Getting over oneitiis

[TitanSS]

How do you all deal with getting over a oneitis when you don't have **** for plates on deck? Obviously no contact is the only possible option, but I live in a rural town, about 1500 people, and there aren't that many options.

Doesn't help when I went no contact on tuesday and I get on facebook this morning and a guy uploads a picture of her making breakfast at his house...

I think every single one of my friends is in a long term relationship or married so going out with the guys doesn't happen often.

I'm not really down on myself, but I do have that ****ty feeling you get when you miss someone. I know the mindset I need to have is, **** her if she doesn't see that I'm a great guy then she's not worth my time, but it's hard to pound that into your head when you feel this way.

So, how do you all deal with it? I know a lot of you will say you have multiple plates so it's not a big deal you just next them, but if you don't what is the plan?

I realize this is very Beta I'm just trying to get over feeling this way as fast as possible. It's got to be an ego thing because I know I won't give a **** about her once some time passes.

 

[Darth_Qurashi]

There are so many ways you can do things but at the end of the day it's up to you to really come up with them because you really know your capabilities. If you don't have ppl to do stuff with, do it urself. I use go to out on my own, and do cold approach.

At the end of the day your goal is to get your mind off her and focus on yourself. Look at your hobbies, working out, sports, and even video games if you have nothing else. At least it will get her off your mind, but ya try to do things that are more productive for you in the long run. read some books, practice some guitar.

 

[NewJack]

I realize this is very Beta I'm just trying to get over feeling this way as fast as possible. It's got to be an ego thing because I know I won't give a **** about her once some time passes.

No, its not beta. Its human. You're in love with a woman. Thats something to celebrate.

If you think these feelings will be easy to replace, you lack real-world experience. The guys who wrote most of what you've read also lack real-world experience, but you can only realize this when you get real-world experience and self-awareness. So its a double bind one enters, as a young man.

Are you sure you aren't going to give a sh1t about her? What, did it say that in someone's crystal ball? Going to press a button and make another woman you care about materialize? Damn, sign me up for that.

Unrequited love is painful. You either let it burn on the inside, and absorb the pain, and let it feed your emotional growth - or you run, and ignore her, and spin plates.

That knife-sharp feeling within - its either a friend or an enemy. However, its as close to your own heart as your going to be able to get right now. Throw it away and move on at your own risk. I'm not sure the numb experience of fvcking women you don't care about is worth the trade off. However, as always, do whatever the fvck you want.

Just know that, in the same way that 22-year old guys come to SoSuave and celebrate their awakening from AFCdom, and how they have finally taken the red pill, there are other places where 28-year old guys go to celebrate their awakening from SoSuave, evo psych, and Rollo Tomassi's cynical dating paradigms. I'm trying to pump light into you coming from those places. Hope this helps.

 

[The Simple Man]

No, its not beta. Its human. You're in love with a woman. Thats something to celebrate.

If you think these feelings will be easy to replace, you lack real-world experience. The guys who wrote most of what you've read also lack real-world experience, but you can only realize this when you get real-world experience and self-awareness. So its a double bind one enters, as a young man.

Are you sure you aren't going to give a sh1t about her? What, did it say that in someone's crystal ball? Going to press a button and make another woman you care about materialize? Damn, sign me up for that.

Unrequited love is painful. You either let it burn on the inside, and absorb the pain, and let it feed your emotional growth - or you run, and ignore her, and spin plates.

That knife-sharp feeling within - its either a friend or an enemy. However, its as close to your own heart as your going to be able to get right now. Throw it away and move on at your own risk. I'm not sure the numb experience of fvcking women you don't care about is worth the trade off. However, as always, do whatever the fvck you want.

Just know that, in the same way that 22-year old guys come to SoSuave and celebrate their awakening from AFCdom, and how they have finally taken the red pill, there are other places where 28-year old guys go to celebrate their awakening from SoSuave, evo psych, and Rollo Tomassi's cynical dating paradigms. I'm trying to pump light into you coming from those places. Hope this helps.

So you are 28?

 

[HyperAnalyze]

You need to realize that spending time and emotions over NON-MUTUAL love of one single girl is a foolish way to spend your life.

Get out. Do things you love to do. Hang out with your friends. Game other girls.

 

[TitanSS]

definitely wouldnt consider it love I only dated her for a few weeks. I just lost all interest in talking to other women and put her on a pedestal.

Even women that I would normally think are equally attractive or more attractive than her seen less attractive because of this state of mind i'm in. No real interest in picking up other women right now and I'm about to try to force myself to just as a confidence booster.

I think it has something to do with my ego as I decided I only wanted her and ever though I never told her that, she had decided she didn't want anything serious and I called off seeing her again.

My subconscious is saying "oh this girl doesn't want me?? I must obsess over her, develop anxiety about why she doesn't like me anymore, and make her out to be better than she really is" When honestly if I never developed that anxiety and self doubt in the first place I'd probably still be ****ing her.

Don't want her back, would never work long-term. Just wish there was a quick fix to be interested in other women again.

 

[Lookingtoimprove]

No quick fix...

Titan, I am in a similar situation.

I remember some guy somewhere commenting on how we tend to fall in love with the marketing that lured us in and fail to see that we have purchased an inferior product. In my case the female had issues being alone and was seeing me because I was convenient. She was giving me a ton of affection which blinded me to the abnormal qualities of the interaction and I became addicted to it. It had nothing to do with her personality, but with her ability to make me feel loved just by the way she would look at me.

I knew that I was not in love with her and vice versa, but having to spend time alone in absence of that affection is difficult--similar to a drug addiction. I came to realize that she does this to any male who she becomes interested in, and some had became very angry and felt as though she was attempting to hurt them intentionally.

It is hard to replace this kind of female because she will give you that kind of affection so early in the relationship, and you would have to invest a lot of time in order to obtain something similar with most girls. Of course you don't get the affection long term, but you've been trained to associate the female with the positive feelings she used to provide, even when one occurs with out the other.

I know the situation is not identical to yours, but the most effective method I have found for getting over the urge to contact her is by doing what you are doing now, talking about it and making sense of the entire ordeal in a way that is salient as opposed to just thinking about her endlessly without examining the thought patterns. Just relating to people who are in similar situations can make the whole ordeal easier to endure.

Exercise is also great if you can find the motivation, running or lifting weights will change your neurochemical profile, and leave you in a better position to challenge your undesirable thoughts. I have a jump rope and after jump roping for five minutes (two sessions that are two minutes and thirty seconds long) I will usually start to cheer up.

The only other thing that works for me is flirting with other girls, but you have said that this is difficult for you due to your location.

As for being AFC/beta, It takes time to modify/create any behavior, even just eating less sugar can be a real test of will power for some. These are our default behaviors which happen automatically and often with strong emotions that leave us in a disadvantaged mental state. We have ingrained these patterns of thought and action into our brains over large periods of time and can only change them by waiting for them to be activated and then consciously exercising an alternative behavior--that's hard. There really is no quick way to change any of it.

Wish I had a quick fix myself!

Good luck man!

 

[Dryden]

I realize this is very Beta I'm just trying to get over feeling this way as fast as possible. It's got to be an ego thing because I know I won't give a **** about her once some time passes.

Don't. Don't run away from it. NewJack captured it all.

 

[user name]

definitely wouldnt consider it love I only dated her for a few weeks. I just lost all interest in talking to other women and put her on a pedestal.

Even women that I would normally think are equally attractive or more attractive than her seen less attractive because of this state of mind i'm in. No real interest in picking up other women right now and I'm about to try to force myself to just as a confidence booster.

I think it has something to do with my ego as I decided I only wanted her and ever though I never told her that, she had decided she didn't want anything serious and I called off seeing her again.

My subconscious is saying "oh this girl doesn't want me?? I must obsess over her, develop anxiety about why she doesn't like me anymore, and make her out to be better than she really is" When honestly if I never developed that anxiety and self doubt in the first place I'd probably still be ****ing her.

Don't want her back, would never work long-term. Just wish there was a quick fix to be interested in other women again.

You're right about it not being love. It's desire. The cause of all suffering. The 'demon' alluded to in all religious scriptures. That you cannot have her only fueled this demon/desire which in turn leads to obsession which one justifies by calling it 'love' which is how the Hollywood machine would have us believe it.

It is nothing short of a dis-ease and there is a cure:

1) Cut connections with the object of desire. IF she's on facebook remove her, if she has connections on facebook remove yourself. Do not talk about her to others (this is most important), do not start threads on discussion forums about her. You need to cut her out physically and mentally.

2) Find something you are interested in. Dive into that with all your mind, body and soul until you are an authority on that subject.

3) Exercise, eat healthy, meditate every day (if appropriate).

4) Talk to other girls, get on POF and start approaching and talking to girls and getting numbers with no intention of going out with them.

5) Stay away from porn. Especially porn stars that resemble the object of your desire.

Within a few weeks or months you will be cured.

 

[Mario]

Man, this happened to me a few years ago. Moved to a new city, didn't know anyone and met this girl who worked at my company (different dpt though) and developed oneitis. She wasn't even my type but she was kind of attractive and showered me with lots of attention early on, we hung out for a while. Everything was ok and I didn't even really fancy her, but when she started to retreat after breaking up with her long-term boyfriend (she cheated on him and dumped him), I got confused and couldn't stop thinking about her. She had more friends/acquaintances at the time, moved into another apartment in a vibrant neighborhood, got a new job, so she was busy and didn't have much time for me.

However, I somehow managed to use this oneitis thing to my advantage. I wanted to impress her and improved myself dramatically. I joined a local sports club (mostly because lots of her male friends were members), lost some weight, got some nice clothes, went to many parties, met a lot of people and extended my social circle, travelled to some interesting places, etc. I was totally indifferent/nonchalant towards other women because of her. Therefore, I made a ton of female friends and managed to enhance my social standing.

When she decided to move to another city to be closer to her new boyfriend, I finally woke up from the spell. The very next day she was gone, I didn't care about the whole situation anymore. Now, I have a much better life with more friends around (still room for improvement though). She now lives in another city, is pregnant and kind of dependent on her boyfriends' social circle from what I was told. She simply gave up her entire life for this guy.

I really think you can use oneitis to your advantage as long as you are aware that you will never have a chance, don't stalk her and never tell her how you feel.

What about moving to a bigger city where you will have more options?

 

[PlayHer Man]

definitely wouldnt consider it love I only dated her for a few weeks. I just lost all interest in talking to other women and put her on a pedestal.

Even women that I would normally think are equally attractive or more attractive than her seen less attractive because of this state of mind i'm in. No real interest in picking up other women right now and I'm about to try to force myself to just as a confidence booster.

I think it has something to do with my ego as I decided I only wanted her and ever though I never told her that, she had decided she didn't want anything serious and I called off seeing her again.

My subconscious is saying "oh this girl doesn't want me?? I must obsess over her, develop anxiety about why she doesn't like me anymore, and make her out to be better than she really is" When honestly if I never developed that anxiety and self doubt in the first place I'd probably still be ****ing her.

Don't want her back, would never work long-term. Just wish there was a quick fix to be interested in other women again.

The mistake you (and most men) make is having an over-inflated view of women and seeing them as more than just a fun person you can stick your c0ck into and reproduce with. Because that's all women are. Any higher view of them is FALSE and you're just conning yourself into having oneitis.

This is called --> Self-destructive thinking. Very similar to believing you can't win a game of Chess without your lucky-socks. :crazy:

Giving OVER INFLATED value to something with very little value is why modern men are faggots.

 

[JohnChops]

The mistake you (and most men) make is having an over-inflated view of women and seeing them as more than just a fun person you can stick your c0ck into and reproduce with. Because that's all women are. Any higher view of them is FALSE and you're just conning yourself into having oneitis.

This is called --> Self-destructive thinking. Very similar to believing you can't win a game of Chess without your lucky-socks. :crazy:

Giving OVER INFLATED value to something with very little value is why modern men are faggots.

I usually don't agree with this phaggot PHM but I agree with whats said here.If you think you'll fail then you will, do you know how many people who think themselves into depression have an actualy hormone imbalance? 2%. TWO FVCKING PERCENT.

But then we see all these people being "Depressed" and wonder why these hormone modulating drugs just fvck them up more . OH I WONDER WHY.

Stop thinking yourself into something that isnt really there.