present. It's a tricky one, but you have to get them to be more familiar and comfortable with you.

Chances are if you have them in this state of being comfortable, they will go out with you, but you will have to initiate EVERYTHING with the girl. Initiate touching, flirting, teasing, playing etc. Once you confidently initiate, she will see that it is socially acceptable for her to reciprocate those actions and you'll be surprised to find she actually starts doing it a lot more back to you. Because she is shy, you can actually afford to do more AFC things, such as complimenting her, or giving her attention: it might even be necessary, in order to give her confidence. Just don't go crazy though, use it sparingly. A DJ attitude still remains the utmost focus.

But yeah it is tricky, what do other people think about shy girls?

Ugh, initiating everything...sounds rough. Then again, it would be a way to really force me to improve, eh? Hmm....Its just weird around her, because i can't really tell if she is interested all that well.