Gearing up for the final battle

[Zippapants]

Ok, so I've been going through a lot with my ex lately. Bottom line: she was the only woman I’ve ever loved, and I was the only guy she ever loved. She left for the summer to work in an acting job. Eventually after we had a semi-argument, she broke up with me stating “I love you as a person but not romantically.” A lot of other things were said, but I knew most of it was BS. This thread goes into detail of the break up.

This was in June. As time passed and I started spinning some new plates, I couldn’t shake the fact that I still deeply cared for this girl. She had become my best friend, and losing out friendship was one of the things that got to me the most. One day, I decided to hit her up out of the blue to make sure she was doing alright (she was having a rough time where she was). That went rocky at first, but she turned her attitude around and we were on speaking terms again. More info on that can be found in this thread.

Things were going fine. She started sending me online game invites again and talking to me like when we were together, but I put no stock in it. However, I spoke to her bluntly. She said she very much wanted to remain friends, so I let her know I wasn’t going to act like our history never happened. It was an awesome year together, and I wasn’t going to throw that away in fear of things being awkward. We were over, and though I still cared about her, I had no desire to get back with someone who broke trust (didn’t tell her that).

There was silence for a while after I told her that, but last night I heard from her. She hit me up online and she was drunk, which is when she spouts out her feelings that like a fountain. Very shortly after, she calls me. Oh boy.

Long story short, everything I suspected was right. She went off crying, telling me how she misses me so much, thinks about me every days, and how I’m the most amazing person she ever met. Tells me how important I am to her, and how I’m the only guy she has ever trusted 100%, and she never ever wanted to hurt me. And yet, she restated what she told me during the break up, about how she felt that we “just weren’t right for each other” and that in time I’d see that as well. She also went on about how badly she wishes she could make herself be the kind of girl I deserve, to which I told her what I deserve is my decision.

She also told me several times that she loves me. In the beginning of our convo it was “I love you so much… as a person”. By the end, after I talked and confronted her about stuff, she was just saying “I love you, I really do”. I chalk this up to being drunk, but it was an interesting observation.

I went on the offensive with many things, calling her out on stuff (not in a bad way) and most of the time the only response I got from her was crying, which gave me answers anyway. We talked about staying in each others lives. She is confused. She hates where she is, and doesn’t know how to handle things.

Now I’m wondering… what the heck I should do now? I feel as if she still has feelings for me (why would she be doing all this if she didn’t?), and I do have feelings for her. But I think I’ve done all I can do, and she needs to figure things out on her own. Should I fight for this girl, let her come to me again, or just drop her altogether? People say anything worth having you have to fight for, but I feel like I’ve gone 15 rounds against Ivan Drago and he’s still standing haha. This is the only woman I've encountered that I could ever picture marrying some day, but is it worth the hassle?

 

[Purefilth]

I've had a similar scenario, I went no contact. Now I'm happy spinning a few plates, I still think about her, and care about her, but I realise it was a oneitis thing for me for about 3 years. Maybe no contact would work for you but ultimately, its your decision. If you were fine before the drunken fone call ( which I also had- led to one last weekand of sxx then no contact since), then you should take it as she was pissed up and lonely and you were the emotional tampon for her at the time.

Just my opinion.

 

[bigneil]

"I was the only guy she ever loved."

Famous last words. (Group barf).

One of the most fundamental rules of breakups is not to believe her when she says she loves you. This should go without saying if she is dumping you.

Just disappear for 1-2 months and then try again.

 

[Purefilth]

"I was the only guy she ever loved."

Famous last words. (Group barf).

True

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Ok, so I've been going through a lot with my ex lately. Bottom line: she was the only woman I’ve ever loved, and I was the only guy she ever loved. She left for the summer to work in an acting job. Eventually after we had a semi-argument, she broke up with me stating “I love you as a person but not romantically.” A lot of other things were said, but I knew most of it was BS. This thread goes into detail of the break up.

This was in June. As time passed and I started spinning some new plates, I couldn’t shake the fact that I still deeply cared for this girl. She had become my best friend, and losing out friendship was one of the things that got to me the most. One day, I decided to hit her up out of the blue to make sure she was doing alright (she was having a rough time where she was). That went rocky at first, but she turned her attitude around and we were on speaking terms again. More info on that can be found in this thread.

Things were going fine. She started sending me online game invites again and talking to me like when we were together, but I put no stock in it. However, I spoke to her bluntly. She said she very much wanted to remain friends, so I let her know I wasn’t going to act like our history never happened. It was an awesome year together, and I wasn’t going to throw that away in fear of things being awkward. We were over, and though I still cared about her, I had no desire to get back with someone who broke trust (didn’t tell her that).

There was silence for a while after I told her that, but last night I heard from her. She hit me up online and she was drunk, which is when she spouts out her feelings that like a fountain. Very shortly after, she calls me. Oh boy.

Long story short, everything I suspected was right. She went off crying, telling me how she misses me so much, thinks about me every days, and how I’m the most amazing person she ever met. Tells me how important I am to her, and how I’m the only guy she has ever trusted 100%, and she never ever wanted to hurt me. And yet, she restated what she told me during the break up, about how she felt that we “just weren’t right for each other” and that in time I’d see that as well. She also went on about how badly she wishes she could make herself be the kind of girl I deserve, to which I told her what I deserve is my decision.

She also told me several times that she loves me. In the beginning of our convo it was “I love you so much… as a person”. By the end, after I talked and confronted her about stuff, she was just saying “I love you, I really do”. I chalk this up to being drunk, but it was an interesting observation.

I went on the offensive with many things, calling her out on stuff (not in a bad way) and most of the time the only response I got from her was crying, which gave me answers anyway. We talked about staying in each others lives. She is confused. She hates where she is, and doesn’t know how to handle things.

Now I’m wondering… what the heck I should do now? I feel as if she still has feelings for me (why would she be doing all this if she didn’t?), and I do have feelings for her. But I think I’ve done all I can do, and she needs to figure things out on her own. Should I fight for this girl, let her come to me again, or just drop her altogether? People say anything worth having you have to fight for, but I feel like I’ve gone 15 rounds against Ivan Drago and he’s still standing haha. This is the only woman I've encountered that I could ever picture marrying some day, but is it worth the hassle?

Sorry to hear that dude. To be honest she seems like she's just looking for good closure and needed you as her emotional tampon in her drunken state. Till she finds some "actor" who promises her the world and she sees you as an old friend.

Let the chick go and don't EVER look back. I'm telling you if she loved you she'd be with you not using you as a security blanket to help her along till she finds someone. She's 'unsure' for now..

Did she go to California? Hollywood?

 

[betheman]

Now I’m wondering… what the heck I should do now?

Get on with your life, a life without her

I feel as if she still has feelings for me (why would she be doing all this if she didn’t?),
she has feelings but her attraction in you has left the building and it isnt coming backand I do have feelings for her. But I think I’ve done all I can do, (you have, now let go) and she needs to figure things out on her own (she has, those things dont include you).
Should I fight for this girl, let her come to me again, or just drop her altogether 101

People say anything worth having you have to fight for, but I feel like I’ve gone 15 rounds against Ivan Drago and he’s still standing haha. you have fought and lost, leave the ring with dignity, anymore woopings and you will just look like a turd.

This is the only woman I've encountered that I could ever picture marrying some day, but is it worth the hassle?
you are only 24, marriage shouldnt even be on the radar, especially as you cant see what is going on here, you are too willing to hand over your balls

Sorry to be so blunt but she holds all the aces here, time to fold and walk away

 

[Greasy Pig]

Believe a woman's actions, not her words.
Case closed.

 

[Zippapants]

"I was the only guy she ever loved."

Famous last words. (Group barf).

Well, those weren't her last words, it was just a fact I knew from our relationship. She did restate that in her call to me, though.

Did she go to California? Hollywood?

She went to Virginia for an dinner theatre group. I helped her move down, and the place is in the mountains in the middle of no where with 10 other girls and 4 gay guys. I thought cheating might have come into play, but I know she's not that sort of girl. What I do know is she is a bit neurotic, and I've been able to see any problems in our relationship coming a mile away. I knew I would encounter some sort of BS while she was away, but I didn't expect it to be to this level.

Also, I'm an actor as well, and unlike any guy she ever went out with. I actually appreciated her and showed it, and she did the same to me. Then this happened haha.

Sorry to be so blunt but she holds all the aces here, time to fold and walk away

She does, and I do agree with the things you said. Of all the girls I've gone out with, she was special to me for many reasons. I'm not saying I want to marry anytime soon, but when I do, I want my dynamic with my wife to be like what I had with my ex.

However, one thing I do hold is that the other night when she called, she asked for me to forgive her. I never did.

Believe a woman's actions, not her words.
Case closed.

Very, very true. That is what I'm basing things off of now.

As I've said to my friends, I miss my girlfriend. The last time I saw or heard from her was when I left Virginia after helping her move in. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll see her again.

Through all of this, this girl became one of my best friends, and because of that, I'm willing to be friends with her in the future. However, I am NOT going to be an emotional tampon. That's all I was when I was younger, and after I lost all that weight and turned my life around, I vowed never to do that again.

A buddy of mine once said that this girl was like my Moby-****; as in, the kind of girl I had always been looking for. While he may have been right, I'm not about to go down like Captain Ahab. She comes back in a week and would like to meet up. Seeing as how I have a broken foot at the moment and can't do very much, I'll go. But after that I'm done.

Thanks for the input, guys.