Getting out of the "friend" zone

[badboy88]

Hi all,

I'm new to the forum and thought I'd start a posting.

I was just wondering if I could get some advice. I met a girl just a couple of weeks ago. I have studied with her before and recently I met up with her for dessert. We had a good conversation, I touched her at times to show that I wanted to be more than friends. For example, I put my hand on her's briefly to see if she was cold one day.

So here's the problem. During our conversation over dessert I talked about my plans for celebrating Halloween at a club and how much fun I would have with my friends. I didn't invite her to come along. I should've asked her since generally if you like someone, you'd invite her to events. So I called her just tonite and she told me she was looking for a costume for Halloween. She was going to celerbrate with her own friends. So now we're doing our own things with our own friends. I feel that we're going into the "friend" zone which every guy hates. I realize that I like this girl and would like date her and maybe for her to be my girlfriend, but what do I do to get her out of this "friend" zone? I believe that I still have a chance.

BB88

 

[slaog]

Develop a DJ mindset. Thats the long term strategy but you want short term advice.


Be more sexual around her. Don't chase her (or she'll run). Don't put her on a pedestal and see yourself as being the prize.


You'll also have to be prepared to lose her as a friend.

 

[badboy88]

Thanks for the reply.

I don't mind losing her as a friend since I just met her. It's not like the type of girl you've been friends with for like years and all of a sudden you're falling for her. I met her just a couple of weeks/a month ago. I like this girl and would like to date her.

I'm not sure how to call her out again. I don't want to sound desperate, but I really want to see her again.

 

[Daydream Engineer]

Start doing alot of kino, tease her alot, and flirt with her the next time you see her a little, so that she knows that you are interest in her, if you don't let her know... a loser will. Call her and ask her out to hangout just the two of you, and go on an action date. Remember to have fun, and remember Regret is better then Rejection, and since its only been a few weeks you should definitely ask her out.

Develop a DJ mindset. Thats the long term strategy but you want short term advice.


Be more sexual around her. Don't chase her (or she'll run). Don't put her on a pedestal and see yourself as being the prize.


You'll also have to be prepared to lose her as a friend.

This is gold, listen to him!

 

[Cashew]

What has worked for me in the past:

Make sure she knows she likes you. If she still doesn't get it from your being sexual (maybe lots of guys are like that with her and she doesn't necessarily consider it a sign of interest) then just tell her that you like her. I know others will probably say not to do this, and to a certain extent they could be right. It should definitely be your last option in getting her to know your intentions, for example if you aren't yet comfortable/confident enough to just go in for a kiss.

Letting her know that she likes you fairly early in the relationship gets her thinking about you sexually. Which is precisely what you want. Otherwise she won't think of you that way and you'll be in the friend zone right away.

She probably won't like you back initially, especially if you go into the tell instead of act mode. That's fine and expected so don't worry about that. Show interest for a little while after that and then just pull that showing of interest (almost) completely away. This will further her thinking about you and girls like the mystery of not really knowing whether or not you like them. At some point she is likely to start having an interest in you, though she won't say so, you'll just have to look for it.

During this time get out and see other girls. Show interest in other girls. Keep yourself from diving into oneitis. Maybe you'll find someone you like better anyway.

Getting out of the friendzone isn't impossible, nor do I think it is nearly as hard as people make it out to be. It just requires patience and confident persistence.

 

[MisterMcGee]

Cashew is right, but don't tell her you like her. Just ask her out to coffee and tell her you want to get to know each other better. It doesn't matter too much if she rejects cause you just threw yourself onto the good ladder, no matter how low/high. Now you can move up cause you aren't in the friend zone.

Just don't enter the friend zone. Ever. Smalltalk? Forget it. Don't talk to her when she's with more than 1 other person. Don't immediately say hi to her. Just be generally aloof, but be interesting and such during 1 on 1s with her.
And KEEP YOUR COOL. I asked this girl out and she flaked on me, but I've only seen her 3ish times before then as we work together and never really got to alk or anything.

So since then, there have been 2 week gaps between when we have a shift together. Recently there was a 3 week gap, and upon seeing her again at work I just went about my own business for the first hour. I didn't give her eye contact when she walked by and looked my way (which was often) and so forth. Eventually, when I got close to her to hand a customer something over the counter (movie theatre), she said "hi (name)" in a sweet way and I said "hey (name", toucher her arm, and walked away continuing what it was I was doing (work).

You should hopefully start to notice her approaching you and making conversation with you.
I've experienced some odd mixed behaviours though. For a girl like this, I've gotten some IOIs, but some odd IODs, but it's likely they are **** tests within their context. Nothing too extreme in the IOD department. They have another name, as they don't display her disinterest persay, just they dont display her interest, which is nothing to fret over. remember that. Always assume attraction.

I've also found reaction is something you'll notice from her if you haven't gotten much reaction from her in the past. If she stops reacting at some point, it could be because she's shy or nervous, because your 'coolness' and 'aloof'ness repels her, or because you're making things difficult.
So don't be too cold or anything, just don't turn AFC on her during 1on1s.

I'm talking from my point of view, though, with a really challenging girl who is a hb10, 17, and hasn't had a bf before.

(edit: i also wrote a thread a few days ago about something that happened recently, so take a look if anyone cares)

 

[Johnny Soporno]

I go into considerably more detail on this in this thread:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=139174

Fellas, consider this:

Women DO love sex, and their BIGGEST complaint is the shortage of worthwhile guys...

So what do they do? They have meaningless sex when they get horny with guys whom they know they can discount afterwards.

Here's a hypothetical conversation between me and any random female friend:


Johnny: How's things with you, Karen?

Karen: Meh... I'm bored and frustrated... I'm REALLY glad I ditch Gary, but it's been awful since then. I haven't had sex in 5 months!

Johnny: Wait a sec... what about that guy you went home with from that club that night? (NOTE: I don't know of any such guy - but every girl will have some number of these - ask your female friends about this!)

Karen: Him? That didn't count, we just had oral and anal... and I gave him a phony number.

Women 'equivocate' - they alter the MEANING of the word 'SEX' so they can escape feeling badly for being 'too easy'.

Help them out - give them another option! YOU!

Johnny Soporno
Worthy Playboy

 

[daygameguy]

Hi all,

I'm new to the forum and thought I'd start a posting.

I was just wondering if I could get some advice. I met a girl just a couple of weeks ago. I have studied with her before and recently I met up with her for dessert. We had a good conversation, I touched her at times to show that I wanted to be more than friends. For example, I put my hand on her's briefly to see if she was cold one day.

So here's the problem. During our conversation over dessert I talked about my plans for celebrating Halloween at a club and how much fun I would have with my friends. I didn't invite her to come along. I should've asked her since generally if you like someone, you'd invite her to events. So I called her just tonite and she told me she was looking for a costume for Halloween. She was going to celerbrate with her own friends. So now we're doing our own things with our own friends. I feel that we're going into the "friend" zone which every guy hates. I realize that I like this girl and would like date her and maybe for her to be my girlfriend, but what do I do to get her out of this "friend" zone? I believe that I still have a chance.

BB88

There are very few mavericks who have climbed their way out of the LJBF pit.

You fell into LJBF on your desert date. There is only 1 thing you can do:

Forget about her for a while, and game more girls. Once you are in a state where you no longer want ANYTHING from her, THEN contact her again. Tell her you wanna hang out with your friends, but she can also tag along. That way SHE is missing out (if she doesn't come). If she sees you again, show her a more manly side... KINO more, flirt more, and let her know you have other girls in your life (you dont have to say that, women sense abundance/pre-selection.)

All that being said, you must keep marching on your journey of self-improvement, which should involve GYM, career, clothing/fashion, friends/social life, and a strong DJ mindset (as someone pointed out earlier).

Have fun. Welcome to the SS fraternity.:rockon:

 

[badboy88]

Thanks for the reply, guys!

So daygameguy, what should I have talked about/done on the dessert date instead of what I did? I should've invited her to the Halloween thing I was going to, I know that much.

I tried inviting her to hang out with her to hang out with us this weekend, but she had class. She told me she'd love to come though.

Thanks

 

[badboy88]

Hi all,

So it's been a while since I've talked about my situation. I thought I'd update you all. So I met up with this girl again - we did stuff together with just the two of us then just hung out with my friends.

Before I dropped her off, we started making out, which ended up till the next morning (no details!!!!). Throughout that time she told me she was unsure about getting into a relationship because she just got out of one not long ago. It was also a bad break up. I said we can take it slow. I could tell that she had this whole thing on her mind the entire time I was with her. Whenever I said somewhere along the lines of "we don't have to talk about what's on your mind right now, but I just want to let you know that I'd be willing to move things slowly and work things out with you", she'll always say something like "what if I just decide to be friends?" or "I don't think it's working the way I want it to" or "I don't want to get hurt again".

What should I do? I want to date this girl.

 

[bukowski_merit]

First, I don't think it's impossible or next to impossible to get out of the friend zone. In fact - there's some recent books that have came out by PUA on doing just that. I haven't read them, because i don't need to (any girl in my life is far from a friend). But i think there's some merit to doing certain things to turn a friendship into something more. The thing you must not do is talk about it until she is talking about it positively. Don't talk about it at all unless you're making out with her and she says something like "wow, i never thought i'd be kissing you". and you should at once lead her into talking about how great it is that SHE's finally kissing YOU.

Hi all,

So it's been a while since I've talked about my situation. I thought I'd update you all. So I met up with this girl again - we did stuff together with just the two of us then just hung out with my friends.

Before I dropped her off, we started making out, which ended up till the next morning (no details!!!!). Throughout that time she told me she was unsure about getting into a relationship because she just got out of one not long ago. It was also a bad break up. I said we can take it slow. I could tell that she had this whole thing on her mind the entire time I was with her. Whenever I said somewhere along the lines of "we don't have to talk about what's on your mind right now, but I just want to let you know that I'd be willing to move things slowly and work things out with you", she'll always say something like "what if I just decide to be friends?" or "I don't think it's working the way I want it to" or "I don't want to get hurt again".

What should I do? I want to date this girl.

STOP TALKING TO HER ABOUT IT! when a girl starts talking like that - you've acted too soon and gave her the power. She now has the final say in what happens, when you should just let things happen and keep her guessing on what's happening next. She could very well be making out with you because she feels sorry for you or because she's lonely. But if that's not the case - you're blowing it by bringing up relationships... Shut your mouth when it comes to talking about the relationship... don't let her get to you... mess around with her and don't talk about it until she starts talking about it in a positive way; if that never happens - learn and move on.

 

[Igetit!]

When she said that she wasn't sure about getting into another relatonship with you,that seemed like a test to me. We already know that whenever a woman has chemistry/attraction for a guy,she usually just goes with her feelings and tries to be with the guy. However in this case,she keeps giving you reasons and excuses to NOT get invovled with you,such as "I don't want to get hurt","What if I just want to be friends?",etc. She gave you a test,and you failed it.

You shouldn't have told her that the two of you could "take things slow".
By saying that,now she feels that she has already "won" you over. Or in other words,you're no longer a challenge. She "felt" the thrill/passion/excitement of the chase going away when you said the "taking it slow" thing,that's why she started giving you all those lame exuses.

If she had said that "unsure about getting into another relationship" line to me,I would have said,"Woah,woah. Relationship? Who said anything about a relationship? Hey,don't get me wrong,I mean,I think you're cool and everything,and I enjoy hanging out with you from time to time,but as far as having a relationship right now,I don't think I'm there yet".

This way she'd be the one pursuing you more,trying to get you to get into a relationship with her instead of giving you those bogus exuses she gave to you.