Getting Over Approach Anxiety

[Romanemp22]

Update:

I'm really bummed out now cuz I feel like I pussied out a few times today. Today I was walking down the street and some random hot college girl yelled "hi" at me out the window of her apartment like 20 feet off the ground and I was so caught off guard I just said hi back and waved and walked away but I could overhear her talking about "wanting people to come up there" or something like that. I assume she was drunk...I guess it may have been best to avoid that idk but I still felt bad about just walking away. I said "hi" to a few more girls after that but I pussied out and just walked away--granted some of them were in big loud groups of girls (as I mentioned once before I live near a party school lol). Then there were these two girls (definitely 10s) dressed VERY provocatively and walking really fast and I was gonna say something but I thought too much about it and then it was pretty much too late. I guess my biggest problem is just thinking too much without acting but it's a hard pattern of behavior to break.

As i said earlier, try think less as possible and do the act. Also, go straight for convo because you have much more chance than saying hi.

 

[fastlife]

Hope you succeed. I have lost my youthful energy to do these baby step approaches and it can be incredibly time consuming as you might pace around and stalk a girl before working up a nerve to say something and oftentimes hi is very weak. It feels like you are begging for friends. The other thing is what do you do if a girl takes you on a bit. You feel you lost an opportunity because you limited yourself to that baby step. There are videos were a guy just says nothing and hand his smartphone and the lady takes it and puts her contact info on it. So it feels these baby steps are too limiting.

That's flash game lol. Getting a phone # =/= ever seeing a girl again. So, sure, it looks cool to just hand a girl your phone and all the guys around you will think you're a mega pimp buuut you'll never here from that girl again unless all times of factors outside your control magically align.

It's kind of like you might see an NBA player do a 360 dunk, but if I'm teaching OP to play basketball, I'm gonna line him up at the free throw line and have him shoot it 1000 times, then do boring dribble and passing drills, and wait until he gets those two things down before moving on to anyhting more exci. Beyond that a 360 dunk isn't even a good move fundamentally, it just looks cool. Sure, OP might have open shots that he'll miss because he hasn't practiced them before. But this is about building his fund

I'm really bummed out now cuz I feel like I pussied out a few times today. Today I was walking down the street and some random hot college girl yelled "hi" at me out the window of her apartment like 20 feet off the ground and I was so caught off guard I just said hi back and waved and walked away but I could overhear her talking about "wanting people to come up there" or something like that. I assume she was drunk...I guess it may have been best to avoid that idk but I still felt bad about just walking away. I said "hi" to a few more girls after that but I pussied out and just walked away--granted some of them were in big loud groups of girls (as I mentioned once before I live near a party school lol). Then there were these two girls (definitely 10s) dressed VERY provocatively and walking really fast and I was gonna say something but I thought too much about it and then it was pretty much too late. I guess my biggest problem is just thinking too much without acting but it's a hard pattern of behavior to break.

Don't beat yourself up. You'll pvssy out 1000 times before you start getting this down. You have to learn how to celebrate the small victories. You left your house. That's a W. 75% of the guys here won't even do that. You said "hi" to a few girls. That's a W. That's literally more proactivity than 90% of guys will ever show in their whole life.

You know what you need to do and you know how to do it, so that's a step in the right direction. Unwiring your old patterns of behavior and belief will take time. Steer away from the phenibut--no shortcuts. That'll only harm you in the long run and prevent you from achieving permanent change.

Just keep going out and taking action. A lot of these problems will start fixing themselves. I linked you to some stuff on meditation, which is super helpful for turning off your mental dialog (which is what talks you out of opening those girls) and living in the moment. Another things I used to do when I first started out is repeating affirmations in my head for when I was feeling out of it, like:

• "Nothing to lose, nothing to gain."
• "Just see what happens."
• "Everybody likes me, every girl wants to fvck me."

Doesn't have to be objectively true. It's just about feeding your brain more productive thoughts.

 

[Jim88]

That's flash game lol. Getting a phone # =/= ever seeing a girl again. So, sure, it looks cool to just hand a girl your phone and all the guys around you will think you're a mega pimp buuut you'll never here from that girl again unless all times of factors outside your control magically align.

It's kind of like you might see an NBA player do a 360 dunk, but if I'm teaching OP to play basketball, I'm gonna line him up at the free throw line and have him shoot it 1000 times, then do boring dribble and passing drills, and wait until he gets those two things down before moving on to anyhting more exci. Beyond that a 360 dunk isn't even a good move fundamentally, it just looks cool. Sure, OP might have open shots that he'll miss because he hasn't practiced them before. But this is about building his fund



Don't beat yourself up. You'll pvssy out 1000 times before you start getting this down. You have to learn how to celebrate the small victories. You left your house. That's a W. 75% of the guys here won't even do that. You said "hi" to a few girls. That's a W. That's literally more proactivity than 90% of guys will ever show in their whole life.

You know what you need to do and you know how to do it, so that's a step in the right direction. Unwiring your old patterns of behavior and belief will take time. Steer away from the phenibut--no shortcuts. That'll only harm you in the long run and prevent you from achieving permanent change.

Just keep going out and taking action. A lot of these problems will start fixing themselves. I linked you to some stuff on meditation, which is super helpful for turning off your mental dialog (which is what talks you out of opening those girls) and living in the moment. Another things I used to do when I first started out is repeating affirmations in my head for when I was feeling out of it, like:

• "Nothing to lose, nothing to gain."
• "Just see what happens."
• "Everybody likes me, every girl wants to fvck me."

Doesn't have to be objectively true. It's just about feeding your brain more productive thoughts.

Good stuff thanks. I'll keep trying. I guess calling myself a loser when I chicken out probably only makes things worse. I only started even seriously thinking about this stuff like a week ago, so I guess I'm doing alright.