I came across this article from a women's site. I think it can realli help us DJs. NO wonder so many AFCs are created everyday as a result of these games.
Relationship Games You Should Play
You've heard you shouldn't toy with men. Forget it. Dating is a sport, and these sexy little tricks and covert love maneuvers are all within the rules.
Think playing mind games with men smacks of unscrupulous femme fatale-style manipulation? Please. We're here to debunk that silly, silly myth. "Games are the way we keep romance alive," says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., author of The First Sex. "They're based in human hardwiring. Playing hard-to-get or leaving a little to the imagination allows the woman to be wooed and appreciated and the man to be challenged and intrigued."
What makes these courtship contact sports so appealing is that there are no losers and they pave the way to building a relationship that's humming with excitement. So suit up, ladies. Play these five games with him and we promise you'll score.
Game #1
Don't return his calls/emails the same day.
The game plan: No matter how badly you want to dial his digits or reply to his emails, you're better off curbing your enthusiasm when you're first dating. Absence creates anticipation and a feeling of "If I don't see her now, I'll die." When he calls, "let your voice mail pick up now and then," says Sherry Argov, author of Why Men Love *****es. "It shows him that you're worth the wait and effort. Allow him to simmer, wondering what you're doing."
Laura,* 21, won over her boyfriend using this trick. "Andrew looks like Brad Pitt's little brother, and I knew he was used to women being at his beck and call," she says. To level the playing field, she avoided giving him her cell-phone number so he didn't have access to her anytime, anyplace. When he'd leave a message on her home line, Laura waited at least a day to call back. "When we spoke, he'd ask where I'd been. I'd never apologize for being AWOL," she explains. "Instead, I'd purr, 'Oh, life's been superinsane. But I'm all ears now.' He felt lucky to have caught up with me."
How everybody wins: Men, says Argov, equate longing with love. By taking your time calling him back, you become a catch, not a convenience. The waiting game lets you test his willingness to pursue, adds Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D., author of Light His Fire. "You can separate the guys who just want you on a whim from the men who'll put in the extra effort."
Game #2
Keep him guessing.
The game plan: When you date a guy you dig and get that urge to share your personal experiences, opinions, history...stop! Early-stage TMI is a major turn-off for most males. "Men feel disoriented when you disclose intimate details too soon," says Kreidman. "You think you're bonding, but he thinks you're an open book to everyone."
What you censor -- about your exes, family, friends, even your schedule -- can be more powerful than what you reveal. So talk about your job and interests but stay mum about the juicier details. Soon enough, he'll be dying to have you fill in the blanks.
Jenny, 24, was able to pique her man's interest by playfully dodging his questions. "Over dinner, Andy asked me if I was seeing other people. I just said teasingly, 'Well, I certainly don't stay home alone.' I could see the intrigue was killing him."
How everybody wins: Where there's secrecy, there's interest. "Men are hunters, and they want to discover for themselves what makes you tick," says Fisher. "That curiosity drives up the levels of dopamine in his brain, a chemical that fuels the mad-love feeling." Kreidman adds: "When you reveal something that's truly weighty, he'll feel like he's earned your trust." What's in it for you? A guy who's guaranteed to focus on hearing you out.
Game #3
Be just as busy as he is.
The game plan: Don't let him feel like he has a guaranteed spot on your social calendar. Simply let your guy know that you're very interested in getting together...when you're not at tango class, working on your screenplay or dining with friends. "Show him that he won't dictate the terms of your relationship and that your life is not on hold for him," says Argov. To really work the strategy, end dates and phone calls first, and cryptically mention your other plans with little or no elaboration.
"When Dom and I first started dating, we would have brunch every Sunday," says Georgia, 26. "Initially, I was digging him, but he would spend more time people watching than he would focusing on me. So the next weekend, I told him I couldn't make it." Dom's reaction? He quickly surprised her with tickets to the theater and a bouquet of roses for the following Sunday. "Being booked was all it took to jostle him into action," says Georgia.
How everybody wins: Maintaining your own life acts like claustrophobia kryptonite. "When you show that you like him but your world doesn't revolve around him, it says you're confident and self-reliant -- two very sexy traits to a guy," says Argov. "Men often fear losing their independence, but when a woman hints that she doesn't need a guy, suddenly his fears of being smothered vanish and he's begging to be penned into your day planner." And, says Kreidman, "too many women brush off their friends and hobbies for a man. Playing this game gives her a better grip on balancing her life."
Game #4
Chat up another guy in his presence.
The game plan: Plain and simple -- tickle his jealousy bone. Rebecca, 20, realized this worked when she went to her new boyfriend Ken's office Christmas party. "When I ordered a particular type of wine at the bar, a man to my left remarked on my good taste," she recalls. "We started talking, and within minutes, Ken came over...and didn't leave my side all night."
Make him feel like he has to fight for your attention. Casually talk to cute men in his presence, mention male friends in your conversations ("Javier said the funniest thing the other day..."), and let him witness other guys checking you out. According to a study from McGill University in Montreal, boys will battle just for the competition. So when you throw in an alluring reward -- that would be you -- well, stand back. Just don't touch or share sexual innuendoes with other dudes. The idea is to pique his jealousy, not piss him off.
How everybody wins: By subtly reminding your man that you're a fine catch, you let him do his white-knight impression -- a natural male desire that Fisher calls "mate guarding." "Men have a psychological need to show off their courage and strength," she explains. "When he sees you talking to another guy, that instinct kicks in and he jumps to protect you and prove he's worthy of your love." Craig, 24, breaks it down in guy terms: "It makes me think, Hey, jackass, you're not paying attention to your girl. But that loser over there sure is." You reap the rewards as well. By slipping away from his side, you flex your independence.
Game #5
Delay doing the deed.
The game plan: Resist locking limbs for the first month, says Argov. Holding out on getting horizontal may seem like a game with one booby prize -- mutual sexual frustration. But letting erotic urges build will make him melt like butter on hot toast.
No need to play the prude. Give him clues that you're in touch with your carnal side. "Flirt, kiss, dress seductively -- just make sure you're in a situation where you can resist his advances," says Argov. "That means stopping before you hit the bedroom door. Otherwise, he'll feel duped."
How everybody wins: Stalling on sex creates erotic anticipation and makes him feel special. "He knows that you're discriminating about who you hop into bed with," says Argov. Your reward? "Every man wants to have sex right off the bat. Whether he wants a girlfriend is something he thinks about later. By not giving him what he wants up front, he has to tackle the girlfriend issue first."
Foul Play
There are healthy love sports -- and then there's just plain messing with his mind.
Lame Game: Man-opoly
He can't pass go until you collect $200 (or the equivalent in dinner receipts and gifts). When dating you feels like he's closing a deal, he'd rather send you directly to love jail than partner up in a relationship.
Lame Game: Tomb Raider
You exhume your ex vault and handpick a former flame for a onetime sack session. Bedroom betrayal will only make him bail -- even Lara Croft couldn't escape this one alive.
Lame Game: Clue-less
In this game of sleuth, your poor fella must solve the mysteries of your many moods. For instance, when he asks what's wrong, you sneer, "Nothing." Men can't read minds. 'Nuff said.
Relationship Games You Should Play
You've heard you shouldn't toy with men. Forget it. Dating is a sport, and these sexy little tricks and covert love maneuvers are all within the rules.
Think playing mind games with men smacks of unscrupulous femme fatale-style manipulation? Please. We're here to debunk that silly, silly myth. "Games are the way we keep romance alive," says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., author of The First Sex. "They're based in human hardwiring. Playing hard-to-get or leaving a little to the imagination allows the woman to be wooed and appreciated and the man to be challenged and intrigued."
What makes these courtship contact sports so appealing is that there are no losers and they pave the way to building a relationship that's humming with excitement. So suit up, ladies. Play these five games with him and we promise you'll score.
Game #1
Don't return his calls/emails the same day.
The game plan: No matter how badly you want to dial his digits or reply to his emails, you're better off curbing your enthusiasm when you're first dating. Absence creates anticipation and a feeling of "If I don't see her now, I'll die." When he calls, "let your voice mail pick up now and then," says Sherry Argov, author of Why Men Love *****es. "It shows him that you're worth the wait and effort. Allow him to simmer, wondering what you're doing."
Laura,* 21, won over her boyfriend using this trick. "Andrew looks like Brad Pitt's little brother, and I knew he was used to women being at his beck and call," she says. To level the playing field, she avoided giving him her cell-phone number so he didn't have access to her anytime, anyplace. When he'd leave a message on her home line, Laura waited at least a day to call back. "When we spoke, he'd ask where I'd been. I'd never apologize for being AWOL," she explains. "Instead, I'd purr, 'Oh, life's been superinsane. But I'm all ears now.' He felt lucky to have caught up with me."
How everybody wins: Men, says Argov, equate longing with love. By taking your time calling him back, you become a catch, not a convenience. The waiting game lets you test his willingness to pursue, adds Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D., author of Light His Fire. "You can separate the guys who just want you on a whim from the men who'll put in the extra effort."
Game #2
Keep him guessing.
The game plan: When you date a guy you dig and get that urge to share your personal experiences, opinions, history...stop! Early-stage TMI is a major turn-off for most males. "Men feel disoriented when you disclose intimate details too soon," says Kreidman. "You think you're bonding, but he thinks you're an open book to everyone."
What you censor -- about your exes, family, friends, even your schedule -- can be more powerful than what you reveal. So talk about your job and interests but stay mum about the juicier details. Soon enough, he'll be dying to have you fill in the blanks.
Jenny, 24, was able to pique her man's interest by playfully dodging his questions. "Over dinner, Andy asked me if I was seeing other people. I just said teasingly, 'Well, I certainly don't stay home alone.' I could see the intrigue was killing him."
How everybody wins: Where there's secrecy, there's interest. "Men are hunters, and they want to discover for themselves what makes you tick," says Fisher. "That curiosity drives up the levels of dopamine in his brain, a chemical that fuels the mad-love feeling." Kreidman adds: "When you reveal something that's truly weighty, he'll feel like he's earned your trust." What's in it for you? A guy who's guaranteed to focus on hearing you out.
Game #3
Be just as busy as he is.
The game plan: Don't let him feel like he has a guaranteed spot on your social calendar. Simply let your guy know that you're very interested in getting together...when you're not at tango class, working on your screenplay or dining with friends. "Show him that he won't dictate the terms of your relationship and that your life is not on hold for him," says Argov. To really work the strategy, end dates and phone calls first, and cryptically mention your other plans with little or no elaboration.
"When Dom and I first started dating, we would have brunch every Sunday," says Georgia, 26. "Initially, I was digging him, but he would spend more time people watching than he would focusing on me. So the next weekend, I told him I couldn't make it." Dom's reaction? He quickly surprised her with tickets to the theater and a bouquet of roses for the following Sunday. "Being booked was all it took to jostle him into action," says Georgia.
How everybody wins: Maintaining your own life acts like claustrophobia kryptonite. "When you show that you like him but your world doesn't revolve around him, it says you're confident and self-reliant -- two very sexy traits to a guy," says Argov. "Men often fear losing their independence, but when a woman hints that she doesn't need a guy, suddenly his fears of being smothered vanish and he's begging to be penned into your day planner." And, says Kreidman, "too many women brush off their friends and hobbies for a man. Playing this game gives her a better grip on balancing her life."
Game #4
Chat up another guy in his presence.
The game plan: Plain and simple -- tickle his jealousy bone. Rebecca, 20, realized this worked when she went to her new boyfriend Ken's office Christmas party. "When I ordered a particular type of wine at the bar, a man to my left remarked on my good taste," she recalls. "We started talking, and within minutes, Ken came over...and didn't leave my side all night."
Make him feel like he has to fight for your attention. Casually talk to cute men in his presence, mention male friends in your conversations ("Javier said the funniest thing the other day..."), and let him witness other guys checking you out. According to a study from McGill University in Montreal, boys will battle just for the competition. So when you throw in an alluring reward -- that would be you -- well, stand back. Just don't touch or share sexual innuendoes with other dudes. The idea is to pique his jealousy, not piss him off.
How everybody wins: By subtly reminding your man that you're a fine catch, you let him do his white-knight impression -- a natural male desire that Fisher calls "mate guarding." "Men have a psychological need to show off their courage and strength," she explains. "When he sees you talking to another guy, that instinct kicks in and he jumps to protect you and prove he's worthy of your love." Craig, 24, breaks it down in guy terms: "It makes me think, Hey, jackass, you're not paying attention to your girl. But that loser over there sure is." You reap the rewards as well. By slipping away from his side, you flex your independence.
Game #5
Delay doing the deed.
The game plan: Resist locking limbs for the first month, says Argov. Holding out on getting horizontal may seem like a game with one booby prize -- mutual sexual frustration. But letting erotic urges build will make him melt like butter on hot toast.
No need to play the prude. Give him clues that you're in touch with your carnal side. "Flirt, kiss, dress seductively -- just make sure you're in a situation where you can resist his advances," says Argov. "That means stopping before you hit the bedroom door. Otherwise, he'll feel duped."
How everybody wins: Stalling on sex creates erotic anticipation and makes him feel special. "He knows that you're discriminating about who you hop into bed with," says Argov. Your reward? "Every man wants to have sex right off the bat. Whether he wants a girlfriend is something he thinks about later. By not giving him what he wants up front, he has to tackle the girlfriend issue first."
Foul Play
There are healthy love sports -- and then there's just plain messing with his mind.
Lame Game: Man-opoly
He can't pass go until you collect $200 (or the equivalent in dinner receipts and gifts). When dating you feels like he's closing a deal, he'd rather send you directly to love jail than partner up in a relationship.
Lame Game: Tomb Raider
You exhume your ex vault and handpick a former flame for a onetime sack session. Bedroom betrayal will only make him bail -- even Lara Croft couldn't escape this one alive.
Lame Game: Clue-less
In this game of sleuth, your poor fella must solve the mysteries of your many moods. For instance, when he asks what's wrong, you sneer, "Nothing." Men can't read minds. 'Nuff said.
