Getting back into it after a LONG time...

[Barrister]

Guys,

I have been lurking here for the last few weeks and have gleaned quite a bit of useful tips from you guys. I am recently divorced (married 7 years), almost 32, have a great job, would say I am a good looking dude, and have a sarcastic sense of humor.

Wouldn't mind some of the DJs' feedback on a few things. One, I have joint physical custody of my daughter with my ex-wife so my free time is severely limited between taking care of her (and she is my number one priority) and my job that takes up a lot of the rest of my time during the week and weekends. How do I get a variety of options (more than one "plate" as you guys call them) with so little time throughout the week? I usually only have maybe a single night available during the week. I have had a little bit of ONE-itis with a female attorney I work with on a number of cases and I don't want this to happen.

Second, I live in a small town. I am very recognizable in the town being a professional and also being a part of a few service organizations and feel like if I sign up for something like Tinder this will reflect badly on me in the community. Not sure I am even interested in doing so. At the same time, I meet very few females I would be interested in throughout my work day, not to mention some that I do are clients and I wouldn't want to go down that slippery slope of asking out a client. It seems like my only real option is OLD -- but most on here seem to think it is a complete waste of time. Should I sign up for one of the more serious ones like Match or eHarmony or is this just a waste? There are some cute women at the gym I go to but at the same time I feel like it would be awkward to approach them (maybe my game just needs work).

Third, I live about 30 minutes from three different small cities. I could potentially go there, but what is the best way to bust into a completely new market? Should I sign up for a class (yoga, etc) up there and just try to meet people even if they aren't necessarily chicks?

Last question - the divorce is technically still pending. Is there any sense in putting myself out there before it is finalized? I feel like this could turn off a number of otherwise interested women. Especially on something like OLD if I go that route.

Thanks, gentlemen.

 

[Poonstra]

I usually only have maybe a single night available during the week.

Same here, plus I'm on call one week a month so I have like 3 week days during the month for dating, plus 6 weekend days. I just date around, and this sometimes means I date multiple women at the same time, if I can fit it in my schedule. Mostly not tho.

I have had a little bit of ONE-itis with a female attorney I work with on a number of cases and I don't want this to happen.

You probably already know, but don't sh!t where you eat. Date another woman asap to get your mind off her.

something like Tinder this will reflect badly on me in the community

I don't know where you're from and what your local do's and don't s are. I see coworkers on tinder sometimes and it just tells me they are human beings with needs and desires. I don't judge them. Again, I'm unfamiliar with your local customs.

I wouldn't want to go down that slippery slope of asking out a client.

Wise words, again, don't sh!t where you eat.

Should I sign up for one of the more serious ones like Match or eHarmony or is this just a waste? There are some cute women at the gym I go to but at the same time I feel like it would be awkward to approach them

In my opinion all OLD sites are crap, the response rates are terrible, about 2-4%, then you still have to convert those into a date and they still have to show up, this means a whole lot of work per successful date. Better to grow a pair and talk to some girls, if they are interested they'll let you know.

Should I sign up for a class (yoga, etc) up there and just try to meet people even if they aren't necessarily chicks?

You do what ever you want to do, it's your life. I'm a home brewer. I those circles you find nothing but bearded men. But I like it. I also thaibox, in those circles there are more chicks. I tried to date this 25 year old from there but she turn out to be gay. We became friends and now we go chick hunting together once every 2 months or so.

I feel like this could turn off a number of otherwise interested women.

Don't tell them unless they specifically ask. And I'm not sure about your local laws, but I hope it's obvious your ex best not find out until the divorce is finalized.

 

[greatsnake]

I'd suggest driving to the city once a week to find some plates and take it from there.

 

[Barrister]

Wise words, again, don't sh!t where you eat.
.

Thanks for all the suggestions. In regards to this quote specifically -- we're both attorneys and are adversaries on a case -- so we don't work in the same office or anything like that. I mostly just don't want her to be my only prospect. Right now she kind of is and I know I have been putting her on a pedestal. Plus she is just getting out of a relationship herself and seems kind of hung up on the dude. Want to avoid all that if I can and meet some other women. Just hard here in a small town and without a lot of free time.

I think I may try the yoga route in one of the smaller cities nearby and see how that goes to help expand. If you had to choose one of the OLD providers is there one that is better than the rest? Is Tinder actually the best bet?

 

[Isildur1]

I understand you have alot on your plate but the main issue for me is the small town is going to limit the number of girls you can approach and impact. In my opinion I would spend your one spare day in another city and cold approach women in order to muster a few relationships. I know it's a big ask but I've seen it work among 30 plus year olds.

Regards to tinder it's going to be very hard for any male to date close to or above their smv on tinder so unless you have amazing photographs of yourself I'll give it a miss and stick to cold approaching.

If you want abundance in relationships cold approaching is the only way forward. But for right now it looks like you don't have the time to muster relationships so you must do your best to try and foster potential plates you can one day spin .

 

[Barrister]

I understand you have alot on your plate but the main issue for me is the small town is going to limit the number of girls you can approach and impact. In my opinion I would spend your one spare day in another city and cold approach women in order to muster a few relationships. I know it's a big ask but I've seen it work among 30 plus year olds.

Regards to tinder it's going to be very hard for any male to date close to or above their smv on tinder so unless you have amazing photographs of yourself I'll give it a miss and stick to cold approaching.

If you want abundance in relationships cold approaching is the only way forward. But for right now it looks like you don't have the time to muster relationships so you must do your best to try and foster potential plates you can one day spin .

I feel pretty confident dealing with women but one thing I have never done is cold-approach all on my own. If I am with a group of my buddies at a bar/club I am fine cold-approaching, but are you suggesting I go to a bar all on my own and simply approach women without any "wingmen"? I would definitely initially be out of my comfort zone there but I guess that is an aspect of my game that I need to work on. If I had a reason to be there no problem - but it seems like being there by yourself would come off desperate. Interesting idea nonetheless.

Right now recently being divorced I have no good photos - at least none that aren't family oriented that certainly wouldn't be what I would be looking for to put onto OLD. I think I could do pretty well if I took the time to get good individual photos though. Tinder or something similar at the very least could perhaps supplement the cold-approaching no?

 

[Isildur1]

I feel pretty confident dealing with women but one thing I have never done is cold-approach all on my own. If I am with a group of my buddies at a bar/club I am fine cold-approaching, but are you suggesting I go to a bar all on my own and simply approach women without any "wingmen"? I would definitely initially be out of my comfort zone there but I guess that is an aspect of my game that I need to work on. If I had a reason to be there no problem - but it seems like being there by yourself would come off desperate. Interesting idea nonetheless.

Right now recently being divorced I have no good photos - at least none that aren't family oriented that certainly wouldn't be what I would be looking for to put onto OLD. I think I could do pretty well if I took the time to get good individual photos though. Tinder or something similar at the very least could perhaps supplement the cold-approaching no?

For me the quality of women I've met through cold approaching has been far higher than tinder. Then again my SMV will be significantly lower than yours as I'm 25 and you're an accomplished person with a career so maybe it's best for me.

Tinder is very competitive so unless you have good pictures it's going to be difficult for you to get a foot in and date date someone of equal smv. In my opinion tinder should always be a supplement to the cold approach never your only option. You're unlikely to get into a position of being able to spin plates by solely having tinder as your only option.

Rollo Tommasi says a man's job is to keep on approaching and being resourceful in finding more relationships and I agree with this. I run a dating circle in London and have seen 35 year olds with low smv meet gorgeous women simply by being persistent with the cold approach women they would otherwise have no chance with in online dating.

If I were you I would contemplate moving cities aswell to increase your level of options. This is just my thought though . I know it's alot harder than it sounds but intimate relationships are important for all men to have and you need to be in a position where you have choice and abundance.

Also maybe consider highering a prophoto taker to take some pictures of you. This video should stress the importance of good photos