Getting intimadated by the girl you're interested in

[Happy_Camper]

hey, i have this problem of getting intimadated by girls i like in terms of money and especially their "matureness".

Let me elaborate, im a first year university student and i also have a part-time job on the weekend. The pay is alright but i love my job because i do sales and the commision is not bad, and i can do anything i want when no customers are present and i go to the comp to surf the web or read magazines hehe.

Anyway, the girls i like happen to work 2 jobs / have a "better" job like working as a bank teller which seems more professional / work a lot more hours than me, (5 days a week and 6 hrs a day).

this means that they possibly make more than me, and the ongoing topic of do men care if women make more than them is clueless for me for the other way around if women care.

I remembered back then when i was on a date with a girl i was interested in, and she asked if i worked part time during the school year and i say nope, only during the summer because i had to concentrate on school she looked disappointed in her face. When the bill came she wanted to pay and i said no i want to and then she said "You're not even working right now" and at that time i was crushed because it was sweet of her to say that, but it felt as if i couldn't support her or be able to do my job. But in the end i did pay for the date.

When it comes to matureness, i get intimated just as much. Another girl i went out with was 2 years older than me during highschool. Now we all know once you're done school, 2 years is no big deal, but during junior high to high school it is (with that topic of girls maturing faster etc)
When she found out, she felt as if im just a little boy and it felt like she was superior to me.

Age is one issue, and another meaning of matureness is what have the girls im interested experienced before me. For example, i dont have my G2 yet for driving because i have to finish up my road lessons then do the test, wheras the girls im interested did it right away when they were 16 (im 19 almost 20 now) and another is already driving her mother's car all the time. It feels as if she was soo eager to drive right away, she expects her bf to be able to drive as well.
another example is, they have been clubbing, raves, lost their virginity first etc. and it makes me feel soo immature because im not the party type more focusing on school and getting into University.

edit: (Sorry forgot to add)

Another example is the girl is more responsible and independent. The girl i like was a transfer student and she lives on her own (well with her cousin here) and she pays for the rent, her own phone bill etc makes me feel like i still depend a lot on my parents and it feels that i cannot take care of her because of our differences.

Also, if a girl has been to many places and is more familiar to the area than me i also feel week and insecure. For example, i was born here, and the girl i know has only been here for 2 years from another country and she been to more malls, places to have fun, and more stops on the transit system even though ive been here for 19 yrs makes me feel like im not a leader and take her places where she has not been before.

I was hoping what can i do to get over this problem and if anyone else feels this way can you tell me how to overcome it. I realize i am in this negative attitude and i wish to change because im not happy about it.

Happy new year and thanks.

 

[kyphan]

Short answer: It's all in your head. You simply have to change your perspective so you view yourself as the PRIZE and the way you live your life is your CHOICE.

Since I have a feeling you want more than that.... It appears you are perceiving these women to have more value than you. You feel immature because these ladies are into partying and sex while you are focusing on school (which is backwards in my book). A girl offers to pay for a date and you refuse because you felt bad because she worked part-time and you did not. You're worried about how much you make at your current PT job versus some women who work more.

The good news is this: you can easily change your perception to feel better about all this.

First off, you seem overly self-conscious at an age where you should be enjoying women. R-E-L-A-X. If you cannot enjoy your life now, why on earth would you enjoy it later? All that will change are your surroundings, and they will constantly change, never allowing you the opportunity to always be in a situation you really like. Go to some of these parties, it sounds like you have something against them. They are amazing places to learn how to socialize. You do not have to be a party animal, and it does not have to affect your schoolwork. I graduated with a near-perfect GPA from college and I made sure every weekend I spent time with my friends and got in my fair share of parties.

Now, the ladies! Sure, the ladies may make more than you right now. In the long run, women want a man who will be a provider. He does not have to be the most successful person when she meets him, she wants to see signs that he WILL be successful. You should be DARN TOOTIN PROUD that you are focusing on your studies so that you can accomplish great things. Do not let any woman (or man) make you think otherwise.

Spend your time focusing on the GOOD and less time pointing out the downers. If you cannot do that, you should change your perspective - no one else will do it for you.

 

[Jay Jay]

David Shade can help.

Nice Response Kyphan.

Adding to that.

Women are all about emotions and feelings. We are taught (by commercials, the mass media etc) that money and possessions will give us certain feelings.

So what women want when they are concerned about material **** like money and cars are feelings.

The funny thing is that material **** will only give one short shot of feelings... then its just a car or ring or whatever. In the I Ching it is called the sustenance that cannot sustain....

... sorry getting all tao and philosophical on ya.

...back to reality...

If you can give girls the FEELINGS they want they will not give a **** if you live in a cardboard box.

My wing has a low paying job, lives in a tiny bedsitter, doesn't have a car (I don't think he even has a button up shirt) and spends all his money on weed. He is almost thirty and he is always broke,

But he can **** like a demon. His chicks do anything for him coz he can give em hour long orgasms and make em squirt.

I've been with him when his girls (who all make better money and have "success" in a material sense) call up and say, "sorry I only sucked your **** for an hour last night. I was just feeling really tired after the exectutive meeting I was stuck in all day. I'll make it up to you, I swear."

"You better!" He'll say. And they will be there doing whatever he asks. I swear this is true!

Coz he gives chicks the FEELINGS they need.

In modern society girls can go out and get themselves a job and buy themselves stuff. Really the only thing they can't get for themselves is incredible feelings.

As for maturity... Well, I think being able to **** better than any other guy will make you seem mature enough.

Read some David Shade stuff. He'll fix you up.

 

[Happy_Camper]

Short answer: It's all in your head. You simply have to change your perspective so you view yourself as the PRIZE and the way you live your life is your CHOICE.

Since I have a feeling you want more than that.... It appears you are perceiving these women to have more value than you. You feel immature because these ladies are into partying and sex while you are focusing on school (which is backwards in my book). A girl offers to pay for a date and you refuse because you felt bad because she worked part-time and you did not. You're worried about how much you make at your current PT job versus some women who work more.

The good news is this: you can easily change your perception to feel better about all this.

First off, you seem overly self-conscious at an age where you should be enjoying women. R-E-L-A-X. If you cannot enjoy your life now, why on earth would you enjoy it later? All that will change are your surroundings, and they will constantly change, never allowing you the opportunity to always be in a situation you really like. Go to some of these parties, it sounds like you have something against them. They are amazing places to learn how to socialize. You do not have to be a party animal, and it does not have to affect your schoolwork. I graduated with a near-perfect GPA from college and I made sure every weekend I spent time with my friends and got in my fair share of parties.

Now, the ladies! Sure, the ladies may make more than you right now. In the long run, women want a man who will be a provider. He does not have to be the most successful person when she meets him, she wants to see signs that he WILL be successful. You should be DARN TOOTIN PROUD that you are focusing on your studies so that you can accomplish great things. Do not let any woman (or man) make you think otherwise.

Spend your time focusing on the GOOD and less time pointing out the downers. If you cannot do that, you should change your perspective - no one else will do it for you.

wow thanks for the insightful reply. I do agree with you on what you said and even my mom says that all the time. That i shouldn't care about how much my other friends are making now because im going to school, and once thats over i will be more successful than those punks who got paid a mere 12 dollar an hour job.

i just added another 2 examples of how common these two feelings come up for me. thanks