Get off the Dating Apps Now

[Barrister]

In the past 15 years, more and more men have made online dating (both at the tail end of the website era and with swipe apps) their primary method for getting women.

Bar approaching has been declining for that 15 years. It's gotten more noticeable in the swipe app era.



I've had a hard time drawing the line at what a warm approach really is. What do you think it is?

I'd say warm approaches are approaches at private residence parties and at the sponsor bar after a co-ed sports league. I don't think approaching a woman after a college class or after a fitness class at a standalone studio/big box gym counts as warm approach.

I consider cold approach “cold” - I have zero idea who the women are I’m approaching. These are usually in a bar setting or if I’m out and about shopping or what not and strike up conversation with a woman I’ve never met. But I don’t know them whatsoever.

Warm approach to me is anything where I have some inclination of who the women are and even may know them in very loose fashion but they are not part of my social circle. They are not friends or friends or friends. This tends to be women I meet through others at work in some way or a social event.

Example of warm approach: I was in a trial a few weeks ago. The prosecution called a CSI detective to the stand who was a stunner (HB 8.5 - legit). I had a good time cross examining her. After the day ended, she was sitting out in hallway. I made strong eye contact with her and despite just grilling her on the stand she immediately smiled at me and I knew it was an easy approach. We struck up a conversation and I got a number out of it. I don’t consider this “cold” approach but warm because I knew her somewhat, the framework had been laid of who we were, etc. It was a fun discussion.

 

[SW15]

I consider cold approach “cold” - I have zero idea who the women are I’m approaching. These are usually in a bar setting or if I’m out and about shopping or what not and strike up conversation with a woman I’ve never met. But I don’t know them whatsoever.

Warm approach to me is anything where I have some inclination of who the women are and even may know them in very loose fashion but they are not part of my social circle. They are not friends or friends or friends. This tends to be women I meet through others at work in some way or a social event.

These are good guidelines.

When I approach a woman at the end of a fitness class, that is a cold approach. If I play in a sand volleyball league and I approach a woman playing on another team in the league after a game at a sponsor bar, that's probably a warm approach, especially if my team just played her team.

A random woman on the general gym floor is a cold approach, even if I have seen her once or twice before on the general gym floor.

Example of warm approach: I was in a trial a few weeks ago. The prosecution called a CSI detective to the stand who was a stunner (HB 8.5 - legit). I had a good time cross examining her. After the day ended, she was sitting out in hallway. I made strong eye contact with her and despite just grilling her on the stand she immediately smiled at me and I knew it was an easy approach. We struck up a conversation and I got a number out of it. I don’t consider this “cold” approach but warm because I knew her somewhat, the framework had been laid of who we were, etc. It was a fun discussion.

I like this example and the scenario. Did a date happen?

 

[Barrister]

These are good guidelines.

When I approach a woman at the end of a fitness class, that is a cold approach. If I play in a sand volleyball team and I approach a woman playing on another team in the league after a game at a sponsor bar, that's probably a warm approach, especially if my team just played her team.

A random woman on the general gym floor is a cold approach, even if I have seen her once or twice before on the general gym floor.



I like this example and the scenario. Did a date happen?

Agree with how you classified those approaches.

And unfortunately not yet on the date. She lives over 100 miles from me (trial was basically at a mid way point of where we each live). It may not happen at all and that’s fine. She told me to reach out if I’m heading down that way. No plans to do that though (a little far for me).

 

[Seacoast Living]

If you're willing to play the long game, it is certainly possible to meet women live, and I have all the time and resources to try it, but nothing compares to OLD. I have a golden retriever which I'll walk around my nearest city, but OLD is just apples dropping from trees. Nothing comes close, I've definitely noticed in the big cities there are a lot of single women propping up to a bar, but if you are in suburban more rural areas that doesn't happen, everyone out is coupled up and if it is a group of girls out, they are all married and on a girls night out. If you're in a big city, definitely work live game, otherwise you're best bet is OLD. If you need it, hire photographer to capture good pictures of you in good photos if you don't take good ones yourself. When you match, keep messages as minimal as possible to get in front of her. We excel in person, they excel online and messages.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

I do very well on apps, personally. I don't find them much of an issue as I'm quite antisocial in general and don't approach women unless they come up to me.

I guess each to their own.

 

[jhonny9546]

My friend, a bald Asian guy who is below 6 feet tall, was constantly getting jerked around on dating apps. Eventually, he said "screw it" and started pursuing hobbies that involved women and approaching them in person. Yes, he struggled for a while, but he eventually moved past that difficult phase. Now, he consistently meets women outside of apps. The last time we met, he was talkative, happy, and much more engaged in conversations, a stark contrast to the depressed and bitter person he was during his app days.

Thank you for sharing this.
I believe dating apps can work, as long as you're not obsessed with them and use them mindfully, just like social media. With the right filters, they can help you meet people who are genuinely interested in each other.


That said, you're right: "Build it and they will come."
You're not doing it just for women. Do it for yourself first and foremost.


The hardest thing for a man is finding his career, his purpose. Because once he figures that out, everything he does to excel at it will transform him, and he'll become magnetic.


(Like my friend, who went from being a regular guy to becoming a personal trainer and owning his own gym. Now he has over 100 clients and is a magnet for women. And, most importantly, he's truly happy.)

 

[CornbreadFed]

One answer might be that they have a poor day-to-day routine for meeting men.

There’s this myth that men are too scared to approach good looking women which is completely false IMHO. You want to know a strong sign you are good looking, you are a forced ambivert because society will force you in to being an extrovert regardless.

 

[SW15]

There’s this myth that men are too scared to approach good looking women which is completely false IMHO.

It is completely false. Good looking women will get approached if they spend enough time out in public.

It might be possible for a woman with above average to elite level looks to have a poor day-to-day routine for meeting men. I think it would look something like this. The more of these things that are applicable, the more likely there's a poor day-to-day routine.

-Works remotely
-Exercises at home or only wears headphones/earbuds to the gym
-If she attends fitness classes, she only attends classes like barre, Zumba, or Pilates. Doesn't attend more co-ed acceptable fitness classes like strength training, HIIT, boxing/kickboxing, or indoor cycling. Note that most women aren't even that sociable after fitness classes that are more co-ed acceptable
-Doesn't drink alcohol and infrequently attends bars
-Does not have many friends in a similar life stage (unmarried, available, usually childless)
-Does not participate in a co-ed sports league

The more of those factors that apply to a woman (even an above average to elite looking woman), the more likely her day-to-day routine is poor for meeting men. If nearly every one of those factors applied to a woman, her real life venues for meeting men would the grocery store, the mall, and maybe a park.

In general, if a woman had a routine with most of those risk factors, she would be using a swipe app and she might also be active on social media. While her day-to-day routine wouldn't put her in contact with many men, she would have plenty of options from swipe apps and possibly her social media.

Above average and elite looking women can get approached a lot in real life. Most above average and elite looking women are discouraging approaches because most wear headphones/earbuds on the general gym floor at their gyms and outdoors (at parks and on walking/hiking paths).

 

[CornbreadFed]

It is completely false. Good looking women will get approached if they spend enough time out in public.

It might be possible for a woman with above average to elite level looks to have a poor day-to-day routine for meeting men. I think it would look something like this. The more of these things that are applicable, the more likely there's a poor day-to-day routine.

-Works remotely
-Exercises at home or only wears headphones/earbuds to the gym
-If she attends fitness classes, she only attends classes like barre, Zumba, or Pilates. Doesn't attend more co-ed acceptable fitness classes like strength training, HIIT, boxing/kickboxing, or indoor cycling. Note that most women aren't even that sociable after fitness classes that are more co-ed acceptable
-Doesn't drink alcohol and infrequently attends bars
-Does not have many friends in a similar life stage (unmarried, available, usually childless)
-Does not participate in a co-ed sports league

The more of those factors that apply to a woman (even an above average to elite looking woman), the more likely her day-to-day routine is poor for meeting men. If nearly every one of those factors applied to a woman, her real life venues for meeting men would the grocery store, the mall, and maybe a park.

In general, if a woman had a routine with most of those risk factors, she would be using a swipe app and she might also be active on social media. While her day-to-day routine wouldn't put her in contact with many men, she would have plenty of options from swipe apps and possibly her social media.

Above average and elite looking women can get approached a lot in real life. Most above average and elite looking women are discouraging approaches because most wear headphones/earbuds on the general gym floor at their gyms and outdoors (at parks and on walking/hiking paths).

I just think it is mutually exclusive to be good looking and be a True Forced Loneliness (TFL) at the same time. Society will find a way to turn you in to an ambivert with a social group. I met my current LTR through OLD and a lot of those pointers apply to her, but she still has a huge social circle to bring her out of the house unlike true forced loneliness introverts that do not have a choice. In addition, she discourages approaches greatly with a RBF (resting bish face) and is outright rude to any male that approaches her in public. Yes, we met on OLD during a time where she had to work 7 days a week and was pretty much over an ex at that point. With that said, the window of opportunity was small because she deleted the apps shortly after our 2nd date. These golden opportunities on OLD are gone because the APPs are now beyond a point of no repair in the eyes of most normies.

 

[SW15]

I met my current LTR through OLD and a lot of those pointers apply to her, but she still has a huge social circle to bring her out of the house unlike true forced loneliness introverts that do not have a choice.

First off, I though True Forced Loneliness (TFL) was solely a male thing.

If a woman can get out of her home, she has a good chance of being able to meet men.

While it would be impossible to match the quantity of options she'd get through swipe apps, a woman with a decent in-person routine can get approached enough to find a mate.

A woman's volume of in-person approach depends on her age, physique, how often goes she out, and her demeanor.

In addition, she discourages approaches greatly with a RBF (resting bish face) and is outright rude to any male that approaches her in public.

See demeanor comment above. I have seen RBF in action.

I'm reminded of the female friend of one of my friend's wives. This female friend was overweight and had a lousy attitude towards men. Her facial expressions weren't terrible but she would act rude towards men in general. She was pleasant enough with her female friends though. I heard from my friend that she hasn't been able to do much in mating over years except for some casual sex situationships, likely arranged from swipe apps.

 

[CornbreadFed]

First off, I though True Forced Loneliness (TFL) was solely a male thing.

If a woman can get out of her home, she has a good chance of being able to meet men.

While it would be impossible to match the quantity of options she'd get through swipe apps, a woman with a decent in-person routine can get approached enough to find a mate.

A woman's volume of in-person approach depends on her age, physique, how often goes she out, and her demeanor.

I don't think a woman can be authentically TFL either.

See demeanor comment above. I have seen RBF in action.

I'm reminded of the female friend of one of my friend's wives. This female friend was overweight and had a lousy attitude towards men. Her facial expressions weren't terrible but she would act rude towards men in general. She was pleasant enough with her female friends though. I heard from my friend that she hasn't been able to do much in mating over years except for some casual sex situationships, likely arranged from swipe apps.

Most men are low quality, faking a nice guy persona, or an obvious fvck boy. I do not blame women for holding this expression in public because it is a waste of time for a lot of them.

 

[Gamisch]

Nah.

OLD is manhood in a nutshell: nobody said it would be easy. Just like " making money " seems easy to the next man, in reality we ALL struggle one way or another.

OLD shouldn't be your only source, albeit at the end of the day the source will ALWAYS be you!! You you you and nobody but you.

Gotta build yourself up in such a way that you have the upperhand over ANY woman by default. How? Because you can walk away at any given point . Why? Because you ALWAYS got bigger fish to fry. Why? Because "fish" is for sale ( and the price is plummeting by the day).

Biggest mistake most men make is using OLD/women in general as a barometer to measure their selfworth.

Never forget : EVERY woman wil look for a d1ck. And she will find it. Before you know it boom she finds YOUR weenie. ..

So no. You can use whatever method to position yourself in front of women. Partying, OLD social circle, approach ect..it doesn't matter.

 

[Smok1nAce]

Tbh I see more attractive women off the apps than on.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Biggest mistake most men make is using OLD/women in general as a barometer to measure their selfworth.

I consider OLD akin to a drug that sucks you in and makes you worse overall. Can drugs assist you in your day-to-day workflow, yes, but can they tear you down too...Absolutely.

Tbh I see more attractive women off the apps than on.

There are plenty of attractive women on the apps, but 99% of them are gold diggers or have some mental issues they need to figure out. The hard part is finding an attractive normal woman on the apps.

 

[SW15]

Most men are low quality, faking a nice guy persona, or an obvious fvck boy. I do not blame women for holding this expression in public because it is a waste of time for a lot of them.

I think there are many low quality men out there.

I see the majority of men are average quality. I see a lot of men with bachelor's degrees and mediocre quality jobs/careers. Physiques are mediocre. As far as personas, they are betas. I see a lot of "nice guys" that could use some more edge. Perhaps this is a function of the circles that I've run in during the past 20 years (since college graduation).

 

[BaronOfHair]

There’s this myth that men are too scared to approach good looking women which is completely false IMHO

Yeah: It's feeling the pain of the approach not going the way we preferred it would that terrifies most of us

 

[Gamisch]

Yeah: It's feeling the pain of the approach not going the way we preferred it would that terrifies most of us

Let's not forget the (FALSE) idea that it hurts your social status. While it's actually the opposite: a chronic approacher will build a reputation for being a player, and that's a good thing I this day and age..

 

[The Duke]

Do what works for you. Figure it out for yourself. It's fine to read others opinions and experiences, but Create your own based on real life, not something you read somewhere.

It all has its positive and negative sides. Chasing girls online and in real life can beat you down. We are all different in how much we can take. When it starts to effect you negatively, go fish somewhere else or take a break.

There are low quality and high quality girls every where regardless of where you meet them.

The only difference I ever noticed was most of my same nite lay's came from girls I met in bars, not online.

I wish you guys would take up hunting/fishing and being around animals. A lot of those experiences translate to women.

 

[SW15]

The only difference I ever noticed was most of my same nite lay's came from girls I met in bars, not online.

That's a good data point.

Same night sex is good from a bar. For the man, he shows up, sees a woman in the flesh, approaches, things go well.

Swipe app arranged dates don't have the same dynamic. I find that more of them are weeknight dates with a 7-8 PM start time. First date sex off of a Tuesday-Wednesday night swipe app arranged date can be challenging.

I think the energy in a lot of venues differs on a Friday-Saturday night at 11:30 PM as compared to Tuesday-Wednesday night at 7:30 PM.

 

[Bingo-Player]

The Apps have got serious problems mounting in all directions

A disenchanted user base , an absolutely horrendous reputation for dating experiences and they need to keep finding ways to get idiots to pay more for a worse experience

I don't think swipe apps in their current format have more than a handful of years left , they just aren't going to be able to sustain user base against how much they need to charge

There might be enough desperate men but they just can't get a high enough standard of women on to entertain them ( which ironically is what the OP is about )

So you have a situation where you've got swathes of desperate guys then a few pockets of overweight women / single mothers /BPD's and the occasional 7 or 8 who's inbox will be exploding at the seams to the point where she's so overwhelmed she will just delete the app

It isn't a sustainable pool which is why they have become the laughing stock of the internet ffs every day I see a new viral meme absolutely destroying the experience or a stereotypical personality that uses them

--------------------------------------------------------------------

There is an absolutely massive market for in person singles experiences at the moment but they take 100X more effort than any swipe app which is why they haven't become super mainstream yet

I think within 5 years singles experiences for different ages groups will be extremely common