FWB's turning into GF...?

[Korrupt]

Been seeing a 30 y/o girl who I met on OkCupid for about 4-5 months now. Had sex on the second hang-out/date and we mutually decided to be FWB's because neither of us wanted something serious at the time. She was obviously more interested in me than I was in her for the first few months, then I started to catch feelings. She originally asked me to spend the night (forgot how long ago) and I declined at first, then ended up spending the night another time we got together. Now, pretty much every time I see her I end up spending the night with her.

Her friends all know me and I've met them and gone out with them (with her, obviously), and her mom knows about me. Heard them talking on the phone and she said "I'm blah blah blah with Korrupt..." (for whatever reason I feel like this is significant) It's mostly been hanging-out at her place, but we have gone on several dates. Actually just took her out for drinks and a walk Saturday night and spent the night.

Second girl I've ever had feelings for. The sex is great, yes, but we also connect emotionally. We can talk and we frequently tease each other as well as make each other laugh. Kinda feel like I'm falling for her. In terms of other guys, she sometimes makes jokes about the OkCupid e-mails she gets (so and so wants to me you). Saturday night she said "so and so wants to meet you! Too late, not interested!" right in front of me.. (some kind of subtle hint that I'm the only guy she's seeing is how I took this). And has told me she never actually gets on there any more.

I haven't been very clear.. I WANT to go into something more serious with her. The thing is, neither of us have talked about it or said the L word yet, yet we'll say "I love this/that about you," or "I'm happy with you," etc, etc..

Not really sure what my question is.. Opinions on the situation I guess?

 

[SgtSplacker]

The important thing is is to make sure she knows you are interested and not seeing other women because of her. But don't just come out and profess your true feelings for her. When she starts talking about her feelings for you be on the same page with her and not ahead. If anyhting about a paragraph behind her, ya dig?

Remember your the guy that has everything going for him. The guy that has to carefully consider who he brings into his life and share the bounty of awesomeness with. The guy that is really not sweating any woman because he has plenty just outside the picture. The guy that is so valuable that he just likes to have friends with benefits and doesnt need a real girlfriend.

 

[Desdinova]

You have three options:

1) Wait for her to initiate 'the talk'. You know, the one where she wants more than a FB relationship. Probably the best option.

2) Make it clear that you're now wanting to pursue a LTR (do NOT specifically say with her) and see what she says. If she wants one with you, then she's yours. If she doesn't want that, then see option #3.

3) Dump her. You need to keep your emotions out of a FB relationship. You're only going to fvck yourself up by getting emotionally invested in a woman who wants nothing more than a FB.

 

[Iceberg]

I haven't been very clear.. I WANT to go into something more serious with her. The thing is, neither of us have talked about it or said the L word yet, yet we'll say "I love this/that about you," or "I'm happy with you," etc, etc..

Not really sure what my question is.. Opinions on the situation I guess?

Maybe I'm just a cold-hearted bastard, but why do you need a verbal expression of "love".

She treats you well? You enjoy her company? The sex is good? Then continue on as usual.

Relationships form themselves. It's not like you have to say a word, or sign a contract, or shake hands and declare, "Okay, we officially like each other." Like this site always preaches - actions mean more than words. So why worry about words? Actions are proving that you're getting what you want.

Continue to show that you enjoy the time you spend with her. She'll continue to reciprocate. One day, she will ask you "What are we?" (as all women do). And that's the way it should be. Women enjoy earning our approval. That's a challenge for them. Don't get all mushy, worrying about where she stands. Her actions will tell you.

 

[pdx1138]

yeah leave it up to her entirely.

and keep your frame!

 

[YAboi]

there doesn't need to be a label or name for what u have going with her. You have sex, you enjoy each other and you connect emotionally. Thats good enough.

 

[returningchamp]

I agree with the others. There's no reason to label this anything. What's the point?

Enjoy what you have now, and if she presses for it - go for it.

 

[sodbuster]

Women say they aren't looking for a relationship...until you find out you are in one

 

[Korrupt]

The closest I can remember to having the "where are we" talk with her was when she asked me if she was getting in the way of any romantic interests of mine.. Or something... Thought it was a trap question at first, but I ended up just telling her "what we have is perfect," which she seemed to like.

And thanks for the advice guys, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing for now.

 

[Korrupt]

Actually, I do have one question.. How much should I be seeing this girl, or maybe I should say how much should I be attempting to make plans with her?

I've been seeing her like once.. MAYBE twice a week most weeks. I saw her late Tuesday night (was pretty much a booty call) and while I was with her asked if she was down to have a cook-out this weekend, but she told me about some workshop blah blah that she might do, so she didn't know what was going on for sure. Haven't heard from her since, and I'm not planning on hitting her up till Sunday night or Monday afternoon if I don't hear from her first.

Like I said, I've never actually dated a girl quite this long or been in a LTR. Should I be hitting her up more? Should I have hit her up today anyways? Or what?

 

[pdx1138]

no no no.

You need to be doing less of that based on my fwb experience.

In fact, don't contact her at all. Leave it up to her....she will.

It can be a tricky game and kinda fun, but you should not be initiating contact or making plans very much, let her do 75% of that.

The less available you are, the better. That will keep her interest in you up.

In the meantime, don't get hung up on her. It's highly likely she's actively looking for someone else....you are the goto guy for her needs currently....but that can change....when it does you have to be ready to walk away from it.

 

[.Paradox.]

no no no.

You need to be doing less of that based on my fwb experience.

In fact, don't contact her at all. Leave it up to her....she will.

It can be a tricky game and kinda fun, but you should not be initiating contact or making plans very much, let her do 75% of that.

The less available you are, the better. That will keep her interest in you up.

In the meantime, don't get hung up on her. It's highly likely she's actively looking for someone else....you are the goto guy for her needs currently....but that can change....when it does you have to be ready to walk away from it.

I agree and disagree. I agree that he shouldn't be contacting her more, but from the information he gave us it seems like she might be considering him for a "boyfriend position." All the lovey-dovey things he listed, her friends and mom knowing about him (why would a chick tell her mom about a f*ck buddy?), and (if it's true) the fact that she doesn't use the dating site they met on anymore (giving up a possible avenue to meet guys).

Also, I've been in the same kinda situation before.. It IS frustrating, but you have to try and calm down because wondering about her 24/7 will just drive you insane. If everything she's saying to you is true, than it's obvious that she's into you. How much? Only she knows. But since what you've been doing has been working for the last 4-5 months, I'd say don't change your gaming tactics TOO much, and if you DO see her backing off stop contact for a bit and let her come to you.

 

[pdx1138]

she "said" she gave it up....doesn't mean she isn't. Mine said the same thing, she lied about not being on Match even though I knew she was.

Mine also invited me to christmas at her parents house, then she went out with some other guy (double date with her friend) on new years. But she would want to hold hands in public and show affection a short time later....it was a mind fvck to say the least.

The point is...what she said and what she did were two different things....as is often the case with women....

Just be aware is what I'm saying.

 

[Korrupt]

she "said" she gave it up....doesn't mean she isn't. Mine said the same thing, she lied about not being on Match even though I knew she was.

Mine also invited me to christmas at her parents house, then she went out with some other guy (double date with her friend) on new years. But she would want to hold hands in public and show affection a short time later....it was a mind fvck to say the least.

The point is...what she said and what she did were two different things....as is often the case with women....

Just be aware is what I'm saying.

That IS a mind f*ck..

What's driving me nuts is the fact that Tuesday night when I saw her, I asked her if she wanted to chill this weekend and she told me about some "workshop" she MIGHT be doing, then the weekend comes and I hear nothing from her, yet she IS posting sh*t on Facebook.