Funny conversation with a friend's wife

[Glumix]

Yesterday I spend half an hour discussing with a friend's wife (let's call her Susie). She is pregnant of him.

A while back I sensed few glimpses of beta mindset in my friend behaviours. Always nice, always taking care of her and I sensed she is pretty tired of this because every time he's losing his value and she knows that and she hates that.

His frame is even worst now she is pregnant.

So I talked with Susie about my ex-crazy and explained why I could not have settled down and had a family with her because of how fvkced up she is and told her a few of the treatments she delivered me.

Susie was pretty much rejecting everything I told her, like I was a liar and that my ex was not really like that, like I was fantasizing everything, and she was sometimes laughing like it's just normal behaviours. At that point I was already pretty "shocked".

At the end of the conversation, she told me : "Don't worry Glumix, I am sure you will soon meet a woman who will appreciate your kindness.". I looked at her and was like WTF?!

Before that conversation, we talked about divorce and my friend didn't even know he would have to pay alimony even if it's his wife who leaves the marriage. He was like "it's not fair!" and then his wife told him "that money is not for the wife, it's for the kids!".

Hope for him he will rebuild his frame but with the kid coming he's going to kneel down and play lego and barbie doll for a few years. Going to be nasty...

I've just devoted both of them to acquaintances. Don't want to deal with them anymore.

 

[wifehunter]

typical "status quo" situation there... You live in a very different reality. They don't get it, and most likely never will. The rabbit hole is too much for them.

 

[Tamura]

Do you have kids?

If you want to and if you want to be a good father, somehow and somewhen you have to bite the apple. Time plays against us as well in waiting and sorting for Ms. Right.

 

[logicallefty]

Suzie knows deep down embedded in that crazy place inside her head that science calls a brain, she knows you are right. But she she will never admit it because she would violate the ways of the female collective. As for him, his gut senses that something in the reality dynamic between him and Suzie is wrong too but he is not ready to face it yet. And there is about a 1% chance he ever will face it prior to Suzie doing the enevidable (divorce, taking his assets, child support, alimony, abuse accusations, etc, etc, etc., we all know the drill). I only give it about a 1% effort anymore trying to convince my buddies of what is coming in situations like this anymore, because again, that 1% is about the chance they have of actually listening to my advice objectively and acting on it. It's a lost cause to try and convince people to see the light. They just have to experience the trama for themselves and then say "Oh wow Glumix\Lefty, you were right you called this 5 years ago why didn't I listen?"

 

[Glumix]

Do you have kids?

If you want to and if you want to be a good father, somehow and somewhen you have to bite the apple. Time plays against us as well in waiting and sorting for Ms. Right.

No kid and don't want to have any.

There is a HUGE misconception about what's being a "good father" in today's world.

The other day I saw a father speaking to his 8 y.o. daughter. He was frightened, like she was the reincarnation of her crazy wife. That was pretty enlightening. How can female have such a power on male that even a 8 y.o. girl can destroy a man so easily?

What a fvcked up education that father received from his own mother?

Being a good father is to know how to keep your frame in front of your kids as good as you keep it in front of your woman and to enforce the rules of the house.
Being a good father is like being a watcher. You have to ensure the mother does not make an AFC or a b!tch out of your boy and girl.

But yeah, being a father is also about watching your back. Sadly, nowadays, it's impossible to save your a$$ out of a marriage.

 

[Tamura]

No kid and don't want to have any.

There is a HUGE misconception about what's being a "good father" in today's world.

The other day I saw a father speaking to his 8 y.o. daughter. He was frightened, like she was the reincarnation of her crazy wife. That was pretty enlightening. How can female have such a power on male that even a 8 y.o. girl can destroy a man so easily?

What a fvcked up education that father received from his own mother?

Being a good father is to know how to keep your frame in front of your kids as good as you keep it in front of your woman and to enforce the rules of the house.
Being a good father is like being a watcher. You have to ensure the mother does not make an AFC or a b!tch out of your boy and girl.

But yeah, being a father is also about watching your back. Sadly, nowadays, it's impossible to save your a$$ out of a marriage.

You are right. Being a father requires frame and the ability to push through unpopular decisions.

If you leave fathership to "Beta"-Men or even worse to the mothers only, why do you wonder about the spoiled outcome of future generations? It's not going to fix itself so easily.

 

[CMNILS87]

I was just having one of these talks with another nurse yesterday. She wears the pants in the relationship and her man is a super *****. She makes more and she basically bullied him into staying home to take care of their new infant daughter to cut down on childcare. Like seriously wtf.. The guy was even saying "I have to work, you don't understand". She just hamstringed the one inherent need for a guy to do, "provide". She made the argument that she didn't want a stranger raising her daughter and he got to stay home and game while watching her. She sees no problem in the situation

 

[Lanre]

I am a good father by not being a father.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I was just having one of these talks with another nurse yesterday. She wears the pants in the relationship and her man is a super *****. She makes more and she basically bullied him into staying home to take care of their new infant daughter to cut down on childcare. Like seriously wtf.. The guy was even saying "I have to work, you don't understand". She just hamstringed the one inherent need for a guy to do, "provide". She made the argument that she didn't want a stranger raising her daughter and he got to stay home and game while watching her. She sees no problem in the situation

She bullied him to stay home and watch the kiddo and probably sleeps around on him on the side. He should be thankful for finding such a special snowflake as her.

 

[CMNILS87]

She bullied him to stay home and watch the kiddo and probably sleeps around on him on the side. He should be thankful for finding such a special snowflake as her.

Maybe...idk...doesn't really matter. But in the end, doesn't a man staying home and being the child caregiver ends up working against a man since the woman begins to resent him?

 

[Colossus]

Maybe...idk...doesn't really matter. But in the end, doesn't a man staying home and being the child caregiver ends up working against a man since the woman begins to resent him?

Yes.

In many ways women lack the foresight to be good family leaders. They know how to do whats best for their children (usually), but they also lack the ability to see the big picture and make unpopular decisions for the greater good.

 

[Glumix]

Yes.

In many ways women lack the foresight to be good family leaders. They know how to do whats best for their children (usually), but they also lack the ability to see the big picture and make unpopular decisions for the greater good.

Sadly, we only see fathers as the protector against external threats. But he is also protecting the mother against that obligation to take difficult decisions like giving kids a punition.

Nowaday, we try to make people believe that it is possible to educate with no punition but that's only so mothers do not have that dirty job to do anymore. And it doesn't work at all.

 

[BeExcellent]

Maybe...idk...doesn't really matter. But in the end, doesn't a man staying home and being the child caregiver ends up working against a man since the woman begins to resent him?

Yes. It will undermine everything over time. My ex and I divorced precisely because of this type of dynamic.

I don't think either of us realized just how adversely the affect would be. We just adjusted after his business partnership fell apart and drove on. I make six figures and he wanted to stay home and raise kids while planning his next endeavors...only he didn't do that. He did sales a few months; quit. Took flight school a few months; quit. He languished and became lazy and less and less motivated, while I became more resentful and angry. It was insidious. I don't think he consciously took advantage, I think he just became depressed and felt inadequate over time. Me encouraging him toward his stated goals seemed only to make it worse as it highlighted his failures in his mind (he has told me this himself.)

Our situation went on more than 15 years through 3 children, all the while me hoping he was finally going to get it together and so on. I w as loyal and faithful and worked my a** off to handle everything financially, planning wise, etc. If I left him something to do, it would get forgotten, dropped, or etc.

I know that is entirely foreign to many/most of you (that a man would let himself go in such a way) but this was my reality. Eventually I realized there was nothing I could do but leave or not leave. To stay was miserable for both of us. So I left. He would never have left me. We are still close, I still love him, but he cannot lead me in relationship. He can certainly lead someone else, but not me. He has now regained some self-respect and is back working. I am no longer angry and frustrated. We have each let go and it is better.

Life happens to people. Businesses fail, jobs are lost, elderly parents happen, disability happens, job changes happen, plenty of things happen that are beyond individual control. And when these things happen committed people should stay and should solve the situation as a team; or support the disabled team member.

With the exception of mental incapacitation:

How an individual responds to life circumstances is entirely and completely and ONLY within the control of that individual.

I uplifted. I encouraged. I stayed. I found him opportunities. I nagged. I yelled. I ignored. I prayed. I pushed. I kept going and providing (someone had to) I uplifted and encouraged some more. In the end there was NOTHING I could do externally to create internal motivation for him. In marriage it is incumbent on both parties to contribute as they are capable for the benefit of the marriage. If one party opts out what shall the other party do? As Colossus wisely pointed out in another post, nature abhors a vacuum. But suddenly an enduring leadership vacuum developed and persisted in my marriage. It destroyed the marriage. The female does NOT belong in the male role or vice versa.

You live in a very different reality. They don't get it, and most likely never will. The rabbit hole is too much for them.

Glumix, your acquaintances are never going to see your reality. They don't think that way. You know you dodged a bullet with your ex. You cannot worry what others think of the decisions you make for the benefit of your own life. It is unfortunate to see people you know struggle in mediocrity when you know there is a better reality a thought pattern away. But you can't get in someone else's head and get them to understand. It is as frustrating as it is impossible.

All you can do is go forward to create your own reality.

 

[Glumix]

I uplifted. I encouraged. I stayed. I found him opportunities. I nagged. I yelled. I ignored. I prayed. I pushed. I kept going and providing (someone had to) I uplifted and encouraged some more. In the end there was NOTHING I could do externally to create internal motivation for him. In marriage it is incumbent on both parties to contribute as they are capable for the benefit of the marriage. If one party opts out what shall the other party do? As Colossus wisely pointed out in another post, nature abhors a vacuum. But suddenly an enduring leadership vacuum developed and persisted in my marriage. It destroyed the marriage. The female does NOT belong in the male role or vice versa.

That's pretty much what I did with one of my ex. But she never moved her ass and couldn't stop complaining about everything in her life (job, friends, health, wealth, car, abilities, etc...). I dumped her and she suffered so much that she finaly grabbed her **** together and started to build herself a life.

Some people advised me patience but I had no kid, no marriage with her. After that, she seduced me back and then dropped me like a used tampon.

It's funny because I triggered her changes and she then became the trigger for my changes. Most of us will only change through suffering. We start to change the day we suffer so much that we just cannot continue to ignore our flaws.

Glumix, your acquaintances are never going to see your reality. They don't think that way. You know you dodged a bullet with your ex. You cannot worry what others think of the decisions you make for the benefit of your own life. It is unfortunate to see people you know struggle in mediocrity when you know there is a better reality a thought pattern away. But you can't get in someone else's head and get them to understand. It is as frustrating as it is impossible.

All you can do it go forward to create your own reality.

Yep, I am internalizing that more and more.
Actually, the day after that episode, I was just laughing my ass off at what she told me.

And I can laugh at my ex and at all the **** she played during our relationship. That feeling of power when you can laugh at it is overwhelming. The days I feel a bit down I remind myself of how ridiculous my ex was when she was in her crisis.

Tomorrow I will start to laugh at myself and then I will be unbreakable... until next time.

I will continue to answer people's questions seriously when then come to me because it is important to give them good advices. But when they drop **** I will just ignore them or mock them.

No one has ever been able to prove that life is something that must be taken seriously, right?

 

[YawataNoKami]

Married+pregnant woman= red pill enema...... eventually.

 

[MatureDJ]

Yes.

In many ways women lack the foresight to be good family leaders. They know how to do whats best for their children (usually), but they also lack the ability to see the big picture and make unpopular decisions for the greater good.

BINGO!