Gauging a girl's interest level

[Rubato]

I number closed a girl from my ballroom dance class and told her we should get together sometime next week for coffee in the union. And she said ok.

I am having trouble gauging this girl's interest level and I'm not sure if it's because she actually does have low interest, or because she's just a more reserved person (which, unless she's been acting this entire semester, she is). I can make the girl laugh pretty easily in class, but she's still a pretty quiet/reserved girl. Obviously, the best way to find out will be when I follow up with her about hanging out next week and see how she responds.

She acted surprised when I asked her what her number is, and this is something else I'm not sure about. Does that indicate that I haven't built enough of a connection to have justified asking for the girl's number yet or is she just actually surprised someone is asking her for her number? She's definitely not a 10, but she's a cute fvckable girl. I know a lot of guys on this forum and elsewhere talk about how girls are "approached" all the time, and I just don't believe this. Even with respect to the hottest girls. I think there is a fundamental difference between "cat calling" a girl or flubbing around some weird attempt to initiate a conversation with them vs actually approaching them in a semi congruent way with some sort of outcome in mind (getting the number, establishing a connection so you can bounce and close, ect.) And I just don't see that actual approaches happen very often in field or from the relationships I've established with women.

After I got her number, I sent her a text that said something like "this is (my name" from Joseph's ballroom dance club" (that's an inside joke... he always corrects my left hand's dance position and says I'm holding the girl's hand like I'm in a club rather than I'm at a ballroom competition... so I've started calling his class the ballroom dance club). And she responds with "ok".

The vibe I got from the girl seemed like a mix of surprise, maybe even insecurity, and reservation. A big part of me feels like she's got a low IL, but the only way to find out for sure is to try and set something up.

Mistakes on my part I can think of from the time class ended:
- Not smiling enough.
- Not making enough eye contact.
- When I asked her what her number is, she paused for a second and said "what number?" And I feel like I should have looked at her and said something like "your social, of course" or "your carrier pigeon number" or something along those lines rather than just "your cell phone".

Any thoughts on any of this?

 

[Iceberg]

I'm not going to pretend that I was any better off than you when I was 24 years old. Hell, I'm probably still not.

But the one MAIN thing that seems to be your problem - you're worrying about ONE girl. "I can't gauge her interest level." "She acted surprised when I asked for her number...what does that mean?" ...and then you have this list of things you've done wrong:

- Not smiling enough.
- Not making enough eye contact.
- When I asked her what her number is, she paused for a second and said "what number?" And I feel like I should have looked at her and said something like "your social, of course" or "your carrier pigeon number" or something along those lines rather than just "your cell phone".

It's one girl, man. This isn't your wife. After all your analyzing and studying and worrying, she might have liked you anyway. Or maybe she didn't like you at all, and never would have. This stuff isn't science. There will never be a formula. The ultimate goal is to reach the point where you're social and confident and ready to accept that some girls will like you and others wont. Then you'll have options. And then you won't study each interaction with a woman as if it were the Bar Exam.

The only thing you can do is get her out one-on-one. If she doesn't come, then you have an answer. If she goes, but she sucks as a person. That's an answer. And if it goes great, that's an answer.

I know a lot of guys on this forum and elsewhere talk about how girls are "approached" all the time, and I just don't believe this. Even with respect to the hottest girls.

In regards to this, I actually agree with you. But that's another story.

 

[Rubato]

@Iceberg

I know this reads like it was focused on one girl and that's because THIS was. If I am focused on any one particular girl, it's not this one. It's the HB from my biochem class I'm concerned about developing oneitis for.

Maybe I'm thinking about this the wrong way but everytime I have an interaction with a girl, I try and break it down and think about the things I did right and the things I did wrong... I feel like it would be a mistake not to do that because even though it's a rather crude way to assess progress, it's the practically the only benchmark a person has.

I get that this isn't a chemistry or engineering problem, and studying a bunch of routines, pickup lines, and theory is not going to be the prime mover for my game's improvement. Not to be a total geek here, but when you play an RPG, your character doens't level up unless you actually go out and engage targets in battle - and I think anyone who has even the smallest idea what they're talking about would agree that the same is true about improving your game. Reading and thinking has its place, but the real gains are going to be made in field actually interacting with women. And so please don't take from what I wrote that I'm going in to the interaction trying to assess and predict everything as it's happening.

In the midst of everything else going on in my life, I'm trying to make as rapid progress in this area as possible. I'm spinning somewhere between 4-6 plates right now, it's actually getting a little out of hand because I'm forgetting about them and had to change plans last minute with one girl because I was planning on taking her to the restaurant another one of my girls works at. So I have options now (finally). So I'm not analying the interaction from the perspective that I'm freaked out worried that I fvcked something up. I'm getting ready to go to the gym and will likely forget about her within the next few minutes. I just don't feel comfortable that my general skill level is extremely high and want to know that I'm good enough at gaming girls that even if I dropped all of my plates right now, it wouldn't be an issue because finding another set would be pretty easy. And I'm not there yet. That's why I still ask these questions.

 

[gaspipe]

I number closed a girl from my ballroom dance class and told her we should get together sometime next week for coffee in the union. And she said ok.

I am having trouble gauging this girl's interest level and I'm not sure if it's because she actually does have low interest, or because she's just a more reserved person (which, unless she's been acting this entire semester, she is). I can make the girl laugh pretty easily in class, but she's still a pretty quiet/reserved girl. Obviously, the best way to find out will be when I follow up with her about hanging out next week and see how she responds.

She acted surprised when I asked her what her number is, and this is something else I'm not sure about. Does that indicate that I haven't built enough of a connection to have justified asking for the girl's number yet or is she just actually surprised someone is asking her for her number? She's definitely not a 10, but she's a cute fvckable girl. I know a lot of guys on this forum and elsewhere talk about how girls are "approached" all the time, and I just don't believe this. Even with respect to the hottest girls. I think there is a fundamental difference between "cat calling" a girl or flubbing around some weird attempt to initiate a conversation with them vs actually approaching them in a semi congruent way with some sort of outcome in mind (getting the number, establishing a connection so you can bounce and close, ect.) And I just don't see that actual approaches happen very often in field or from the relationships I've established with women.

After I got her number, I sent her a text that said something like "this is (my name" from Joseph's ballroom dance club" (that's an inside joke... he always corrects my left hand's dance position and says I'm holding the girl's hand like I'm in a club rather than I'm at a ballroom competition... so I've started calling his class the ballroom dance club). And she responds with "ok".

The vibe I got from the girl seemed like a mix of surprise, maybe even insecurity, and reservation. A big part of me feels like she's got a low IL, but the only way to find out for sure is to try and set something up.

Mistakes on my part I can think of from the time class ended:
- Not smiling enough.
- Not making enough eye contact.
- When I asked her what her number is, she paused for a second and said "what number?" And I feel like I should have looked at her and said something like "your social, of course" or "your carrier pigeon number" or something along those lines rather than just "your cell phone".

Any thoughts on any of this?

My take on it is that she could have low self confidence/self esteem and was quite taken aback that you would even entertain calling her. Ive noticed that even hot chicks could have low self esteem. She could just be shy. These types of girls are hard to read. Ive had instances where I thought a girl had low IL and would give up on her then someone would tell me that in fact she really liked me.

If you really like this girl and want to invest more time and effort focus on gaining her confidence and see if she warms up to you. If she likes you she ultimately will. If she continues to give you one word responses and doesnt seem to be warming up, then I would let her go. In the meantime, like the others said, always keep your options open and never focus on any one girl until she proves herself worthy to you.

 

[Rubato]

If you really like this girl and want to invest more time and effort focus on gaining her confidence and see if she warms up to you. If she likes you she ultimately will. If she continues to give you one word responses and doesnt seem to be warming up, then I would let her go. In the meantime, like the others said, always keep your options open and never focus on any one girl until she proves herself worthy to you.

I don't really like this girl. She's just practice. She's got a pretty face, a nice body, and can move her hips and that's really about all I require for a practice target.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Having low interest and being too shy/ reserved around a guy are kind of the same thing, since both require the guy to exert a disproportional amount of effort in what ideally should be a mutual process. I wouldn't bother with a girl that is shy to the point of seeming disinterested.

I think her response of "ok" to your text wasn't exactly a welcoming sign, but you might as well just try to make plans with her anyway. Coffee is lame, especially if you're in college. Invite her out with you instead-- or, better yet, try to get her to hang with you after class spontaneously. This will be the easiest way to get her out--MUCH easier than trying to set a "date."
Honestly, she probably reacted the way she did because you set a traditional "dating" frame, which tends to scare college-age girls that only know how to hang up and hook up. College game IS social circle game; you don't need her number because you'll see her anyway.

 

[Rubato]

Having low interest and being too shy/ reserved around a guy are kind of the same thing, since both require the guy to exert a disproportional amount of effort in what ideally should be a mutual process. I wouldn't bother with a girl that is shy to the point of seeming disinterested.

I think her response of "ok" to your text wasn't exactly a welcoming sign, but you might as well just try to make plans with her anyway. Coffee is lame, especially if you're in college. Invite her out with you instead-- or, better yet, try to get her to hang with you after class spontaneously. This will be the easiest way to get her out--MUCH easier than trying to set a "date."
Honestly, she probably reacted the way she did because you set a traditional "dating" frame, which tends to scare college-age girls that only know how to hang up and hook up. College game IS social circle game; you don't need her number because you'll see her anyway.

I know a lot of people say college game is a social circle game, but I don't see that a lot at my college except among the very small population of residential students and people involved in a fraternity/sorority. There are 30k students at my college and about 28k are commuters. I read the book Conquer your Campus earlier this year that talks about the social dynamics that come in to play in a college setting, but I don't think the book is extremely applicable to a commuter college, and that's where I am. At my first college (a residential college), I would say the book would totally apply. What I've been finding out at my school is that for the 28k commuter students, there are no large "tribes" or anything like that, if people have any affiliation at all, it's either a very small locus of friends or people who belong to their same degree program. I've been absolutely amazed at how many attractive girls I've met on campus who only have like 2 or 3 friends and don't know anyone else.

So far as I know, the HB is one of the 28k students who leave their house, go to school and when classes are over, leave back for their house like everyone else who's a commuter does. And if they hand out with anyone or do anything, it's with friends they have back home and not necessarily from school.

So Jeffst1980, I'd like your insight in to all of this. I am more inclined to agree with you than anyone else about the interest level issue. I don't really feel like I've exerted an extremely high level of effort so I don't think there's any sort of noticeable effort disparity going on. Is the issue that I, as you said, started establishing something like looks like a dating frame without the necessary comfort, emotional connection, ect? Or is it something else? Given that the only time I see the girl is during the dance class, it seems to me like that the best way to start generating attraction is to spend some isolated time with her somewhere that is not related to our class.

I will also agree with you that coffee is lame. My first reaction was to just tell her to follow me over to the union and get lunch with me, which may have been less lame, but I was in a hurry... I needed to eat quickly, lift, and get some studying in before a date last night... and so the reason I didn't ask her to follow me over was because it would have been a "let's see how fast I can shove a subway sandwich down my throat" type of thing. I don't have a Facebook because since I started spinning multiple plates and developing multiple relationships with girls, they started posting pictures of me with them online and tagging me in them, and rather than show pre-selection and value, it just created a bunch of drama and accusations about me cheating.

So the number seemed like the best way to go, and I used the coffee meetup to justify my asking for her number... which, as I said, I agree with you that a coffee date is pretty lame, college or not. I would be more inclined to just invite myself over to her apartment for a movie (if she even lives in an apartment... you would probably also be surprised how many girls I've met who still live with their parents), and that's worked very well for me with other girls I've gamed from my classes. But her IL just doesn't seem to be there and the optimistic response to that is she's a shy and self conscious person, but I feel like the most realistic response is that she actually does have low IL.

So given this, do you have any other suggestions or comments?