Gave her a treat. Now she is abusing her power

[Tampatampa]

Hi.

I´ve been dating this girl for maybe 8 months now. It has been good and she has ALWAYS respected me.

She has hinted several times that she wanted to be my girlfriend, but since we knew she was going to study in another country this semester I didn't want to get in a exclusive relationship.

A few months back she left and she was crazy about me at the time she left. She mentioned several times that she wanted me to come visit her.

She often called me making sure that I did´nt forget her. She was the one doing all the work. She was doing everything she could to keep my interest up so that we could be together in the summer again.

A couple of weeks ago I told her that it would be fun to come visit her. I want to see her and at the same time have a vacation in a place where it´s much hotter than home this time of year.

As a result of me going to visit her, i started making more contact with her to talk about what we were going to do when we see eachother.

She got excited of course, but ever since I told her that I was going to come and started contacting her more, it seems like she is taking me for granted. It seems like the power in the relationship has shifted somewhat.

For instance, last week when I called her, she said she could´nt talk with me that day because she was going to do some laundry and it would fit better if we talked the day after. I know this was something she said to test me. I got insulted and asked her if she really wanted to do laundry instead of talking to me. She changed her mind pretty quickly and stayed on the phone.

After I got this feeling that she is disrespecting me, I´ve been considering calling the whole thing off. The thing is that I can´t call it off because the flight ticket is non-refundable. So, I´m going on this vacation no matter what.


How can I handle this as a man? How can I make the situation work for me?

 

[The Decay of Meaning]

How long before you are going to take the flight? I suggest stop contacting or reduce the contact pretty dramatically. Let her do most of it, say two thirds.

 

[starplayer]

I've experienced similar situations with girls. This is the common scenario:

They're the ones chasing me, showing interest, making an effort. She seems like a nice girl and I don't wanna hurt her so I decide to show some interest (nothing too much) and all of a sudden it goes to her head. Her ego gets inflated and she thinks she's hot sh!t, almost like she's too good for me.

If a girl doesn't like me I can accept that, but I HATE HATE HATE being taken for granted, especially when she was the one who liked me more before.

I tell ya, you give em an inch and they'll take a mile.

Are you sure there's no way to sell that ticket to someone else? Maybe tell her you're canceling, then if she gets worried and begs you to still visit her you're back to where you were. Never let her get too comfortable.

Comfort =/= Attraction

 

[londonzen]

i think with the laundry convo you should of said yeah ok then didnt phone again until she contacted you and then when you answered acted completly normal.
been "like how you been"

 

[Tampatampa]

londonzen: I know. But sometimes you just gotta call them on the bull****

I kind of agree with starplayer. Telling her that I might cancel might do the trick. Then if her interest for me to come visit is really high, i wont cancel..

 

[Lord Sidious]

Dude,

That laudry convo was a real piece of sh?t!

She started to see that she had power and simply wanted to see your reaction. I´d have said "Good for you!" and then stoped the convo. After that I wouldn´t call her again until she calls back.

Man, chicks must me puted at their place! If I were you I wouldn´t go. Or if I would, she would have to laundry for me everyday!

 

[The Decay of Meaning]

I agree, saying you've canceled it might be a good thing. If she's playing with your mind, you might as well.

 

[Metaphysical]

When a girl is trying to mess with you like that, the best policy is to just turn your back and leave her out in the cold.

Two things happen: either she runs back to you after a few days and apologizes... or if she doesn't run back, you end up finding a woman who treats you better =)

 

[Tampatampa]

Okey.. Now that I think about it, I suspect that the laundry conversation came up because I was flaking on her earlier. I said to her that I would call her on a certain date, but I did'nt call her until a couple of days later. It seemed like she was planing to make me wait. I've been "disrespeting" and "flaking" on her for 8 months now and maybe I'm overreacting when she is doing ONE annoying move.

I can't cancel the trip. The ticket cost too much. I know that I'm going to have a blast no matter what. No matter how she behaves.

However.. I want to make her a little less comfortable....

 

[Alle_Gory]

However.. I want to make her a little less comfortable....

High five. :wave: