"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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funny story just to crack you guys up...

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realsmoothie

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OK so I go to the bar tonight and FINALLY pick a chick up...

we go back to her place and she busts out her guitar and starts with the singer-songwriter stuff... it's actually not bad, I'm impressed with it.

We start making out on her bed. I'm pretty psyched, it's been a while since I've gotten any... but it's 4:30 and I'm drunk as heck so my weenie is less than co-operative. She volunteers to "help out" and goes down on me... after I laugh for a bit it actually helps and I'm getting hard FINALLY... (after like 1/2 hour of this crap)...

...so we're having this weird coversation... she's like "I really like you, you turn me on so bad" yadda yadda, I'm finally hard (woo hoo) and I'm like "OK I'm busting out the rubber" she's like YEAH LET'S DO THIS (Leroy Jenkins style) and in my haste I blow a tire on the edge of the bed and bail into her guitar.

I'm sitting there like WTF my hand is all slippery.. she turns on the light and there's blood all over the guitar. I've ripped my middle finger nail RIGHT OFF on the guitar chord... there's blood all over the place. I almost barf at the insanity of it... from poontang to hospital waiting room, in two seconds.

Being Canada, the hospital takes like 1/2 and hour and doesn't cost me crap. The cool doctor jams my nail back into my nail bed (OUCH) and gives me drugs, we're done.

LOL, "American Pie" worthy stuff. The girl is all about me and even wanted to come to the hospital. So there's fun there. But I can't even believe how ridiculous this situation is... I'd consider it embarrassing if the girl herself wasn't so apologetic.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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MacAvoy

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HAHA that is a funny story. Just be glad you didn't get to the hospital and didn't have to wait 4 hours. You got lucky there wasn't a long emerg line up (the bad thing about free health care - long line ups)
 
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aliasguy

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Funny story.

He put the nail BACK ON???? Really? Never heard of that one before.

No wonder it was "free."

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R

realsmoothie

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sorry... it actually wasn't all the way off... but it got torn from the back end so he froze it then stuffed the nail back UNDER the skin.

Needless to say... I didn't watch! And now I've got this big white bandage over my middle finger.

Oh... did I mention that I work with this girl? LOL! Good thing she has a sense of humour.

Never drinking again. ;)
 
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ThunderMaverick

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Aawww. Hahaha GAME OVER!

Hopefully you guys will go out again? You have 9 good fingernails left..

Don't blow it!
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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D

Dongfu

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Thats not that funny. That's pretty fvcked bro. So much for finger bangin her with that finger for a while.
 
L

Last Man Standing

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Haha, Imagine if it was your penis that bore the brunt of your misfortune - and you trying to explain that to your doctor!

Realsmoothie: "Yeah doc, my penis got caught on some guitar strings"

Doctor: "Don't tell me anymore kid, I'm trying to concentrate on putting your penis back together without laughing."
 
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realsmoothie

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Just to twist the convo a bit...

...I am kind of kicking myself on this one. We just hired this girl, and "technically" I'm her boss. She really likes me and actually she seems much cooler than I initially gave her credit for.

My motto has been "no company ink" for a long time... but man, this sucks! The best (worst) part is that our staff party is on Wednesday. Uh oh! And the rest of our staff, which is tiny, now knows.

Ugh!
 
M

MacAvoy

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You went this far, you might as go all the way and close the deal on Wednesday. However I've never really slept with a subordinate, only do it if you can handle the situation afterwards.

It might get messy. Can you imagine if she was pissed at you, then spread around the office that you couldn't get it up?
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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22 Rules for Massive Success With Women
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