"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

Funny little stories about chicks.

Jay Jay

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 3, 2006
Messages
630
Reaction score
15
So I've had a few funny little encouters with the ladies recently. I'll share.

I had a female friend over to watch a DVD. I'd just been to the gym and she was busy chopping up some weed. I was about to make a shake of whey powder, flaxseed oil, light milk and blue berries.

"Hey babe, want a protein shake?" I asked.

Now I dunno if you guys know this but c*m is said to be very high in protein.

"Wow! Jay Jay!" She said with a laugh. "Where did that come from?"

"GNC." I told her.

"I'm confused."

"Protein powder! To make your muscles all buffed."

"Oh! I thought you wanted me to give you head."

At no point did she seem offended.

"Well actually..."

LOL.

I was out pretty late. Talking to two girls on the street. Both intelligent feminist types.

One of the girls goes, "I'm cold."

"Want my jacket. I'm fine." I offered.

Both girls looked at me like I had just farted or something. "Chivalry is dead." the cold girl told me.

"Well f*ck you then b*tch" I said handing her the jacket.

Both girls laughed and acted like I was the greatest thing since...

LOL

I met a freind at the local shopping mall. There was a stall with about ten people manning it. They had sucked in my mate and were trying to sell him their miracle health food.

I rocked up. "Hey bro, lets rock." I said. I didn't wanna get sucked into their sale pitch.

One of the sales people was a solid HB9. She jumped on me full of confidence. "Have you ever heard of our miracle food?"

"Yeah, its from tibet. Not interested." Then to my frind. "Lets jet."

HB9: "Do you know anyone who has ever used it?" She asked all superior.

I finally turned my full attention to her. I looked at silently until she broke eye contact. "Do you use it?"

"I do."

"What is your name?"

"........"

"Hi ....... now I do."

She looked at me stunned for a minute and then meekly, resentfully like a little girl, she mumbled, "you don't know me."

Behind her all the other people in the stall laughed. "That was good." They all said to each other.

HB9 then turned into the sweetest angel, gave us all these free samples and basically gave me so many IOIs I was embarrassed.

Point of those stories...

I dunno? Chicks are weird...

JJ
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

ValleyDJing

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
Messages
1,527
Reaction score
14
Location
California
You asked a girl if she wanted a protein shake and the first thing that came to mind was *******s? LMAO! Either you have that girl in check or she is realllly horny. lol
 
Top