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Getting back with ex

Samol11

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Hey everyone, I’ve started the unplugging sequence after my first girlfriend broke up with me for essentially being an insecure immature needy little ***** and decided I wasn’t gonna put up with myself for potentially losing an opportunity with this girl who was amazing. She really liked me but understandably lost attraction and couldn’t be with someone like that. Obviously I’m still not unplugged but I still think if I can somewhat become more self confident and give myself more options I’d be able to be happy with this girl. Is this the wrong way to go about things? Should I continue with the unplugging journey and see how I feel? Because I understand the relationship wasn’t good for me in the beta state I’m in but maybe mistakenly thinking if I can unplug Id be able to be happy with her in some capacity. Thanks
 

BuckledWheel

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Bro you need to make the changes for you, not a girl. If you think unplugging is going to make her happy you’re wasting your time. She already has an impression of you, that’s not going to change now. There are many more opportunities out there. Unplugging is not going to happen overnight, it takes time & a lot of focus to build a new frame but it’s got to be for all the right reasons. Concentrate on yourself. Get her out of your mind for now, read some good books & tap into YouTube. Be careful though there are a lot of people out there trying to sell you a dream. Be careful of hustlers advice out there & information overload. You will get there.
 

Samol11

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Bro you need to make the changes for you, not a girl. If you think unplugging is going to make her happy you’re wasting your time. She already has an impression of you, that’s not going to change now. There are many more opportunities out there. Unplugging is not going to happen overnight, it takes time & a lot of focus to build a new frame but it’s got to be for all the right reasons. Concentrate on yourself. Get her out of your mind for now, read some good books & tap into YouTube. Be careful though there are a lot of people out there trying to sell you a dream. Be careful of hustlers advice out there & information overload. You will get there.
Thanks a lot man that’s really helpful!
 

Black Widow Void

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Welcome aboard. You can probably expect some generic responses of the typical variety (either putting you down for wanting an ex or putting your ex down). Anyway…

You may not currently see it, but this particular relationship has already offered you its best benefit (your eyes were opened and life will continue to improve.)

With her being your first important gal, it’s understandable that it feels like a huge loss. Also, I’m sure that there’s the temptation to show her the ‘new you’ and see how she responds.

Despite all the advice, I imagine that you’ll try again anyway. I think that most of us have to live and learn this by personal experience.

It’s not often that I agree with the majority, but yeah, returning to an ex is almost always counter-productive. If you must, then shoot me a PM and I’ll share with you the “do’s and don'ts.” I’ve recycled plenty (but through personal experiences, found them best regulated to friends with benefits).

Nearly all of us here have been in your shoes. Good luck.
 

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Samol11

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Bro you need to make the changes for you, not a girl. If you think unplugging is going to make her happy you’re wasting your time. She already has an impression of you, that’s not going to change now. There are many more opportunities out there. Unplugging is not going to happen overnight, it takes time & a lot of focus to build a new frame but it’s got to be for all the right reasons. Concentrate on yourself. Get her out of your mind for now, read some good books & tap into YouTube. Be careful though there are a lot of people out there trying to sell you a dream. Be careful of hustlers advice out there & information overload. You will get there.
Do you have any suggestions for books/channels you’d recommend?
 

PowerQuest

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Do you have any suggestions for books/channels you’d recommend?
Books to start with:
The Rational Male By Rollo Tomassi | At Amazon.co.uk: https://shorturl.gg/mWRfp
The Unplugged Alpha by Richard Cooper | Amazon.co.uk: https://shorturl.gg/5RyD

You could start with these YouTube Channels:
Fresh and fit: https://shorturl.gg/vxITt
Darius M: https://shorturl.gg/FYIMpt
Entrepreneurs in cars: https://shorturl.gg/CZMAdf
Everett Overton: https://shorturl.gg/255
The 33 Secrets: https://shorturl.gg/UbjSZgC (His channel content is good imo, not sure about the PUA material he is selling. Never bought it).
Rollo Tomassi: https://shorturl.gg/3TZv9nS
Alpha Male Strategies: https://shorturl.gg/EkiQt5d
Red Pill Coach (CRP Archive): https://shorturl.gg/lMly
(Channel is sort of semi retired, he (Red Pill Coach), is still active but under a new channel with different focus.)
Alexander Grace: https://shorturl.gg/x3W
Anything with the legend Tom Leykis that you can find: https://shorturl.gg/b8SFp64 (Retired /old school/but useful/some stuff is outdated, but still both fun and entertaining).
Better Bachelor: https://shorturl.gg/kZIVJQ (He is bit a thinker type of guy, just like Red Pill coach and has some good takes on stuff sometimes).

I guess that will be a good starter package for you @Samol11 ? :up:
 
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oldmanofthesea

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Good advice so far.

I will re-stress this point: Once a woman loses attraction for you, it cannot be undone. It is simply the way women work. Her loss of attraction was not overnight and by the time she dumped you, she had been wanting to do it for a long time and got to the point where she literally couldn't stand it anymore. In RARE occasions, you might still be able to get an ex back, despite her loss of attraction, but it will never be the same, it won't last very long, and she will dump you a second time. This is true for 98% of all cases. Do not think you are going to be in the 2%. We have all been through this. Best to focus on moving on.

Re-frame your relationship with her: She was not here to be your long-term partner or your wife. She was here to give you the gift of self discovery.... she was here to cause you to find red pill and this forum, and to work on yourself to become a better person. To get rid of your neediness, insecurity, and immaturity. Each woman we date is here to give us a gift and she gave you a major one.

Men's brains are biologically wired to solve problems. It is how we have survived as a human race. A woman dumping us presents a huge problem for us because we want her, even more than ever before, and our brains go into overdrive trying to "solve" it. Emotions take over and we spiral. The first step in moving forward is discovering you have a different problem to solve: Fixing yourself. You've discovered that already so congratulations. And you've discovered this site. The second step is accepting the fact that you'll never get her back. That may take a long time, but as you learn the mindset shifts, and as you learn to have abundance with women, you will look back on this girl and laugh at how highly you valued her. You will be dating increasing amounts of women and they will get hotter and hotter until one day you stop and think to yourself, "I never would have dreamed I'd be sleeping with and dating girls this hot. I can't believe how obsessed I was with my first girlfriend!"

As for books/channels, you can read the DJ Bible and Book of Pook here for free. On Youtube, I recommend Corey Wayne for newcomers. He has a lot of videos, explains things well, and covers all the basics you need for starting out. Start by searching for him with "needy" and "insecure" etc and then browse through the rest of his videos and pick which ones seem interesting. Just be careful of his breakup advice videos - he does suggest that you can change yourself and *possibly* get a girl back but I disagree with him on that... though he does admit that it doesn't usually work and you need to focus on yourself instead, so that when another good woman comes along, you'll be ready. He has a book you can get for free as well. I don't agree with 100% of his advice but the majority of it is a solid foundation to start out with and you can modify it with your own learnings and experience as you try out the advice he gives, and the advice you get here.

It took me a year to make meaningful change. Three years to completely transform my dating life.
 

Samol11

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Books to start with:
The Rational Male By Rollo Tomassi | At Amazon.co.uk: https://shorturl.gg/mWRfp
The Unplugged Alpha by Richard Cooper | Amazon.co.uk: https://shorturl.gg/5RyD

You could start with these YouTube Channels:
Fresh and fit: https://shorturl.gg/vxITt
Darius M: https://shorturl.gg/FYIMpt
Entrepreneurs in cars: https://shorturl.gg/CZMAdf
Everett Overton: https://shorturl.gg/255
The 33 Secrets: https://shorturl.gg/UbjSZgC (His channel content is good imo, not sure about the PUA material he is selling. Never bought it).
Rollo Tomassi: https://shorturl.gg/3TZv9nS
Alpha Male Strategies: https://shorturl.gg/EkiQt5d
Red Pill Coach (CRP Archive): https://shorturl.gg/lMly
(Channel is sort of semi retired, he (Red pill Coach), is still active but under a new channel with different focus.)

I guess that will be a good starter package for you @Samol11 ? :up:
Yes that looks great, thanks a lot!
 

SW15

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I will re-stress this point: Once a woman loses attraction for you, it cannot be undone. It is simply the way women work. Her loss of attraction was not overnight and by the time she dumped you, she had been wanting to do it for a long time and got to the point where she literally couldn't stand it anymore. In RARE occasions, you might still be able to get an ex back, despite her loss of attraction, but it will never be the same, it won't last very long, and she will dump you a second time. This is true for 98% of all cases. Do not think you are going to be in the 2%. We have all been through this. Best to focus on moving on.

Re-frame your relationship with her: She was not here to be your long-term partner or your wife. She was here to give you the gift of self discovery.... she was here to cause you to find red pill and this forum, and to work on yourself to become a better person. To get rid of your neediness, insecurity, and immaturity. Each woman we date is here to give us a gift and she gave you a major one.

Men's brains are biologically wired to solve problems. It is how we have survived as a human race. A woman dumping us presents a huge problem for us because we want her, even more than ever before, and our brains go into overdrive trying to "solve" it. Emotions take over and we spiral. The first step in moving forward is discovering you have a different problem to solve: Fixing yourself. You've discovered that already so congratulations. And you've discovered this site. The second step is accepting the fact that you'll never get her back. That may take a long time, but as you learn the mindset shifts, and as you learn to have abundance with women, you will look back on this girl and laugh at how highly you valued her. You will be dating increasing amounts of women and they will get hotter and hotter until one day you stop and think to yourself, "I never would have dreamed I'd be sleeping with and dating girls this hot. I can't believe how obsessed I was with my first girlfriend!"

It took me a year to make meaningful change. Three years to completely transform my dating life.
This was so well said that I have nothing meaningful to add but to encourage @Samol11 to follow this. @Samol11 is only 21 and he's making the effort to better himself.

I'd recommend for @Samol11 to not dwell on the past. I'd pretend it didn't happen, other than the achievement of getting laid. She's gone and the faster he comes to that realization, the better. She's out of your life forever. Yes, there will be emotional pain with that but the opportunity to start things fresh and do things better in the future is exciting. It's way easier to do that at 21 than at 30, 40, or 50.

is a really bad idea.

(Move on, there is a very specific reason why it didn't work.)

Now...
//end thread.
Yes, it is a bad idea to get back with an ex. When it ends, it ends. I've seen examples of men who had relationships end, resusciated it, and then it ended again in a worse place, such as a divorce with children involved.

When a romantic relationship ends, a lot of times the woman is doing you a favor by ending it. When you break up with her, you're doing yourself a favor.

When you as a man have a "one date, no sex, no second date" type interaction, the woman who is refusing to see you again is often broken and not a big loss. However, if you're having too many "one date, no sex, no second date" type interactions, you need to assess why this is happening and make the changes.
 

s74rk

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Absolutely definitely move on. There's a reason they became an Ex.

When your reputation and value as a man breaks in her eyes, you cannot get it back. It's a wrap.

Even in the case you 'get' her back, believe me if she was decent looking at all, she will have been with other guys in that time, which is really disrespectful to your future self when you think about it. It's akin to you tolerating your partner 'take a break' to explore other options and get plowed. You don't want to be in the fall-back beta male frame.

Build abundance through self-improvement and move on. Nothing wrong with taking a bit of time to grieve and hangout with your bros and just chill and take some time off from the game. Recover and come back stronger.
 

BuckledWheel

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Do you have any suggestions for books/channels you’d recommend?
You could read Rollo Tomassi it’s not about game though, but his take on women. I wouldn’t recommend the rational male, his first book. The second book was better & his new one “The players Handbook” is decent, the whole series is a bit of rambling but those two are worth a read. The “Unplugged Alpha” is not a bad read. The author is also on YouTube & worth a look. Mystery method & other PUA books are a little outdated but remain the foundation of game. There are so many. If you’re buying on Amazon read the reviews first before getting caught up & overloaded. I occasionally watch playing with fire on YouTube. His online game is quite solid & his text game works well for him. His name is Alex, can be a bit of a douche but worth a listen. Check out Patrice O’Neil (not the comedy aspect) on YouTube his chats about women are the bomb. You will come across many books & dudes on YouTube, try to filter what’s worth getting into. Good luck bro.
 

BuckledWheel

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Books to start with:
The Rational Male By Rollo Tomassi | At Amazon.co.uk: https://shorturl.gg/mWRfp
The Unplugged Alpha by Richard Cooper | Amazon.co.uk: https://shorturl.gg/5RyD

You could start with these YouTube Channels:
Fresh and fit: https://shorturl.gg/vxITt
Darius M: https://shorturl.gg/FYIMpt
Entrepreneurs in cars: https://shorturl.gg/CZMAdf
Everett Overton: https://shorturl.gg/255
The 33 Secrets: https://shorturl.gg/UbjSZgC (His channel content is good imo, not sure about the PUA material he is selling. Never bought it).
Rollo Tomassi: https://shorturl.gg/3TZv9nS
Alpha Male Strategies: https://shorturl.gg/EkiQt5d
Red Pill Coach (CRP Archive): https://shorturl.gg/lMly
(Channel is sort of semi retired, he (Red Pill Coach), is still active but under a new channel with different focus.)
Alexander Grace: https://shorturl.gg/x3W
Anything with the legend Tom Leykis that you can find: https://shorturl.gg/b8SFp64 (Retired /old school/but useful/some stuff is outdated, but still both fun and entertaining).
Better Bachelor: https://shorturl.gg/kZIVJQ (He is bit a thinker type of guy, just like Red Pill coach and has some good takes on stuff sometimes).

I guess that will be a good starter package for you @Samol11 ? :up:
Great reading list. I didn’t see this before I started rambling, but great work bro.
 

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