getting into relationships with hot girls with boyfriends

[ne0phyte]

long story short, i want to know if it's possible to get a meaningful relationship out of stealing a girl away from her boyfriend. here's the details:

first of all, let me say my ultimate goal is not to be a DJ just for the sake of being good with women. I'm here to improve my game in order to find the highest quality gf, and ultimately make her my wife. if it takes 100 girls to do it, so be it haha, but I do want to settle down someday.

so can a guy with my goals in mind gain anything meaningful (a relationship, not just casual sex) from going after a girl in a situation like this? i've never really thought about it until i clicked with this hot girl that already has a bf. i'm dating someone else right now, but i've still got her stuck on my mind bc of so much of how we click. but that's where I'm stuck.

I've searched the forum on this topic and i've gotten caught in a catch-22. I could play the normal attraction game, and hangout and escalate with her. If she's interested, it will work, but it will be cheating. cheating is fine if I just want to make her a f-buddy, but for a relationship, isn't it true that if she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you (or is that just another dating myth?) i definitely would like to hear your guys experiences on this.

the other advice that i've heard is be the best self you can be (alpha and all that jazz), show interest and walk away. This is something that I morally agree with, but I don't see how that's going to work in real life. Some girl in a 3+ yr relationship isn't going to branch swing because she had a few fun times hanging out with you.

so are hot girls with boyfriends just not applicable for getting into a relationship then? or is making them a cheater not as bad as it seems?

 

[xdreamz]

i know what you mean dude I would someday like to acheive a faithful coveted relationship with somebody. it doesn't seem like you need direction, you just gotta know its going to be good either way honestly.

 

[ne0phyte]

so what you're saying is ignore the whole "cheating is bad" concept? just go for and see how it turns out?

 

[xdreamz]

sure, why not?

 

[ZenoB]

"I'm here to improve my game in order to find the highest quality gf, and ultimately make her my wife".

Read and apply AntiDump's Machine.

You really clicked eh? The only chick's that get away with pulling off this **** are the really attractive ones. Ask yourself this- If she could do that to him, how do you know she won't be able to cheat on you one day?

How will you ever be able to trust her, dude?

"so can a guy with my goals in mind gain anything meaningful (a relationship, not just casual sex) from going after a girl in a situation like this?"

Change your expectations and that casual sex becomes more meaningful

Seriously though, the best thing to do is find another attractive girl to occupy your brainspace.

 

[ne0phyte]

see i'm really caught on the fence now. since I'm just casually dating right now, I don't have much to lose if i try to get this girl. but the trust thing does bother the hell out of me with my ultimate goal in mind. it really is about expectations. I don't care about cheating if its going after a fwb type of deal. but a gf doing that would really suck, and I'd totally blame myself if i was the one to get her to cheat with me in the first place.

 

[Fuglydude]

long story short, i want to know if it's possible to get a meaningful relationship out of stealing a girl away from her boyfriend. here's the details:

first of all, let me say my ultimate goal is not to be a DJ just for the sake of being good with women. I'm here to improve my game in order to find the highest quality gf, and ultimately make her my wife. if it takes 100 girls to do it, so be it haha, but I do want to settle down someday.

so can a guy with my goals in mind gain anything meaningful (a relationship, not just casual sex) from going after a girl in a situation like this? i've never really thought about it until i clicked with this hot girl that already has a bf. i'm dating someone else right now, but i've still got her stuck on my mind bc of so much of how we click. but that's where I'm stuck.

I've searched the forum on this topic and i've gotten caught in a catch-22. I could play the normal attraction game, and hangout and escalate with her. If she's interested, it will work, but it will be cheating. cheating is fine if I just want to make her a f-buddy, but for a relationship, isn't it true that if she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you (or is that just another dating myth?) i definitely would like to hear your guys experiences on this.

the other advice that i've heard is be the best self you can be (alpha and all that jazz), show interest and walk away. This is something that I morally agree with, but I don't see how that's going to work in real life. Some girl in a 3+ yr relationship isn't going to branch swing because she had a few fun times hanging out with you.

so are hot girls with boyfriends just not applicable for getting into a relationship then? or is making them a cheater not as bad as it seems?

In my opinion its unethical to cheat w/ someone who's already in a relationship. You probably wouldn't want that to happen to you, so don't do it to other people. I do admire your goal of trying to get the highest quality girl and settle down. Just make sure you score a fair bit of ass along the way otherwise you will always be curious about additional sexual experiences.

If you want a high quality girl then you'll have to become a high quality guy. I'm not a big believer in game, etc... yes it has a place and time. However, if you're a high quality guy who's got his shiit together, you'll have intrinsic value to a girl and won't have to attempt to manufacture attraction with dumbass PUA techniques like so many on this site preach. By high quality guy I mean a guy who's in elite shape (top 5% of the male population), great career/income, good social network, engaging personality, etc. I know this is common sense, but I'm just reiterating it for you, because common sense often gets lost in this forum. Remember don't ever stop improving yourself, because the moment that you do, is the moment you slide back into the path of mediocrity that the masses of humanity are mired in.

The most ethical thing you can do here is to simply outclass her bf in hopes that she leaves him for you. Meanwhile keep her as a friend (don't bang her just yet), yet still be sexual in how you communicate with her. Tease, flirt, etc... just don't bang. This will give you integrity, which I believe is an integral characteristic of a high quality man.

Whether she leaves her bf will depend on the strength of their relationship (her attachment to him), his characteristics (is he an AFC or a stud?) and your value/characteristics (are you an AFC or a stud?). Its ultimately the girls choice as to who she wants to be with. You can help your chances by becoming a high value dude. Whether she leaves her bf or not is largely irrelevant as the end product will be a new and improved you... and believe me when I say there are plenty more fish in the sea.

In my opinion women are most drawn to hypermasculine guys. Hypermasculinity tempered w/ intelligence and mixed w/ game and personality is an amazing combination that will attract women like flies to dog shiit. Again, this is strictly based on my experience and opinion. I don't understand how some fruity-ass pencil-neck pu$$y dweeb artists get girls, but props to them.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[zekko]

isn't it true that if she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you (or is that just another dating myth?)

This is something that they say, and it's probably a good rule of thumb, but my experience is that it isn't always true. Sometimes a girl has reasons that she wants out of her existing relationship, and may try to get a solid hold onto her next branch before she ejects. If you are a high value guy, she may be unlikely to find a higher branch to swing to. When it comes to relationships, being a high value guy is key.

 

[Igetit!]

long story short, i want to know if it's possible to get a meaningful relationship out of stealing a girl away from her boyfriend.

A "Meaningful" relationship? Huh. Well I guess anything's possible,but what's your definition of "meaningful"?


If you mean a relationship where both parties.....

care for each other
are FAITHFUL to one another
treat each other with dignity and respect
want something long-term with EACH OTHER


All that is what you want,and you start off trying to create this by "stealing" a chick from her man????


A faithful,caring,mutual respecting,long-term relationship born out of theft.

Hmm. Well if you pull that one off,be sure to come back here and let us know how it's done.

first of all, let me say my ultimate goal is not to be a DJ just for the sake of being good with women. I'm here to improve my game in order to find the highest quality gf, and ultimately make her my wife. if it takes 100 girls to do it, so be it haha, but I do want to settle down someday.

That's an honorable goal,nothing wrong wit that.


But what throws me off is not the goal you have,but the way you're going about trying to achieve it.

You say you want to improve your skills with women so you'll one day be able to find the "HIGHEST QUALITY girlfriend so you could ultimately make her your wife".


You want "high qualify",so you go after a girl who already taken? The BEST THING she could do to show you "high quality" is to reject you. That "if they'll do it with you,they'll do it to you" thing is correct.

so can a guy with my goals in mind gain anything meaningful (a relationship, not just casual sex) from going after a girl in a situation like this?

A meaningful relationsip with a taken girl? Let me put it like this....

If you pursue this girl and GET HER, then the answer is NO.



If you were to go after her and get her because of your "DJ skillz",EVEN THOUGH SHE'S TAKEN....then no,you WOULD NOT be able to have a meaningful relationship with her.



For one,how could you even be comfortable with her,or trust her knowing that a few simple lines or well-timed negs got her out of a 3 year relationship?


Is her loyalty or commitment in relationships so low that all it took was a few pickup lines to take her away? And you're not big-headed. You have enough sense to know that no matter how handsome,charming,or how good you are with girls,that there's always someone else out there as good or better than you,PLUS this other person will have the fact that he's new working for him.

i've never really thought about it until i clicked with this hot girl that already has a bf. i'm dating someone else right now, but i've still got her stuck on my mind bc of so much of how we click. but that's where I'm stuck.[

This is what I meant about your method of achieving your goal confusing me.......

You want a meaningful relationship with someone of "high quality". Well don't you have to be high quality YOURSELF first?


You say this girl is already seeing someone,and that you are too. Well this girl that you're currently dating,are YOU being a "high quality" partner to her?



If it's casual or just an FB/fwb type of thing that BOTH OF YOU have an understanding of,then fine,but if you think the situation is one thing and she thinks it's another,is that aiding you to this goal of a meaningful relationship with a high quality parnter?

the other advice that i've heard is be the best self you can be (alpha and all that jazz), show interest and walk away.

I agree with this. Show your interest,IF SHE'S HIGH QUALITY (which you say you want),she'll reject you not because she doesn't like you,but out of respect for her partner,which is what you'd want her to do if she were your girlfriend.


Then leave. She knows that deal,she knows what's up. I did this before.

I saw a girl I liked,so I asked her out. She told me she was already seeing someone. I told her I had seen her before and I wanted to meet her,but since she was taken,I understood,then I left her alone.



TWO MONTHS LATER,I saw her again,so I asked her out again. Shw told me she was still taken. I said ok,then left her alone. Then one day,I was at a bowling alley bowling,and I turned around and I saw her STARING at me. To be honest,it kinda made me uncomfortable. I saw her,but had no intentions of asking her out since she had done turned me down twice.




Then one time when the bowling ball got stuck,I had to tell the people over at the counter. So I told the people about the ball,then while I was waiting,I started talking to this girl. I asked her how she was doing,then I was like....


me:So....what's up?
her:Oh nothing.
me:No,I mean what's up with me and you,I mean I haven't changed my mind,I STILL WANT to see you.



And her response BLEW ME AWAY. You know what she said? She went....

her:Ok.


Ok. That's it,that's all she said. No games,no playing around,none of that. She gave me her number,and when I called her,she answered,and when I set up a date,she showed up.

Some girl in a 3+ yr relationship isn't going to branch swing because she had a few fun times hanging out with you.

You shouldn't want her to. Her doing that would conflict with this goal you say you want.

so are hot girls with boyfriends just not applicable for getting into a relationship then? or is making them a cheater not as bad as it seems?

You asked if whether making a hot girl with a BF into a cheater is not as bad as it seems or not.


Turning this girl into a cheater???


Huh? Won't that conflict with YOUR GOAL of finding a high quality girl to settle down with one day?



You can't have it both ways man. You can't "turn a girl into a cheater",then expect her to be high qualify to you. How can you create an undesirable trait in someone,then expect it to "magically" disappear simply because she's in a relationship with you?



Like I said,your goals are legit,but your method of trying to obtain them will either take you further away from them,or cause you to have to take UNNECESSARY DETOURS.

 

[ne0phyte]

thanks for all of your input guys. igetit, i swear to god i would pay for your advice, it's that damn good haha. the only reason i'm considering this is because i found the old archive about how hot girls always have bfs, and are rarely single. i've looked around my master's program and that's true, looked at my past and thought that's true.

in fact, one of my married friends admitted that he basically "stole" his super hot wife from her bf at the time. that really threw me off the rocker. i'm tired of being the afc nice guy, so i thought if stealing someone else's girl is what it takes, i'll be willing to do it.

but you guys are right, i should focus becoming the highest quality male, if i want the highest quality female. and by definition, a high quality female won't dump a ltr over some smooth game (which i'm not even that good at yet haha). i'll just have to get this girl out of my head somehow.

You say this girl is already seeing someone,and that you are too. Well this girl that you're currently dating,are YOU being a "high quality" partner to her?

If it's casual or just an FB/fwb type of thing that BOTH OF YOU have an understanding of,then fine,but if you think the situation is one thing and she thinks it's another,is that aiding you to this goal of a meaningful relationship with a high quality parnter?

to answer your question, i just started seeing this other girl for about a month. i definitely haven't committed to her, but she's starting to drop hints of us being exclusive. that's why i wanted to ask you guys about the girl in a ltr. if i had gotten different advice, i would have broke things off and went for it.

 

[magickarl]

I'm going to answer no for three reasons:

If she is willing to cheat, even though you may be glad for the sex, it marks her as untrustworthy and morally inferior. The branch swinging thing maybe valid, but it takes some vanity to assume you are the most alpha guy she is ever going to stumble across.

It marks you as untrustworthy and morally inferior. There was a time I probably would have went for the same thing you are thinking of doing. Then I figured out there really is something to that karma thing. Suppose she becomes devoted to you, and would never cheat. She still has it in the back of her head that you are not above messing with a taken girl, as a result, she is atleast subconsciously suspicious every time you smile at one of her friends (especially if she is less attractive than her friend), or any other female taken or otherwise.

If you really aren't that concerned about the quality of your character, be concerned about her boyfriends temper. Maybe this guy isn't a beast, that doesn't mean that he isn't above blowing your head off. Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned, but all you need do is pick up a newspaper to read a story about the "other guy" getting murdered in a grizzly fashion by the jealous boyfriend. Maybe he just wusses it off, maybe you wind up with a broken nose, maybe you wind up in a body bag. Maybe you wind up whipping his ass and catching a battery charge out of it. These are all possible consequences.

I can tell you for a fact that if I'm with a woman and a guy is disrespecting me by blatently gaming on her, especially to my face, the very least I'm going to do is puff my chest out. I'm not Chuck Lidell or Mike Tyson circa 1985 or anything, but I've distributed some ass whippings over protecting my reputation and dignity.

In short, it just isn't a good foundation to build a relationship off of. Deceit breeds deceit, you reap what you sow, yadda yadda yadda.

 

[handle]

My grandparents get along great and have been married for 50 years. He stole her from her current boyfriend when they were in college.

 

[Energy25]

My grandparents get along great and have been married for 50 years. He stole her from her current boyfriend when they were in college.

Here's your answer. From real life experience.

 

[magickarl]

Here is another real life answer

Crazed Boyfriend Kills Girlfriend and Two Lovers
http://www.wpix.com/news/mocker/wpix-lover-kills-girlfriend-two-men,0,3688895.story

 

[zekko]

in fact, one of my married friends admitted that he basically "stole" his super hot wife from her bf at the time. that really threw me off the rocker

This happens all the time.
As you pointed out, hot girls almost always have boyfriends. Most of them are just placeholders until she finds the right guy. How many boyfriend/girlfriend couples end up getting married? If she cheats on him behind his back, that's bad. But if she leaves him for you, she has every right to do so.

I don't see boyfriend/girlfriend as that high a level of commitment. It's not an ironclad agreement. They're not married. They're aren't even engaged. With relationships, you want to be the most high value guy you can be, so that it's unlikely that she will find a better branch to swing to. Both guys and girls are going to want to get the best "deal" for themselves that they can. I don't see this as dishonorable behavior, it's just the way things are.

To reduce friction, it's best that she breaks up with the guy, then starts going out with you. That way you're not directly involved. And women can always find some reason to leave a dude.

 

[Energy25]

Here is another real life answer

Crazed Boyfriend Kills Girlfriend and Two Lovers
http://www.wpix.com/news/mocker/wpix-lover-kills-girlfriend-two-men,0,3688895.story

So what's your point? Don't ever have relationships with girls with boyfriends because you might get killed? lol....

 

[magickarl]

No. You probably aren't going to get killed. There is a fairly good chance you end up getting a foot up your ass, though. In fact, there is probably a better chance of that happening than there is for this situation to work out for the OP should he pursue it.

That reply wasn't an attack at you, by the way. I posted that link to point out that there are exceptions to every rule. Just like everybody knows a friend or relative who did it and it worked out peachy, about everyone has heard of something like that news story happening. Both are rare, and neither will probably happen.

The most likely thing is that he is going to wind up dissapointed. The overwhelming majority of the time you get in to a relationship with somebody who cheated to be with you, she is going to wind up cheating on and dumping you in a similar fashion as soon as she finds the next branch to swing on. If he were just looking for a piece of ass and not marriage material, I wouldn't do it myself, because it's a dirty thing to do, but I would probably tell him to go for it.

Suppose you were the head of the secret service. You get a resume on your desk from an ex-Taliban operative who is willing to betray the location of several of her superiors in exchange for the position of chief of presidential security. She just arrived in the country from Afghanistan a month ago. She swears up and down that she is loyal to the U.S. Government now. You like her personality. Do you hire her based on what you know?

 

[magickarl]

double post. my fault.

 

[ne0phyte]

see this is a damn complicated topic. there's clearly cases of it working out and cases of it not. what bothers me is how i'm stuck on this girl. i've asked about this before, and listened to your guys' advice about dating other girls to forget about her/not get dependent on her. guess what? even when i'm making out with someone else, i'm still thinking about her. i'm just drawn to her

just to satisfy my curiosity, if i decided to go for it, how would i go about this situation then? first of all, i'm not trying to steal someone that isn't showing some interest. for instance, at first i did all the planning, hangouts etc, but after listening to you guys, i made myself scarce, didn't always answer her phone calls to hangout. if she was just a friend, she wouldn't really care right? but then she started calling me to go study, to get ice cream with her, etc. she says she invites our other friends too, but it always ends up being me and her alone.

one time, the starbucks where we were going to study at was full, so i jokingly suggested we study at a sushi place i kno where happy hour doesn't end until 1am. she said yes and we end up downing a bottle of wine for the night (and of course got no studying done). isn't that a clear sign of interest?

when we talk, she's the one that brings up sexual topics. we were talking about weed in college, and she straight up asked if i had sex on E before, and how amazing that would be. when we are hanging out at night, she doesn't pick up her boyfriend's call (i see it on her phone), and sends it to voicemail repeatedly. she even told me how her current bf met when she was seeing someone else, and how they started "hanging out as friends" when both of them just knew it was a lie and were attracted to each other (is this a FZ sign, or her dropping a hint about us?). she also said she never cheated, that when she knew she wanted the new guy, she broke it off with the old

anyway, i've known her for a semester and a half now, and i'm stuck. i try to hold myself from not cheating by even being more of a **** to her to get her away from me, but guess what, she still sticks around. i know i have opportunities to physically escalate with her, but then that would be cheating. if i just straight up tell her I'm attracted to her (an afc move right?), that gives her all the power, and i become no challenge. so I'm really stuck. is physically escalating the only option i have if I decide to pursue her?

 

[Energy25]

I'm interested to see the responses to this...I have the same question...Is physically escalating the only way in this situation?